From: James Helferty 
Subject: Re: [OW!] (NC and maybe NS) 1st Annual OtakuWorld awards!
Date: 04 Jan 1999 00:00:00 GMT
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Medellia Blue wrote:
> 

[snip]

> "Welcome back to the awards," MC Cape-Mike[2] began. "As we all know,
> it's customary at awards shows to have musical numbers. So, a new
> personality in OtakuWorld has offered to do a little something. Please
> welcome Medellia Blue."
> 
> MB walked onstage, and stepped up to the microphone. "Konichi wa,
> minna-san.  In recent weeks, there've been quite a few departures from
> OtakuWorld, and a little air of sadness over the whole place. I know it
> isn't much, but maybe this little song will do something about that."
> 
> She began playing the opening arpeggio of Smashing Pumpkins' "Today".[3]
> "I've rewritten the lyrics to this, made 'em fit the Wars!," she said,
> then began singing.
> 
>  "OtakuWorld is the greatest place I've ever known
>   Can't wait for tomorrow, though Wal-Mart might be gone
>   It gets blown up. . .'bout once a week. . .
> 
>   We're all crazy, but some more than most
>   Fighting over which senshi's the most [4]
>   We have our guns, our bombs and our tanks
>   You like 'em? Thanks!
> 
>   OtakuWorld is the greatest place I've ever known
>   And these crazy Wars! feel like my second home
>   I'd tear my heart out before I'd get out
> 
>   Amichanians and so many more
>   With all the factions, life's never a bore
>   We have it all, from mecha to birds [4]
>   It's too much for words
> 
>   OtakuWorld, OtakuWorld
>   OtakuWorld is the greatest place. . .
> 
>   OW! is the greatest, OW! is the greatest,
>   OtakuWorld is the greatest place that I have ever really known!"
> 
> She walked offstage to the sound of applause.

"Wasn't that wonderful..?" inquired Cape-Mike of his audience.  "By the
way, I'd like to take this opportunity to remind everyone of the fact
that I'm running for president.  Would you like a warm, cheery nuke in
your stocking this year..?  Then vote Cape-Mike!"  He beamed into the
now-sweatdropping crowd.  "Now.. here to present the next award is my
fellow Makochanian.. James!"

James hesitantly poked his head from behind a curtain, and after making
sure it was safe, snuck quickly to the podium.  "--hello--!" he
squeaked.  He coughed.  He began again.

"Hello everyone.  I'm here to present the.."  He squinted at the card. 
"..huh?  No, this can't be right.. ah, I know what that should read.." 
He produced a pencil, scratched out the label, and rewrote it.  "Ahem." 
He began again.  "I'm here to present the award for 'Most Overly Kawaii
Character in a Recurring Role for a Dramatic Plot Line.'"  He nodded
satisfactorally.

Cape-Mike frowned, and whispered to a stagehand.  "What was that award
supposed to be, anyways..?"

"'Most Violent Minakochanian,' I think."

James beamed at the audience.  "I'd talk more, but I forgot to bring out
my cue cards.  Let's cut to the chase."  He eagerly went to work on
openning the envelope.

Cape-Mike slapped his hand to his face.  This wasn't going well.

James, meanwhile, was having trouble getting the envelope open. 
"Flippin' envelopes," he grunted into the mike.  "I'm gonna need... 
hmm..."  He reached into his pocket and produced a butterknife. 
"Bwahaaahaaaahaaa!" he exclaimed in a pathetic attempt at an evil laugh.

Cape-Mike held his pounding head painfully.

"Now let's see... just a little more..."

The crowd began to whisper.

"..a bit..  There!" he exclaimed happily.  He reached in, and withdrew
the card.  Flipping it open, he glanced up at the cameras.

Everyone leaned forward in their chairs.

"And the winner is... no wait, this can't be right.." he began digging
for that pencil he'd had earlier.

"Oh, just GIVE THAT TO ME," exploded Cape-Mike, running over and swiping
the card from him.  He looked up at the audience quickly.  "And the
winner for 'Most Overly Kawaii Character in a Recurring Role for a
Dramatic Plot Line' is Sailor Universe."

"WHAAAAAAAAAT?!" screamed Sailor Universe standing bolt upright. 
"KAWAII?!  MEEEE..?!!?"  Grim determination gripped her face as she
suddenly rushed the stage.  Cape-Mike gulped, and tried to step back,
but James was in his way.  Uh oh.

James, however, was prepared.  He produced a potato gun, and loaded the
prize into it.  Taking careful aim, and then covering his eyes, he
pressed the trigger.

*POP!*

He didn't dare to look for the first few seconds as he heard everyone
gasp.  Then a hand tapped his shoulder.  He openned his eyes.  Sailor
Universe glared down at him, the beanie baby caught in her teeth.

James ignored his sweatdropped, and attempted to blink innocently.  He
held up his right hand, inwhich was clutched a small remote control.  He
hit the button.

The beanie baby dumped it's load of RC Cola into Sailor Universe.

Writhe.  Pain.  Etc.

James returned to his seat.

"Fmmphn shrumppph!" uttered Sailor Universe after James, which was
interpretted and dubbed by DiC as "Why you nice young man!  Thank you so
very much for this award.  I'd like to thank my elephant, my faction
members, and my pet toadstool for their support.  Stu, this one's for
you!"

Needless to say, the dubbers were promptly sacked.  As was the cow which
took this opportunity to make an impromptu appearance center stage, and
thank all those pop tart supporters who helped free him from the terrors
of being eaten by hungry otaku all over Flinflon.

Cape-Mike held his head as the lot of them were cleared off the stage by
a sequence of anvils.  "I think it's time for a commercial.."

TBNC..?


Sorry for messing this up so much.  I just had to do something about
this all..  Too good an opportunity for me to pass up.  SU, you've had
it coming for a while now.. admit it.  ;P


James
-- 
http://wabakimi.carleton.ca/~jhelfert/
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Text file Source (historic): geocities.com/tokyo/ginza/2777/jan01-07

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