1. Take shopping carts for the express
purpose of filling them and stranding them
at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the
front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten
minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many
people you can get to join in.
5. Contaminate the entire auto
department by sampling all the spray air
fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels
with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the
typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see
fit.
9. When there are people behind you,
walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin
narrow aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him
in an official tone, "I think we've got a
Code 3 in Housewares," and see what
happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station;
then turn them all off and turn the volumes
to "10".
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and
say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..."
etc. See if they play along to avoid
embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing
department, ask yourself loud enough for
all to hear, "Who BUYS this crap,
anyway?"
15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry
department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the
store; claim you're taking it for a "test
drive."
17. Follow people through the aisles,
always staying about five feet away.
Continue to do this until they leave the
department.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends,
using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases
over the scanner, look mesmerized and
say, "Wow. Magic!"
20. Put M&M's on layaway.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to
carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping
department; tell others you'll only invite
them in if they bring pillows from Bed and
Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what
you can "catch" from the other aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any
Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your
shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm
Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into
neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they
all spell "hello" upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help,
begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you
people just leave me alone?"
30. When two or three people are
walking ahead of you, run between them,
yelling, "Red Rover!"
31. Make up nonsense products and ask
newly hired employees if there are any in
stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples
here?"
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by
setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I.
Joes vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described
above.
34. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and
combs in Cosmetics.
35.While handling guns in the hunting
department, suddenly ask the clerk if he
knows where the anti-depressants are.
Act as spastic as possible.
36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
37. Dart around suspiciously while
humming the theme from "Mission:
Impossible."
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym
bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large
gym bags.
40. Say things like, "Would you be so
kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front
of the store.
42. Two words: "Marco Polo."
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden,
pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in
Electronics.
45. In the auto department, practice your
"Madonna" look with various funnels.
46. When someone steps away from their
cart to look at something, quickly make
off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you
get kicked out.
48. When an announcement comes over
the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position
and scream, "No, no! It's those voices
again!"
49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over
to the magazines and relax. If the store
has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain
that you don't get out much, and ask if
they can put a little umbrella in it.
51. As you leave the store after having
purchased $0.32 worth of items and they
tell you "Thanks for shopping at
Walmart", scream "What? I thought this
was K-Mart. I demand a refund!"
52. Stack all 700 plastic lawn chairs on
top of one another. Bungee jump off the
top chair.
53. Go to the hardware aisle. Grab a drill
and start drilling for oil.
54. Smash all the fish tanks to free those
poor fishies!
55. Pick an aisle. Pick an item in that
aisle. Stare at that item until somebody
physically removes you.
56. Pretend like you're on Supermarket
Sweep.
57. Put diapers on the manicans.
58. Wear earplugs. Go to the audio
department and insist on listening to each
and every piece of audio equipment full
blast for 10 minutes so you can compare
their quality.
59. While in the Gun Department Ask if
they sell ski masks and ask for directions
to the closest convenience store.
60. Goto the toy department and get a
stick horse. Ride it around the store
singing "Camptown ladies sing this song."