Hello, minna! Ah, time for a new fic for Ami-chan! What strange things can I
come up with for her this time? Well, read on....
As just about all my fics, this is manga based, though I don't think it
makes a big difference here...just in case, I reference to something called a
'lemure' used by the Dead Moon Circus...in the manga, the Amazoness Quartet
uses these to attack dreams.
*Italics* Which are in *astrix* Ami's thoughts.
Sailormoon does not belong to me, but to Naoko-hime, who has fed all of our
obsessive-compulsive habits towards anime. I make no claim on Sailormoon,
though it would be cool if it was mine. I do, however, own Kami. (read on,
and find out who that is...!)
And as always, feel free to mail me at queen2126@hotmail.com
Fic complete 2/24/01
Ja ne!
-Queen
The Bloom of the Mountain Cherry
Miyako- Modern day Kyoto, capital of Japan in the Heian period, 11th century
Amida Buddha- Buddha of Paradise, where people could be reborn through their
faith
Koto- 13 stringed instrument
Shoji- paper door
Waka- poem
Sakura- cherry blossom
Monogatari- a telling, a story
Tatami- a mat made of rushes or straw
Murasaki- lavender
Furin- a windbell
Cicada- a noisy insect, associated with summer
Prologue-
And as she slept, she dreamed.
And the visions of faces fell before her, painted onto the blossoms of the
sakura petals, of enemies of long past, of friends who she treasured. But
these sights were not earthly, for they swirled and passed by her, and she
could not touch them, as their beauty faded and wilted under her fingertips.
There was sunlight, or perhaps moonlight, but from no source that one could
see, coming from every space, ebbing into her vision, washing away the
darkness, but blinding her even as she tried to grasp for some stability in
this tiny enclosed world.
There was a sound of laughter, and as it is in dreams, the world shifted,
becoming a place it was not. The high sound of a vibrating string reached
her ears, sounding in her mind to be beautiful and sweet. But the pitch
grew, and there was the sound of breaking, a scream in horror, and then a
face filled with tears, eyes milky and white. There was a roar of water. And
then only the quiet, and the blinding brightness.
Eyes opened to the sun streaming in though her window, the girl who dreamed
buried her face.
*I'm a failure.*
Chapter 1- Dreams, Made Beautiful by the Dreamer
Why do we suffer so in the world? Just regard life as the short bloom of the
mountain cherry.
-Murasaki Shikibu
There was the soft sound of books being set upon the desktop. "Ohayo,
Usagi-chan," Ami whispered softly, looking at her forlorn friend.
"Oh, hi, Ami-chan." Usagi looked at her arm, and Ami felt herself wince.
"How's your wrist?"
"Better."
Bandaged, Usagi still had a wide bruise along the side of her face, the
usually flawless skin mottled purple. Ami slid back her chair and set
herself upon it, tucking her feet under. "Gomen nasai, Usagi-chan."
Usagi glanced at her. "It's not your fault, Ami-chan." Usagi mustered a
smile, and after a moment, it became genuine. "It's Tokyo. There are
earthquakes all the time! Don't feel bad."
"Oh, of course not." Ami fiddled with a pencil she took from her case. The
classroom was slowly filling up. Ami kept her eyes on her desk, the feeling
of sadness opening a hole in her heart. It seemed somewhat strange to her,
coming in to school so much later than usual. But she couldn't face the
morning gossip at Minako's locker.... Not with Usagi there, having everyone
look at the broken wrist. Not with Minako fluttering about how awful it was,
or Mako shaking her head in pity. So she had come late- to her at least.
There were still a few minutes before first bell, and Ami knew that the only
way Usagi had made it to class so early was Mamoru bringing her there in his
car.
*I should have been faster.*
"Mizuno-san, will you stay a moment?"
Ami nodded her head as the class was dismissed. She noticed that Usagi
paused a moment at the door, waiting to walk with her partly down to the
next class. When Ami didn't meet her eyes, Usagi clutched her books to her
chest, eyebrows pursed in worry as she turned her back. "I'll see you at
lunch, Ami-chan!" Usagi tried to call, and got only a gentle nod in
acknowledgment.
From the podium, sensei asked, "Mizuno-san, is everything all right?" As
she finished writing something, she looked up over her thick glasses in
worry. "You seemed distracted today."
"Fine, sensei."
"Are you sure?" She set the pencil down. "I noticed you came in a bit later
than usual this morning. Is everything well?"
"Yes, fine, really. I just...have a bit of a headache. It'll go away, I'm
sure," Ami lied. The teacher wasn't fooled, but knew better than to press.
"You're welcome to talk, if you need to."
"I'm fine, really."
She nodded, "All right. Go, Tsukino-san is probably waiting for you."
Ami flinched.
Sensei frowned, "Did you and Tsukino-san have an argument?"
"No, sensei. Everything is fine. Really."
With a sigh, she took off her glasses, and looked levelly with Ami. "All
right. But my door is open, you know that."
Ami nodded, and returned to her desk, gathering her things as new students
began to wander in, talking and laughing.
When Ami got out into the hallway, Usagi was standing there, pacing.
"Usagi-chan, you should get to class."
"I had to wait. You look so worried! You shouldn't be moping around like
this-"
"Usagi, go to class."
The blonde bit her lip as Ami trudged down the hallway, head down. Usagi
hurried to catch up. "Ami-chan! Ami-chan! I-" Ami didn't look at her.
Silenced by her friend's unresponsiveness, she accompanied her silently down
the crowded hall, glancing at the narrow cameo of her friend's face.
A boy with a large bookbag turned the corner, ramming into Usagi as he ran,
sending her into a heap with a startled screech. "Move!" He snapped. "Take
up the whole hallway!"
Usagi, sniffling, was trying not to cry as she scooped up her spilled
papers.
Rushing past, the boy felt a tug and a jerk on his backpack. Turning around
to yell at whoever was grabbing him, he met a very cold stare. "Perhaps it
would be better," Ami said to him carefully, "if you taught us the proper
way to walk. Obviously running around and insulting your classmates is far
more proper."
The tide of students had begun to slow around them, some slowing to watch
the small spectacle, others disappearing into their classes. "I don't know
who you think you are, but-"
Ami stepped closer to him, glaring up into his face. Despite her lesser
height, she stared him down, the ice freezing in her eyes. "Go to class,
senpai. You're going to be late."
He backed away, straightening out his bag. After a moment, he fled. From
the ground, Usagi watched Ami with a kind of fascination and fear. Something
was wrong; her words sounded much like a threat. And for such bitter words
to come out of the quiet, shy Mizuno Ami that Usagi knew, meant that
something was wrong, and it was perhaps deeper than simply Usagi's broken
wrist and black eye.
Near to the cafeteria, Minako and Usagi were protesting, "Ami-chan, are you
sure-"
"For the last time, I have homework, and I don't want to eat with you! I'm
going to the computer lab." On her heel, Ami turned, heading towards the
library.
*Why can't they just leave me alone?*
Hunger had left her, and she stared at the ham and swiss sandwich she had
packed that morning. Just the right amount of mayonnaise too, just a touch
too much. But it looked anything but appetizing. *I just want to go home. I
just want to sleep. But even there, I am plagued with bad dreams....*
Just slightly less than one sunset ago, she had felt much better. Laughing
at Usagi's protests, she had dragged her down the street, heading to the
public library. History was considered dull by Usagi, but with a weekend
full of Ami's pushing, and Luna's nagging, Usagi had actually studied, and
had gotten an unheard of eighty-six percent on her social studies quiz. How
happy she had been! And with the test the following Friday, Ami decided she
would help Usagi get just as good a grade on the test.
The pencil flew over the paper before her, calculating trigonometry
problems. Normally, the logic and the structured thought processes helped
her to calm herself, but now she felt much as a wind-whipped lake, unable to
move, but restless and churning nonetheless.
*I should have been faster.*
The pencil snapped.
Just outside the library, a pair of men were hanging a new sign on the
overhang. Banging away at the old roof, Ami laughed off Usagi's protests,
and continued to coax her along. Then the world had become ripped apart, the
foundations of the stable earth reminding them that even the most steady
things can become dangerous and volatile. The sound that concrete makes when
breaking filled Ami's ears, and then a loud crack. Turning her head, she saw
a piece of the roof's eaving fall, the lump of stone dropping like a falcon
to the ground, plummeting. Ami had only a moment to gasp, and then the
moment was gone, and Usagi, a bare step behind her, was on the ground,
staring as the quake ended.
"It...hurts," were her disbelieving words, rather than the wailing that one
would expect. Usagi was staring at her wrist, which was swelling rapidly, as
was her face, coloring purple from her hard landing. It had been that calm,
outside-herself speech that had struck Ami in fear.
*I failed her.*
Wailing would have been expected, sobbing tears, those would have been
expected. And to some degree, it would have let her know that everything was
all right. But the quiet shock in her friend's eyes worried her in a way
that no other could. How many times had she seen Usagi break down in tears?
How many times had she seen her stand up to invincible fear, and somehow
keep their lives going?
*I couldn't even push her out of the way of a chunk of brick. If I can't
even do that, then what right to I have to be a senshi? I'm supposed to
fight, and I can't even move my feet when I need to. Who would ever trust me
to protect them?*
For the first time since she had become a soldier of water, Mizuno Ami felt
like she was worthless.
The day ended at last, the school emptying. The spring was warming the air,
and outside the school, those who had some athletic ability were practicing
their sports, to the accompaniment of shouting and laughter. There were
clouds in the sky, but only those far to the west heralded rain, this the
most beautiful kind of weather, when the beauty is held at its peak, the end
of it just within sight, but still far distant.
Ami did not wait after school the way she always did, pausing by the doors,
waiting for Usagi to come bounding out with her endless energy, Minako and
Makoto in tow, laughing and talking casually as they finished the day. With
the peace that had descended these last few weeks, it was easy to forget the
battles. Normal, if only for awhile. Holding out hope that maybe that was
the last time they would have to fight.
It was an old tactic for those labeled 'smart.' Whip out the book, bury
your nose in it, create the illusion that you are fascinated by the words on
the page.
*But how much of what I know is an illusion*?
No one bothered her, of course. Reading was a private matter, and it would
be rude to interrupt. She had put behind her those that would snatch the
book from her hands, in the name of fun and friendship.
*How much of who I am is an illusion?*
Safely away, she rode the bus home, slumping in her seat, staring wearily
out the window, watching the people rush by, busy on their errands and
lives.
It was satisfying, to slip the key into the lock of their apartment, turn
it, and slip inside, shutting the door with a click. From the living room,
she heard the newspaper rustle, and entering, found her mother, sitting on
the sofa, reading, her glasses pushed to the bridge of her nose. "Hi, Mom."
Her mother looked up, smiling. "Hi, Ami-chan. Did you have a good day at
school?"
"Fine. How was work?"
Dr. Mizuno shook her head with a weak smile. "Same old, same old. An
accident, babies having babies, a broken leg. Any tests back?"
"No, test is Friday."
"Mm. What would you like for dinner?"
"It doesn't matter. I'm not that hungry. I packed a big lunch."
Ami's mother blinked, then glanced at the clock. "You're home earlier than
usual. Didn't you go out with your friends?"
"No, I've got some studying."
Worry began to fill her mother's face. "Don't study too hard, Ami-chan. You
need to get out once in awhile too."
"Don't worry," Ami kissed her mother on the cheek. "I'm fine. Really."
Braving it out, Ami smiled. "Just some catching up to do. I wanted to finish
my chapter in trig."
"All right. I'll fix something in a bit. I love working days for once," she
sighed, then went back to her paper.
Slipping without regret into her room, Ami felt better. *Safe at last,
within walls of my own decoration. Nice, calm, dark blue water, like walking
into an aquarium. Safe, and home, with my army of books lining the walls. *
Placing her books away neatly, Ami sat on her bed, and looked around.
*Safe. And much like me. But how much of this did I put on display to
enforce the idea that I was smart? I remember...when I was little....always
on the outside, always looking in. They thought there was something wrong
with me...no one could understand.*
And so she pulled out her texts, setting them into familiar places on her
desk, placing them in their proper order, and sat at her chair, drawing out
a fresh pencil.
*Ignore the doubt. Just do your homework.*
Numbers fell neatly into place as she worked steadily, with single-minded
precision and intent. The pencil scratched the paper, and she was glad for
the rhythmic sound. It was simple, to work and work, and ignore the feelings
that were beginning to swell up inside.
*How much of who I am is the illusionary girl genius, and how much is me?*
Dinner passed in silence, eating in her room as she worked. The senshi
didn't call, and she was glad for it, somewhat worried that they would. She
didn't want to be interrupted. Didn't want to face reality. But her
methodical mind kept bringing it up.
*Usagi is the leader.*
Insert pi.
*Minako is the second in command.*
Tap on the calculator.
*Makoto is the tough one.*
Carry the nine....
*Rei is the strong one.*
Push the glasses up her nose.
*I'm the weak one.*
Slam the textbook shut and remove the glasses.
Rubbing her fingers over her eyes, Ami buried her face in her palms, which
were slightly damp with sweat. She wiped them on her skirt.
*It's the same with the others. Chibi-Usa-chan is Usagi's heiress, and
carries her own Imperium Crystal. Mamoru is to be King, always there, always
reliable. Hotaru has a terrible power, and none would dare call her weak,
physical strength aside. Setsuna is the Guardian of Time and Space. What she
does is important to everyone. Haruka....Well, Haruka is Haruka. And
Michiru....*
Ami took in the time. The digital alarm on her nightstand read 10:30.
*And Michiru....*
Preparing for bed, Ami slipped on an oversized jersey, turning down the
covers and switching on a lamp. The darkness of night had fallen, and no
traces of light lingered on the western horizon. She washed her face,
brushed her hair, whipping the brush through the thick, short blueness. It
was practical, to keep it short. Facing herself in the mirror, she appraised
her features. Round eyes, usually wide and smiling, looked worn. Brushed
out, her hair fell flatly around her head, clinging to her face.
*I don't even look like myself anymore. Older. Tired.*
She set the brush down. 11:00.
*And with a Sailor Neptune to be the senshi of water, of what use am I?*
"Good night, Mom," Ami called out. Her mother poked her head out of the
bathroom, toothbrush in her mouth.
"G'nigh, Am-han!" she called around the toothpaste. Ami smiled faintly and
shut her door, leaning against it, breathing.
*None....*
She opened the curtain that held back the night from her room. Stars
glittered outside in the heaven, peeping through the cloud cover. And she
wondered how many of those so far away harbored life, and how many other
girls looked out their windows with sadness, wondering what other girls on
other worlds thought.
*Usagi-chan was right in saying that earthquakes happen all the time. I'm
not foolish enough to think that the accident itself was my fault. No...this
is many small things. Overall, a feeling of uselessness. What good am I as a
senshi? I contribute some intelligence. That's all. Is it my dream to live
at court with Usagi and the others in the future? I...I believe so. All the
time, it seems more and more possible that it will truly happen. At first, I
was so wrapped up in it...at last, I was someone important. Sailor Mercury.
I was a senshi, and I was Sailor Mercury. I was something much more than
just the girl genius everyone saw me as. Finally, I was worth something.
Something real. Something important. Something special. I want to be a part
of it. I want to watch the world grow peaceful, and expand again to the
planets beyond Earth. I want to be there. I want to see it. I want to be a
part of it.
But am I worthy of it?*
And the answer that her mind began to whisper to her was a definite, "No."
Shards of mirrored glass broke around her in a display of blooms, and they
cut into the skin of her body, and yet they gave no pain to her, for this
was a dream, and it was not real, and she knew it was not real. And so she
did not try to fight it, but allowed it to happen, and the glass became
sakura, twirling around her in a lazy whirlwind of brightness, which
intensified as she watched. The light was surreal, and it filled her sight,
blinding her to vision, and she closed her eyes as she tried to let the
dream drift her away into oblivion. But the darkness of a sleep without
dreams did not come. Instead, she felt the ground beneath her feet, and
heard laughter in her ears.
"Come, come, you drift away on me too much! Is the sakura that lovely, that
you forget where you are?"
*Where is the darkness of sleep without dreams?*
"We're almost to the river! Can't you hear the rushing waters?"
*What is this voice that laughs in my ears, as though I know it?*
"Open your eyes, or I will begin to call you Sleepy!"
So she did as the voice bid her, and opened her eyes to see the world she
stood in. It was bright, very bright, and the sunlight seemed to radiate out
of every pore and fiber of the land, and the sounds of the trees brushing
their leaves against each other was uncommonly loud and elegant. There was a
loud sound.
*Cicadas?*
"You look at the world as though a stranger here! Come, let us finish our
walk." The girl took Ami's arm, and led her further along the path they
walked upon. It was well worn, and the imprint of feet marked it as often
used, though by few people, for the path was narrow and unpaved.
*This is both dream and not....what is this place?*
"How did I get here?"
The girl looked at her oddly, and smiled faintly, the movement tugging at
her lips. "Does it matter what this place is, so long as it is here? Come
on, there's shade down further."
Ami watched the girl, whose movements were so filled with grace that she
seemed unnatural. Ami glanced at herself, then the girl. Ami herself was
wearing her school uniform, feeling very odd in comparison to her companion,
who was dressed far differently. She wore damask robes of murasaki,
lavender, and several layers of it, deepening to a richly dark shade of
purple by the bottom layer, or furthest cuff of sleeve. Her hair was ebony,
but in the surreal sunlight, seemed to hint at shades of purple. It had been
bound back in narrow loops at the top, leaving a great wealth to stream down
her back.
She turned and gestured for Ami to hurry up, and she settled herself and
her package beneath the cool shade of a willow along the riverbank.
"Are you a kami?"
The girl looked up at her, startled. "A kami? Me?" She laughed lightly, and
Ami recognized it as the same sound she had heard in her dream just moments
earlier. "You never did give me a nickname. You may call me that if you
wish. And..." She paused thoughtfully, looking at Ami. "And if I am to be
Kami, then you will be... Kanashimi, for I believe that as of late, you have
been drinking far too much sorrow. Come, sit, Kanashimi-chan."
Ami saw her eyes, which were a most extraordinary color, lavender and grey,
like a clouded pearl, and still clear. Light passed oddly over them, and Ami
looked to the sky, where the sun glowed silver rather than gold. Yet the
clouds still obscured the brightness, and shadows passed over them, and Ami
saw hers fanning around her at several angles.
Unsure what else to do but follow what she knew to be a dream, Ami sat
beside Kami, and was offered a brush and inkstone. "Here. It is such a
lovely day. Perfect for waka, ne?"
"Yes, perfect."
*Waka? Yes, I've read those before, in school, for classes. A five line
poem, and was a predecessor to haiku. *
Kami drew out some fine white paper, though some older marking scarred the
back of it, signs of reuse. She placed it against a wickerboard, and began
to paint letters onto the page. Ami took up her own bit of wickerboard, and
pressed her brush deep in the ink.
Kami gasped in horror. Instantly, Ami began to look frantically around,
searching out for some enemy. "Kanashimi-chan! You'll put far too much ink
on that!" Was the exclamation, and Ami felt embarrassed, both for her
assumption that there was an attack, and for obviously breaking some odd
etiquette. "Unless, oh, gomen nasai, unless you planned on writing a sad
poem? It's just that it's so lovely today, I find it difficult to write out
something sad. So sorry."
"No, I...I don't know what I'm writing."
*I don't even know what I'm doing here....*
But Kami did not seem to notice her hesitation, or even the fact that she
wore clothing so very different to her own. In the eyes of Kami, Ami was
perfectly normal, and Ami even wondered if Kami thought she was someone
else. This 'Kanashimi' person, maybe.
"Ah, there are days I am uninspired as well. I try to keep imaginative, yet
sometimes my thoughts run dry. If only thought was as strong as the river,
always continuing and changing." Kami looked at the expanse before them,
which was rolling with a steady splashing. "Sometimes, when it rains, the
river overflows, and this is all submerged," Kami stated, placing a hand on
the ground. "Sometimes, when my thoughts dry up, I copy out the Lotus Sutra.
It steadies me. Perhaps you should try."
*But don't know the Lotus Sutra....I don't know anything at all....*
She took up the bamboo brush regardless of this, and to her surprise, found
the characters came to her hand without a thought.
They spent much time this way, and Ami cast a glance to the shadows to tell
the time. During all this they never moved. Her shadows remained gathered
around her, even though the shadow about the tree moved with the silver
sunlight. Kami's, though, stretched in a single long line forward, as
through reaching for the river before them.
It was hours, Ami believed, but wasn't sure, that they sat there, copying
out waka and sutra. And she did feel better, without the rush of school, or
the questioning of others looking over her shoulder. The steady sweep of the
brush, up, down, and back and forth.
"Don't overload the brush," Kami had warned. "Too much, and you waste ink
and make your paper messy. Not enough, and it is faded, and it suggests that
your mind was elsewhere, or that you do not care enough to be careful."
Ami appraised her work, strangely knowing that it was complete. She glanced
at Kami's work over the sweep of her hair.
Yo no naka wo nani nagekamashi yamazakura hana miru hodo no kokoro
narisheba
*I don't...the words...the dialect...something is off....*
Kami noticed her interest. "Is everything all right, Kanashimi-chan?"
"Your poem. I-"
Kami smiled and looked at her work. "I do love this poem. Is it not
beautiful?"
Unsure of what to say, Ami agreed.
There was the sound of a windchime ringing in the wind, and she heard Kami
gasp. This time, Ami did not worry about any youma that may attack...this
place was safe, surely. But it was this time that Kami seemed alarmed. "You
must go! It is late! The storm is coming! We shouldn't get caught out in
it."
"Storm?" Looking to the crystalline sky, Ami was confused.
"Can't you hear the wind?" And Kami did seem to be caught in a whirlwind,
her robes being caught up as she scurried to gather her things. "Can't you
smell the rain?"
*No...not at all....*
And then there was lightning in the sky, and it split down between them,
and Ami found herself looking out the opened window from her bed, the covers
clasped in her hands. There was rain sleeting down the pane of glass, and
her heart pounded heavily in her chest. She scrambled for the phone, and
typed in the first three numbers to call Rei.
*Of any of us, she knows the most about dreams and kami....*
But by the fourth digit, she stopped, and replaced the phone in its cradle.
It was three in the morning; Rei wouldn't appreciate being woken up for a
bad dream...and in fact, it wasn't even that bad. Other than the startlement
at the end, Ami felt calm. She sat back on her bed, and breathed a few
times. Thinking of something, she hurried to her desk, and scribbled down
several words. Folding the paper, she tucked it in her bookbag, and then
settled in for a sleep void of dreams.
If Ami had appeared distant the day before, she was just as distracted that
day. The other Inners fretted over her silence. It was not so much that it
was unusual for her to be quiet, but for her not to join in their laughter
at jokes, or at least listen to their chatter.
"Ami-chan," Makoto asked as she passed out homemade rice cakes, "would you
like one?" She pressed the food forward, and after a moment's hesitation,
Ami accepted it.
"Arigatou, Mako-chan."
Makoto smiled as Ami began to nibble at it, watching her friends.
"And there's a new senior," Minako was saying, "and he's actually really
nice...."
To which Usagi bubbled: "Ah, Minako-chan! You need to ask him out!"
"I don't know...we're just freshmen.... Do you think he'd...."
And so lunch went much like this, as it usually did when there was peace.
It did occur to the others that they should ask Ami how she was, but they
believed she needed some space, and they were right. Usagi's black eye was
beginning to heal; the edges of the bruise were fading to a sickly yellow,
and eventually would return to the normal, pale tone of her skin.
As for Ami, she fidgeted the whole day, anxious to get out of school. Not
necessarily because of the sadness, and the desire to escape her friends,
but because her mind had latched onto a small mystery, and she wished to
unravel it.
"Hi, Minako-chan," Ami greeted as she walked out of the building.
"Hi, Ami-chan! You coming with us to the arcade today?" Minako's eyes were
worried, but hopeful. Truthfully, Ami smiled, laughing slightly.
"Gomen ne, I can't today."
Minako began to protest, and then she spotted Makoto and Usagi walking out.
"Usagi-chan! Mako-chan! Help me get Ami-chan to come with us!" She waved and
shouted. Ami frowned, not liking to be pushed. Minako would try to gang the
others up on her.
*They'll laugh and try to get me to. I just don't feel like it right now.*
Ami was aware of Usagi's grabbing her arm and beginning to drag her along.
"Come on! We'll get milkshakes! I'm so hungry!"
Exasperated, Ami sighed, "I can't today! I want to go to-"
"Oooh, Motoki will be there!" That from Minako.
"Minna! I can't!"
"Homework again?" Makoto asked, trying to help Ami pry Usagi off her arm.
"You ran out on us yesterday. Is everything all right?"
"Everything's fine. I just need to talk to Setsuna-san."
There were three puzzled frowns surrounding Ami when she mentioned the
Guardian of Time. Sighing with a sad smile, Ami continued, "Everything's
fine, really. I..." she hesitated. Mention the dream or not? Strangely, she
didn't want to share the vision with her friends. Rei might understand, with
her own visions, but Rei was at her own school, and not here. "I was at the
library, and I found a poem in a dialect I didn't quite follow. I was hoping
that Setsuna would recognize it more clearly."
Eyes blinked once, then they looked somewhat more relieved. "If you're
sure, Ami-chan?" Usagi asked.
"Very sure, Usagi-chan. Go on. I know how famished you are after school. Go
on!" Ami laughed and shooed them along. That she laughed, more than anything
else, ushered them away, and after a moment, they were strolling down the
street, oblivious to the world.
Ami took her time going to visit. She walked towards the outskirts of
Juuban, watching the people rush by her, the cars race along the paved
streets. If she listened carefully enough, the rhythm of the city pulsed
underfoot, noisy and polluted as it was. Though the streets were usually
swept clean, there was always a little garbage strewn in the crannies of the
alleys.
*Is it me, or does the world seem more real today? More real? How silly.
What am I thinking?*
At a bus stop, Ami sat and waited, the bus rolling up to the curb a few
minutes later, and she rode it out, watching the city become more suburban.
By the time she reached her stop, it was yards and flowers lining them.
Strolling down the streets here, the pace was slower, though still so close
to the gleaming city.
That the house was Michiru's was obvious. It was elegant, with a wide porch
and an abundance of flowers neatly lining the yard in geometrical patterns.
*But they would look so much prettier if given some room to spread....*
A pretty white house, with dark blue shutters, and wide windows to look out
of. Ami stepped up onto the long porch, knocked on the door, and nearly
leapt back when it was opened instantly by Kaioh Michiru, who was decked out
in an expensive formal gown.
"Ami-chan?" Michiru blinked, startled. "Oh, hello. Come in. Haruka and I
were just getting ready to go out...." Michiru frowned and glanced up the
stairs. "And they say I take a long time to get ready. Here," Michiru shut
the door behind Ami.
*She's so elegant....*
Michiru had chosen a black satin dress, strapless, and an aquamarine wrap
against the spring's evening chill. Her hair was pinned up into a twist on
the top of her head, and loose tendrils fell delicately around her face.
Glittering jewelry only added to the elegance of it.
"Did you need something, Ami?"
Ami broke her gaze, and nodded. "I need to speak to Setsuna."
"Mm. She and Hotaru are having dinner in the kitchen." And as if to enforce
her statement, there was the sound of rattling dishes, clattering against
each other. Faintly, Ami smelled food. Italian? Her stomach rumbled
slightly, but not noticeably.
Just then, Haruka came rushing down the stairs. "I'm ready!" She announced,
running to the closet, and grabbing her coat, slinging it on over a black
tuxedo, one of the stylish ones with the high collar that didn't need a tie.
"Sorry," Haruka apologized as Michiru shook her head.
"Are you having a concert, Michiru-san?" Ami asked.
"No, not tonight. There's a Noh play at the theatre. Haruka brought me
tickets last night as a surprise." Michiru beamed at Haruka, who grinned
sheepishly and offered Michiru her coat.
"I thought you'd like it."
"Well I do," Michiru replied, and took Haruka's arm. "We'd better get
going. It starts at six."
"See you, Ami," Haruka commented, and Michiru waved as they glided out the
door. Moments later, the sound of Haruka's car starting roared into the
early evening light, and they were gone.
Ami followed the smell of food and the clattering of dishes to the dining
room, where she found Setsuna trying desperately not to laugh, since Hotaru
was sitting bewildered with a large smear of pizza sauce on her cheek.
"Nani, Setsuna-mama?"
Setsuna could only laugh. "Hotaru-chan...." She made a motion to her face,
and Hotaru touched it, the tomato sauce coming off on her fingers, and she
began to laugh as she took up a napkin. Setsuna paused a moment and turned,
noticing Ami standing in the doorway.
"Michiru let me in."
Setsuna tilted her head to one side, the sweep of her hair falling behind
her. "Have a seat." Hotaru opened the lid of the box, and a swirl of steam
rose off the pepperoni. "Help yourself." Setsuna said with a wave of her
hand.
"Arigatou." Ami glanced around for a plate, and Hotaru leapt up to get one,
darting into the kitchen and out again, whipping it out of a cabinet.
"Here you go."
"Arigatou."
"Would you like something to drink?"
"Just water, please."
Hotaru rushed back into the kitchen, and there was the suction sound of the
freezer door opening and closing.
"Can we help you with something?" Setsuna asked as Ami stared at her slice
of pizza. "You look troubled." Setsuna leaned back in her chair as Hotaru
returned, passing the glass to Ami, and settled herself back at the table.
"It's not the Princess or Small Lady is it?"
"No, no, nothing like that... I just had a question. It's nothing too
important."
"What is it then?" Setsuna was frowning from behind the rim of her glass.
It was unlike one of the Inner Senshi to ask for help on a personal level
such as this. Though they always wished to work together, fight together,
they seemed to have different spheres of personal life; perhaps it was age.
And Setsuna had seen the shadows that were gathering around Sailor Mercury,
clinging about her. Taking a swift look at Hotaru, she saw that the Soldier
of Death also saw the shadows, since she was staring intently, but
unobtrusively, as though uncertain what she was seeing. "You wouldn't have
come if it weren't important, Ami," she set her glass down on the table, and
wiped her lips with a napkin. "You usually don't need any help."
*Oh don't I?*
"I...well, I don't usually get strange dreams. Actually, I don't remember
them that often...but last night...I had a dream, and I saw these words."
Ami rummaged in her backpack, which she had set down beside her chair.
Producing the slip of paper she had scribbled on last night, Setsuna took
it, unfolding it and looking at it, while Hotaru peered over her shoulder.
'Yo no naka wo nani nagekamashi yamazakura hana miru hodo no kokoro
narisheba'
"Murasaki," Setsuna said after a moment.
"You recognize it? I wasn't sure... Murasaki?"
"What does it say, Setsuna-mama?" Hotaru asked as she watched the paper.
"It says, 'Why do we suffer so in the world? Just regard life as the short
bloom of the mountain cherry.'"
"A waka?"
"Yes. Ami, you say you saw this in a dream?"
Ami was twisting her napkin in her fingers, and not looking up. "Hai," she
replied softly, and met their eyes. "Murasaki. As in the 'Tale of Genji'
Murasaki?"
Setsuna nodded, and leaned forward on the table, placing her elbows on the
top, and lacing her fingers together, placing her chin on them thoughtfully.
"I assume you've read it?"
"A modern Japanese translation. A couple years ago."
Setsuna tapped a finger against her cheek, and Hotaru asked, "Don't we have
that in the library?"
Biting her lip, Setsuna nodded. "Yes, in paperback. Two copies, actually,
one in the Heian dialect."
Ami's head popped up in interest. "How did you get one in...oh." She
blushed. "Of course you can get one from the 11th century."
Setsuna laughed a little, shaking her head. "No, nothing like that, Ami.
Just a lucky used book shopper one day. The Heian dialect is different than
that of modern Japanese. There are still many similarities, but over all, it
would be like Middle English to Modern English. The sounds are there, but
the syntax, and the vocabulary," she waved a hand. "different. It's natural
you wouldn't get it just at first glance. Don't worry about it."
"We were told about the Heian period in school," Hotaru ventured,
swallowing the last bit of crust from her pizza slice. "Shikibu Murasaki
wrote the 'Tale of Genji', and it is believed to be the world's first novel.
Sensei was pleased to tell us that the world's first novel was written by a
woman." Hotaru grinned, glad to contribute to the conversation. "Maybe I
should read it."
"Ah..." Setsuna paused, her glass halfway to her mouth. "Maybe in a year or
two, Hotaru-chan."
"Why?" Hotaru asked, puzzled. "I read lots of big books. You never stopped
me before."
Setsuna didn't look too happy, but Ami guessed it was Genji's infidelities.
Of course, Ami herself had been little older than Hotaru, but still.
Hotaru settled herself into her chair, and looked at Ami. "What were you
dreaming about, to see a waka in your sleep?"
"Oh, just a small dream. I was at a river, and I saw the words on paper. I
probably saw them before, and forgot. You know all the psychological dream
interpretation of the subconscious mind. I've read so many books, I've
forgotten what I've read, and now I'm dreaming about it." Ami tried to pass
it off, and was aware that the other two didn't really buy it, but were not
rude enough to say so.
"Well, if that's all," Setsuna began, letting herself trail off a little,
allowing Ami to continue the conversation if she so wished. Unsurprisingly,
Ami remained silent, and began to eat her piece of pizza, which was
beginning to grow cold in the air.
Hotaru broke the dawning silence. "How is Chibi-Usa-chan?"
Ami looked up, and chewed a little. "Fine, last I saw her. I haven't been
to Usagi-chan's in a couple days, but I'm sure she's doing fine."
"And the Princess?" Setsuna asked.
Ami became very still, and looked at her plate, and the moment hung like a
droplet of water on the blade of a leaf. Slowly, it fell. "You remember the
earthquake two days ago?"
"Two of my lamps broke," Hotaru told her. "Fell off the shelves."
"I was taking Usagi-chan to the library, and some of the casing fell off
the building. She broke her wrist when she fell, and has a black eye."
Ami heard Hotaru suck in her breath, but Setsuna was better accustomed to
judging her reactions, and made no movement. "An accident, Ami-chan,"
Setsuna told her gently. "She's all right, I take it, since we were not
informed immediately?"
Ami nodded miserably.
"An accident, Ami-chan," Setsuna repeated firmly. "An accident."
Looking up, Ami saw her face very grave. "Yes." She looked at the clock to
escape Setsuna's watchful garnet eyes. "It's getting late...Mom's home
evenings today. I really should get going. Thank you for the pizza."
"Do you want a ride back?"
"No, that's okay. There should be a bus soon, and it's not so dark yet."
"You're sure?"
"Hai, arigatou."
Setsuna and Hotaru watched her leave from the door, silhouetted by the
porchlight. Ami's head was down, eyes diverted from the space before her.
"Hotaru-chan?"
"Hai, Setsuna-mama?"
"I sense something of time around her. But it is unclear. Do you feel it?"
Hotaru nodded. "It is death."
"Hers?"
Hotaru stepped closer to Setsuna, as Ami disappeared from their vision. "It
hovers, but I do not believe so. It...echoes. Like an illusion. And it
clings to her shadows."
*Will the dream come to me again? Will I see the kami again?*
With trepidation, Ami looked at the bedcovers she had unrolled. She did not
even know if she wanted to see the vision again, though it occupied her mind
incessantly.
*Kami was beautiful. And she called me Kanashimi. Sorrow. Do I wear my
feelings so plainly on my face? Or is she seeing into my mind, and acting on
my own thoughts? Gods, how this makes me wish I have read Freud.*
It was with a sigh of resignation that she took up her literature book,
always saving the stories for the last thing to do before sleep. It was a
habit, in hope that the tales of distant eras and places would wander their
way into her dreams, and make them good ones. This time, though, the distant
place her mind took her was so real it was surreal, a painting breathed into
life.
And so it was that she fell asleep, her cheek on the open leaves of the
book, and the letters exposed to the light of her lamp.
Energies floated and danced in the darkness that swallowed her. It also
seemed that candles floated in the water, and long ebony hair that was not
her own writhed like seaweed before her eyes, tangling in the silent water
of the depths. The light of the candles leapt high, dancing in her sight,
and they rolled on the waves that she moved though with thought. The light
was drowned in the darkness of the water, but only until she surfaced, and
felt herself again, and air filled her and she breathed again.
*I did return, as I hoped and feared....*
Only now, her place was not standing beside Kami, and she did not know
where she was. Again, she wore her school uniform, short sleeved and with
her loafers. Sitting on a futon, she pushed back covers, and stood on the
tatami mats of rushes that lined the floor of the room. Light emanated
through the paper screens that were the walls, illuminating the black
silhouettes of both crane and willow tree.
As bright and light as the day had been, it seemed that the night in this
place was equally dark. Only her soft footfalls echoed in the silence, and
none of the bustling of a home was heard there. Into this hanging silence, a
song began to rise, lilting and with rhythm, breathing like the wind on the
grass. So Ami followed this sound, and slipping in through the cracked shoji
door, found a small lamp lit in a nearly empty room. Kami sat at a koto, her
fingers wearing picks, and plucking the instrument, summoning the tune and
chant that Ami did not know.
Her robe was dark, except for a bright whiteness against her pale skin, and
the single lamp flame cast dying suns of shadow into the crevices of the
room, creating deep hollows in the contours of Kami's face.
"You play beautifully," Ami told her when the strings stilled.
Kami hesitated, hand on the strands of silk. "I've been playing since I was
very little. Someday, I wish to play above the clouds."
Above the clouds?*
*"Do you play koto, Kanashimi-chan?"
"No, gomen ne."
Ami, feeling odd standing while Kami remained kneeling at the koto, came
and sat down across from her, arranging her uniform's skirt to settle around
her knees.
"A pity. Here, only father can play. There are only the servants,
otherwise. It would be nice, to have people around."
"Where is your father, since he can't join you playing?"
Kami shook her head. "He is here. But father is ill. That's why we moved
from Miyako. The priests believed that the air is better here, and the sickness
will leave him."
Judging by Kami's sad face and eyes that lingered on her koto, Ami judged
that she disagreed with the priest's decree. "You don't think so?"
"I don't know medicine," Kami demurred, lashes lowered. "How can I know
what priests do not? They intervene with the gods."
There was really nothing Ami could say to her about such a thing. If this
was a dream, then it would make no difference. If real in some sense, then how
could she intervene and change the course of this girl's destiny? The images
here were of the past...one from a future time may not alter the course of
history, though those in the past may ever alter the future.
"Kami...-chan, what is 'above the clouds'?"
Kami laughed, and there was a stir of wind, accompanied by a ringing wind
bell, a furin, outside Kami's door. "Kanashimi-chan! Shame on you! I speak of
the emperor's court, where the shining ones dwell! They live above the clouds,
above all this." She gestured at the tatami mats, the koto, the shoji and the
screens, the flickering lamp. "Father has been to court, and he told me how they
look and dress! He even brought me a copy of 'Genji Monogatari', that everyone
now reads. I wonder if all the men are so dashing there." She looked shyly at
her koto, and covered her face with her sleeve. "So sorry. I fear I will grow to
be an old maid. I want to care for father, yet...I still dream of court. It is
said that those who are gifted in poetry and song may succeed there, and help
them to gain favor in the eyes of the emperor. Would that not be grand? To sit
at court?"
"That's why you practice your music and writing, isn't it? Hoping to go to
the court?"
"Oh, yes. But..." she looked sad. "I should not say it, for fear of ill-
wishing. But I mean no harm by it. I mean to stay with father only until he
passes into the land of Amida Buddha. Then..." her eyes became full of dreams
and hope as she spoke. "my father's sister...I will go live with her, at her
house in Miyako, and hope to enter through good connections." She blushed in the
shadows, and hid her face in her sleeve again. "But I have high dreams. I know
they may not ever become real, yet I still have them. Is that not what is most
important?"
Images of her own nightmares filled Ami's mind; she remembered when she
had been forced to face them in her own home, when lemures sent by the Dead Moon
had invaded, trying to steal her dreams.
*And is that not what I am fighting again, right now? Only this time, the
nightmares are created by my own mind, not by some outside force. And maybe that
makes them all the more viscous.*
Kami was watching her expectantly out of her pale purple eyes, and Ami was
aware that she had a confused look on her face. She wished she could hide her
face behind her sleeve the way Kami had, but knew she could only lift her hand
to her mouth in a blush as she usually did, her habit. Startled to touch cloth,
silken cloth, Ami stared.
"You dressed much more nicely this night, Kanashimi-chan," Kami commented,
tilting her head like an uncertain bird.
Blinking, she held her hands out before her, and found they were covered
in long sleeves, cuffed at the ends, much like Kami's. Light blue, so very light
it was nearly white, slipped over increasingly deepening layers of darkness,
merging to a indigo so deep it was like the darkest depths of the ocean.
"What do you call your style?"
"Nani?" Ami was bewildered. "My style?"
"Yes, your dress. This is my nightwear, but when we went to the river, I
wore my mother's Chrysanthemum Rain. She made the pattern long ago, and I
changed it a little, for better style today."
"I don't know what to call it."
Kami took this very seriously, tapping her finger to her chin. "Well, then
we must name it! Ah, Kanashimi-chan, it is water, surely! You must call it
Whitewater! Yes, I like it. Whitewater. It suits you. Oh..." she paused. "Unless
you don't like it. Of course you don't have to call it...."
Ami laughed lightly, waving a hand to stop her. "No, no, Whitewater is
fine, and Chrysanthemum Rain was lovely."
"Ah. Arigatou." Kami seemed very pleased. She began to idly touch the silk
strings. "It grows so late. I am glad you came to visit. Ah! Kanashimi-chan! I
have an idea! Come look!"
Gathering her robes up around her, Kami scrambled in her very unladylike
yet still strangely graceful way. Ami clambered after her, used to chasing down
Usagi or the others. Kami had rolled open the shoji, and was looking out over
her yard, which was filled with fireflies.
"They like the trees just before the wood to dance, and marshes, since
there is water. But see how they come dance here? Is it not pretty?"
If the darkness within the house was illuminated only by the lamp, the
outdoors were lit only by fireflies, wheeling and spinning as they fluttered
around the open courtyard.
"Very," Ami murmured as the yellow pinpoints blinked on and off.
"Kanashimi-chan?" Kami gasped.
"Kami-chan? Kami-chan!" Ami tried to reach for her hand, but suddenly
there were fireflies streaming at them, sending their lights dancing and rolling
around them as she tried to push her way through the blinding swarm. "Kami-
chan!"
*I have to help her! Henshin! Henshin yo!*
"Mercury Crystal Power! Make...."
It was as though she drowned, and she fought with the tide of dreams,
trying to swim her way through the moment, to stretch back to the instant she
was torn away, to hold on. Too late, her fingers faded through the air, and the
dancing flames washed over her vision, taking her back to her world, to gasp up
out of the dream, sending her book in a slide to the floor.
*I know this is no natural dream. Kami does not mean to hurt me. It's
something else. Something sad and dark. Next time, next time I go back, and I
have to go back, next time, I'll go back, and I'll ask her what is haunting her.
Rei-chan. Rei-chan knows how to banish evil spirits. Something is hanging on
Kami, and I will free her of it. I don't know how or why I am the one to do it,
but maybe, just maybe, if I can, I can prove to myself that I am worthy to be
the Soldier of Water.*
Okay, end part one! How'd you like it? Mail! Mail! Feed the inbox! In the name
of Mercury, I command you to mail! That said, on to part two! -Queen
(
geocities.com/tokyo/shrine) (
geocities.com/tokyo)