"I'm bored." Lina slumped over the table that Zelgadis had already been sitting at, head resting on her arms. Zelgadis shrugged and lifted his coffee cup to his lips.

"So blow up something. That’s what you usually do when you get bored." He stated matter-of-factly, Not looking up from the mug. He was the picture of sexy indolence, lounging against the back of the chair he had tipped back, eyes half-slitted and looking like a smug cat. Lina sighed. It was really getting on her nerves.

"That's the POINT! I'm bored with it!" She said angrily, standing up and glaring at him. "I am sick and tired of doing absolutely nothing! This is all pointless, I want a quest or an adventure or something!"

"So take over the world. I hear it's all the rage." Zelgadis said calmly, exchanging puppy eyes with a rather built woman across the room.

"I don't want to! It's not enough! I'm just so friggin' bored and…" Lina turned slowly red with annoyance as Zelgadis and the woman started twisting and giving each other the "I'm single and expensive" looks. "You're not paying ATTENTION!" She yelled, yanking him up by the beads around his neck, nearly strangling him in the process. "LOOK at me when I'm speaking! And stop making eyes at women across the room, it's getting on my nerves!!"

Zelgadis pondered for a moment. He had two choices. He could live, or he could have fun. Live, fun, live, fun….

"What, are you jealous?" He asked huskily, draping his arms around her waist and pulling her close. Oh good, she was in too much shock to kill him immediately. "I'm sorry, you should have told me sooner." He started to slip his hands under her black turtleneck. "I could have--"

"Don't you DARE!!!!" Line screamed, beating him over the head with a chair. Part of Zelgadis marveled at how she could do it so well with one hand while the other strangled him. Another part told him sagely he should have chosen 'live'. The rest of him was saying OW ow ow ow ow ow OWWWW ow ow ow!!!

Lina tossed the wrecked chair aside and glared down at the fallen incubus. "Pervert! What the hell do you think you're doing! I HATE it when you act like that!!"

"Why?"

Lina spun to see half of the room (mainly, the females) gathering in a crown around her.

Oops…

"Why did you go and hurt him, just for showing his affection?" A woman in front accused. "how could you be such a man-eater?"

"You treat him like that? he should leave your ass!"

"You don't deserve him!!"

Oh…shit…

The crowd started advancing. Line looked panicked a moment, then shrugged. "Whatever. Fireball." Then she dragged Zelgadis off away from the burned remains of the inn.

* * *

"It's your own fault." Lina said guiltily at the sulking Zelgadis. She'd set up camp near the ruined inn (near as in near enough that she could find it later, not close enough for the owners to find her) and he'd sat in the corner of the glen sulking the entire time.

So Lina was feeling guilty. A little bit. Maybe.

"You shouldn't have tried that, and you know it. Didn't they teach you cause and affect when they trained you?"

"Only act sexy and you get laid." Came a mutter from across the clearing. Lina sighed.

"Well think about the future a little bit." She said, lighting the fire. "What are you going to do when you're old?"

"Demons don't age, especially not incubuses." Barely audible. Lina rolled her eyes.

"You don't expect to go on sleeping with women for a career forever, do you?"

"…No."

"Well, what are you going to afterwards?"

"I'll be dead."

Lina stopped trying to light the fire and stared over at him. "Geez, that's pessimistic."

"That's life. I'm the best now. But I won't be forever."

Lina snorted. "You're a really depressive guy, you know that?"

"I'm not depressive, I'm realistic." Zelgadis said softly, leaning back against the tree he was nearest. "Someday someone will be better than me, and Zellas will get tired of me. She'll dump me off to the lower mazoku for a while, and then I'll die. Not necessarily quickly, but I'll die." He shrugged. Lina took a deep breath and sat next to him, trying to extend her sympathies. Since she wasn't used to it, she wasn't very sure if she was doing a good job. "Them's the breaks. That's why I'm essentially screwed over now I'm stuck with you. I can't spend any time in the politics, and someone's going to take my place. I'm dead."

"Oh, Zel… I'm… I'm sorry, I didn't realize…" Lina was at a loss for words. This is a very rare thing, for those of you who haven't figured that out yet. Lina never shuts up.

Zel looked at her from under half closed eyelids. "Well… you could help…"

"Huh?"

Lightening fast, Zelgadis pounced Lina and pushed her to the ground nuzzling her throat and letting his hands roam. "You could… comfort… me…"

Lina's eyes went wide. "You.. you.. you….PERVERT!!"

Zelgadis grinned as he felt the weightlessness of flight. He would hit the ground soon, but he didn't care. That had been worth it.

And she really wasn't as flat-chested as she seemed.

* * *

Zoom in. See a cheerful fire burning, a weary traveler lying near it. She is wrapped up in blankets, smiling softly as she sleeps. It is the picture of tranquility. Birds are asleep in their nests, bears in their dens, attractive young men in their ropes…

What?

Zelgadis hung glumly from where he was tied to the tree at the edge of the clearing, as far away from Lina as she could get and keep him in her sights. He glumly let his gagged head roll back as he looked at the stars. He couldn't move; every limb was separately tied and pulled back to the sturdy branches, and then ropes were wrapped around both him and the tree for goo measure. If he could do anything through the gag, he would have sighed.

You'd think I'd learn from experience. It wasn't as though he was hungry; he'd been getting plenty of that recently. He wasn't all that bored either. He was good at just lounging. He just couldn't keep his hands off Lina.

She was amazing. He mentally went through all the reasons I've already mentioned, and would have had a big grin on his face had he been able to move his mouth.

Until, of course, something solidified in front of him.

"Hello." Xellos grinned as Zel momentarily panicked. Shit. Shitshitshitshit. I can't get loose, Lina enchante the ropes… I'm helpless. I'm helpless. With Xellos grinning… DON'T SHOW EMOTION! Zelgadis relaxed and looked at Xellos calmly. Xellos grinned. "Looks like you two were having quite a bit of fun, hmm?" Zelgadis shook his head ruefully. "You mean she tied you up just for me? How thoughtful." Xellos grinned as Zelgadis worked not to let out his emotions.

What is wrong with me? I never had any trouble hiding them until recently. I never had any trouble with control until now! Zelgadis agonized, mind racing even as he eyed Xellos seductively.

"I just thought I'd come tell you a few things, Zelgadis," Xellos smiled, and Zelgadis cringed, knowing Xellos was about to tell him something he wouldn't like. "There's a newcomer to the high mazoku, dearest. A delicious young thing named Valgarv." Xellos laughed aloud as Zelgadis' eyes flashed dangerously. "Angry, sweet one? You might be replaced. What do you think about that?" Xellos chuckled as Zelgadis failed to keep his emotions in check yet again. "Of course, I might find you interesting enough to keep… Care to show me, lovely one?" Zelgadis gagged, luckily not showing due to the gag around his gagging mouth as he… okay I used gag enough, next word…

"You can't really move, though, can you? Well. This is very interesting." Zelgadis squirmed and Xellos giggled, pressing up against him. Zelgadis swallowed hard as Xellos' hands roamed over him. "And your legs are even splayed. How ni--"

"FIREBALL!"

A slightly charred Xellos spun to glare at a slightly frightened Lina, who was holding three more fireballs. In two hands. This girl is good. "Back away slowly. And NOT into Zel."

Xellos' lips curved into a smile. "So. My toy has a protector. How sweet. Seems she's attached to you, sweet. How did you manage that? I thought she was gay." Lina seethed, and the fireballs swelled. "Ohh, and sensitive, too! Well, little protector, what are you going to do against Xellos, Trickster Priest?"

"Xe-Xellos? The Trickster Priest?" Lina gasped, stepping back. Xellos grinned evilly. He opened his mouth and--

"Never heard of you." Xellos facefaulted.

"What?" He managed. "How can you have not heard of me?? I'm--"

Lina shrugged. "Yeah, you told me already. So? Leave Zel alone. It's not like he can do anything right now."

"What would he do against me?"

"I don't know, but he didn't look too happy. Leave him alone, or you'll answer to me." Lina glared at him, and Xellos laughed.

"I don't think a human could hurt me, and certainly not a little child. Why don't you -- urrg…"

Line pulled her enchanted blade from his side. "Shut up and fight, stupid." Xellos glared at her and phazed out. She snorted. "Coward."

Zelgadis stared wide-eyed at her as she untied him and helped him down. "Hell be back."

"You were tied up and enchanted. What was I supposed to do, sit there?"

"I've been with him before."

"You had a choice, didn't you?"

Zelgadis shrugged. "Not really. I'd lose a lot of I refused."

"But you had a choice. This time you didn't. I couldn't let him rape you."

"But it wasn't--"

"Yes it was." She snorted. "You didn't consent, he was going to anyway. That's rape."

"Lina…" Lina looked up. Zelgadis smiled at her. I mean smiled. Lina edged away.

"Yeah?"

"How can I ever repay you…" Zelgadis draped himself over her and planted a kiss on her mouth. Lina struggled for air.

"MmmmmmmmMRVERT!!!" She shrieked, punching him. Zelgadis yelped and put a hand over his injured jaw.

"What the HELL was that for??" He yelled, glaring at her.

"What has it ALWAYS been for??"

"Well, how am I supposed understand you? Jesus Christ, girl, you act like a spoiled brat half the time, then act nice the other half, I'm getting a hell of a lot of mixed messages here!!"

"Just because I have morals and I don't want you to get raped doesn't mean I want to go to bed with you! Does EVERYONE who's nice to you automatically want to go to bed with you??"

"Isn't that the way things fucking work??" Zelgadis yelled, standing. "The only goddamned reason ANYONE'S kind to me is if they want something! That's the way things are!" Lina stared at him openmouthed. "If you don't want me to screw you, what do you want from me? Well? There has to be something!"

Lina slapped him. He had been expecting a fireball, a diem wind, a punch. Zelgadis turned to stare at her.

"I don't want ANYTHING. I'm trying to be nice to be nice. Just because! What would I want from you? What?? I have no ulterior motive!" She yelled. "I know you've been screwed over in more ways than twenty, but that doesn't mean that EVERYONE wants to! Jesus H Frog on a pogo stick, Zel, it's not that hard!!"

Silence.

More silence.

More and more si--

Xellos!!! Get away from the keyboard!

"Well. I'm going to sleep. You can sulk some more that I'm not out to get something from you, or you can too. Goodnight." And she promptly curled up and fell asleep. Leaving Zelgadis to ponder life, the universe and everything.

Meaning the redhead that had so screwed up his life.