From: "Sprite Seaman" 
Subject: [OW!] Newbies, newbies, everywhere!
Date: 08 Mar 1999 00:00:00 GMT
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P:OW!

-Newbies. Right out of the woodwork. It's as if it suddenly became cool to
be a newbie.
-Everyone loves a newbie. Everyone loves Ami. Does anyone else see something
wrong here? Well, I'm here to say that somethin's not right, and I intend to
fix it. How? By kicking ass, of course.

Let's get on with the show!

Somewhere. Somewhere on the fringes of continuity, a beam of light hit
OtakuWorld, making waves. Then another, in an entirely different area of the
Battlefield. Then another, and another, until you could hardly tell where
one wave ended and one wave began.

Sprite, standing on *the* hill, shook his head. "Ugh. It's rainin' newbies."

Today's episode:
-----------------------
"Newbies, newbies, everywhere!"
                or
"Has anyone seen my weapon of mass destruction?
-----------------------

On the Io-A, Sailor Lightwind and Sailor Ice Blade were bickering. As usual.

"What's the matter, Icy Blade? Don't want to play? Didn't you ever play
softball?" SLW was standing  on the other side of the room from SIB, tossing
a softball up in the air and catching it again. She threw it at SIB.

"Hey, knock it off!" SIB screamed as she flinched, expecting it to hit her,
but like the last three throws, it passed right through her, hitting the
wall and bouncing back to SLW. "Can't you see I'm trying to work here?"

SLW sweatdropped as she walked over and stood in the middle of the console
that SIB was "working" on. Of course, this made SIB jump higher than before,
and SLW chuckled. "Umm... Dammit-sama? Don't you have to turn it on for it
to work?" She hit the button marked 'POWER' and the console sprang to life,
printing all sorts of stuff on its screen.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that? And knock all
that ghost stuff out! After all this time, it's *still* freaking me out.
Isn't there some way that we can..." Something caught her eye on the screen
behind SLW. Or, rather *through* SLW. She stopped rubbing the new bruise on
her leg from falling back, and jumped up, all anger forgotten.

Lightwind just stood there, mildly amused, thinking that it was just anger
keeping the pink Haruka's tongue, but then she noticed that she was looking
behind her. "What? What is it?" She began to turn around, but she never got
a chance to see what SIB was scanning on the screen.

"Outta the way!" SIB grabbed SLW and pushed her out of the way, catching a
part of her that was temporal. With SLW out of the way, she began muttering
to herself. "There's another return."

Having passed right through the wall when SIB pushed, SLW floated up through
the floor. "What was that?"

Unfortunately, she was talking to a blank stare. All spark of thought had
left SIB's eyes. Of course, this was nothing new, so she didn't really
notice. SIB snapped alert, suddenly, angry. She reached offscreen and
grabbed the narrat*urk*

"Listen. Any more of you narrating me like this and *neither* of us are
going to be happy, allright?"

"Ano... Okay."

So, as I was saying, SIB snapped alert, and began speaking to SLW. "Listen,
I gotta go. There's been a return to OW!."

"Yeah, Universal returned. I read all about it. A very touching post
involving the want ads."

"Nope, a different one. More recent." With that, she jumped into one of
Michael's big pockets.



Sprite started to walk down the hill with thoughts racing through his mind.
How much has changed? How many newbies were there? How was he going to prove
to everyone that Rei is best? Would he be able to get Michael back? How many
licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?

If he had Michael, he would've immediately pulled one out and started
trying, but as it was, he was feeling very naked... Whoops! Stop the scene!
Quick!

<"How do you forget something like that?" scene switch>

After checking to make sure no one had seen that, he began walking down the
hill again, still immersed in his thoughts. A big bumping sound at the top
of the hill, accompanied by someone saying "Oof!" followed by a sharp cry
broke the stillness of the cold winter air.

"Spriiiiiiiiiiiiite-chaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!" A look of dread came over his face
as he realized what was about to happen. He reached into his pock... Well,
he *tried* to reach into his pockets for a weapon of some sort to take down
this new threat.



At the bottom of the hill, Sprite glared at SIB. They were both covered in
dust from the roll. "Why? Why must you always greet me like that? It's so
painful!"

SIB smirked as she stood up, brushing Michael off. "So are you complaining?
Is that what I'm hearing from you?"

"No, I'm just asking you to try not to br..." He smiled as he trailed off
and looked up at her. "It's good to be back."

He got up and began talking with SIB about the recent changes that were
affecting OtakuWorld, such as the overpopulation of Amichanians.

"But we can talk about this later. Want to come over to my place for some
hot chocolate?" Sprite took out a remote control and clicked a button. In
the distance, a very large neon Sprite can sign lit up. "I'm not sure if I
have any marshmallows, but..."

"Sure, Sprite-chan! She started to turn away, but Sprite pounced on her,
pulled a mallet out of Michael's pocket, and hit her over the head with it,
knocking her out.

"Sorry, SIB. I've got a mission. I hope you'll understand." He took Michael
off of her, dropped a bumper sticker next to her unconscious body, and with
a swirl of his trench coat, he was gone.



SIB woke up with a massive headache. "Oww... That really hurt. Sprite! I'm
going to get you for this!" She started to get up, but her hand came in
contact with a piece of paper. A bumper sticker.

"If you can't stand the fire...   -Paid for by the Reichanians Are Not
Myths! Committee"



Sprite flipped one last switch. "Everything ready, Shilari?"

Shilari poked her head up from behind one of the huge speakers Sprite had
set up on the roof of his abandoned factory. "What?"

"Is everything good to go?"

"What's that you said?"

"Take the cotton out of your ears! I haven't started yet!"

"Hold on, let me take the cotton out of my ears! Now, what?"

" Is everything ready?"

"Yep, ready when you are."

"Good. Put the cotton back in your ears now."

Shilari did so, and hid behind the speaker, covering her ears. Sprite walked
over, grabbed a microphone, and turned it on. It produced a very loud click.

Elsewhere, everyone heard the click as it reached the end of the OtakuWorld.
Fighting momentarily stopped as everyone expected another attack from some
unknown source.

Fortunately for them, there was no attack. This is what they heard:

"Don't ignore me! I'm all powerful, damn you! I'm cool! Worship me!

"Okay, now that I have your attention, I offer you a challenge. I say that
Rei is cooler, so there. THBBBBPPT! You say otherwise? Come and prove it!"

""

He walked behind the speaker he last saw Shilari behind and tapped her on
the shoulder. "Gyaaahh!!! Don't do that! Are you done?"

"Yeah, let's get to the ABC. I think we'd better get going, too. They're
getting as bad as the cabbits."

"What are you going to do there?"

"Simple. Blow up their pile of rubble." Sprite laughed, and saw a blue Land
Rover with a Mercury sign on the side. "And I think we might have a ride.
Come on! Oh, and act Amichanian-like."

TBC

Can Shilari and Sprite hitch a ride?
Will Sprite ever get to the ABC?
How does he plan on wreaking havoc once he's there?
...
Why do I feel like I just opened a can of Whoop Ass on myself?

All these answers and more, in the replies to this post!

WGs (updated) for Sprite and Shilari, and, of course, Quicksilver, are going
to be coming soon. Look for them!

Sprite
Text file Source (historic): geocities.com/tokyo/ginza/2777/march08-14

geocities.com/tokyo/ginza/2777
geocities.com/tokyo/ginza
geocities.com/tokyo

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