UCHUU SENKAN YAMATO:MIRROR MIRROR
by Cerebus, Saruman, and Jimmy-san
The Show opens with the scene from ST:TNG episode 42, Q Who?
begins with Picard saying no and goes through till the
middle of Q's Warp.
Cut to yamato, Okita turns around.
PICARD:Damn you Q! What have to done to us this time?
*OPENING THEME*
We're off
To parody
Yamato
And Star Trek
To Trash
Their reputations
Our Star Trekkers!
No one likes to populate
Our 3rd bridge of late
Because we don't know why
Everyone there seems to die
You must
Be strong and brave
Your lunch
You've got to save
If you don't
By the time we're through
Your brains
Will turn to goo
Fighting with the lawyers
And our desktop warriors
Filled with the hope that you will survive
This parody of
Yamato
*Yamato Bridge************************************************
O'Brien: Wow, I'm not on Deep Space Nine anymore? Where am I? Boy,
Sisko's gonna be pissed. Commander Riker?
Riker: Hey, O'Brien. Check out this cool chair. It's so comfy.
O'Brien: What?!
Riker: Wow, it spins around too. I also like these cool bell-bottom uniforms. I've slimmed down too. I really don't miss my beard too much.
O'Brien: Sir, don't you realize that we're animated characters now?
Riker: (angry) Of course I realize that. Not only that, but we're badly
animated. Just look at how out of proportion my finger is!
O'Brien: You're right. We seem to have been drawn rather quickly. But,
you're not gonna blame me for that, are you? I'm just a transporter cheif.
Riker: No. That would be just plain stupid.
Enter Conroy, Dash, Homer, and Eager.
Conroy: Hello. I'm Conroy with my subtitle.
Dash: And I'm Dash with my subtitle.
Homer: (a la Simpson) And I'm Homer with my subtitle.
Eager: And I'm Eager with my really, really cool subtitle.
Riker & O'Brien: Hello.
Enter Picard
Picard: (quietly, to himself) Chair goes down...chair goes forward.
(to the others) Greetings, Commander. You should see this neato-keen
chair I found!
O'Brian: Captain! You have hair!
Picard: You're right. And a full beard. For once, Q did something for me instead of against me.
O'Brian & Riker: Elongated Ooh and Aah and Wow.
Picard: What do you say to a tour of our strange new vessel.
Riker & O'Brien: Yes, sir.
*Passageway********************************************
Picard: With these neat, new conveyor belts, walking is a thing of the past.
*Engineering*********************************************
Picard: This is Main Engineering, I believe.
Riker: Sir, is that a warp core?
Picard: Let's hope not.
*Wave Motion Gun Chamber***********************************
Picard: Do you have any idea what this is?
Riker & O'Brien: No, sir.
Picard: It's a used set from The Empire Strikes Back.
Riker & O'Brien: Wow, it is.
Picard: (looking out at the landscape) Don't you think Mars is a lovely
vacation spot?
Riker & O'Brien: Mars?!
Picard: It's been a lot more peaceful since they terra-formed it.
Now the producers insisted on a corny pull-out for an establishing shot.
All hum while waiting for the shot to end.
*Commanding base***********************************************
Voice:Meanwhile, at Anime Expo headquarters
Speaker:Attention con shoppers, Blue light special on Ryo-oki dolls at table
4!
All:(Shouts of "Give it here!!!" etc)
Guy:There's a blip, oh my god!!
Mamoru:What is it??
Guy:We seem to be being invaded by other charachters!
Mamoru:Other charachters??
Guy2:They seem to be Star Trek charachters!
Mamoru:Nani??
*New Holodeck************************************************
Picard: Now we're entering...a hall.
Troi: Hi there. I'm full of thoughts of this girl named Yuki. My hots for you
are returning too, Will. (at console) Let me show you our new
holodecks. Data's in there right now.
Data: (dancing) Wow! I feel more human now. Isn't that ironic?
Troi: You know, Data's having too much fun in there. Don't you think? We
should do something about that. Let's push some buttons and see what happens.
Data: Oooh! That's not fair at all!
*Replicator Room**********************************************
O'Brien: What's this room?
Picard: I have no idea. Let's look around.
LaForge: Let me tell you.
Riker: LaForge! You can see!
LaForge: Yeah. I'm white too. But check out the new replicator I've found. Look, I push all these buttons, and the machine goes to work.
Machine sounds
LaForge: Check out that baby.
O'Brien: Yeah, but only a midgit could fly it.
LaForge: Oh, Shut up.
*Fighter Hanger***************************************************
Picard: Here's our new fighter hanger.
O'Brien & Riker: Ooh and Aah
Riker: Let's hope the makers of Battlestar Galactica don't sue us.
*Engine Room********************************************************
Picard:I guess that this is the engine room
Scotty:Good Morning Captain
Scotty:Top of the Mornin' to ya all! Did you come by the high road,
or the low road?
O'Brian:This isn't a warp engine is it??
Scotty:Well, its a little complicated, actually, I have no idea but give
me 10 minutes and I'll try to change the laws of physics
Picard:Well I guess I'll see you back on the bridge..sometime
Scotty:It also shows pretty girls!
O'Brian:Keiko!
*Marvin's Ship******************************************************
Marvin: What do you have to report? I hope it's good news. I can't take bad
news in morning, especially before I've had my coffee and eggs and bacon.
Underling: We just got the shit kicked out of us by what seems to be Star
Trek characters. What do you have to say about that?
Marvin: Hmmm. Star Trek characters. Why, they're wimps. They don't even
know how to use the Wave Motion Gun.
Underling: Understood.
*Conversation with Marvin********************************************
Marvin:So you're the Star Trek charachters I've been hearing about.
Riker:So maybe we are, whatdaya have to say about that
Marvin:Nothing
Riker:So leave Earth alone before I put a rocket up your socket catch my drift
Marvin:I'm sorry i don't, come and get me O bell bottomed one!
Narrator:Meanwhile on Mars...
Marvin:General..
General:Yes sire
Marvin:I want you to prepare the U-232 Space Modulator for firing
General:Jolly Good sir, well send an armada
*Japanese lessons*
LaForge:Since all you guys don't speak English, we'll subtitle this for you
in Japanese. Now the purpose of this excersise is to teach you people the
English names for things. And this is what will happen to you if you get
it wrong.
LaForge:What's that
Voice:I don't know that...AIeeee!!!
LaForge:What's that??
Voice:beats me....GAHH!!!
LaForge:What's that?
Voice:It's ah...OOOHHH!!
LaForge:What's that
Voice:Wave Motion Gun?? Wrong!!...GAHHHHH!!!!
*Warp sequence*************************************************
O'Brian:Warm up the Leary motivator
(All grunt on charachter)
Underling:They're tripping on the bad acid we sold them!! Fire!!
All:Follow the bouncing ball...
Picard:Freak out at will!!
O'Brian:LSD engine engaged!!
Appropriately acid trip stuff here
Underling:Get 'em!! What the?? AHH!!
All:Later dude!
Underling 2:Unfair!!
Trip out more!!!!
All characters grone
Riker:Ohhh... my head
Riker:Hey....we didn't go, anywhere!?
Computer:Only 1 minute left till self destruct
Picard:We didn't go anywhere!!!
Riker:All right, we're ready!!
*Commercial Break********************************************
*1st Fighter Battle*
After BG bullshit
Riker:Huh??
Riker:Apollo, stay on my wing and we'll have fun, right??
Apollo:Ryokai
At peel off, all yell:YEEEEHAAAAAA!!!!!! in country type voice
Apollo:This one's for Caprica! Viper 1, Fox 2!!
Riker:This is just like Beggar's Canyon back home!
Riker:Fox 3, Fox 4, Fox 5, Fox 6
Apollo:They're locking us out??
Riker:The shield's still up! All fighters pull up!!
(Fighter blows)
Apollo:Zak, NO!
Apollo:Watch your tail Starbuck
Riker:Frak!!
Riker:Coming in point 35, deflectors up, double front!! Ikuzae!!
Different people:Boomer, Jolly, Sheba, and Starbuck!!
Apollo:Watch those towers!!
Riker:Locking onto the strongest power source, that should be the reactor
Riker:The slow blade penetrates the shield, Fox 7!
ALL:Fox 8, 9, 10, 11, 12
Apollo:Nice shot Starbuck
Starbuck:They're going down like daggits!!
They blow stuff up and fly away
Riker:Thank you! You have a lovely home!
O'Brian:They may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!!
Riker:(gay voice)You see you hold it just like this....Oh!
Picard:Aren't you all glad I shaved?? Fire at will!!
Picard:This is for Galactica 1980!!
When hit, R2D2 squeal. When it blows, "flawless victory, fatality"
(*Commercial break*)
Talkin' With Q*************************************************8
Narrator:Having survived the Pointless fighter battle, Q brings the
crew of the Enterprise to his domain.
Q:Greetings Commander Riker, How do you like my newest little project
to toy with your puny brains?
O'Brian:What's Q doing here?
Riker:Well, he is under contract
Q:Making you wear bell bottoms is my best idea yet!
O'Brian:My disco fever is worsening!
Q:It's Understandable that you're confused, but the Trial of Man has not
ended yet, in fact, it'll go till the box office drops.
Riker:My God, cancellation!
Q:And your Captain can't do anything about it.
Aihara:Where's Neilson?
Dash:We've gotta kill him!
Q:Don't you get it? Relax as I show you the hell you've entered! Drink Anyone?
Aihara:I'm underage tho!
Riker:Well, I'm on medication, but what the hay
Q:Now see what my people will do to you!
Dash:Oh come on, 6 shots?
Aihara:That's impossible
Tamagotchi:It takes at least 450,000 shots to even make a dent!
Riker:There's one thing you haven't thought of, and as sure as my arm is long,
we'll win the day, because the writers are on our side.
*Cut to Whisper in Ear holding glass*
O'Brian:Whisper Whisper
Riker:I drank what! (drops it)
Riker:Urine colada!!
Q:So the writers on on your side huh? Go back to your ship and try to stop me!
*Planet destruction****************************************************
Narrator:Meanwhile, on Mars...again
Marvin:I feel like I've been here before.
Person:yes
Marvin:That planet has made a fool of me
General:Not to hard to do
Marvin:I want it want it wiped with pain thinner!!
General:Yes sir, they're warping now
Commander:Remember kids, say no to stock footage!!
Riker:This is William T Riker of the starship..Enter...Yamato. I insist you
run away!
Commander:Why should we??
Riker:I repeat, call off your fleet before we start singing songs of the 70's
Commander:We'll switch off before you can, haha
Riker:We're about to sing, you'd better watch out! We have the karoke
player and the CD collections!
Guy:They turned us off!
Riker:Y..M...C...A!! And now, In the Navy...
Commander:Kill 'em all!! They have disco fever!!
Eager:Sir they actually shot the missle!!
Riker:Nani??
Riker:Prepare to trick 'em good
Dash:Right, preparing to trick 'em good
Riker:Make it look good, fire!
Riker:The joke's on them though, they destroyed a cleverly disguised Mars!
We fed them some of that bad acid and they didn't go anywhere either!!
Guy2:I'm so glad we won!!
*Victory Parade******************************************************
Woman: Look! I can see his thing!
O'Brien: Gee, I hate these pointless parades. Did I mention I'm allergic to
confetti?
Boy: Here! I got this for you!
O'Brien: Gee...thanks. Did I mention I'm going to Disneyworld, not Hawaii?
Spectator 1: Hey! You in the lay! You look so lame!
Spectator 2: Hey! Pay some respect. I lived in Hawaii my entire life. We're
a good people!
Spectator 1: Ah, get off me.
Mother: Yuki! Where are you, Yuki?
Troi: Mom!
Mother: Oh, please don't go! Just hold me a little longer!
Troi: Thank's mom. Now I'm gonna be court-martialed for breaking
formation. I'm gonna be in Leavenworth for a year!
(to father) Dad, I hope that scarring heals soon.
Father: (weak) Yuki.
Mother begins crying unnaturally loud.
*Back to Star Trekkin'**********************************************
OBRIAN:That was one swell party. Best Ambosia I ever had
RIKER:Back to work exploring strange new worlds I guess...
(bridge)
VOICE:Is it time for the lesson now?
(nod)
PICARD:Stations
LaForge:We're ready?
Riker:Geordi, you brought the brothel?
LAFORGE:Well, they're so cute, how could I leave them home?
ENGINEER:After all, it's a long trip
LAFORGE:Where's Wesley
CRUSHER:Well, he used his powers and became a Q
LAFORGE:I brought a special one. Since Diana left you,you need a new distraction
Here she is
PICARD:Clear moorings
DASH:Cleared
DATA:ooohh
Mio:Is that a trombone in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
PICARD:Enough silliness
ALL:Yes sir
PICARD:Are you ready to take off? It's a long trip to the Colonies of Man
R:All hands prepare to launch
(ship passing scene)
PICARD:3rd bridge insurance at full power
PICARD:Prepare for warp speed
(evil ship)
Q:As you know Mon Capitan, there are 16.7 million colors in the spectrum.
I will harass you with them all till the day you die!
PICARD:Warp 20, engage!
ALL:AHHHHHH!!
VOICE:I can see my house from here!!
(FADE OUT)
CUT SCENES***********************************************************
These scenes do exist on video. However they are cut from
the final version for reasons of boredom etc. They may be included(or the
better parts at least) on a "special edition".
*Sasha Seduction:
Scene:Be Forever Yamato where Kodai tells Sasha
Her Father is dead. 2nd half is when she goes into the
bowels of the planet and Kodai tries to stop her
Reason for Removal:Way too hentai and our female actress quit on us
Riker:Deanna? Yeah, I remember Deanna, Yeah, Yeah, that's her. She didn't
look so Matsumoto the last time though. She ran up to me that warm
night at the con after a viewing of Blazing Transfer Student. We
carressed, her buttermilk thighs melted against mine, Her sugar lips
sweetened my coffee. Unfortunately she danced too close, and fell off
the balcony. No!, she screamed, I want to see the Guyver dub, and then
get some Pocky from Pockyman! I had to let her go, Pocky's good and all,
but she had go for the Guyver dub. The bitch fell 20 stories, luckily
the soft concrete broke her fall. That's when she lost her hots for me.
Oh..I love myself
Sasha:Please buff my breasts
Riker:What breasts? They haven't even come in yet! It's not like you're in
Puberty!!
Sasha:I just turned 18!!
Riker:Oh shit!!
Sasha:Of course I'm 18! Think McFly think!!
Sasha:Watch my hair juggle seductively back and forth...
Sasha:Don't you think it's nice??
Riker:Yes...you have a nice ass...I admit it
Sasha:All those nights in St Mary of the burning Virgin dormitory, listening
to Lynn Minmei singles, hoping beyond hope that you would shove your
bell bottom anime manliness into my heaving virgin body, hoping that
you would handle my post pubesant, yet still pre, breasts. A night so
hot the sheets would catch fire, and hoping that Sister Macek woulnt
ruin our fun. She would use whips and chains and bad anime dubs!!
Riker:3 words....I..am..gay
Sasha:Nani? you have Deanna don't you??
Riker:I'm sorry
Sasha:But....But....that arrow points to what i desire most!!
Sasha:Oh.....oh...You're going to send me to the 3rd bridge aren't you?!?!
Riker:It's ok...let it out. I must do this..It's for your own good
*Entryway to the 3rd Bridge*
Riker:So...here we are, are you ready to go to the 3rd bridge??
Sasha:But...
Riker:What's wrong??
Sasha:You know I'll die, my breasts will never reach full maturity, or be
handled by anime hands
Riker:Just because me and Rick Hunter are having a relationship...
Sasha:...and Grandma Macek. I know. But...But I hope cheating on Deanna
is worth it.
Sasha:I hope you're happy with yourself
Riker:-uhhhh
Sasha:No, don;t say anything, don't do anything, no. Booger
Sasha:I promise I'll be good
Sasha:The problems of 2 people don't amount to a hill of beans, especially
in this parody
Riker:Wait!! Come back!!
Riker:I changed my mind!!
Sasha:You can't change your mind, you;ll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe
not tomorrow, maybe not even inthe next parody, but you'll regret it.
O'Brian:Oh no! The 3rd bridge warranty is about to run out!!
Picard:Oh my god!!
*BOOM!!!**
*Final Battle***********************************************************
FROM:Be Forever Yamato:The whole battle ending with the ring of motherships
REASON FOR REMOVAL:To boring and long.
Riker:And you thought cloning would be a good idea!!
Sasha:I want a pizza
Riker:Giant phallic symbol off the port bow!!!
O'Brian:It's huge...
Riker:Just like me!
Director:All right....pull back for dramatic effect!!
Montoya:Nobody expects the Spanish Inquesition!!!
Picard:Good thing the burn in space button saved us, or else we'd be dead!!
Riker:If they could shoot straight, we'd really be in trouble
LaForge:He's right..we don't have any shields, or anything else to protect us!
LaForge:Riker, I know, we'll use the guns, and junk and stuff and stuff and junk
Riker:Good Idea
Picard:Go ahead, do it!!
Riker:Alright...get ready to fire!!
Crew:Lock and load Jim! We have a heartbeat
Crew:Here Data
Data:I could use these back in my cabin!!
O'Brian:Someone check the muffler!!
Montoya:Rain of Righteousness
Crew member is wheeled in
MedTech:Dr. Crusher, here's another one
Crew:OUCH!!
Beverly:I'm drunk and I have a knife!!
O'Brian:We'll just hide back here, Peekaboo!!
Montoya:Nothing's worked, we have to go up a level, bring out the holy hand
grenade!!
SHIP:Big ass fox 1, Big ass fox 2!!
Sasha:Oooh, the radar, it's beeping again!
O'Brian:I told her not to drink the spring water
Riker:Beats me but I could use some
Riker:Fox 19-32 fire!!!
(Sing stars and stripes forever)
Technition:Here we go!!
Technition:Insert tampon!!
Technition:Fire cardboard applicator
When missles fly in:We CAN change the laws of physics
ALL(as ships blow up):100 points..200pts...300pts...400pts...500pts..TILT!!
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