Night: That you could hate me so

"I'll be in hell, waiting for you."

He had told him then, in his last breath, even his last breath Kase had loathed him. Ken squeezed his eyes shut. Don't let me cry, please don't let me cry! Those soulless brown eyes, glazed and dead. A thin trickle of blood from the corner of his lips, the blood that Ken had spilt with his own hands. Kase... That was the backstabbing, doublecrossing traitor who had betrayed him so many times before. You're my best friend, Kase. The event of the night and the past few days were fresh in his mind, deeply implanted into the roots of his misery. "I'll be waiting, Ken." He stared at his own two hands, at the blood-caked glove that smelled of Kase, smelled of his hate. "I'll be in hell, waiting."

He ripped away those gloves in violent jerks, leaving the flesh beneath it raw, slightly bruised. The cackle of dried blood, the flash of white steel framed in black globs of... "For you, I'll be waiting for you." He crumpled to the floor, sore hands pressing onto the floorboard. It felt so cold.

'Kase.' Hot tears fell silently but heart-wrenching sobs seemed to bounce off the walls. 'I wish I could hate you. I wish...'

So lost in lamenting guilt was he that the boy did not realize when another had entered his room, closing the door softly behind him. The older boy approached the oblivious youth soundlessly, the darkness casting fantastic blue shadows against his red hair. 'Ken.' His voice was mindfully low as he addresses the crying boy.

Ken looked up to the source of the sound; his tears blurred his vision, as the blackness played tricks with his mind. The figure said to him, "Ken, I told you I'd be waiting." Without thinking, he flung himself at the man who's life he had, just hours ago, ended and held on tight. 'Kase!' He heard Kase gasp in surprise, felt the sudden tensing of muscles relax. Ken felt like laughing and crying at the same time, so he did. He as in hell after all, he had said as much, and Kase was with him. 'I can't hate you! I can't ever hate you! Kase, oh Kase!'

Aya said nothing. His right hand found the boy's shoulder; his left slid round Ken's slender waist. He held the boy tightly close as if he wanted to pull that slight frame inside of himself. 'Ken,' that gentle voice filled with weakly concealed bitterness. 'He's dead, Ken. Kase's dead.' Ken refused to believe, refused, for once, to face the truth. 'Kase's dead! Ken, you killed him!'

The dream shattered, its falling pieces wedging themselves deeply into his heart. The youth released his hold, turning to see violet, not brown, eyes staring back at him in the dark. His own eyes shied away from that searching gaze. It isn't Kase. It's 'Aya...'

Ken felt like a fool.

As always, the redhead just watched him. He took note of every little detail on Ken's face, his body language. He loosened his grip on the boy and Ken moved away from him, wearily resigning to the safety of his bed. He just sat at the edge of the bed, his eyes glazed over as if he saw nothing, but once again, he was reliving the past.

"Kase, did you see that shot?" "That was some game, huh, Kase?" "Kase, I've misses you so much!" "I care about you. Kase, it's dangerous!" "I want to hate you, Kase, but I can't."

'Kase...'

'Does he mean so much to you?'

Silence. Ken blinked, his sea green eyes focusing on violet ones. He did not know for he had even more questions in his mind. 'Why can't I hate him?' Does he even understand? Why would he care anyway? He was half expecting a sensible answer from Aya, if anything at all, but the boy just looked back at him with that piercing gaze, softly commanding him to pour his heart out. 'He's hated me from the very start. He ended my career in the J-league, tried to kill me not once, or twice, but three times. Even to his death, he had never stopped lying to me, never honestly took me as a friend, and yet I can't hate him back. I can't find it in my heart to hate him back!' He looked out the window, at that starless sky. There was a full moon tonight, but now he saw nothing. A tide of painful sadness washed over him. 'Why?'

Aya knelt before him, a hand reaching up to bring the boy's face back to him. 'Because you're a better person then he is.' Tempest tossed eyes looked back at him, unbelieving. 'You're a hot blooded, talented youth with a strong sense of justice and loyalty. Kase saw that you are everything he was not, everything he could never hope to be.'

Those eyes flashed with fury. 'You didn't know Kase!' The boy was quick to defend the honor of the man he still thought of as his friend, his best friend.

'Did you?' He rested his hand on the boy's knee.

'I... I thought I did... once...'

His voice died below a whisper before Aya continued. 'It was jealousy. You were the best J-league goalie I've seen by far. Kase never even made it to the first team, as I recall.'

'You like soccer, Aya-kun?'

'I used to... watch with my family...' A painful expression crossed the redhead's face, but he quickly grew serious again. 'Anyway, we aren't here to discuss my past. Right now, you're more important.'

'Aya-kun, I'm fine.' He looked down and tried to smile. He hoped he sounded convincing but Aya glared back at him flatly. Damn.

'Ken-kun, you're not a good liar.'

Double damn.

He searched Aya's face and another question occured to his mind. 'Why,' He began. 'Why do you bother with me? I'm not worth the time.'

Aya sighed and stood up, stretching his legs again. He sat down on the bed by Ken. 'Why do you think that?'

"Why won't you die?"

'I'll go to hell anyway, so it doesn't matter.'

'Do you think you'll like it there?' "I hate hell."

The room was completely silent, save for the shallow intake of breaths. The unspoken answer hung in the night air. "I hate hell."

'Don't tell me that crap about how you deserve it, Ken, because you don't.' He suddenly grabbed the younger boy's arms. 'If anyone deserves to go to hell it would be that fucking creep who's tried to kill you three times and was stupid enough to fail in every attempt! After all the pain he's made you live through I don't even understand how he can still have your friendship that I long for so much!' Ken was awestruck by the older boy's amazing bluntness of speech, but Aya was surprised that he had allowed his personal opinions slip past his lips.

'Aya-kun,' Ken actually smiled at him. Unable to bear the intensity of his gaze, Aya looked away from Ken, his hands slipping to his side. 'You have my friendship.' He felt a warm hand caress his fingers. Aya turned to see the boy's laughing green eyes. Ken's smiling face infected him.

Aya smiled back at him and Ken felt a warmth sweep away the coldness that had settled in his heart. This is the first time I've seen you smile. Outside, the clouds drifted slowly on the wind. The full moon shone brightly into his room once more.

'You know what?'

Silence.

'If I ever ended up there, I'd drive Kase to hell.'

Notes:

^_^ I like this one. I write it in one night... er, morning... whatever... about three times. Done on: 16th July, 99