Last Resort
Rating:PG-13/R
Chapter 1
Oh, Look! I have a rating that I ACTUALLY put there!
Why, dear reader, do you ask? This fic is based off of
sveral things. Two being the stories Crystal Girl and
I both wrote. She wrote one called 'Cutting' and I
expanded on the idea with a series using the inners.
Now, this one is focused on just one scout: Ami. I'm
not sure why I'm using her. Maybe it's because she
reminds me of my cousin who is just like her: shy,
smart and pretty. She is also sucidal. I am using Papa
Roach's song 'Last Resort.' I lay no claim to the song
or SM. Also, if you don't want to read depressing
things, such as this story will be, I suggest you
leave, NOW! This story is not meant to give you ideas
that suicide is the right thing to do. Coz, It's not.
It can hurt many people you care about. It's like the
pain you get when someone dies, but 100 fold. If not
more. How do I know what's like? Because I've been
there. I know what it's like to think no one cares.
Yes, dear readers, I AM suicidal. There, it's out in
the open. Am I now?...No, I'm not. But, I was lucky. I
finally realized I had wonderful friends and a caring
mother who DO love me. If you are suicidal, look
around. If you feel you don't have any friends,
well...Email me. I will be your friend, no matter
what. If it keeps you alive, then so be it. And if you
know someone who is suicidal, help them. Let them know
you care.
Cut my life into peices
I've reached my last resort
Sufforcation, No breathing
Don't give a f*** if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding
Would it be wrong, would it be right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight
And I'm contemplating suicide
'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
I never realized I was spread too thin
Till it was too late and I was empty within
Hungry, feeding on chaos and living in sin
Downward spiral, where do I begin?
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself and no love for another
Searching to find a love upon a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils
I can't go on living this way
Cut my life into peices
I've reached my last resort
Sufforcation, No breathing
Don't give a f*** if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding
Would it be wrong, would it be right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight
And I'm contemplating suicide
'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
Ami sat at her kitchen table, staring at the steak
knife covered in blood. Her wrists ached from what she
had just done. Luckily, she hadn't gone too far with
the knife in her arm.
Not having the strength to repeat her actions for
tonight, Ami stood with the knife, washed it off in
the sink and laid there in the sink. All the while,
the blood form her cuts streaked down her arm and onto
her school uniform. She knew her mother wouln't find
the stains. Ami was the one who did the laundry every
week.
Walking through the hall to her room, Ami's stare into
the space in front of her never wavered. She was like
a zombie as she bandaged her wounds, dressed into her
night closthes, brushed her teeth, combed her hair,
and climbed into bed. Switching off the light, the
last thought that crossed Ami's mind was:
...No one cares...
***************
Last Resort
Rating:PG-13/R
Chapter 2
I'm not sure how long this thing will be. But, There
will be NO fighting. Just ordianry lives, k? No scout
stuff. As I said before, this not meant to give you
ideas that suicide is great. It isn't. So, if you know
someone who is sucidal, help them! Or, if it's you,
get help. People DO care. Wheather they show it or
not. I don't own SM or the song 'Last Resort'.
Cut my life into peices
I've reached my last resort
Sufforcation, No breathing
Don't give a f*** if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding
Would it be wrong, would it be right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight
And I'm contemplating suicide
'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
I never realized I was spread too thin
Till it was too late and I was empty within
Hungry, feeding on chaos and living in sin
Downward spiral, where do I begin?
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself and no love for another
Searching to find a love upon a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils
I can't go on living this way
Cut my life into peices
I've reached my last resort
Sufforcation, No breathing
Don't give a f*** if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding
Would it be wrong, would it be right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight
And I'm contemplating suicide
'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
She walked to school, almost as if she were being
forced. Ami lowered her head as she walked past all
the kids she went to school with. If they spoke to
her, she paid them no heed. She walked past her close
friends(Serna, Lita, Mina, and Rei). She didn't feel
like being here right now. Which is weird because Ami
was the smartest student in school.
Ami took her seat when she walked into class. And,
instead of opening a book like she usually did, she
put her head down in her arms. Serena and Lita came in
and sat on either side of her and exchanged worried
glances for their friend.
Ami sat there, with her head in her arms, all period
long. The teacher was about to ask what was wrong when
Serena and Lita both shook their heads as to not
disturb her. The teacher took the hint and back off,
not once trying to ask Ami what was wrong.
During lunch, the girls tried to find Ami, only to
find out she had went home before third period. Her
excuse was she felt very sick to her stomache and she
had a headache.
They didn't know what to do. Ami seemed to be hiding
something from them. Although they didn't know what,
they knew it was something very serious.
Ami sat at her bed, eyeing the letter she laid out
everyday. Everyday, she would read the note and place
it back in the unsealed envelope, and lay it on her
pillow. Just in case she did succeed.
But, today for some reason, something stoped her from
wanting to try to kill herself. She didn't know what
it was. Was it...guilt, maybe? She didn't know why she
would feel guilt.
Then again, her reasons for wanting to kill herself
were also unclear. Her mind always fought with itself
as it came up with reasonings for her to both kill and
not kill her self.
*No one loves me.*
*But, Mom and the girls...?*
*No one notices me for who I am.*
*What about Greg and, again, the girls...?*
*No one cares if I live or die.*
*Again, what about the girls...?*
Ami's eyes watered as her mind kept bringing her
friends into the picture. The five of them were very
close. Lita and she had been practically rasised
together. And, through Lita, Ami met Serena and Rei.
And, through Rei, they all meet Mina. And, through
Mina, they met, now Serena's boyfriend, her brother,
Darien. Although not as close to her as the girls,
Darien and Ami could hook up on an intelectuial level.
Sighing, Ami pulled the picture frame she kept in her
table side drawer, out. Looking at the peolpe in it,
her eyes watered more. The picture held herself and
her parents. along with them was Lita and her parents,
before they died. Lita and Ami were both five in the
picture. looking at the picture longer, Ami noticed
she and Lita both looked happier then...
*************
Thats it for this chapter. I'm gonna warn you now,
this story will get depressing. No, Lita and Ami are
not going to date in this. They're just very close.
************
Last Resort
Chapter 3
Rating: PG-13/R
Disclaimer: I don't own SM or the song 'Last Resort'.
Cut my life into peices
I've reached my last resort
Sufforcation, No breathing
Don't give a f*** if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding
Would it be wrong, would it be right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight
And I'm contemplating suicide
'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
I never realized I was spread too thin
Till it was too late and I was empty within
Hungry, feeding on chaos and living in sin
Downward spiral, where do I begin?
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself and no love for another
Searching to find a love upon a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils
I can't go on living this way
Cut my life into peices
I've reached my last resort
Sufforcation, No breathing
Don't give a f*** if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding
Would it be wrong, would it be right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight
And I'm contemplating suicide
'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
...Lita couldn't take much more of this... Ami had
been gone from school for alomost a week. Since she
had seen her in class that last Thursday...Lita hadn't
seen her since. Neither had anyone else.
The others were starting to get worried, too. No one
had seen nor heard from here in the past week. Rei,
being a shinto preistess, did a fire reading. Although
she found out Ami had been home the whole time, Rei
also sensed something else. But, something in side
Ami's spirt had prevented Rei from telling what it
was. All she knew was that it was dangerous and if
they didn't figure out what it was soon, Ami would
die.
Lita had to get to Ami, FAST. Running from school that
afternoon, Lita didn't stop to say 'hi' to Ken as she
passed him. The others knew where she was going,
however. They wanted to go with Lita, but something
made them stop and just let Lita go alone.
Racing up the stars of the apartment building Ami
lived in(the elevator seemed to be taking to long, for
Lita's taste), the only thing that Lita could think
was 'I gotta get to Ami...I gotta get to Ami...I gotta
get to Ami...'
Reaching Ami's floor and knocking on the door as if
she were trying to break it down, Lita waited for an
answer. Finally getting one, it turned out it wasn't
the person she wanted. It was Ami's mother, Dr.
Mizuno.
"Hello, Lita," she said, almost worried. "Is Ami with
you?"
Lita looked at her dumbstruck. What was going on with
Ami? "No, she's not. I came over in hopes of finding
her here. Did you know that she hasn't been at school
at ALL this week?"
Dr.Mizuno's face paled. "I thought she had been going.
she'd tell me goodbye and then leave with all her
school things. Then, like always, she'd be home before
me, studying. But, today, her school things were still
here, as was her school uniform. She was gone before I
woke up this morning." Dr. Mizuno's voice now sounded
desprate, "Lita, where is she!?"
Lita didn't know. she could only shake her head as she
thought of Ami runnig away. The next thought that ran
through her mind was why? Why would she WANT to run
away? Not being able to answer her question, Lita
remained silent. They stood there in the hall until
Dr. Mizuno told Lita to go home and get some rest.
She was going to call the cops and file a missing
person's report.
As Lita left the building, a thunderstorm began to
roll in. Lita didn't care... her whole being felt numb
right now. What would the frezzing rain do to her? As
the rain began to pour down, time all but stopped for
her. Ami was gone...Missing. And Lita didn't know what
to do.
As she neared her own building, she thought she saw
Ami in the rain. But, it wasn't her. It was another
woamn who lived in Lita's apartment building.
Lita didn't remember passing into the revolving doors,
going into the elevator, exiting on her floor. All she
remembered was standing in front of her door with a
key. Opening the door, she prayed that Ami might have
came here. But, the aprtment was just as she left it
this morning: empty.
Walking to her bedroom, Lita went to her closet.
Pulling out a pair of grey sweat pants and a black
tank top, Lita went to the bath room to change.
Pulling off her shirt and looking into her image in
the mirror, Lita noticed her eyes were red and puffy.
She must have been crying the way home and didn't
notice. Lita shrugged and coninued to remove the rest
of her clothes. Finally standing nude in the bathroom,
Lita turned the water on. A hot shower is exactly what
she needed right now...
When Lita emeraged from the bath room, she was clothed
in the sweat pants and tank top. She had brushed her
hair and it was now back up into it's orginal style,
but a little damp.
She went to the couch and turned the tv on. Sitting
there made her uneasy for some reason. She felt that
she should be out looking for Ami. Looking out a
window behind the couch, Lita noticed that the rain
had stoped, but it was still very dark outside.
Looking over at the clock above her tv, she realised
why. It was 8:30 at night. She had spent a few hours
in the shower with out meaning to.
Sighing and flipping the tv off, Lita went back to her
room. Coming back out, she now had on a pair of jeans
and a black tee shirt. sitting at the couch, she put
her tennis shoes on, walked to the door, grabbed her
jean jacket, and left. Not knowing where she was
going...
Lita walked around in the dark for a little while. The
cool night air seemed to clear Lita's mind. Her
wandering around seemed to have taken her to the park.
Looking around at her new surroundings, she recognised
this part of the park. It was the last time she and
her parents had been togeher with Ami and her parents
before her parents died. How long had it been since
she had been here?...Nine, ten years?
Shaking her head, she was about to leav when another
voice stoped her. Turning back and following it, she
found another person behind the tree, crouched down
and crying. Coming closer to the person, she noticed
it was a girl. Coming closer still, she recognised who
it was...
Ami.
=====
Heather "Lita" McCoy
(
geocities.com/tokyo/shrine) (
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