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From: cy467@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Jason Eric Tucker)
Subject: [OW!] [OAV] An Otaku Christmas Carol - Pt. 3
Date: 04 Jan 1999 00:00:00 GMT
Message-ID: <76peg9$2o1@freenet-news.carleton.ca>
Organization: The National Capital FreeNet
X-Given-Sender: cy467@freenet3.carleton.ca (Jason Eric Tucker)
Reply-To: cy467@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Jason Eric Tucker)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.sailor-moon


	Sorry about that other post, folks! There were some funky file
things happening. Use this one for archiving and general reading and
enjoyment. Thank you.

Previously in the Otaku Wars!:

-It's before Epiphany, so technically the Christmas season isn't over.

-See PART 1 and PART 2. 

And now, on with the show...

=================================================================

		The Otaku Wars! presents an OAV:

				A N 

		O T A K U   C H R I S T M A S   C A R O L 

=================================================================

	"What's going on?"
	Off in the distance, a grinding, alsmost skreeching sound 
could be heard. Nightman turned and saw the blue police call box
that had materialized. From the interior of this box emerged a 
big, brutish ex-boxer with a lisp. He was followed by strange man
who wore a light green jacket, the collor of jade, accentuated by 
dark sunglasses, worn even in the dark of night. Following behind
the two was a third. 
	"Let me guess," Nightman requested. "You are the ghost of
Christmas Future, right?"
	The third figure, shrouded in the terrifyingly cute color
pink, stepped slowly in the direction of the Man of Night. Alongside
him, an orb not unlike the Luna-P hovered, its pink piggy looks
blankly facing forward.
	"Come with uth," bade Mike!
	"Lousey stinkin' Blue Blazer... him an' that Canary Cufflinks
think they can do my job better 'n me..." Jade Jacket mumbled
incoherently. "Just come along!"
	Nightman and Luna-kun glanced at each other, then looked
back to the trio. "No," they said in unison.
	The forboding man shrouded in the adorable hue extended 
his arm and curled his finger at the the man and his cat, signalling
for them to come closer. Or, perhaps to follow. Or maybe asking
them to scratch an itch he had at the base of his spine. 
	Mike! repeated, "The bauth wanth you to follow uth."
	"And what if we don't?" Luna-kun dared.
	In answer to the cat's query, the mysterious figure in pink
waved his hand, sending the Piggy-P ball at Luna-kun. The cat was
soundly silenced by a collision with the sphere.
	"I guess we have no choice," Nightman admitted.
	The figure in pink waved his hand slowly as he turned to
one side. Nightman looked where he waved and saw a scene unfolding
before him.

	An entire city was engulfed in flames. Otaku screamed out
everywhere. Some screamed in pain. Some were begging for mercy. 
Still others just wanted an excuse to get rowdy. Pillaging, looting,
plundering, and mass hysteria ruled the land.
	The view zoomed in to one back alleyway in this metropolis.
It was dark, dank, and damp. Two lonely figures cowered behind a
dumpster, scared and desperate.
	"Uchu, why did this have to happen? Why did our cute little
Furby have to turn into a hideous creature, multiply, wreak havoc
all over town, and cuase us to live in horror and dread?"
	"Oh, Margie, it's all my fault! I should have kept it on
a leash like you told me!"

	"I knew it!" Nightman yeled. "I knew she never should have
gotten one of those!"
	The figure in pink held up one hand, signifying that he
wanted Nightman to stop. He was about to direct the Man of Night's
attention to another vision of the future when Luna-kun spoke up.
	"You look kinda familiar. Do we know you?"
	The pink figure waved his hand, and another vision appeared.

	It was a dark and stormy night. Each flash of lightning 
sillouhetted a gloomy pawn shop. Within its walls, a transaction
was taking place.
	"How much will you give me for this Dark Moon tea set?"
Medellia Blue asked. "It's real silver."
	"I don't know," the shop owner said. Tuxedo Rainbow was
dubious about its origins. "These things are pretty rare, and
pretty valuable. How did someone like you get it?"
	Medellia answered, "I swiped it from an old man I cleaned
house for. Old coot barely paid me anything at all, so I just 
consider it back pay."
	"Won't he notice it's missing?" Tuxedo Rainbow asked.
	"Nah. I doubt the dead use tea sets."

	"HEY!" Nightman yelled. "Those Dark Moon tea sets are
collectors' items! Mine cost me an arm and a leg!"
	"You remind me of someone," Luna-kun said to the man in
pink. Are you the Wartho--...?"
	"NO!" the man in pink snapped.
	"Sailor So--...?"
	"NO!"
	"Tuxedo Ma--...?"
	"NO!"
	"Who are you, then?" the cat asked.
	"None of your business. I'm the Ghost of Christmas Future
and that's all you need to know. Now watch this next scene."

	"WAAAAAH!" Sailor Ice Blade wailed, falling to her knees.
"He was so young!"
	Cape-Mike sniffled a bit, wiping his eyes with the back
of his closed hand. "The poor little guy will never have the chance
to cause mass destruction again!"
	"(*sniff*) Our poor little Mallard!"

	"Mmm..." purred Luna-kun. "Duck..."
	While Luna-kun licked his lips, Nightman studied the pink
figure. "You do look familiar. Maybe Warthog was a relative of 
yours?"
	Xavier Ericlitus of the Christmas Pinksquisition gestured 
at Nightman, who was promptly quieted when he got smacked by the 
Piggy-P ball. "Just watch the next scene, infidel."

	Elsewhere in the same graveyard where Ice Blade and Cape-
Mike mourned, a solitary gravestone stood in the dreary darkness.
On it was engraved a name. That name was Fred Johnson.

	"What is this supposed to prove?" Nightman asked.
	"Nothing. That's the wrong gravestone. Mike!, why don't 
you pan to the right a little?"

	To the right of the solitary gravestone of Fred Johnson
was another. It was far gloomier, and seemed even more lonely. The
name on this gravestone read, "Jimmy Hoffa."

	"So *that's* where he went to!" Luna-kun exclaimed.
	"Try further right," Xavier ordered.

	Further right, there was a headstone that was still gloomier.
It was really gloomy and really lonely. Really. This time, it said
"Nightman."

	The Man of Night gasped. "So... Because of my selfish ways, 
I die alone and lonely! That is what you're trying to tell me!"
	"That too," said Xavier. "But really, I was trying to say
that unless you can find it in your heart to give Cape-Mike a raise,
he won't have the money for Mallard's opperation. When the duck 
dies, that's when he loses it and kills you."
	"Even better," Nightman said.

*["Have a Funky, Funky Christmas" scene switch.]*

	"It's morning!" Nightman declared, throwing open his window. 
"It's Christmas morning! Luna-kun, we have work to do." With this
sentiment, he grabbed the cat and raced out the door of his home.
	After running for a few miles, he kicked open the door of
a modest residence. He rushed in, looked left, looked right, and
upon seeing nobody, dashed further into the home of his employee,
calling "Cape-Mike! Cape-Mike!"
	"Quack! What do you want?" Mallard asked when Nightman
barged into his tiny room.
	"MROW!" meowed Luna-kun as he pounced.
	Nightman grabbed his cat out of the air and admonished,
"Don't eat the duck, remember?"
	Nightman dashed like a madman, trying to find a human in
the house. He burst through another door and met a surprise.
	"ECCHI!" screamed Sailor Ice Blade, just stepping out of
the bathtub. She wore little more than a towel.
	"Tell Cape-Mike he's got a raise. I'm in a hurry," Nightman
said. With that, he dashed out again.

*["I'm running out of wacky Christmas songs" scene switch.]*

	"Aren't you a cute little Furby?" Sailor Universe cooed.
"Would you like a bath? Would you like a late-night snack tonight?
You're so cute, you can have anything you want."
	"NOOOOOOoooooo....!!" screamed the Man of Night, diving
for the cute, plushy, fuzzy creature. He wrenched it from the
plumhead's grasp and threw it out the window. 
	"My Furby!"
	"It is a far, far better thing I did than I have ever done,"
announced Nightman.
	"It is a far, far, better butt-kicking you will get than
you have ever known!" 

			T H E    E N D 

			-Jason Tucker

=================================================================

MoonieCode(1.12.05) 
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Boku wa chi to hogo no senshi, Rabbai Takkaa Ek'su!
Nanika koshaa ja nai da yo!
Mizu domo kabutte hansei shinasai!
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