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From: eggl1@ix.netcom.com(J.D. Eggl)
Subject: Re: [OW!98]I have come here to shoot paintballs and chew bubblegum and I'm all out of... paintballs.  Oh crap.
Date: 19 Mar 1999 00:00:00 GMT
Message-ID: <7csb03$4t0@sjx-ixn9.ix.netcom.com>
References: <7cs4gn$s28$1@coranto.ucs.mun.ca>
Organization: Netcom
X-NETCOM-Date: Thu Mar 18  5:58:27 PM PST 1999
Newsgroups: alt.fan.sailor-moon


	"I've got it!" said Knight.
	He pointed to an ad in the paper about the new paintball arena in
the Outrider.
	"I just know the three of us can take on anyone in that place and
kick butt!" he said.
	"And I've been working on something that might just give us the
edge in there!" said BtV.
	"Alright!" said Norom, "Let's do it!"
	And with that completed, Knight wrote the following open message
to Otaku World.

	Attention Otaku World!
	Sailor Knight, Bob Norom, and Bob the Viking invite any and all
Otaku to join us in the first Otaku Wars Huge-ass Paintball Battle at
the new Outrider Paintball Arena!  Teams will have 3 members and any
paint-based weaponry is permitted!  Paint Machine Guns, Paint Throwers,
Short Range Paint Missiles, anything!  Be creative!  (I can just see
CapeMike bringing a Tactical Paint Nuke. - Ryan)  See you on the
battlefield!

Eat paint, scum!
Sailor Knight

***************

THe voice quavered in abject terror.  "Your paper, lady...and please
don't hurt me."

"Nani?" A drooling Sailor Jonna looked up from the huge candy aisle and
came face to face with a nameless Otaku.   She accepted the paper that
was thrust into her hands.  The otaku cringed when she asked, "Who are
you?"

"A nameless otaku, Sailor Ms. Makochanian, so please don't hurt me.  I
like living, even if I am nameless.  And your people are known for
violen...urK!"  The nameless otaku went white.  "Um...I mean...er... Oh
crud!"

"If you're worried about being killed for being nameless, why don't you
just get a name?" Sailor Jonna inquired mystified.  "The baby name
books are three aisles over on the right."

The nameless one facefaulted.  "You mean...  D'oh!  I mean...arigato!" 
In record time for the speed of light, the nameless Otaku dashed off
toward the book rack, knocking over three old ladies who were looking
over ugly, cabbage-rose studded hats, a rug rat who looked suspiciously
like Dilbert's Ratbert, and nearly plowing headlong into a cart full of
bladed weaponry being pushed by Black Rose, who was humming a happy
tune as she threw more in with abandon.

There was a huge sigh of relief, though, as the otaku made the book
rack and glomped onto a slim volume and read the first name on the
list.  In as strong a voice as a nameless otaku could manage, he
announced "I am...Algernon."  There was a shocked silence for a moment.
In disbelief, Algernon read the book title aloud  "The hell?  Names to
Ensure Geekdom & Bully Pummeling by People With Cooler Names Than You."

A cloud of profanity rained over the book section as the newly named
otaku realized the irony in his new fate...it was going to be a lot
like the old one.  

********************

Back at the checkout counter, as copious amounts of weaponry...and
chocolate were rung up, Sailor Jonna was delightedly scanning the
paper. "Cool!  Paintballs!  Violence!  A chance to run amuck!"

"Amuck, amuck, amuck," Black Rose chanted giddily.  She began tossing
hot pink paintballs into the cart, as WalMart handily displayed them
next to the checkout.

"Shut up."  Sailor Jonna grinned, her whole face lighting up.  "We 
now have a purpose, Rose-chan, other than giving the Dark Moonians a
collosal wedgie for trying to make us a shishkabob.  We can create the
ultimate art form, melding violence and art.  Cool!  We'll just have to
pick up a third when we're there."

Her glow only dimmed slightly as she was presented the outrageous,
credit-destroying total.  *Oh well...I'll just make sure that we
destroy the credit-card office before we get the bill.  Woohoo!*

With much rejoicing the duo set off...and after commandering the car of
a lucky non-Algernon-named otaku soon arrived at the paintball arena,
bursting in without so much as a by anyone's leave.  

"Let's get down to business," they sang gleefully to the tune of a song
from Mulan, "to beat the bums... Did you purchase paintballs...and no
guns?  You're foolish, you non-Makochanian lot, but now we'll give you
a clue  We'll make an art form out of yooooooou!"