"I love you, I do, really.  I just need some space 
that's all, just for a while."  Sarah tried to reason with 
Chuck, but he wouldn't let her.  "Fine!" he screamed, "be that 
way!"  Then he left, slamming the door behind him.  Sarah jumped 
at the noise.  "Chuck, come back!  Please come back" she yelled 
after him.  But she wouldn't catch up to him now, and even if 
she did, she knew it wouldn't do any good.

	Now, she was mad at him, why couldn't he understand 
her?  Her intentions were pure, she knew if she would be his 
girlfriend right now she'd just be this pain-in-the-ass bitch 
that would be hard to please.  She didn't want to be, but in 
her eyes that was exactly what she was becoming.

	She tried to relax, this was for the best, all of it, 
Chuck would be all right, or so she hoped.  If only the last 
boy, the one she gave her heart to, shared everything with 
hadn't left her like he said he wouldn't.  God, she loved him 
and she still did even though he hurt her so bad.  She didn't 
really love Chuck, she wanted to, but she loved him more or 
less, like a brother.

	Later she thought about calling him, to see how he was 
doing, but she figured he'd want some time alone with out her.  
If only he hadn't been moving so fast, she might have trusted 
him, but it would take more than words for her to trust a boy 
with her heart again.

	Alan came to her house later the next morning.  Alan was 
Sarah's friend, whom she had a secret crush on since the age of 
twelve.

"Sarah?"  her mother called her from the bottom of the steps.

"Yes?"  

"Someone here to see you"

"Who is it?"

"It's Alan."

Sarah leaped off her bed, threw on some jeans and ran down the 
steps.

"Hi!" she said enthusiastically.

"Hey" he said, "I heard what happened between you and Chuck"

She stopped dead, "you did?"

"Yes, I really think you should call him and let him know you 
still care, he's really bummed"

"All right, I will, I'll be right back"

	His Eyes followed her up the steps.  He cared for her 
quite a bit and loved how caring she was deep down, but wished 
she would show it more.

	Sarah went to the closest room with a phone to make the 
call. "Hello?" the person answered.

"Hi, is Chuck there please?" there was a long pause on the other 
end of the line..."Hello? Is Chuck there?" Sarah asked again.  
"No he isn't...he's gone..." the voice answered tonelessly.
"Well, do you know when he will be back?" 
"He won't" The voice was now somewhat stern as if trying to hold 
something back.  

"What do you mean?"  Her heart sank, ideas begin to rush through 
her head, did he run away?  Did he...  No.  She refused to think 
that, not that.

The voice then answered, "Chuck was in a car accident, he's 
dead."  

"No.."  Sarah dropped the phone.  "Dead?"  she repeated in utter 
terror..."no" she dropped to her knees, shaking.  She grabbed 
the phone hastily and threw it across the room as hard as she 
could in a crying rage, "NOOO!"  It was her fault that's all she 
knew, she had caused this...it was all her fault.  Sarah mad at 
her self and wanting to die ran for her bedroom where she might 
find some peace but that would not be the case.  

	When she entered the bathroom that lead to her bedroom 
she stopped to look in the mirror.  She was a mess, she was 
crying, and trying to find some hope in what she saw, she wanted 
to see someone better than herself but she saw nothing.  "You 
can NEVER do ANYTHING right!" she scream hysterically.  Upset 
she drew back her fist and let in hit the mirror with a savage 
force.  The mirror immediately shattered and broke around her 
impaled fist.  

	She then began to cry anew seeing what she had done. 
Then she heard a voice..."Sarah?"  It was Alan, she'd forgotten 
he was here, her mother was gone, at the store, it was only him 
and her, but oh God, she couldn't let him see her like this.   
Her eyes wonder quickly looking for a way out, a hiding 
place.  "Sarah? answer me please."  The voice was drawing 
closer, the best she could come up with was the closet.  Moving 
fast she closed herself into the closet, curled up, hugging her 
knees trying to prevent the glass from going any deeper into her 
hand.  "Sarah, where are you?"  She heard him call at the 
entrance of the bathroom that lead to her bedroom.  Alan, 
worried and confused turned once he was in the bathroom to see 
the mirror broken an smears of blood among the shattered 
pieces.  A sudden horror raced through his mind as he thought 
the very worst.  "Dear God" he said to himself, what has she 
done?  Was he too late?  

	Silence filled Sarah's world and thinking Alan might be 
gone she went to open the closet door,  "creeeeek...."  Alan 
spun around and went through the other door lead into to her 
bedroom.  She froze when she heard him move and he saw her then, 
like a child, knees to her chest and tear stained face.  He 
wanted to hold her, to heal her, although that wouldn't be 
easy.  Sure enough he took a step towards her as she in return 
flung herself to the back of the closet only to slam her head 
into the wall.  He stopped then and stared into the closet at 
her.  His eyes were gentle and only offered comfort.  He took an 
other step toward her then, she hugged he knees and shut her 
eyes, knowing he knew and that there was no escape, he would 
attack her with kindness and she would cry and then feel even 
worse because she did not deserved his compassion, she should be 
yelled at, be told that she had screwed up again.  He opened the 
closet door and fell to his knees in front of her.  She began to 
tremble when he touched her.  "Sarah..." he touched her face, 
wiping away her tears.  She shook at his tone.  "Sarah, what 
happened?  what's wrong?" 
 
"Chuck's dead" she said in a breathless voice.  
"What?"  His eyes grew large.  
"He's dead, and it's my fault, if I hadn't..."  She started to 
cry again.
"Shhh....." he interrupted her, "it isn't your fault"
"oh, isn't it?"  She then started to cry harder biting her lower 
lip and hugging her knees even tighter. 
 
       He was somewhat disturbed by all this, but since he 
hadn't known Chuck all that long it hardly matter to Alan that 
he was gone, he only cared about Sarah.  When he went to 
gather her in his arms she fought him, but she would not win 
this time.  There was no way he was going to let her go, not 
now, nor ever again.  He pulled her closer as she 
beat against his chest with her fists crying and screaming.
"It will be all right, Sarah, everything's going to be okay"  
His words were loving.  He only held her tighter when she fought 
him, thinking to herself that she only wanted to 
be let go, but that wasn't happening, he wouldn't let her alone, 
not now, no way he'd leave her now.   

	Lost in confusion and his compassion for her, she 
stopped fighting, breaking down into a sob.  By this time some 
of the glass had imbedded into Alan's chest from her hand.  He 
was bleeding some, but he could care less about that.  If 
anything it help him understand her pain.  As she continued to 
cry he held her with his left arm and let his other stroke her 
hair, attempting to calm her down.  

	Now, exhausted from crying and taken in by his caring 
arms she began to fall asleep.  When he realized this he laid 
back keeping her close to him.  As her tears grew dry she fell 
asleep.  Alan just lie there, holding her close, her head on his 
shoulder, his arms wrapped around her.  He was smelling her hair 
and running his hands up and down her back making her relax, 
just the slightest bit more.  She needed a break from reality, 
for this, she would need to forget about this whole mess.  He 
sighed as he also became tired, but refrained from falling 
asleep.  He took up her hand in his and looked it over.  He 
started removing the pieces of glass that were still embedded in 
her skin.  She winced in her sleep as he tended to the mess she 
had made of herself.  When he was finished he kissed her hand 
and held it to his chest.  He sighed then and closed his 
eyes to fall into a dreamless sleep.