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INT. - RABBI'S DEN - DAY

The five appear, in the same flash of light, in the middle of the room. They are disoriented. They look all around, trying to understand what just happened to them. Rabbi walks up to them.

RABBI
	Welcome, my friends.

They all jump away from him. Herschel tries to calm them down. He walks forward and holds up his hand in greeting.

HERSCHEL
	We come in peace.

The four behind him all slap their heads and let out a large "ugh!" Herschel turns around to them angrily.

HERSCHEL
	I don't see you coming up with
	any bright ideas.

He turns back to Rabbi.

HERSCHEL
	Who are you and where are we?

Rabbi is about to speak when Goyim runs behind him with his arms up.

GOYIM
	Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi!

He disappears O.S. Herschel stares behind Rabbi.

HERSCHEL
	And what was that?

Rabbi looks behind him and shakes his head.

RABBI
	Don't mind him. He's meshugna.

Rabbi walks into his alcove and sits down behind a desk.

RABBI
	I am Rabbi.

Rachel eyes him suspiciously.

RACHEL
	Of course you're a rabbi! Any
	meshugna could see that!

RABBI
	No.

He makes a larger-than-life stance. He speaks with a booming voice.

RABBI
	I am Rabbi!

He comes back down to earth.

RABBI
	I'm a very proper noun.

Jacob crosses his arms.

JACOB
	Well, you don't look like any 
	rabbi I've ever seen.

RABBI
	That's because I'm a member of
	the super-secret sect of Hasheesh
	Jews.

They all look at each other and shrug.

ABRAHAM
	Well, do you eat kosher?

RABBI
	Of course I do.

Pull away to reveal Rabbi carving a large ham that has mysteriously come out of nowhere. The five all look at each other and shrug again. Rabbi stands up. The ham has disappeared. He begins to walk toward them. As he does Goyim makes another mad dash behind him.

RABBI
	You're probably wondering why
	you're here.

They all agree.

RABBI
	It's quite simple. You've been
	chosen to be the new Super Dyna
	Warrior Jewish Rangers.

ALL
	Super-WHATS?!

Rabbi sighs.

RABBI
	You know. Super-fighting types.
	You beat up the people I tell
	you to in a vain attempt to
	restore sanity and order to the
	galaxy.

ABRAHAM
	Well, why would we want to do
	that?

Rabbi slaps his head.

RABBI
	Read your script! All that was
	explained before the credits!

Abraham reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a script. He reads the first page. His face lights up with understanding, and he puts the script back.

ABRAHAM
	Okay! I get it!

RABBI
(under his breath)
	Schlemiel.

Isaac steps forward.

ISAAC
	Why did you choose us?

Rabbi shrugs.

RABBI
	Don't ask me.

Goyim does another pointless sprint behind him. Rabbi points to him.

RABBI
	He's the one who picked you.

JACOB
	What's with that guy, anyway?

Rabbi sighs.

RABBI
	He's in the Annoying Robot's 
	Union. Their contract states that
	all shows of this type must 
	have one in it.

ALL
	OI!

Rabbi goes back to his desk and grabs some keychains. He walks back to them and shows them the keychains.

RABBI
	These will give you your special
	powers. You just need to do the
	special move and say the right
	words to get them.

HERSCHEL
	How will we know?

RABBI
	Don't worry. All Rangers always
	end up knowing.

He hands a keychain to Herschel.

RABBI
	Herschel. You're the leader.

Everybody begins to protest.

RACHEL
	That's not fair!

ABRAHAM
	He's a schmuck!

JACOB
	I'm not gonna take orders from
	him!

ISAAC
	Why not me?

Rabbi holds up his hand.

RABBI
	Shut up! He's the leader because
	I say so!

Herschel smiles.

HERSCHEL
	I don't know about you, but 
	I'm starting to like this whole
	Ranger deal.

Rabbi hands him the keychain.

RABBI
	Don't push it, pal. Here.
	You get he power of the Matzoh.

HERSCHEL
	Matzoh?

RABBI
	Don't ask me. The director's a 
	film student.

ALL
(dejectedly)
	Oh.

Rabbi hands a keychain to Jacob.

RABBI
	Jacob, because of your strange
	dreidel fetish, I'm giving you
	the power of the dreidel. 

Jacob takes the keychain. Rabbi walks to Isaac and hands him a keychain.

RABBI
	Because your skill at tossing
	bagels won't amount to anything
	in the real world, in this world, 
	you get the power of the bagel.

Isaac takes the keychain and smiles. Rabbi hands the next keychain to Abraham.

RABBI
	Abraham, you get the power of
	gefilte.

Abraham looks shocked.

ABRAHAM
	Gefilte? Why?

RABBI
	Because I don't like you.

He hands the last keychain to Rachel. 

RABBI
	Rachel, you get the power of geld,
	so that you're never again out of
	money.

Rachel eagerly takes the keychain.

RACHEL
	Yes!

Rabbi steps in front of all of them.

RABBI
	Now it's time to come up with 
	the special keyword for your
	transformation.

Jacob looks at Herschel.

JACOB
	Well, what's it gonna be, mister
	leader?

Herschel looks deep in thought. He suddenly comes up with an answer.

HERSCHEL
	"It's Hanukah Time"?

They all look at each other. Rabbi shrugs.

RABBI
	Works for me.

The rest all shrug. Herschel steps forward with a lot more determination.

HERSCHEL
	It's Hanukah Time!

We begin the transformation sequence. We see everybody individually in front of different backgrounds.

HERSCHEL
	Matzoh power! Engage!

JACOB
	Dreidel power! Engage!

ISAAC
	Bagel power! Engage!

ABRAHAM
	Gefilte power! Engage!

RACHEL
	Geld power! Engage!

They all reappear in their Ranger outfits. They all have long beards, and are wearing sweatsuits with different colors on them. Rachel lets out a gut-wrenching scream, as she notices the new beard on her face. Rabbi just looks at her.

RABBI
	It looks good.

RACHEL
	All right, but I'm sending you
	my therapist's bill.

Rabbi turns around behind him.

RABBI
	Goyim! Where are you?

Goyim comes running up to him. He almost runs into him, but Rabbi braces him a brings him to a stop.

RABBI
	Show these guys their new enemy
	on the monitor. You know how I 
	am about all that high-tech
	gadget-type stuff. And, for God's
	sake, switch to decaf.

Goyim runs up to the computer terminal. He quickly begins punching the control panel. Everybody gathers around him. A picture of Ferriswheel pops up on the screen. Goyim points to him.

GOYIM
	Louie Ferriswheel. Leader of
	the Notion of Islam.

They all react as if they had just seen the most gruesome piece of carnage imaginable. Rachel quickly averts her eyes.

RACHEL
	Put it away! His fashion sense 
	is blinding me!

HERSCHEL
	We've got to destroy that guy?

Goyim nods. Herschel guffaws.

HERSCHEL
	Piece of cake.

He leads them all away. Rabbi loudly clears his throat. They all turn around.

RABBI
	Aren't you forgetting something?

They all look around stupidly.

ALL
	What?

Rabbi points to five weapons hanging on the wall.

RABBI
	Your weapons!

ALL
	Oh.

They walk over to the wall. Rachel grabs a Geld-Gun. Isaac grabs two Bagel-rangs. Herschel gets a throwing Matzoh. Jacob get a bow with dreidel-tipped arrows. Abraham looks at what is left on the wall: a giant fish. He picks it up and looks at it.

ABRAHAM
	I don't like this job.

The rest have assembled at the transporter.

HERSCHEL
	Quit your bellyaching and get
	over here.

Abraham walks up to the transporter. Rabbi stands in front of them. Goyim walks up next to him.

RABBI
	Have fun storming the castle.

GOYIM
	You think it'll work?

RABBI
	It'll take a miracle.

BOTH
	Buh-bye!

They wave as the Rangers click their keychains and disappear in a flash of light.
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If you would like to see more........-l@?,$Bl$Q0?Bl04lIGlI0e5<NzQG|0eBl04|0?9_$5<N* *r
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TOUGH! WAIT FOR THE MOVIE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!@*
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