Saturday, November 13, 1999
Author: Ferpriest
[OW!] Minpire For Life. Or, I need a fur coat, post haste!
Korbin wrote TD and Harold as such:
>"Harold?"
> "Yes?"
> "Could you scratch my big toe for me?"
> "Umm, not really, I'm kind of busy trying not to die here."
> "Oh," TD replied, and then tried to satisfy his discomfort by wiggling his
>big toe inside his shoe. This was a bad idea, because he wiggled a little
>too much, thus causing Harold to lose his grip and fall.
> "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!" screamed the falling
>Minakochanian. TD watched helplessly as his friend plummeted to the ground,
>and then mysteriously disappeared in a flash of light. TD blinked. No
>boom, no splat, no funny accordion noises made by Harold's body impacting on
>the ground. He was just gone.
>"Well now..." And with that TD let go of the pipe and fully expected
>himself to do the same as Harold. Needless to say he was wrong, and crushed
>a passing Makochanian NO who broke his fall.
TD bounced to his feet.
"Alrighty. Now, where was I..."
But before he could finish his thought, he was interrupted by a horn playing
"La Cucaracha".
"Hey, AW. What are you doing here,and how'd you get past all the nasty
defenses?"
"Wizard did it. Now, I have a proposal for you. The Weenies of the OSDF are
making trouble again. Now they've even got a dwarf on their side. And from
what I hear, he's very hairy." said AW.
"Well, I've always said fight Weenies with Weenies. Let's go"
*To The Bat Cave!! Scene Switch*
The Spice Caravan was cruising at an altitude of 12 feet, headed towards the
last known location of SuperSteve, MisterK, that Ferret, I Abibde, and SP. What
a freaky alliance that makes.
"So he's hairy?" asked Dion.
"Oh, he's hairy all right."
"Like he's got tufts of hair coming out of his shirt?"
"Yes"
"Those patches of hair on his shoulders?"
"Most definitely."
"Hairy ass?"
"Yup"
"How could you know all this?"
"Well, I figure all dwarves are bushy little men, so he must be too. He's also
rumored to be a stripper." said AW.
"Hmm." hmmmed TD. "I do need a fur coat. Let's track these wieners down."
"Are you saying for the record that you want to skin him alive?"
"Nah" chuckled TD. "Just want to shave him and humiliate him. It's a common
fate for enemies of the glorious Minpire."
And so, propellers spinning, the Spice Caravan carried the two friends on
towards those ODSF'ers, and destiny.
On the way, they stopped for Ice Cream.
TBC?
Frank
Author: Tenchi
Re: [OW!] Flushed Down the Reality Toilet
I've corrected the German mistakes here... see my NS post for explanations.
Tenchi and GD Minako were still running around somewhere in Castle Nocturnae.
"Damn, these corridors look all the same...", said GD Minako.
"Yes", confirmed Tenchi. "At this rate, we'll never find Nightman."
Right then, he got an emergency call from the German OW!
"They seem to be in trouble... let's go and see what's up".
Tenchi opened up an Ethereal Portal, and he and GD Minako went through to go to
German OW!.
Chris Kern schrieb in im Newsbeitrag:
>
>
> Chris was jolted from IRC by the appearance of Mr. K on his screen.
> "Oh, great," said Chris. "What do you want?"
>
> "I think it's time I got a power or something," said Mr. K. "I mean,
> I'm about to fight a war, and I can't do anything."
>
> "You're the one who declared the war," said Chris. "But hmm..I'll see
> what I can come up with. Let me poke through some other alternate
> universes."
>
> Mr. K waited patiently. He used his time to chat a bit on #ow, noting
> how inane most of the discussion was. And was Chris really such a
> loser that he was #1 on the #afsm stats for most lines? Geez...
>
> "OK," said Mr. K. "'Herr K' from the german OW! has something called
> the 'Glückliche Luftblasen Verderbens-Zauberstab'[3]. I'll get that from
him."
>
>
>
> Herr K, meanwhile, was in a bunker with Das Frettchen. He aimed his
> wand at the approaching chaos forces and laughed as a fireball
> streaked into their midst and exploded. "Are the second wave of
> grenades ready?" asked Das Frettchen, who was wearing an army hat and
> smoking a cigar.
>
> "Ja," said Herr K, hading a box to Das Frettchen. Suddenly, a hand
> came out of nowhere and took the wand out of Herr K's hand. A voice
> said "Yoink!"
"Scheiße, wir wurden verarscht," growled Herr K.
Right then, Tenchi and GD Minako appeared there.
"Herr Tenchi, der Schwert-schwingende Verrückte, und Deutsche-Synchro Minako!
Gut, daß ihr da seid!", said Herr K.
(Mr. Tenchi, the sword-wielding maniac, and German-Dub Minako! Good you're
here.)
"Was ist los?", asked Tenchi.
(What's up?)
"Irgendein Wichser hat mir meinen 'Glückliche Luftblasen Verderbens-Zauberstab'
gestohlen", explained Herr K.
(Some jerk stole my "Happy Bubble Doom Wand")
"Das ist übel", said Tenchi. "Irgendeine Ahnung, wer das gewesen sein könnte?"
(That's bad. Any idea would could've been it?)
"Hmm...", considered Herr K. "Vielleicht mein bösartiger US-Doppelgänger, Mr.K."
(Perhaps my malvagious US doppelganger, Mr. K.)
"Du meinst, dieser Ausgeflippte? Dann laß uns ihm mal einen Besuch abstatten!"
(You mean, this freak? Then let's pay him a visit!)
Tenchi waved his sword menacingly to make clear what sort of visit he meant.
"Moment, nimm lieber noch den 'Grimmigen Halbmondstrahl[5]-Zauberstab der
Verwüstung' mit. Er ist mindestens genauso stark wie der andere."
(One moment, you better take the "Fierce Crescent Beam Staff of Devastation".
He's at least as strong as the other.)
Herr K. handed the wand over to Tenchi.
"Gut... dann mal los!"
(Good... let's go!)
Tenchi stowed the staff and created an Ethereal Portal, through which he, GD
Minako, Herr K and Das Frettchen went staright to Mr. K's actual whereabouts.
>
>
> "Here you go," said Chris. "It might not work exactly how it did in
> the german world, but it's worth a shot."
>
> "Umm," said Mr. K, "Are you sure that won't mess things up in the
> german world?"
>
> "Enh," shrugged Mr. K. "I don't speak German anyway."
>
>
>
> Mr. K slowly woke up on the couch. Makoto was petting the ferret, who
> had fallen asleep. "Have a good nap?" asked Makoto. "Oh, what's
> that?" Mr. K looked, and saw that there was a small wand sitting on
> the ground next to him.
>
> "It's a new weapon for me!" cried Mr. K, holding it up exuberantly.
> "And who better to test it on than the unconsious dwarf!"
>
> Mr. K aimed the wand at I Abibde. A jet of water shot out from the
> end and drenched the dwarf, causing him to wake up. "Hahaha!" cried
> Mr. K. "Neptune's water has cleansed you!"
>
> "What is it?" asked the ferret.
>
> "It is...." said Mr. K, as suspenseful music began to play, "the Happy
> Bubble Doom Wand[4]!"
>
> Sweatdrops were in great supply at that moment. The ferret began to
> mumble obscenities, and poured himself another drink.
(The simultaneous translator speaks in parenthesis.)
Right then, Tenchi, GD Minako, Herr K and Das Frettchen appeared at the place.
Immediately, Herr K noticed his wand in the hands of Mr. K.
"Ich hab's doch geahnt, dieser Hühnerficker hat meinen Zauberstab gestohlen!",
he shouted quite irate.
(I knew it, that chicken-fucker stole my wand!)
Mr. K and the dwarf sweatdropped.
"Ok", said Tenchi. "Are you ready, GD Minako?"
"Ready when you are", she replied.
Tenchi and GD Minako tossed away thw two curtains the had been behind and then
were in the original "Team Rocket" outfit, except that it was in orange, and it
had a big "V" instead of an "R" on it[6].
(T=Tenchi, M=GD Minako)
T: Jetzt gibt's Ärger!
M: Und es kommt noch härter...
T: Wir wollen über Otaku-Welt regieren,
M: Die Minako-chanians werden immer triumphieren!
T: Diebe und Ungläubige verachten wir,
M: Mehr und mehr Macht, das wollen wir!
T: Tenchi!
M: GD Minako!
T: Team Venus, so schnell wie das Licht!
M: Gebt lieber auf und bekämpft uns nicht!
Das Frettchen: Miau! Genau!
(T: Now you're in trouble!
M: And it's even getting worse...
T: We want to rule Otaku World
M: The Minako-chanians will alway be victorious!
T: Thieves and heathens[7] are what we despise,
M: more and more power, that's what we want!
T: Team, Venus, fast as light!
M: Better give up and don't fight us!
The Ferret: Meow! Exactly!)
"Ähh... seit wann maunzen Frettchen?", asked Herr K.
(Err... since when do ferrets meow?)
"Ich habe Fremdsprachen gelernt:", answered Das Frettchen.
(I've been learning foreign languages.)
"Pah, trouble... humbug!", said Mr. K. "You're forgetting that it's still me who
is having the wand, and now I'll use it against you!"
"Just go ahead and try!", said tech, grinning mischievously. "You're no match
for my 'Grimmiger Halbmondstrahl-Zauberstab der Verwüstung' (Fierce Crescent
Beam Wand of Devastation), which is at least as strong.
Speaking this, he menacingly waved the wand towards Mr.K.
Mr. K sweatdropped.
The dwarf sweatdropped as well, just to get at least a little line here.
TBC!
> -Chris
>
> [1] Maybe the others are in another part of the lounge, or helping fly
>
> the ship ^_^
> [2] Nothing is suggested by this statement, of course ^_^
> [3] I did this with babblefish, so it might not be right. [3a]
[3a] I corrected this mistake - before it meant "Happy Bubble Death Wall"
> [4] Babblefish does not retranslate this well, but that's what it's
> supposed to mean ^_^
[5] "Halbmondstrahl, flieg!" (Crescent Beam, fly!) is the German name of Sailor
Venus' first attack.
[6] As if you couldn't tell, this is a rip-off of Team Rocket an their German
speech. Email me if you want the original text (I posted it here a little ago in
some thread.) Especially noteable is the change of "Liebe" (love) to "Diebe"
(thieves).
[7] read: non-Minakochanians
--
Tenchi the sword wielding maniac, Minako's true #1
(remove the spam protection for emailing)
Venus and Moon shrine + Minako Quake: http://linainverse.webjump.com/
Official LAKACUA home (Let's all kick annoying Chibi-Usa's ass):
http://members.dokom.de/MinakoAino/lakacua.html
Mooniecode[1.14.14] -> http://linainverse.webjump.com/mooniecode.html
SM:6 F:sVe>+++½Mo>++¾Me>++½Ma>++½:vCcAl:aUnNa:p*S D:sCh---Tx>---:aPe--
X:a200ger++:m38ge+ O:o+a-h++ P:a++:s180:w60:f:eBL:hBr:t-½:cWh:y+:r|+
-=My Favorites=- ...%->www.lovecalculator.com
Minako Aino 88% * Lina 92% * Usagi 83% * Ameria 95% * Asuka 83% * Rei 95% *
Ryoko 88% * Washu 83% * Ayeka 95% * Lum 92% * Umi 82% * Hikaru 82% *
Arieru 95% (Arielle) * Nanami Jinnai 82% * Wedding Peach 86% (Momoko) *
female Ranma 95% * Shampoo 89% * Akane 95% * Akari 82% (Battle Athletess) *
Anna 82% (BA) * Yohko 88% (DHY) * Azusa 83% (DHY) * Nene 86% * Priss 84% *
Yuri 82% (Dirty Pair) * Kei 95% (DP) * Skuld 93% * Nuku Nuku 82% * Pai 82%
Author: Corundite
Re: [OW!] Otaku no pinch! A new Warrior of Chaos is introduced! ;)
Kane Magus wrote:
> > Nightman, Star Guardian and El Pegaso whirled to look at her. She seemed
> > to tower above them in her spiked heels, but in actuality she was rather
> > short. She wore a black leather bathing-suit style getup with a long
> > black cape, and carried a black whip. Her long, wavy hair was black, and
> > her eyes were red. He wondered briefly if her sharp incisor teeth were
> > the reason she talked with such a strange accent. Around her neck was a
> > silver pendant in the shape of a piece of toast. The odd thing was,
> > though, that somehow she looked very...familiar...
> >
> > "I am the ultimate Chaotic powerrr!" She declared, then blinked.
> > "Otherrr than the masterr himself, of courrse," she added hastily. "I am
> > CORRRUNDITE!!"
> >
> > Corundite cracked her whip and then pointed at them and dropped her
> > mouth open impossibly wide, in a V-like shape. She laughed at them like
> > thus: "OH-HOHOHOHOHOOO!"
> >
> > The collected Otaku sweatdropped.
>
>Then, from outside the the newly kicked in door, a voice screamed,
>"CHAAAOOOOSSS!!!"
>
>A fresh round of sweatdrops made an appearance as Kane-Chaos stalked into
>the room, glaring daggers at all present, especially the new Chaos-avatar.
Corundite's jaw froze in V-shape for a moment, then she immediately
regained her composure. She flipped the end of her whip around in a
forced nonchalant manner.
"It's so verrry good of you to join us, Kane. I've been waiting forrr
you to show up forrr ages," she said with a bored sigh.
Several daggers actually fell out of Kane-Chaos' eyes, which was
certainly not a good sign. Nightman, Star Guardian and El Pegaso
exchanged a look and began to surreptitiously inch towards the door.
"Gee!!" Kane-Chaos shouted, "I wonder what could have taken me so long??
Maybe it's because you PUSHED ME DOWN A PIT??" The air around him
started to swirl and turn dark.
Corundite smiled and covered her mouth with the back of her hand.
"You've got a vein sticking out on yourrr forrehead, Kane. You rrreally
should trrry to keep an eye on yourrr blood prressurre..."
"YEEEAAAARRRGGHHH!!!" Kane-Chaos screamed, launching himself at his
black-clad tormentor as rainbow-colored lightning sprang out around him.
Nightman took the opportunity to grab Star Guardian by the elbow and
make a desperate dive for the door.
"Grreh..." was all that Corundite managed to get out before Kane-Chaos
had lifted her off the ground by her neck and slammed her against the
wall.
"MWA-HAHAHHAAAA!!" A voice echoed suddenly in both of their minds. They
froze, Corundite still several inches above the ground.
"Masterrr?" Corundite half-gasped, half-mouthed. Kane-Chaos raised an
eyebrow at this...wasn't Chaos making himself at home and messing up the
furniture in her mind too?
"As amusing as this little match of wills is," Chaos told them, "I think
you're both neglecting one important fact."
Corundite's eyebrow raised to match Kane's. Both of their heads turned
suddenly to the ruins of the door they had taken turns smashing through.
"They're getting away."
...TBC?
Author: Kane Magus
[OW!][NC] Cape-Mike's bachelor... um... return to bachelor party
The *true* ruling deity of the OtakuVerse watched the goings on on that
pitiful little ball of mud with disdain.
"Bah, look at those ants scurrying about down there. Chaos... Otaku...
Order... Chronos... Death... They think they actually have power... ha,
I think it's time for me to exert *my* influence. Come my pretties!
It's time to cause some hilarity!"
The Goddess NC snapped her fingers. NC-Janitor and SD-KM appeared
before her.
NC chuckled. "While those fools are going about there petty fight for
that little rock ball, I think we should do something a bit more
grandiose."
"Sounds like a plan to me," giggled SD-KM.
"Whaddaya got in mind?" smirked NC-Janitor.
"Simply this. P-A-R-T-Y."
"Pretty?" said SD-KM quizzically.
"*Party* you moron!" said NC-Janitor.
"Now go, make it happen!" ordered NC.
<"ACID induced scene switch" scene switch>
NC-Janitor and SD-KM dropped out of a plothole onto the surface of
OtakuWorld.
"Question," said SD-KM. "Why're we partying again?"
"I dunno," shrugged NC-Janitor, "we'll come up with something. Hey,
look over there! Kane's about to skewer Cape-Mike!"
SD-KM grinned, "Sounds like a good enough reason to party to me!
Hehehee!"
NC-Janitor shot him a dirty look. "No ya punk! I hear Cape-Mike just
got divorced... so let's throw a bachelor party!"
"Huh?"
"Woohoo! Let's do it!" NC-Janitor held up a sign big enough to be
visible to anyone and everyone currently on OtakuWorld, even if they had
their eyes closed or were wearing a blindfold or were asleep or...
ANYways, the sign read "Come one! Come all! To the big 'Welcome Back
To Single Life Cape-Mike' gala! To be held right *here* at this very
spot right *now* at this very time. Males with lotsa booze and females
with good... um... 'dancing skills' are especially encouraged to
attend!"
TBC...?
--
Kane Magus
http://www.oocities.org/TimesSquare/Frontier/3154/index.html
aplummer@netmcr.com
kanemagus@yahoo.com
kane_magus@my-Deja.com
ICQ# : 6492281
AOL IM : Kane Magus
*****
Quote/paraphrase of the day/week/month (or whenever I feel like changing
it):
"Well, it's better to have loved and lost than never to have..."
"Try it."
--from "Men in Black"
*****
Author: Chris Kern
Re: [OW!] Flushed Down the Reality Toilet
On Sat, 13 Nov 1999 02:14:11 +0100, "Tenchi wielding the Illumina
sword" posted the
following:
>T: Thieves and heathens[7] are what we despise,
>M: more and more power, that's what we want!
>T: Team, Venus, fast as light!
>M: Better give up and don't fight us!
>The Ferret: Meow! Exactly!)
>
>"Ähh... seit wann maunzen Frettchen?", asked Herr K.
>(Err... since when do ferrets meow?)
>
>"Ich habe Fremdsprachen gelernt:", answered Das Frettchen.
>(I've been learning foreign languages.)
>
>"Pah, trouble... humbug!", said Mr. K. "You're forgetting that it's still me who
>is having the wand, and now I'll use it against you!"
>
>"Just go ahead and try!", said tech, grinning mischievously. "You're no match
>for my 'Grimmiger Halbmondstrahl-Zauberstab der Verwüstung' (Fierce Crescent
>Beam Wand of Devastation), which is at least as strong.
>
>Speaking this, he menacingly waved the wand towards Mr.K.
>
>Mr. K sweatdropped.
>
>The dwarf sweatdropped as well, just to get at least a little line here.
Mr. K silently cursed his author for taking the wand from his double.
Meanwhile, the ferret was looking at Das Frettchen. The two sized
each other up, looking at the similarities in form between them.
Harsh words were sure to result from this pairing of raw animal
power!!!
"How about a drink?" said the ferret.
"Ja!" replied Das Frettchen, and they went back to the couch and
poured vodka from a bottle. Herr K and Mr. K sweatdropped in unison.
"Oh, really?" laughed Makoto. "You say the nicest things!" Everyone
turned over to look at her. Mako-chan was having a phone
conversation. She blushed, and laughed loudly. "All right,
snoogy-woogy. I have to go. Ja!" Makoto put the phone receiver down.
"Snoogy...woogy?" asked Herr K. Mr. K took this opportunity to fire a
blast of water right into Herr K's face, sending him flying back in
pain. "Meine Augen erhielten naß!" cried Herr K.
"Hey wait," said Tenchi. "It's you...the guy who wouldn't join the
Minpire! You resisted a bath from Minako!"
All the Minpire fools got nosebleeds at this remark.
"Haha!" shouted Mr. K. "Foolish Minpire slave! You have walked into
a trap!"
Tenchi was suddenly grabbed from behind by Sailor Polaris and Nyakun.
"Foul beasts!" cried Tenchi.
Herr K was still howling on the ground. Mr. K kicked him in the butt,
causing him to land on the ground. "This fight you will not win!"
cried Mr. K.
"Does he have to say such strange things?" whispered Nyakun.
"You should have seen him at my resort," responded Tenchi.
Sailor Polaris and Nyakun began to drag Tenchi away. Herr K stood up
and crashed into Mr. K, knocking him back onto the couch. He growled
some german obscenities and began to grapple with Mr. K, trying to get
the wand away from him.
Suddenly, inspiration hit Mr. K. He mumbled something, and Herr K
stood up. "Vas is das?"
"C'est ca!" said Mr. K, with a bad french accent. "Je suis Monsieur
K!"
"Verfluchter Franzose!" cried Herr K. "Sie gewinnen diesen Umlauf!
Aber unser knockwurst gewinnt über Ihrem... Senf![1]"
"Ca va bien," said Mr. K. "Quand le chat est partit, le souris
dancent!"[2]
"Yeah," growled the ferret, "And the humans fight, the ferret drinks.
Cheers, Frettchen." He downed another glass.
TBC!
-Chris
[1] "Cursed Frenchman! You win this round. But our knockwurst will
win over your....mustard!" (The german counterpart spews as many
stupid quotes as Mr. K himself.)
[2] "When the cat's away, the mice will play!"
Author: Carp
[OW!] "The Power of True Love" or "A Wuzzywumple Revealed!"
On the last episode of OW!, Corundite and Kane fought over Chaos, with
Chaos eventually saying "screw it" and possessing Kane completely.
Then Cape-Mike arrived and started fighting with all the Chaos people.
Meanwhile, Carp continued bugging everybody about his wuzzywumple.
Confused? You won't be. After this episode of...OW!.
Kane Magus wrote:
> They engaged in a metaphorical bout of arm wrestling. Chaos versus
> Kane-Chaos. It was as if a 250 pound body builder was locked in
mortal combat
>
> with Bill Gates. Never mind that Bill Gates could probably put the
250 pound
> body builder into legal traction for the rest of his life. Kane-
Chaos was
> flattened as if ran over by a steam roller.
>
> "Ah that's better," said the voice of Chaos, issuing from Kane's
mouth, as he
> felt that pesky little rebellious part merge back with the whole.
>
> "Now, to deal with *him*!" muttered Kane-Chaos as time speed up to
normal.
Carp, of course, missed all of this, for he had long since wandered
away. Even if he had been there, he was whistling too loudly and
happily to even care. Ejotes was one step away from her snapping
point, so had gone off behind the castle to enjoy a break and a
cigarette.
Carp's revelry was interrupted by a ringing in his pants. He reached
into them and pulled out his cellular phone, which he turned on.
"Hello," he greeted. "Man in love speaking."
His face suddenly brightened, and he squealed with delight. "Eeeee!!
My Floopy-moopy! My Schlumpy-rumpy! My Roasty-mosty! What's that?
No, I love YOU more! No, I love YOU more!! No, that couldn't possibly
be, I love YOU more! No, really, I really do love YOU more! Okay,
fine. I love YOU more on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and you love
ME more on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, and on Sundays we love each
other the same amount!
"What? Oh... okay, then. I know you're busy these days, what with...
what? Well, why can't you just blow them up? I know how much you like
explosions. Okay. I have something REALLY important to say to you,
but I'll wait to do it in person.
"Now, don't be like that. You know EVERY moment we're apart is like
being stabbed repeatedly through the eye with an electric poopstick.
No, I'm going to miss YOU more! No, I'm going to miss YOU more!! No,
really... what? Okay, I'll let you go. See you soon! I luv you luv
you luv you luv you! Bye!!"
He beeped off the phone and sighed dreamily, and then continued his
wanderings, more in love than ever before.
Meanwhile, up where things are actually happening:
Cape-Mike wrote:
> >From out of nowhere, 'Instruments of Destruction" became the BG
music, and
> before Corundite could sputter out, "What the hell?", a green blur
roared
> into the room, snatched the stunned new Chaosian by her neck, and
slammed her
> against the nearest wall hard enough to cross her eyes...and
senses...for a
> few moments....
>
> Kane/Chaos knew what was up...all too well.... "He's heeeeere...."
> Corundite began to remember something her Chaosian influence had
tried to
> warn her about before she came to OtakuWorld.... "Cape-Mike??"
>
> The caped one drove a knee into her abdomen; "Yes, she CAN be
taught....
> I'll make this quick and rather painful, so listen closely; as far as
I'm
> concerned, Chaos," he began to refer to her as, "I was only mildly
peeved at
> you before compared to now...you're being a thorn in my side for this
long
> just cost me the love of my life," Another knee to the midsection,
"and now
> you're going to have to share my pain!!!"
>
> "Well, if you want to do THAT, all you have to do is look behind
you." A
> familiar voice said.
>
> CM actually let go of Corundite, who collapsed to the floor, and spun;
> "Oh...you."
>
> "Is that anyway to greet Chaos?"
>
> For a moment, CM looked as if he'd been hit with a large anvil;
"Wha-?? TWO
> Chaos avatars?" He sensed a full connection bewteen Kane and Chaos
however,
> and seemingly forgot Corundite was still there; "Damn you...damn you
to
> HELL!" K/C(1) had time to blink once before he was hit nearly 100
times as
> CM began to wail on him at superspeed....
>
> "T..that's...right....turn your...anger....loose..on me...." K/C
sputtered
> between hits.
>
> "Gladly!" CM yelled, unaware of why K/C would invite being hurt, but
glad to
> fufill his request; a ball of green electricity formed in his right
hand,
> shot out, and tossed K/C through yet another wall...stopping for a
moment to
> catch his breath, he noticed the two of them had company...and
suddenly
> realized why K/C had said that....
>
> "Oh lovely." Nightman said semi-sarcastically; "The insurance
premiums are
> going to go through the roof for this one...."
>
> SG added, "Why am I not surprised he's involved?"
>
> "Sigh...even now I can't go anywhere without you showing up, Cape-
Mike!!"
>
> Now CM forgot K/C was there as he whirled to face SIB, who was
standing not
> 10 feet away; "Ice...."
>
> She shook her head sadly; "See, dear? THIS is why I had to do what I
> did...all the time, it's you trying to obliterate Chaos with no
regard to
> anything else...including me!"
>
> "But-"
>
> "CM, look OUT!" Nightman yelled suddenly, as K/C suddenly lunged at
CM,
> intent on getting in a free shot to the Caped one's back....
Luckily, Cape-Mike's senses were acute, and he managed to grab Kane-
Chaos and hurl him away at an angle in a perfect judo manuever. K/C
flew through the air and landed with a thud. Cape-Mike whirled to see
his fallen opponent, but was shocked to discover exactly what he had
landed ON.
K/C smiled as he crouched on the floor. His hand was a mere foot away
from the fallen form of the very unconcious Sailor Ice Blade. Cape-
Mike gasped and screamed, "Don't touch her!!"
K/C simply laughed. He loved this kind of delicate stand-off. "Take a
step back or the lady gets it," he growled.
Nearby, Star Guardian passed around some microwave popcorn. "This is
remarkable entertaining," she commented.
"See, it's symbolic," Nightman said. "Cape-Mike's quest to destroy the
metaphorical 'white whale' now threatens to destroy that which he loves
most."
"Like 'Moby Dick'!" Star Guardian exclaimed.
Nightman rolled his eyes. "Yes, like 'Moby Dick'."
Cape-Mike simply closed his eyes and concentrated. A large ball of
green lightning appeared in his hand. K/C laughed. "You can't risk
throwing that!" he yelled evilly. "You might hit your beloved *EX*-
wife!"
Cape-Mike simply concentrated harder. "Mako-sama," he prayed, "guide
me with your warrior hand..."
K/C was a bit nervous. Whenever people closed their eyes to
concentrate and pray, they seemed to gain some kind of incredible
power. But he simply smiled wider, as he noticed Corundite standing up
and approaching Cape-Mike menacingly.
Cape-Mike's eyes snapped open, and he fixed K/C with a terrifying
expression. He held up the ball of lightning... and quickly threw it
behind him, blowing Corundite halfway across the room.
K/C blinked with a surprised expression, but was even more surprised
when he glanced down and saw Sib's eyes open and filled with rage.
"GETOFFA ME!!" she yelled, and literally picked K/C up and threw him
against the wall. He hit HARD, and, with the impact, violently coughed
up an entire piece of toast, which began floating around in an annoyed
manner. Kane slumped to the floor.
Cape-Mike redied another ball of lightning, his biggest yet, and
carefully took aim at the lightly singed bread... but was stopped when
he noticed Sailor Ice Blade glaring at him and shaking her head. "You
see?" she muttered. "This is EXACTLY what I'm talking about. You
automatically just revert back to trying to kill Chaos. Yeah, INJURED
person, over here. Someone you might want to TEND TO, if you actually
care about her."
"But..." Cape-Mike stuttered.
"Screw this," the piece of toast said. "Now you all die."
"I'm down to just unpopped kernals!" Star Guardian wailed.
And suddenly, this incredibly tense situation was interrupted by the
arrival of Carp, who was attracted by the loud explosions, even in his
distracted state. He walked into the middle of the scene and looked
around with his usual goofy smile. He stopped short when he noticed a
certain familiar face.
The lovers' eyes met.
"SNOOGY-OOGY!!!!"
"FISHY-WISHY!!!!"
Otakuworld is a strange place, a place where giant soda bottles, large
human-shaped robots, and talking animals are the norm. A place where
the bizarre and the odd are commonplace, even mundane.
But never, NEVER had there been a sight so surreal, so downright
disturbing, as a man with a fish head french-kissing a piece of toast.
No one seemed to know what to say.
That is, except for Carp. He broke the kiss, and looked at Chaos with
eyes of true love. "I'm sorry to interrupt you at work, but this just
couldn't wait. I really need to tell you something... to... ASK you
something..."
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black box. He slowly
dropped to one knee and looked up at the toast, tears in his eyes. "I
know it's sudden, but Chaos... WILL YOU MARRY ME?!!"
Chaos swooned and tittered like a schoolgirl, but still managed to
burst out, "Of course! Of COURSE I'll marry you!!" The two embraced
again, nearly weeping with pure joy.[1]
Everyone else stood around, too stunned to even speak. Ejotes wandered
up behind Nightman and Star Guardian and raised an eyebrow. "Boy," she
remarked, "this is a curveball, isn't it?"
Does this utterly screw up everyone's plans, or what? Will Kane or
Corundite WANT to be possessed by Chaos now? Will Sib and Cape-Mike be
inspired to get back together after seeing this tearjerking display of
love? Can Chaos really get away with wearing white at the wedding?
Can Carp? These questions and many others will be answered on the next
episode of...OW!.
[1] Chaos and Carp are really, truly in love. Carp is not brainwashed,
Chaos is not lying. Deal with it.
Applications currently being taken for the spot of best man.
Carp
Author: Aureal
[OW!] Bailing out of a seemingly sunk thread... ^_^;
>"Hey!" CM yelled, trying to disentagle himself from the other two. "Someone
>stop that kid before he damages my ship!"
>
>The brother-turned-Jedi continued to wave the lightsaber around, thinking
it
>was a toy. Several Makochanian NO who ventured too near were quickly
sliced,
>diced, and turned into Juliano fries. Giggling impishly, he whacked some
>nearby control panels a few times, creating a lovely shower of sparks.
>
>Cape-Mike groaned. "Why me?" he asked, staring at the rampaging
preschooler.
"Atashi no lightsaber!" Aureal hissed from her safe place behind a console.
Her anger getting the best of her self-preservation instinct, she rose up
from behind the console, a dark-cloaked figure poised menacingly over the
tiny lightsaber-wielding tot. She was quickly forced to duck back behind it,
however, as the kid tried to take a poke at her with the lightsaber. Fuming
in rage, she watched him wave it around in the air like a sparkler, trying
to make designs of light.
A quick flash of silver suddenly rent the air, forming a rope of silver
light around the handle of the lightsaber. The five-year-old stared at it
for the instant it remained there before a sharp tug sent it flying out of
his hands. He blinked for an instant, before grinning and saying, "wow, that
was cool!"
Aureal dived out from behind the console in an attempt to grab her
lightsaber again, but the silver rope pulled it just out of her grasp. She
looked up just in time to see NC-Aureal reel it in with the silver rope of
light emanating from the Gemini Staff. "Kuso," she growled, striking the
floor with a fist and quickly returning to her feet. Aureal glared at her NC
counterpart. "Return my lightsaber," she demanded. Glancing around, she
noticed that pretty much everyone present was getting out some type of
weapon, likely for use against her. She considered getting out something
else, but realized she likely didn't have the time; NC-Aureal was already
advancing on her.
"I don't think this will work, but..." the NC-Amichanian frowned, holding up
the Gemini Staff. "Flow Break!" she declared, her Author being unable to
resist the temptation to make a Slayers reference. A pale light surrounded
Aureal and NC-Aureal, and Aureal flinched away. NC-Aureal's expression
became more determined as she concentrated harder. The light seemed to hover
around Aureal's eyes, unable to break through the dark barriers placed in
her mind placed by Chaos. NC-Aureal gritted her teeth and kept pouring her
energy into the spell, hoping to smash through them and end Chaos's
influence over Aureal.
"Chantale!" Oops. NC-Aureal realized too late that she'd forgotten about her
Author's brother and was too drained from her spell to brace herself. The
five-year-old went crashing into her side, sending NC-Aureal tumbling to the
ground, gasping weakly. Aureal took the opportunity to stagger backwards,
the dark barriers coming back up to full strength.
"I'll see you again," Aureal shot NC-Aureal a look full of malice and then
vanished in a swirl of midnight blue and black mist.
NC-Aureal stared up at the ceiling, groaning. "This is not going well..."
SIB wrote:
<"Sir," one of the NO on the bridge of the Io said. "We have an
unauthorized
transport in progress."
Cape-Mike swore and pushed the pause button on his console. "This had
better
be good, I was kicking some serious Falcon ass[1]."
The Nameless Otaku cleared his throat nervously. "Um, it was... to your
quarters sir."
"For the love of Otaku! If it's not one thing it's another," the caped
one
muttered blackly as he headed for the turbolift.>
"Gee, everyone's leaving..." Medellia Blue remarked. NC-Aureal pulled
herself to her feet.
"Yeah..." she casually commented, then glanced at the five-year-old standing
by her. "Him first." She turned to the preschooler, then pointed at Darth
Freakious. "See him?" she asked. "He's got a lightsaber just like the one
you just had! Why don't you get it!?" Everyone sweatdropped.
"Hey!" Freakious protested, backing away a step.
"I don't want a lightsaber anymore!" the annoying brother whined. "I'm
hungry!" NC-Aureal shot a frustrated glare at him.
"You handle this!" she muttered to her Author. "He's _your_ brother..." A
grumbling noise was heard, but an instant later the Author, Chantale, did
appear, holding something in her hand.
"Hey, Spencer," she called out, "I've got a sandwich for you!" The
aforementioned brother blinked and turned to look at her. She sweatdropped
and quickly continued on. "It's just the kind you like, too, mustard!" She
made a face, obviously not liking his choice of sandwich. "Just mustard..."
she half-muttered as everyone pikued.
"Aw right!" he cheered and ran over. Chantale quickly threw the sandwich
threw the silver portal she'd arrived from, and he jumped right in. Everyone
breathed a sigh of relief.
"Well, ja!" Chantale grinned and waved at everyone before leaving.
"And I'm out of here, too. I need to go find my continuity counterpart..."
NC-Aureal trailed off, thinking. "I guess the best place to start would be
the ABC..."
"Ano, the ABC was still a pile of rubble, last I knew," Medellia interrupted
the NC-Amichanian's musings. NC-Aureal blinked and frowned.
"Well, it's there now, for some reason..." she shrugged. "See ya." She
vanished in haze of silver and blue sparkles.
"Let's see, I've got to work on a way to enhance the Flow Break spell; it
seemed to be working," NC-Aureal muttered as she reappeared outside the
Amichanian Base Camp. She reached for the door handle. "And the scanning
system should be able to find my other self..." Her rambling thoughts were
interrupted as a monstrous wave of popcorn flowed out the door, burying her
underneath about 2 tons of popcorn.
Aureal, meanwhile had reappeared somewhere just in time to see some people
(and a ferret) speaking different languages.
Chris Kern wrote:
<"Verfluchter Franzose!" cried Herr K. "Sie gewinnen diesen Umlauf!
Aber unser knockwurst gewinnt über Ihrem... Senf![1]"
"Ca va bien," said Mr. K. "Quand le chat est partit, le souris
dancent!"[2]
"Yeah," growled the ferret, "And the humans fight, the ferret drinks.
Cheers, Frettchen." He downed another glass.>
"A... talking ferret..." Aureal sweatdropped slightly. "Interesting..." She
stepped forward and addressed everyone there. "Whoever all you people are,"
she announced, producing a slender longsword from her pocket, "if you don't
serve Mercury-sama, prepare to die!"
TBC?
Aureal- hoping this thread doesn't go kaput, too ^_^;;
MoonieCode (1.12.05) SM:5+ F:sMe>+[+]Sa>+:vAlLe:p*>++S>++
X:*:aCl[R]SSS*s+++|ClRd[+]:m20r+ O:d-:s-:o++:a-:h-:x?
P:a+:s57:w:f:eBrg:hBr-:t-:cWh:*Gm:x99.2%:r|-
UtenaCode(1.0) U:4 F:Mi>+Ut>+ D:Sa-Na- X:[*]:a13++ M:f"Rinbu Revolution"
******************************************************************
Kakkoi Quote of the Day/Week/Month/Whatever...
If a soldier's pride means hurting other people, I don't want it.
-Tsukino Usagi, episode 200
Author: Dark Master Jewelle
[OW!99] Of Chaos, his sla-servant, the occupants, and sparkling grape juice.
Previously:
-Clarice's nose bleeds for days. If the posts were real-time, she'd be
dead already.
-Nightman dies. But he wrote his own death, so it isn't illegal. But
then he comes back to life because Death wanted him alive. Sounds like
something out of Discworld.
-Castlevania Nocturnae [1] goes up in insurance rates what with the
rate of destruction in there.
-Nightman ought to make a writer's guide to the Castle.
-Kane-Chaos confuses chaotic characters. Say that quickly 80 times!
-Corundite, Chaos's new, uh, warrior emerges.
-Other stuff outside the castle. I'm not very enlightened about current
events.
Nightman wrote:
> Within the castle, Jewelle was mightily displeased. She had just
> finished tacking up several pictures of bishonen with the blue
> poster-tack stuff she'd found (along with a note from Nightman that
> said, "Please don't staple the pictures up. The Castle doesn't like
> *staple holes*") when the shaking had begun again and now the pictures
> were falling down.
"ARGH!" Fangs appeared at the edge of her mouth as she looked at all the
pictures float down to the ground.
"Maybe I could use Super Glue." Jewelle picked up a tiny tube and began
plastering the pictures ofr the umpteenth time.
> Worse, the light from the window (which overlooked a lovely beach in
> Hawaii) had suddenly faded. When Jewelle went to look out it, all she
> saw was a bad view of the castle's right flank, and it was night out.
>
> "Drat!," she said. "The congruence between the castle's architecture
> and
> the geometry of the Nexus interlinked with it that resulted in
> pan-dimensional apertures in place of normal windows and doors seems
> to
> have been disrupted. How inconvenient!"
There was a momentary silence.
"What did I just say?" A confused Jewelle wondered.
> Jewelle decided it was time to Do Something.
Yes, it was time to do something, when a person with a fish-head waltzed
into the room.
Carp wrote:
> Carp kept staring dreamily at her, tears beginning to stream down his
> face.
Jewelle inched away from this outcome of events. She tried explaining to
him that she was busy and had other things to do, but he merrily
interrupted her every now and then
Carp wrote again:
> "Boy, I sure do like that tuft of hair that covers up your eye," Carp
> said softly. "It's beautiful. YOU'RE beautiful. The whole damn
> WORLD
> is beautiful!!" He stuck his arms out and spun around in a circle,
> happily giving off a high-pitched squeal of happiness. He suddenly
> stopped and looked at Jewelle again. "I hope I have made your day
> just
> a little bit sweeter," he said. "I'm going to go wander randomly
> about
> the castle, and find everyone else and make sure they know how in love
> I am. You're welcome to come with, if you want."
"Er, no thanks, I have to Do Something, as you can see." Jewelle
sweatdropped at the lovesick loon.
"But thank you loads for the praise." She continued while fiddling with
aforementioned tuft of hair.
Carp merrily skipped his way out. He wasn't content with just walking
his way out.
At that point, Jewelle remembered something before she left Clarice
behind.
Clarice wrote:
> "Jewelle, why don't you go back to the room and look in the closet.
> Maybe there's a staple gun in there for the pictures. I have to talk to
> *him*."
> Clarice wiped her nose with a bloody tissue and pointed to Rowan
> Atkinson.
> "I'll be back in a minute."
Clarice went to see Rowan Atkinson. The Devil!
Jewelle zoomed out of the room in a blur, found Clarice and grabbed the
collar of her clothes.
"Where's Rowan Atkinson???" Jewelle demanded.
"He left." Clarice's nose was still bleeding.
"Your nose is still bleeding?" Jewelle couldn't believe it.
"Id stobbed, but den id started agaid." Clarice explained.
"You'd better plug your nose! In Castlevania, bleeding equals HP loss!"
Jewelle explained.
True enough, little numbers floated off Clarice's head. This was enough
to panic both of them.
"Quick, I don'd wand to die!" Clarice shouted.
"Grape juice!" Jewelle had a spark of not-quite-genius.
"Grabe juice?"
"It'll cure you! Hang on!" Jewelle zoomed off once again.
Jewelle ran through the castle jumping on little platforms with lots of
difficulty because she's never jumped much. And besides, physical bodies
can be very heavy. She thought of leaving it alone, but due to
unexplained physics in the castle, she was better off carrying it with
her because bodies were hard to come by nowadays.
She reached a room with a curtain between two seats. It bothered her
slightly that the music had to change each time she entered a different
area. This one was no exception.
She sat down on the right seat and waited. A ghostly NO walked and sat
down and it tearfully confessed. Jewelle waited patiently for the
confession to end.
And waited...
And waited...
And waited...
And waited...
...Until she could wait no more. She pointed the DRB at the ghost.
"Gimme the grape juice or I shoot." Jewelle demanded.
"Grape juice? Oh, it's on this side. I came here for some grape juice
too." the NO explained. Jewelle then jumped to the other side and waited
with the NO.
The curtain on the right side closed. And a few sparkling things could
be seen.
"Maybe that's the grape juice!" Jewelle exclaimed.
At that moment, thousands of spear shot out, impaling the ghostly NO and
killing it instantly.
"Maybe not." Jewelle wondered.
The second time, TWO bottles of sparkling grape juice was put out.
Jewelle immediately clambered over to the other side and picked up the
two bottles. As she left, she looked the dead NO.
"Bloody shame." Jewelle shook her head before zooming off.
And Jewelle ran back the way she came, smashing lamps which surprisingly
regenerated with ease and still hurdling over platforms while carrying
two bottles of sparkling grape juice. Has anyone wondered how does
Alucard carry so many things anyway without being immobile?
Along the way, she tripped on a thing lying vertically on the floor.
Thankfully, the grape juice was unhurt.
She picked the thing up. Although it was only one sword, it had two
sheaths connected to a belt. It was labelled:
"Crissagreum" [2]
Jewelle eyed the thing strangely. It was only after a few minutes later
did she realise that it was a sword. She equipped it, put her sleek [4]
DRB into the other sheath and sped off again. Surprisingly, this new
piece of equipment was not hampering her movement in any way. Like
Alucard.
And she continued to head back to wherever Clarice was, doing a
record-breaking hurdle over a pit at the same time. If the Otaku
Olympics were still around, she would've broke the record and earned a
gold medal. But THAT's another story.
She ran back and only saw a BIG puddle of blood. [3]
"AUGH!" Jewelle screamed.
"Calm down Jewelle, I'm not dead!" Clarice explained from behind a big
closet. Jewelle heaved a sigh of relief and handed Clarice the bottles
of grape juice.
Clarice chugged them down and little green numbers floated off Clarice's
head.
"Well, that matter's done with!" Jewelle pushed her cape back with
flair.
"Thanks." Clarice discarded the bottles.
"So, where do we go to?" Clarice asked.
"Um, well, I'm pretty sure the bishounen pictures won't go anywhere-if
we put them in hammerspace pockets." Jewelle said.
At that time, a group of people comprising of Nightman, Star Guardian
and el Pegaso ran towards them, consequently colliding with them.
"Nightman!"
"Jewelle!"
"Nightman!"
"Clarice!"
"Star Guardian!"
"Jewelle!"
"el Pegaso!"
"Clarice!"
"Daddy!"
"Star Guardian!"
"Hoshi-chan!"
"el Pegaso!"
"Jewelle!"
"el Pegaso!"
"Nightman!"
"Star Guardian!"
"Clarice!"
"Jewelle!"
"Clarice!"
"Nightman!"
"Jewelle!"
Eventually they stopped because it was getting to be a stale joke.
"So Jewelle, are you enjoying yourself yet?" Nightman asked.
"Yes, thank you." Jewelle handed the carefully-selected pictures of
bishounen she had accumulated making the grand tally of pictures less
than a 100.
"Where have you guys been?" Clarice asked.
"We've been trying to run away from Chaos! He's got a new person working
for him now!" el Pegaso explained.
"This is bad. The Castle could go haywire any moment and the sealing
could stop immediately." Star Guardian explained. el Pegaso tried to
comfort her by putting his hand on her shoulder but it was slapped away
by Nightman.
"Hmm, a new servant of Chaos." Jewelle pondered.
"So, what are you going to do?" Clarice asked.
"Well, this Castle is definitely going to give me plenty of money."
Nightman said.
"And there was green smoke." el Pegaso explained.
"Cape-Mike's there?" Jewelle asked.
"I think I'm getting confused." Clarice said.
"Here, let me explain." Nightman said.
<I myself am confused scene switch!>
"So you're saying Carp and a piece of toast french-kissed." Jewelle
reexplained.
"Riiight." Clarice knew better than to dismiss that because this was
Otakuworld and anything could happen.
"And then you ran out of popcorn." Jewelle said.
"Exactly." Star Guardian said.
"And a bunch of people are at that place." Clarice stated.
"Yes." el Pegaso said.
"So if I go there, it would mix things up further." Jewelle said.
"Yes." Nightman said.
"Oh man, I missed out on the fun. I don't get to see Rowan Atkinson, I
don't get to bug Chaos, and everyone's at one place again!" Jewelle
whined.
"There, there." Clarice patted Jewelle's shoulder.
"And I want to get a bite of Corundite!" Jewelle said.
Everyone looked at Jewelle as if she had just got off the ecchi train.
"Uh, not like that, mind you." Jewelle said.
"Oh." Everyone 'ohh'ed.
TBC, by someone who's got a better sense of continuity than me.
--------------------
[1] It seemed to be a reference that never left me even in sleep.
[2] I've heard of it, but I don't know where to get it, so I just put it
in a random place.
[3] Resident Evil reference. Jill runs halfway across the mansion to
get a serum for this dying guy, but the dying guy dies anyway. Stupid
quest.
[4] I've got to draw that picture sometime soon.
Author: Jason Eric Tucker
Re: [OW!][NC] Cape-Mike's bachelor... um... return to bachelor party
*ALERT!*
This is non-continuity. I repeat, this is entirely non-continuity!
*ALERT!*
Kane Magus (aplummer@netmcr.com) writes:
>
> NC-Janitor shot him a dirty look. "No ya punk! I hear Cape-Mike just
> got divorced... so let's throw a bachelor party!"
>
[snip]
>
> ANYways, the sign read "Come one! Come all! To the big 'Welcome Back
> To Single Life Cape-Mike' gala! To be held right *here* at this very
> spot right *now* at this very time. Males with lotsa booze and females
> with good... um... 'dancing skills' are especially encouraged to
> attend!"
>
Ryu showed up promptly to the affair, bringing with him a
multicolored Jell-O mold in a very profane (although appropriate for a
rebachelorization party) shape. "I'm just here to show my support. Really.
I'm still happily married to... to... (*sob and a slight blush*)
NeoAmi-chan..."
SD-Kane Magus shook his head. "Get over it, already. Everyone even
voted her and the Ferret the best couple in Otaku World."
Ryu placed the obscene Jell-O mold on the table and hooked himself
up interveinously to a keg of beer. "Ah, alcohol. People were right about
you. You really do make the pain go away."
Cape-Mike rolled up his sleeve and sat next to him. "Hook me up,
man."
About that time was when Carp came in, tonsil-boxing with Chaos in
the from of Ellen DeGeneres. "I *wuv* my wuzzy-wumple!"
"I *wuv* my fishy-wishy!" [1]
Ryu was becoming physically ill. It may have been because his
blood alcohol level was .92, but most likely it was because of this
blatant public display of affection. "Look! Everybody else has true love
except for us!"
"We're so sad," echoed Cape-Mike.
"We're pathetic!"
"We suck!"
-Jason Tucker
[1] Carp in love with CHAOS?! You're a sick man, Jon Carp. A sick,
sick, funny, hilarious, sick man.
Author: Corundite
Re: [OW!][Carp] "The Power of True Love" or "A Wuzzywumple Revealed!"
> And suddenly, this incredibly tense situation was interrupted by the arrival
> of Carp, who was attracted by the loud explosions, even in his distracted
> state. He walked into the middle of the scene and looked around with his
> usual goofy smile. He stopped short when he noticed a certain familiar face.
>
> The lovers' eyes met.
>
> "SNOOGY-OOGY!!!!"
>
> "FISHY-WISHY!!!!"
>
>
> Otakuworld is a strange place, a place where giant soda bottles, large
> human-shaped robots, and talking animals are the norm. A place where the
> bizarre and the odd are commonplace, even mundane.
>
> But never, NEVER had there been a sight so surreal, so downright disturbing,
> as a man with a fish head french-kissing a piece of toast.
>
> No one seemed to know what to say.
>
>
> That is, except for Carp. He broke the kiss, and looked at Chaos with eyes
> of true love. "I'm sorry to interrupt you at work, but this just couldn't
> wait. I really need to tell you something... to... ASK you something..."
>
> He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black box. He slowly
> dropped to one knee and looked up at the toast, tears in his eyes. "I know
> it's sudden, but Chaos... WILL YOU MARRY ME?!!"
>
> Chaos swooned and tittered like a schoolgirl, but still managed to burst
> out, "Of course! Of COURSE I'll marry you!!" The two embraced again, nearly
> weeping with pure joy.[1]
>
> Everyone else stood around, too stunned to even speak. Ejotes wandered up
> behind Nightman and Star Guardian and raised an eyebrow. "Boy," she
> remarked, "this is a curveball, isn't it?"
Suddenly, there was a sound from behind the gathered onlookers that was
halfway
between an extremely high-pitched scream of rage and a monstrous growl.
"AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!" Was something like
how it
went.
A black whip cracked through the air and wrapped around Carp's fish-like
throat.
He was yanked off his feet and went sailing back towards Corundite. She
was
hyperventilating. Her black hair was standing out from her head, having
recently
been mussed in all the butt-whooping that was going on, and her eyes
positively
glowed red.
"THE MASTERRR DOES NOT LOVE YOU!! THIS IS A LIE!!" She shrieked, getting
ready
to step on Carp's head with a wickedly spiked heel.
The rest of the Otaku Warriors assembled were still frozen in a
permanent
expression of "Ewww..."
Chaos, now quite toasty, leaped in front of Carp to protect him from the
blow.
"CORUNDITE!" He shouted, and she crumpled to the ground, clutching her
head.
Chaos helped to unwrap the rope from Carp's throat.
"Are you all right, Snookie Buddum Poo?" He crooned.
"Thank you, my Sweet Baboo!" Carp gurgled.
Chaos ambled back over to Corundite. "There now. You still hold a very
special
place in my heart, and you know that. Don't be a playa hata..."
Corundite drew herself up to her feet again and put on a mask of
indifference,
only slightly ruined by the fact that she seemed to have developed a
severe
twitch in the corner of her eye and her claw-like fingernails had sunk
deep into
the hilt of her whip.
Chaos bounded back over to Carp, and the two embraced again. "My
hero..."
Carp sighed.
...TBC?
Author: Korb
Re: [OW!][NC] Cape-Mike's bachelor... um... return to bachelor party
Jason Eric Tucker wrote in message
news:80kaoh$l45@freenet-news.carleton.ca...
>
> *ALERT!*
> This is non-continuity. I repeat, this is entirely non-continuity!
> *ALERT!*
>
> Kane Magus (aplummer@netmcr.com) writes:
> >
> > NC-Janitor shot him a dirty look. "No ya punk! I hear Cape-Mike just
> > got divorced... so let's throw a bachelor party!"
> >
> [snip]
> >
> > ANYways, the sign read "Come one! Come all! To the big 'Welcome Back
> > To Single Life Cape-Mike' gala! To be held right *here* at this very
> > spot right *now* at this very time. Males with lotsa booze and females
> > with good... um... 'dancing skills' are especially encouraged to
> > attend!"
> >
> Ryu showed up promptly to the affair, bringing with him a
> multicolored Jell-O mold in a very profane (although appropriate for a
> rebachelorization party) shape. "I'm just here to show my support. Really.
> I'm still happily married to... to... (*sob and a slight blush*)
> NeoAmi-chan..."
> SD-Kane Magus shook his head. "Get over it, already. Everyone even
> voted her and the Ferret the best couple in Otaku World."
> Ryu placed the obscene Jell-O mold on the table and hooked himself
> up interveinously to a keg of beer. "Ah, alcohol. People were right about
> you. You really do make the pain go away."
> Cape-Mike rolled up his sleeve and sat next to him. "Hook me up,
> man."
> About that time was when Carp came in, tonsil-boxing with Chaos in
> the from of Ellen DeGeneres. "I *wuv* my wuzzy-wumple!"
> "I *wuv* my fishy-wishy!" [1]
> Ryu was becoming physically ill. It may have been because his
> blood alcohol level was .92, but most likely it was because of this
> blatant public display of affection. "Look! Everybody else has true love
> except for us!"
> "We're so sad," echoed Cape-Mike.
> "We're pathetic!"
> "We suck!"
It was then that Korb and Minako decided to arrive on the scene. The
two of them had been inseparable ever since they were trapped under that
table back at the SBC [1].
"Hey, great that the two of you could make it!" said SD-Kane upon seeing
the couple come in. "Please help yourself to some food."
"Well, I won't miss a party like this for the world! Being single is
great!" exclaimed Korb.
"Ahem," coughed the senshi of love and beauty that was hanging on his
arm, who was keeping one eye on her man, and the other on the oddly shaped
gelatin dessert on the food table.
"Um, well, I meant, being single is great because, um, then you can find
somebody to be with then, yeah!" Korb sputtered out in an attempt to appease
the blonde goddess glaring at him. It worked because her frowning mouth
switched to her usual happy smile, which relieved Korb greatly. Being on
the receiving end of a Love and Beauty Shock was not something he wanted to
experience (or was it? ^^;;).
"Hey Minako," SD-Kane asked, "you gonna entertain us?" He pointed to
the sentence at the bottom of the sign advertising the party, and then
gestured at the stage, where Chaos had taken the form of Oola, Jabba's
dancer from Return of the Jedi [2], and was trying to entertain the man of
the hour. Cape-Mike and Ryu were both nearing the point of alcohol
poisoning and could really care less what form Chaos had taken, or what it
was doing. Carp however was drinking like a fish and was cheering on his
schmookie-kins.
Minako took all this in, furrowed her brow in thought, and then shrugged
and said, "Sure!" She leaped up onto the stage and began to belt out "Ai no
Megami no How To Love". [3]
"Ah, bliss..." Korb sighed as he stuffed his mouth full of Chex Mix from
a nearby bowl.
TBC...
[1] I know this seemed like just a passing moment back there at the SBC, but
upon encouraging from some people in #OW, I'm gonna roll with the idea that
me and Minako are now a couple. Too bad I'm stuck in the sitcom dimension
right now in continuity, or I would have posted about it sooner ^^;;.
[2] No this is not the dancer with 6 breasts. I was going to use her, but I
couldn't find her name, so I went with Oola instead.
[3] My favorite Minako image song.
Korb
------------------------------
Otaku of Minako, Lime, Amelia, Asuka, Fuu, and Sakura
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E-MAIL: korb@teleport.com.ick.spam
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and never miss a post again!
------------------------------
Song Lyric of the Week:
Kitto kokoro no dokoka de okki na hana ga saki hajimeteru.
(I'm sure somewhere in my heart, a flower is beginning to bloom.)
--Tobira wo Akete, 2nd Card Captor Sakura ED
Author: Kane Magus
Re: [OW!][Carp] "The Power of True Love" or "A Wuzzywumple Revealed!"
Corundite wrote:
> Corundite drew herself up to her feet again and put on a mask of
> indifference,
> only slightly ruined by the fact that she seemed to have developed a
> severe
> twitch in the corner of her eye and her claw-like fingernails had sunk
> deep into
> the hilt of her whip.
>
> Chaos bounded back over to Carp, and the two embraced again. "My
> hero..."
> Carp sighed.
"Don't worry my little Cyprinus Carpio[1]," soothed Chaos. "Just stay behind me.
I want let her harm you anymore, my widdle piddle."
Meanwhile, Cape-Mike, Sailor Ice Blade, and a very dazed and confused Kane stood
off to the side watching this
extraordinarily bizarre scene.
"Wuz goin' on...?" slurred Kane.
The piece of toast glanced over at his former avatar. Turning back to Carp, he
said, "Wait, my love. Allow me to repossess
that tool so that I may have arms with which to better embrace you."
Kane looked up dazedly as the piece of toast floated toward him. "Wha...?"
"Eat me," purred Chaos. "I'm your favorite! Garlic!"
Kane absently grabbed the piece of toast.
"Noo!!" shouted Cape-Mike, "Don't do it Kane!" But Kane had already scarfed down
the piece of toast.
"Why not? It's just a talking piece of...." Then Kane's eyes went red once
again. However, this time it was the red of hearts as
he gazed at Carp lovingly.
"Now my beloved, I may more easily partake of the sweet joy that is your embrace,"
tittered Kane-Chaos like a school girl.
Carp swooned as he and the newly embodied Chaos huggled once again.
Cape-Mike stared at them in shock while Corundite blew air through her thinned
lips.
SIB put a hand to her mouth. "This is making me physically ill," she muttered
weakly.
"You'd think they'd come up for air *some* time, wouldn't you?" said Cape-Mike.
"Oooh," moaned SIB. Her face was now an interesting shade of green.
Corundite stared at the two lovers coldly. "This has gone on for long enough,"
she said quietly. Raising her voice, she shouted,
"I so *hate* to interrupt you guys, but shouldn't we get back to the business at
hand?"
Kane-Chaos and Carp looked at them absently. "Oh?" muttered K-C.
"While you two were... well, anyway, Nightman and the others have fled," pointed
out Corundite.
At this Cape-Mike snapped back into full "kick Chaos ass" mode. "Hey, now! You'd
better be worrying more about *me*
than Nightman! Seems *I'm* the only one here willing to actually kick your ass.
And believe me, I'll do it... even if it kills me!"
SIB looked at CM forlornly. "I simply can't take this anymore..." she said
softly, then turned and fled from the room.
Corundite stared at CM blankly. CM dropped his eyes to the floor. He was about
to say something when Kane-Chaos spoke warmly, "Go after her and win back her
heart. Our fight to the death can be put aside for now. Love matters more than
hate."
Cape-Mike looked up at K-C sharply. K-C raised a hand and shook his head, "Don't
speak, my friend, just act. You can't
deny *true* love."
Carp nodded sagely.
Corundite stared at the two of them with an "I am surrounded by *idiots!*" look.
*****
Meanwhile, in Otaku's den, Otaku awoke from her drunken stupor when she noticed
something amiss.
"Oh my... Chaos has fallen for a.... *mortal*?" she muttered. "No... no! This
will ruin everything!"
*****
And meanwhile, deep in Kane's psyche, in a place where even Chaos couldn't reach,
feverish screaming could be heard as the
crazed OtakuWarrior tried to beat down the door and get out. However, the giant
padlock on the door refused to be budged.
TBC...?
[1] Wild Carp... I think
--
Kane Magus
http://www.oocities.org/TimesSquare/Frontier/3154/index.html
aplummer@netmcr.com
kanemagus@yahoo.com
kane_magus@my-Deja.com
ICQ# : 6492281
AOL IM : Kane Magus
*****
Quote/paraphrase of the day/week/month (or whenever I feel like changing it):
"Well, it's better to have loved and lost than never to have..."
"Try it."
--from "Men in Black"
*****
Author: Chris Kern
Re: [OW!][NC] Cape-Mike's bachelor... um... return to bachelor party
On Sat, 13 Nov 1999 13:00:20 -0800, "Korb" posted
the following:
>Jason Eric Tucker wrote in message
>news:80kaoh$l45@freenet-news.carleton.ca...
>> SD-Kane Magus shook his head. "Get over it, already. Everyone even
>> voted her and the Ferret the best couple in Otaku World."
This was the moment that the ferret chose to join the festivities.
"Damn right," he said. "Where is the babe anyway?"
Ryu looked up to the sky. "Where are you, Neo Ami-chan? Where?" A
tear rolled down his eye.
"You are pathetic," said the ferret.
>> Ryu placed the obscene Jell-O mold on the table and hooked himself
>> up interveinously to a keg of beer. "Ah, alcohol. People were right about
>> you. You really do make the pain go away."
"However," said the ferret, "You do have some good ideas."
> "Ah, bliss..." Korb sighed as he stuffed his mouth full of Chex Mix from
>a nearby bowl.
"So where's Mr. K?" asked Korb.
"Good question," said the ferret. "Last I saw he was running around
screaming about the downfall of the Minpire."
"Awww!" said Minako. "What a cute little animal!" She began to pet
him.
"He's not that cute," said Korb, sweatdropping.
Cape-Mike came over to the people. "Hey everyone!" he said. "How's
the party?"
"Well," replied the ferret, "I've got a babe stroking my fur, and a
good supply of alcohol. I'd say that makes for a pretty good day."
"Good!" said Cape-Mike. His eyes then narrowed. "Too bad some chaos
people showed up at the party. And since this is an NC post, I have
those five NC Omnipotent-nukes that your author gave me.
Muwahahahaha!"
"Eh," shrugged the ferret. "Let's enjoy it while it lasts, then."
"My greatest dream..." said Cape-Mike, tears streaming down his face.
"I have nukes, it's a non-continuity post, and Chaos is here. What
more could you ask for! What more could you ever want in life than to
destroy!"
TBC?
-Chris
Author: Chris Kern
Re: [OW!] Bailing out of a seemingly sunk thread... ^_^;
On Sat, 13 Nov 1999 01:19:16 -0800, "Aureal"
posted the following:
>Chris Kern wrote:
>
><"Verfluchter Franzose!" cried Herr K. "Sie gewinnen diesen Umlauf!
>Aber unser knockwurst gewinnt über Ihrem... Senf![1]"
>
>"Ca va bien," said Mr. K. "Quand le chat est partit, le souris
>dancent!"[2]
>
>"Yeah," growled the ferret, "And the humans fight, the ferret drinks.
>Cheers, Frettchen." He downed another glass.>
During these events, Tenchi had been taken off to the brig in the sub.
>"A... talking ferret..." Aureal sweatdropped slightly. "Interesting..." She
>stepped forward and addressed everyone there. "Whoever all you people are,"
>she announced, producing a slender longsword from her pocket, "if you don't
>serve Mercury-sama, prepare to die!"
"Hey," said Mr. K. "We're kind of busy now. Can you come back
later?"
Meanwhile, I Abibde had recovered. He looked at Aureal. "You fight
for Ami-chan? You find for the blue haired goddess?"
Meanwhile, Herr K grabbed Das Frettchen and ran over to the emergency
exit. Growling, he pulled it open and jumped out. Mr. K ran after
them, shouting, "You haven't seen the last of me yet!"
"Ano..." said Aureal. "I believe I threatened death on people."
Nyakun and Sailor Polaris played jailers a second time by grabbing
Aureal from behind, snatching the katana out of her hand, and dragging
her off to the brig to join Tenchi.
"Hey!" shouted I Abibde, running after him. "That's a fellow
Ami-chanian!"
"Another intruder?" said SuperSteve. "I guess people actually do care
about us, then."
"Yeah," replied Mr. K. "But how long is this stupid flight going to
take?"
<"Until someone writes the end of it" scene switch>
"So," said Aureal. "Do you fight for Mercury?"
"I'm Minpire," replied Tenchi. "And now," he said, his eyes tearing
up, "I'm a prisoner of war. Oh, how tragic!"
"Hmm," replied Aureal. "There is that dwarf...."
"Shut up in there," said Nyakun. "You won't get your bread and water
if you keep yapping."
"No bread and water!" sobbed Tenchi. "This will make a grand tale!"
Aureal sweatdropped. "You're wierd," she said.
TBC! (Of course Aureal and Tenchi won't escape!)
-Chris, by someone who's feeling a bit more humorous today. Or
something.
Author: Aureal
Re: [OW!] Bailing out of a seemingly sunk thread... ^_^;
Chris Kern wrote in message <382de031.19432595@enews.newsguy.com>...
>"So," said Aureal. "Do you fight for Mercury?"
>
>"I'm Minpire," replied Tenchi. "And now," he said, his eyes tearing
>up, "I'm a prisoner of war. Oh, how tragic!"
>
"Minako?!" Aureal hissed, eyes flashing. Then she blinked. "War?"
"Yeah, the OSDF and Minpire are at war," Tenchi shrugged. "And they're
beating up on the poor souls in German Otaku World, too!"
"Ano..." Aureal blinked, an cunning plan hitting her. "Wait a minute,
_German_ Otaku World?!?," she pikued upon hearing the second sentence.
"Yeah. You have a problem with that?" Tenchi looked somewhat miffed. Aureal
decided to drop it.
'This will work just fine without me,' Aureal thought, ready to teleport
herself away. 'The Minpire and OSDF will destroy each other, so I can just
leave now and eliminate the other non-followers of Mercury-sama.'
'You call that a cunning plan?'
'Huh? Oh, it's you, baka Author. Go away. I can think of cunning plans
without your help.'
'Oh, yeah, that's a really great plan you have there.' The sarcasm was
audible even though the words weren't. 'Named Otaku aren't going to be able
to kill each other.'
'Well if you don't like it, you think of one.'
'Yeah, right. I'm not going to help you out. You're not my Avatar at the
moment, after all, and you're going against my wishes. I'm certainly not
going to suggest that you help that Minpire guy escape now so they start
fighting sooner or anything like that...'
Aureal snickered. 'Thanks for the cunning plan, Author-baka!' The sound of
massive facefaults echoed in her head as she started pondering ways to get
the OSDF and Minpire to fight harder.
>"Hmm," replied Aureal. "There is that dwarf...."
>
>"Shut up in there," said Nyakun. "You won't get your bread and water
>if you keep yapping."
>
>"No bread and water!" sobbed Tenchi. "This will make a grand tale!"
>
>Aureal sweatdropped. "You're wierd," she said.
>
"C'mon, let's blow this joint," Aureal motioned to Tenchi to come closer.
"When that guy comes close by the bars again, grab him so he can't get away
and I'll swipe his keys." Tenchi blinked, but didn't have time to comment,
as Nyakun came back over to stand by the cell.
"Hey, I just said not to talk, didn't I?" he warned them.
"Yeah, sure, whatever," Aureal snorted, trying to distract him.
"Hush, you," Nyakun cast an annoyed glance over to her, and Tenchi struck.
Reaching through the bars, he grabbed Nyakun's arm and pulled him closer
while Aureal quickly dug a hand into his pocket and retrieved a set of keys.
"Gee, thanks," she smiled nastily, then drove a fist between the bars,
landing right on Nyakun's face. He went flying backwards across the room as
Tenchi quickly released his hold. She quickly flipped through all the keys,
trying each one in the lock.
"Well?" Tenchi finally asked impatiently, tapping a foot. Aureal
sweatdropped slightly.
"This... appears to be the wrong set of keys..." she finally decided,
looking darkly to the other side of the room where Nyakun was sprawled, the
cell keys still well out of reach in his pocket. Tenchi facefaulted.
"This is ridiculous," he growled, pulling out the Illumina sword and
slashing the cell bars to tiny metal ribbons.
"...that works too, I guess..." Aureal pikued.
"Finally!" Tenchi exclaimed, bounding out of the cell. "We must've been in
there a whole ten minutes!"
"Oh, the horror," Aureal dryly remarked, trying somewhat unsuccessfully to
conceal her irritation at the Minakochanian. Her hand twitched towards the
weapons in her pockets, but she restrained herself and brought her plan back
into her mind. "So, you're loose inside the enemy's ship, headed for their
base. What do you do?" She looked at Tenchi, who laughed mischievously.
"That's what I thought..." Aureal slowly smiled. Already her plan was
starting to come to fruition.
TBC?
Aureal
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Kakkoi Quote of the Day/Week/Month/Whatever...
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