RANMA 1/2
Roku-bun No San (3/6)
by A-kun the Superfan
Part 2
This is part 2 of 4. Thank you for reading this far. Enjoy! ^_^;
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We see Ryoga standing at a gas station in the middle of nowhere, trying to feed a dollar bill into a Pepsi machine. The song "Lonely Boy" is playing in the background. He tries, it refuses. He tries, it refuses. Finally, the machine takes the bill.
"Yes. Yes! YES!!!!!!!!!!!" Ryoga cries.
As he is about to make his selection, the machine refuses the bill. Ryoga is evidently pissed and slams his fist into the machine and pulls out a Pepsi. He opens it and drinks.
(The preceeding was a commercial. Technical mumbo-jumbo blah-blah-blah and some important stuff.)
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Ranko found Shin-chan next to the dojo, swinging her bo in a vicious attack pattern (see also Ranma 1/2 the first movie, Ebitan's attacks on Ranma) on a practice dummy.
"Uh.....Shin?" Ranko asked.
Shin-chan stopped her brutal assualt. The dummy promptly disentegrated. Ranko just had to wonder how long and how many blows Shin-chan had delivered to get that affect.
"What?" Shin-chan asked.
"What did Kuno do?" Ranko asked.
"Nothing, really. It's just that, in my world, he's chasing four women. Me, Akane and two other people I know. Just wish I could remember they're names. Anyway, I HATE perverts and lechs. I REALLY hate them." Shin-chan said.
(Shin's qualifications for lechs and perverts: Grabbing or attempting to grab women, stealing or attempting to steal female undergarments, peeping or attempting to peep on women, chasing more than one woman. The more you qualify for, the more vicious Shin gets towards you. Kuno technically qualifies for two, so guess how he'll react to someone who qualifies for more.)
"From what you did to Kuno, I'd have to say that you really must hate them." Ranko replied.
"I just kinda snap when I see 'em. I just can't stand them." Shin-chan replied.
"Anyway, I think dinner's almost done, so let's go eat." Ranko replied.
Shin-chan nodded and followed Ranko.
"I'm glad we finally found you, sis." Shin-chan/Sasami said, hugging Ranma-chan.
"So am I." Ranko/Ayeka chirped.
"How long has it been?" Nodoka asked.
"Five years." Shin-chan/Sasami replied.
Nodoka sighed.
"What's wrong?" Ranko/Ayeka asked.
"I know how you feel. I haven't seen my son, Ranma, in over ten years." Nodoka answered.
She sniffed.
"Excuse me, I've got something in my eye." Nodoka said. Her voice cracked and she hurried out of the room.
Shin-chan/Sasami watched Nodoka exit.
"That's all's I's can stand, and I can't stand's no more." Shin-chan declared, imitating Popeye.
She walked out of the room, leaving everyone confused. She walked up to Nodoka's room and knocked. When Nodoka didn't reply, Shin-chan walked in.
"Auntie?" Shin-chan asked.
Nodoka was crying quietly, her face in her hands. Shin-chan walked over to her and hugged her.
"Auntie, can I ask you something?" Shin-chan asked.
Nodoka's crying slowed and after putting her hands on her lap, she nodded.
"If you could see Ranma right now, would you accept him, even if something horrible had happened to him?" Shin-chan asked.
"Yes, but why do you ask?" Nodoka asked.
"Stay right here." Shin-chan replied, racing out of the room.
Nodoka was baffled. She heard yelps, a cry of protest, and running feet. Finally, Shin-chan walked into the room carrying Ranma-chan by the scruff of her neck.
"No more hiding." Shin-chan told her.
Shin-chan poured hot water on Ranma-chan's head and dropped a very angry Ranma on his rearend.
"Auntie, may I present your long lost son, Ranma." Shin-chan said.
Nodoka looked at Ranma in disbelief. Ranma, suddenly realizing Nodoka was in front of him, remained where he was in a state of total fear.
Shin-chan walked outside, grabbing Mr. Panda and dragged him into the room.
"And your long lost husband, Genma." Shin-chan said, pouring the rest of the hot water on Mr. Panda's head.
Genma was frozen in place, fearful of his wife.
"I'll leave the family reunion in your hands, Auntie." Shin-chan said, walking out.
The instant Shin-chan was out the door, she slapped on a triple dead-bolt lock on the door and raced outside, in case Genma or Ranma tried to get out that way.
Shin-chan, even being a distance away from the window, could hear in perfect clairity, "GENMA, OUR SON TURNS INTO A GIRL!!!!!! EXPLAIN NOW!!!!!!!!"
Hours later, Shin sat whittling a piece of wood.
"Hey, listen. I think it's over." Ranko said.
"You're right." Shin replied.
Shin walked outside. Ranko and the Tendos heard scuffling, running feet, and finally two yelps. Shin walked back in, carrying Ranma and Genma. He walked upstairs, opened the door to Nodoka's room and tossed the two in.
"Auntie, they tried to escape." Shin yelled into the room.
He promptly shut the door, dead-bolted it again and walked downstairs to the sounds of extreme violence and screams of "So, you thought you'd take off again, eh? OH NO! YOU'RE STAYING PUT!!!!"
"Don't you think that's cruel?" Akane asked Shin.
"No crueler then leaving your wife behind for ten years without even a visit home and not telling her when something like a curse has been put on your only son." Shin replied.
Shin suddenly recalled something and smacked his forehead.
"I should have remembered, d'oh." Shin said.
"Remembered what?" Nabiki asked.
"I keep a detailed diary in my personal laptop in case I do get amnesia." Shin said, pulling out a laptop.
Everyone facefaulted.
Two hours later, the violence stopped. Shin walked outside. After some scuffling, sounds of feet running and two yelps, Shin walked back in.
"I thought you'd bring Ranma and Genma back in." Akane said.
"Why? I just put in a juiced up version of that invisible fence that keeps dogs in your yard in and gave Ranma and Genma the invincible juiced up collars. If they try to leave, a four gigawatt (per second) shock is waiting for them." Shin said, smiling deviously.
Ranma and Genma screamed.
"When are you going to take them off?" Ranko asked.
"Genma, maybe never. Ranma, only for school or until he realizes that he can't hide from me or his mother." Shin replied.
Ranma and Genma screamed again.
Shin whistled the theme from 'Gilligan's Island'.
Ranma and Genma screamed yet again.
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-"That's it! No more using my butt as target practice!!"- Sailor Moon, a more memorable scene.
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Everyone thanked the gods that it was Sunday. After a few hour explaination to Nodoka, Ranma was forgiven for not telling his mother. Genma, on the other hand......
Well, let's just say that he survived the encounter.... barely.
It was a longer explaination for Nodoka to understand Ranko and Shin. They started at 10:00 am. It is currently 1:00 pm. The explaination for Ranma started at 7:00 pm and lasted until 8:00 pm, however the violence following the explaination lasted until 3:00 am.
"I can't believe it." Nodoka said, amazed.
"It's true." Shin said.
"You didn't take a breath the entire time." Nodoka replied.
Shin facefaulted.
"And I can't believe that you're from another dimension." Nodoka added.
Shin sighed.
"So, you're my son, but not MY son." Nodoka said.
"Yeah." Shin replied.
"And you're my daughter, but not MY daughter." Nodoka said.
"Yeah." Ranko replied.
"Have you found out what to do to get back to your dimension?" Soun asked.
"I'm pretty sure all we really need is the Nanban mirror. With that, we could return a few seconds after we left." Shin said.
"It's that simple?" Ranma asked.
"Not really. I searched master Happosai's room earlier this morning and I couldn't find it. I believe he may be carrying it." Shin said.
"Aw, man. There's no way we can get it from that old goat. Besides, where are we going to find him?" Ranma asked.
Shin was suddenly covered in water.
"Ah, Ranma!" Happosai yelled, leaping at Shin-chan.
With a swift gesture, Shin-chan sent Happosai into orbit.
"That was a smooth move." Ranma said, sarcastically.
"It was." Shin-chan said, holding up the Nanban mirror.
"Hello, future son-in-law." Cologne said, walking into the room followed by the scientist from earlier.
"What do you want?" Ranma asked.
"That's them, alright." the scientist said.
"This is Dr. Benjamin Kilok." Cologne said, gesturing to the scientist who was no older than twenty (and handsome to boot).
"I must apologize as this is all my fault. I am responsible for bringing you two here. I started an experiment to aid the environment and wound up accidently taking you from your homes. I am terribly sorry and I ask for your forgiveness." Benjamin replied.
"How could your experiment aid the environment?" Ranko asked.
"My thoery is that by going through time, I could take a plant, mineral or animal, copy it, put one back and bring the other one here and if necessary, continue to copy the object or animal. By doing this, we could repopulate endangered species that does not have the ability to create different enough offspring.
One example is the cheetah. The DNA patterns of one cheetah is similar to all other cheetahs because they were struck by plaques, hunters, etc. which forced inbreeding and thus reducing the possibilty of producing offspring with different enough DNA. By taking a cheetah from before that time, I had hoped to break the inbred chain and thus save the species from having a single DNA pattern.
This thoery could work to help accurately learn of history, test thoeries on extinct species and possible lead to advancements in technology that were not thought possible.
However, my equipment did not go through time, like I had intended, it instead went through dimensions and though this too is an advancement in technology, it was not intended as such and it will take years before I learn what is wrong." Benjamin said, overly explaining the situation entirely too much.
"I left my Lucky Charms Special-Scientist-Babble decoder ring in my home dimension, so what did he say?" Ranko asked.
"Basically, he made two of both of us and sent them home, while we are stuck here." Shin replied.
"We're stuck here for all time?" Ranko asked.
"No. It's just that we're already home, so we don't need to go back.....unless we wanted to." Shin replied.
Shin and Ranko looked at each other and walked outside to the dojo.
"Should we?" Shin asked.
"I.....don't know. I mean......you know." Ranko said.
"It is our home." Shin replied.
"But technically we're already home...so....why?" Ranko asked.
"It is OUR home." Shin replied.
"But it's theirs too." Ranko said.
"It's OUR HOME." Shin replied.
"Are you eager to go back to that world, when you have a family here?" Ranko asked.
"I.....don't know anymore." Shin replied.
Shin sighed.
"I wanted to go home AND be here to help you...but..... I'm so confused! I had nearly perfect bliss back home...and now...now everything's messed up. I'm a stranger to people who once knew me so well, I could ask for their help at any time and get it...and now...nothing. Absolutely nothing. I know who they are and I know who you are, but they don't know me. You don't know me." Shin said.
Ranko put her hand on his shoulder.
"I do know that you're my brother and that means the world to me. Besides, it's a new beginning. A new challenge. Another time around." Ranko said.
Shin smiled and hugged his sister.
"Thanks." Shin said.
"Hey, that's what family does." Ranko replied.
"Yeah, that's what family does." Ranma said.
Shin and Ranko turned to him.
"That doesn't mean I'm forgiving you for putting this stupid collar on me or telling my mom about my curse, but EVENTUALLY, I will." Ranma said.
"Oh, come on, Ranma. You know you're happier now, your mom's happier now and your dad....well, he's still alive." Shin said.
"True." Ranma replied.
"RANMA!!! PREPARE TO DIE!!!!" Ryoga yelled, attacking Ranma.
"I don't think so, pig-boy." Ranma replied.
"Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Ranma darling!" Kodachi called.
All three Saotome siblings shivered.
"You think that's bad, try hearing it from Ryoga." Ranko commented.
All three Saotome siblings shivered again at the thought.
"At least you two don't have the theme from 'Annie' stuck in your heads." Shin said.
All three Saotome siblings shivered again at the thought.
Meanwhile, on the moon, Lord Zedd yelled in fury.
"When I conquer Earth, the very first thing I'll do is destroy every copy of 'Annie'." Zedd said.
"Why is that, Lord Zedd?" Goldar asked.
"If you'd ever watched the movie, you'd understand." Zedd replied.
Meanwhile, in the Negaverse, Queen Beryl yelled in fury.
"When I conquer Earth, the very first thing I'll do is destroy every copy of 'Annie'. The second thing I'll do is clamp that Kuno girl's mouth shut." Beryl said.
Kodachi's laughter rang out, causing even the deaf warlords and the stupid warlords to shiver. Jedeite, even though he was frozen solid (and he was the stupidiest), shivered as well.
Before Kodachi could glomp onto Ranma, Shin poked her lightly, causing her to fly all the way back to the Kuno mansion.
"Hey, there's something you don't see everyday." Man #1 said.
"What's that?" Man #2 replied.
"A flying idiot." Man #1 said.
"You haven't been in Nerima long, have you?" Man #2 asked.
"I got here yesterday." Man #1 answered.
"That explains it." Man #2 replied.
"It's a bird!" Man #3 said.
"It's a plane!" Woman #1 said.
"It's just a sadistic, psychopathic gymnast with evil and satanic tendencies." Man #4 said.
"No, she's over there." Man #3 said, pointing at Azusa Shirotori.
"No, she's a sadistic, psychopathic SKATER with evil and satanic tendencies." Man #4 replied.
Kodachi sneezed and had the overwhelming urge to do something.
Man #4 yelped as a club struck him in the forehead. (It was an OVERWHELMING urge.)
"Anyway, Ranma, die!" Ryoga yelled, running Ranma.
Ranko leaped out and tackled Ryoga.
"Oh, come to me, my love!" Ranko cried.
Ryoga was confused.
"Ranko, is Ryoga your chosen one?" Shin asked.
"Yes, brother!" Ranko cried.
"Very well. CALL THE PRIEST, RANKO'S GETTING HITCHED AGAIN!!!" Shin yelled.
Ryoga, hearing that and feeling Ranko pinch his rearend, promptly screamed like a woman and ran for the hills.
"JUST KIDDING! RYOGA, I SAID 'JUST KIDDING'. Oh, well. Ryoga never could tell when I was kidding, even when I had an evil smirk on." Shin said.
"He's fallen for lamer jokes than that." Ranma commented as he help Ranko to her feet.
"I lost the man of my dreams." Ranko said.
She began to pretend to cry (VERY poorly, mind you).
"Want to mess with someone's head?" Shin asked.
Ranko stopped faking and said, "Sure! Let's get Shampoo."
"I think we all want to do that." Ranma said.
"I've been wanting to pay her back for a trick she pulled on me." Shin said, smirking.
The trio began to imitate the diabolical laughter that is the standard for villians.
"Wait, let's wait until she pulls something." Ranma suggested.
"Even sweeter." Shin said, smiling evilly.
The trio picked up where they left off on the diabolical laughter.
"Wanna catch a movie?" Ranko asked.
"Sure." Shin and Ranma replied.
They continued the diabolical laughter as they left.
Meanwhile, on the moon, Lord Zedd watched the trio.
"Goldar!" Lord Zedd yelled.
"Yes, Lord Zedd?" Goldar asked.
"I want you to go down there and tape those three laughing. I'm a tad rusty on my laugh and they sound excellent." Lord Zedd told Goldar.
"It shall be done." Goldar replied.
Meanwhile, in the Negaverse, Beryl watched the three.
"I don't like how they're laughing. Malakite!" Beryl yelled.
"Yes, my queen?" Malakite asked.
"I want you to watch those three. They may have stumbled upon something that may be turned to our favor." Beryl said.
"It shall be done." Malakite replied.
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-"Alright, who ate the Eggo waffle box and left the Eggo waffles out?"- A-kun, this morning.
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Luckily for Goldar, the trio continued their diabolical laughter until they reached the theater. Goldar left. Malakite watched the three walk into the theater after buying their tickets. They were still laughing.
Malakite was about to walk in, when the ticket taker stopped him. The ticket taker was about sixteen and his nametag read "Kevin".
"Listen, Kevin. I don't have time for this." Malakite said.
"Yeah, sure, right. Get a ticket." Kevin said, rolling his eyes.
"Very well, fool! You shall learn of the power of the Negaverse!!" Malakite yelled, extending his hands to blast Kevin.
Kevin dashed behind him, grabbed the top of Malakite's underwear and pulled up.
"Wedgie!" Kevin yelled.
Malakite yelped. He tried to blast Kevin, but somehow the wedgie was making him powerless. Kevin carried Malakite to the box office by the wedgie and set Malakite down in front of the clerk.
Malakite paid for his ticket with the gold he had on hand and Kevin let him through. Malakite then tried to enter the same theater that the trio had, but Kevin stopped him.
"Sorry, you bought a ticket for 'Teacup for Two'. That's over there." Kevin said pointing to the theater next door.
Malakite was about to protest when Kevin cracked his knuckles and smiled in a way that said "Just try it". Malakite walked into the theater that Kevin had pointed to.
The trio stopped laughing when they entered the theater.
"Dang, forgot the goodies." Shin said.
"Get a bucket of popcorn and three sodas. Dr. Pepper or Coke." Ranko said.
"Same here." Ranma said.
"Look, I'm not getting nine sodas and three buckets of popcorn." Shin said.
"I didn't mean that..." Ranma began.
"I'm teasing, Ranma." Shin replied.
Malakite, after four failed attempts to get into the same theater as the trio and seven failed attempts to pull the wedgie out so he could access his power, decided to watch the movie, but quickly decided it was more fun to watch the people in the theater as a semi-bald man decked out a rude man behind him.
A strange boy kept moving around and asking for dates, only to get punched across the theater. His name was apparently "Bud". A strange girl kept walking around and talking to random people. Her name was apparently "Kelly".
"That's it. I'm going to get some more popcorn and complain to the manager. This movie doesn't have enough hooters in it." the semi-bald man said.
"Get me a soda, okay, Al?" a redhaired woman near the front said.
"Okay, Peg." Al replied.
A while later, Al yelled "Peg?"
"Al?" Peg asked.
"Peg!" Al replied.
"Al! You're in the wrong theater again!" Peg yelled.
"Wait a minute, Peg. I think I'm seeing hooters. I am seeing hooters, Peg!" Al yelled.
All the men in the theater, including Malakite, stood up and left to find that theater.
They could see the ship laying in the Rocky mountains.
"See? I told you I would give you fireworks." the black man on the screen said.
The screen faded to black.
"Man, Independence Day 4 is an awesome movie!" Ranma said.
"Yeah, but I've heard Will Smith's real voice and I think that whoever dubbed him sucked." Shin replied.
They left the theater.
Meanwhile, on the moon, Lord Zedd laughed. Then stopped, then laughed again.
"I must get it down." Lord Zedd said, as he tried to imitate the laugh.
Meanwhile, in the Negaverse, Queen Beryl looked at Malakite.
"You were supposed to keep an eye on them." Queen Beryl said.
"I am sorry, Queen Beryl. They must have trained a bouncer in as their ticket taker at that theater. He somehow knew a way to nullify my powers and defeated me. However, I have learned that certain humans can prove useful." Malakite replied.
"No excuses. Next time I give you an order, I want you to succeed or else." Beryl snapped.
"Yes, Queen Beryl." Malakite replied.
Malakite appeared in his room and smiled.
"Whoever made that movie was brilliant. Tons of violence and nudity and absolutely no plot line." Malakite said.
Tears of joy ran down his face.
"I must meet the man who directed it!" Malakite declared.
"I still say we should have prepared for the possibility that they were going to attack. I mean, I know they might have wanted to talk directly with the leaders of the world, but come on. The instant we knew they were going for New York, we should have expected something." Shin said.
Ranko and Ranma nodded in agreement. They stopped in front of the Ucchan.
"I say we show her. I mean, she has been our oldest friend." Shin said.
"I agree." Ranma said.
"She was nice." Ranko added.
They walked in and prepared to explain to Ukyo.
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