Tokyo-3 Baby-sitters

Written by Alain Gravel

Story based on characters created by and copyright GAINAX
Started on June 30th 2000
First pre-reader draft finished on November 14th 2000
Second pre-reader draft finished on March 7th 2001
Final draft finished on March 20th 2001

Chapter 6 - A walk to the park

    Ayanami Rei felt... lost.
    When she had made the decision to skip school to take care of Shinji, it had seemed like the right thing to do. Despite all that had been taught to her by Commander Ikari, she knew this was her place, even if only for a short amount of time. She couldn't explain it, it was just something that she knew deep down.
    Never before in her life had she felt something this strongly. In fact, it occurred to her that she never had any thoughts of her own before Ikari Shinji had appeared in her life. At first, she had rationalized that this was because she was a soldier of sorts, and soldiers didn't need to think by themselves, only obey orders.
    But she no longer felt like a soldier.
    So, she now found herself... on her own. There was no longer a routine for her to follow. Even before, when she started helping the Major take care of the baby, it hadn't caused extreme changes to her way of life. She still woke up at the same time, went to school, left school, did her homework and slept. Taking care of the child was an addition, but it didn't disturb her daily routine too much.
    But now she had chosen to break it.
    That being so, she had no idea on how to proceed with her day, and this made her uneasy and confused. To make matters worse, Major Katsuragi had taken this opportunity to finally escape the apartment. While the Major very much enjoyed taking care of Shinji, being forced to stay in the apartment was, in her own words, slowly driving her crazy. With the Major gone, Rei found herself without anyone to ask for advice about her current situation.
    For a moment, she had figured that she could simply take care of the baby's needs and do nothing between each task. It wouldn't, after all, be much different than her usual days in school where all she would do was spend the day looking outside. But she eventually changed her mind. After all, what would be the point of making such a change in her life if, in the end, it remained almost the same?
    But as she thought again about those days in school, an idea slowly came to her. She could remember a feeling, one that she had refused so far to admit. A longing. A longing to be out there, free, to feel the sun, wind and rain against her skin. To be part of that world out there, if only for an instant. Not to be bound by duty and fate, but to simply be, without any other purpose than her own existence.
    The idea became more substantial as she stared at the stroller which had been put in a corner of the living room, and had stayed there, unused until now. And a smile grew on the girl's face.

    A worried look on her face, Horaki Hikari watched her friend Sohryu Asuka Langley. The class representative hadn't been able to clear her mind of the feeling that something was wrong with the Evangelion pilot. Her behavior at breakfast. How cheerful she had been on her way to school, and even before classes had begun. Kensuke had almost suffered from a heart attack when the German girl gave him a cheerful welcome into class. Even now, he was still taking paranoid glances at the redhead every five minutes or so. There wasn't, however, much for him to see, as Asuka's cheerful attitude had now faded like snow in a desert under the afternoon sun. She was staring into space right in front of her, almost as if she was able to actually see something beyond the class wall. Her previously joyous expression had melted away, leaving behind a girl that looked more like an empty shell than the exuberant girl Hikari had grown to know. Something was wrong with her friend, and Hikari was determined to know what it was. She had suspected for a long time now that Asuka was keeping something dark and painful buried deeply inside her, behind her strong and confident air. It was something she could recognize. Asuka's pride and anger were masks she used to hide things too painful for her to face. And something had happened, something that made it no longer possible for Asuka to keep up the act. The previous night, she had seen the true Asuka Langley; a scared and hurt child.
    "I won't give up, Asuka," thought the pigtailed girl. "I'll do what I can to help you."

    Lau Mei-Ling let out a sigh of relief as she sat down on a small wooden bench. She praised herself for her idea of taking her two children, who were now heading toward a sandbox to play with other children, to the park with her. Maybe now they could burn some of that youthful energy for a while, so that she might go back in peace to the mall for another round of clothes hunting. Her children grew out of their clothes so fast, if she didn't know better, she would swear that they were doing it on purpose. She shook her head and tried to use this opportunity to relax herself. After all, as she patted her slightly bulging belly, stress was not welcome in her condition.
    For a moment - she knew that she couldn't indulge herself for long, as she still had to watch over her children, especially her younger boy - she closed her eyes. The air was filled with the sound of children's laughter and the occasional cicada, as well as with the smell of flowers and trees. It was hard to believe that this park, no matter how little, was right in the center of Tokyo-3, a city-fortress in the middle of a war with dangerous unearthly beings.
    So, even if only for short time, she let herself be fooled by the illusion of peaceful moments before opening her eyes again and seeing the tall buildings of Tokyo-3, half of them dedicated to warfare, which even the tallest trees of the small park could not completely hide. With her third child to be born in six weeks, she realized that she would probably have to do what many other mothers had done before her and leave the city, in case the worst was to happen. She didn't want to break her family apart, even if only temporarily, but she could no longer put her children into this kind of danger. The list of casualties caused by the Fourteenth Angel was kept a secret, but rumor was that the shelter in sector 6B had been completely destroyed. Had the Angel attacked an hour earlier, she would have found herself in that shelter since she had been in that section of the city at the time...
    Her husband would either have to understand or quit NERV. If such a thing was possible.
    Looking back at the children, she noted with satisfaction that her seven year old daughter was pushing her five year old brother on one of the swings. He seemed to be competing with another boy to see who could go higher. After telling her children to be careful, she let her mind wander for a while, until she noticed someone coming her way, pushing a stroller. At first, she mistook the newcomer for a boy. The white baseball cap, the big backpack and the loose, dark blue T-shirt the girl wore did a good job in hiding most of the teenager's emerging female curves, but as she walked closer, it was clear that the person's face was too feminine to be a boy's face.
    "What a strange girl," thought Mei-Ling.
    While the blue hair was rather odd, Mei-Ling had learned not to think twice about the way teenagers could sometime look. She could remember a time when she had herself dyed her hair pink and started wearing outfits that would have looked more welcome in an S&M bar than anywhere else. She cringed at the embarrassing memory. What was strange, however, was the pale white skin and the crimson eyes. There was something about those eyes, they seemed too intense for simply being the result of wearing red tinted contact lenses. Maybe the girl was an albino. She had heard that those people had pale skin and red eyes. And it would explain the cap.
    The women's assumptions were close to the truth, since Rei had indeed put the cap on to protect her face and eyes from the sun, even if she wasn't technically albino. The fact was that Rei could actually take as much sun as she wanted without ever fearing sunburn, unlike what people tended to think. Her vision, however was more used to dark environments, like her apartment and the lower levels of Geofront, so direct exposure with the sun was a bit painful.
    Rei was used to people staring at her. Her appearance had always attracted attention, so it was something that she had learned to ignore. But she found herself unable to ignore the woman seated near. In herself, the woman didn't look unusual. She was of Asian origin, with shoulder length jet black hair, chocolate brown eyes and not much taller then herself. She was probably nearing her thirties. A typical sight in Tokyo-3. What Rei did find unusual about her was her belly.
    Though many aspects of life eluded her, Rei wasn't so naive as to ignore how babies came to be. Human biology was a subject she had studied with rapt interest, and her studies had included human reproduction. She had even gone as far as reading several manuals on reproductive techniques themselves. Although she did wonder why some of those manuals, which she had found discarded on a heap of trash, had so many pictures and so little relevant text. In any case, while Rei knew all that was involved with human reproduction, this was the first time she had actually encountered a pregnant human female. The knowledge that another life was taking form within this woman was both intriguing and fascinating.
    Whatever apprehension Mei-Ling had felt toward the girl slowly disappeared as she noticed the intense interest the girl had toward her bulging belly. There was marvel and curiosity in the child's eyes. And maybe even a longing.
    The remaining restraint Mei-Ling had been keeping vanished and she finally stopped herself from staring at the girl and took serious notice of the girl's stroller. Or rather, the stroller's contents.
    "Oh! What a cute baby!"
    Mei-Ling had always been an extrovert. Second Impact had cut short her studies, but she hadn't minded at the time; her job as a waitress had been enough to satisfy her. She really just loved meeting new people. Even after marrying and moving to Tokyo-3 she had kept a very open life, usually going to the mall or other crowded places just to see new, unfamiliar faces. Only the sudden decrease in Tokyo-3 population had forced her to change that aspect of her life.
    Another thing Mei-Ling loved was children, and especially babies. Maybe that was the reason why she had a third child on the way and suspected that it wouldn't be her last. It was a dream of hers to eventually open a small private daycare center. Maybe she would after moving to her cousin's home in Osaka.
    The sudden squeal from the woman woke the previously sleeping Shinji. Rei looked at him worriedly, expecting him to burst into tears. The child yawned and then opened his cute little eyes. He first noticed the reassuring presence of Rei, then noticed a new face looking at him. It was a nice face, with a warm, cheerful smile.
    "Gah!"
    Rei let out an almost imperceptible sigh of relief at Shinji's apparent happy mood.
    "Oh, he's so precious!" said Mei-Ling cheerfully as Shinji giggled. The sight brought a shy smile on Rei's face. "He looks just like you! Are you his older sister?"
    Rei frowned. She hadn't expected this. She couldn't tell this woman the truth. But she didn't want to walk away or ignore her either.
    "I... yes... Yes, I am his sister."
    For some reason, the girl felt that she was slightly blushing at the thought of such a suggestion. Being Ikari-kun's sister...
    Yet, for some reason, it actually felt right.
    "Oh! How nice of you to take care of him!" Then the woman's eyes narrowed as she remembered something. "But shouldn't you be in school?"
    "Our mother drank too much yesterday night and therefore is unfit to take care of my... brother... this morning."
    Rei was no stranger to lies. Most of what people believed as truth in NERV were usually lies. She had observed how people like the Commander or Doctor Akagi could either omit or disguise the truth, for the interest of greater goals. But knowing something and practicing it were two separate things altogether. Thus, Rei made a very bad liar. While she didn't mind, Mei-Ling saw through Rei's words without any efforts.
    "Well, it's okay... I skipped school myself quite a few times. At least you're taking care of your brother instead of wasting your time on less productive things. I don't know many kids who would do that."
    "I enjoy taking care of him."
    "I'm sure you do. He's such a cutie! Could I hold him?"
    Only the suggestion itself sent waves of fear through the girl's spine. For some reason, the concept of someone else holding Shinji was... unwelcome. She had noticed that she had grown progressively uneasy even when the Major was holding the child. She knew of course that such a thought was irrational; after all, the Major had been taking care of Shinji days before she had herself joined the Major in this task. But she couldn't help the feelings that overcame her more and more. A need to protect the child and a tinge of jealousy each time someone else held him.
    "I... I..."
    Mei-Ling didn't miss the worry that came across the girl's face. For a moment, she thought about telling the girl that she could forget about that request, but that baby was so cute!
    "There's nothing to worry about. You see those two kids there? They're mine. So holding a baby is no new experience for me."
    Rei looked at the children. They seemed happy, joyful. She could remember once being that age. Has she ever been that happy in her life? Had... had the first Rei ever felt that way? She couldn't remember. What few experiences she had retained from the first were sparse, and she usually tried not to think about them. Some were... painful.
    Then she looked at the woman. Such expectations...
    It took almost all of Mei-Ling's will not to look away as Rei stared at her. Her glare almost seemed to bore right through her and look at her naked soul...
    "You can hold him... for a minute."
    The smile on Mei-Ling's face widened, and she gently took Shinji out of the stroller. So tiny, so cute!
    Rei gave her a look of approval as she noted that the woman did indeed know well how to handle a baby, probably even better than her or the Major. She watched as Mei-Ling tickled Shinji, who in turn giggled with delight. Then the older woman gave the child back to Rei, who delicately put him back in the stroller and adjusted his covers.
    "You take great care of your brother. I'm sure you'll make a great mother someday."
    Rei froze at those words. A mother. Ikari-kun had said once that she looked like a mother. Was that it? Was this why her actions and thoughts were so erratic of late? She knew within herself that that woman was wrong. She would never be a mother. But now that Ikari-kun was reduced to the state of an infant... Did she unconsciously seize the opportunity to be, if only for a short time, something that she was not meant to be?
    Rei's musing was cut short by the arrival of Mei-Ling's two bundles of energy.
    "Mamma! I'm thirsty..." whined the elder child.
    "Thirsty!" her younger brother cheerfully repeated.
    Mei-Ling smiled as she ruffled her son's hair.
    "Cheng-Yi, Jia-Ying, say 'hello' to the young lady here."
    Obviously used to this, the older girl politely bowed.
    "Hello, obaa-san."
    While Mei-Ling's daughter showed exemplary behavior, the same didn't occur with the little boy. As soon as Rei's gaze crossed his own, he looked away in fright and grabbed hold of his mother's leg.
    "What's wrong, dear?" asked Mei-Ling to her son.
    "Scary! Girl scary!" whimpered the child.
    This was enough to trigger flashes of memories within Rei. How children often reacted to her on the street. Fear, disgust, rejection. The teasing people gave her at the beginning of high school, before they got tired of her ignoring them. Monster. Demon. Ghost. Robot. Doll. Names that she usually just ignored. Because deep down, she could not blame them. She was different from them. Was it not in man's nature to fear what he couldn't understand?
    But this time, the words struck a chord within her, emotions usually carefully kept in check suddenly awoke.
    "I... I... I must go..."
    Rei ignored the woman's attempts to calm her son, or her words of apologies. It was something that she wasn't even aware of. The only thing that seemed to exist, at that moment, was pain, loneliness and rejection.
    And thus, Ayanami Rei ran away, pushing the stroller as fast as she could. Mei-Ling was already far behind when Rei realized that tears were ran freely on her cheeks.
    "Poor girl," thought Mei-Ling. "And I don't even know her name..."
    It was a shame really. With most of her friends gone, Mei-Ling often felt alone, even with her children around. Her husband was overworked, so they barely saw each other anymore. For some reason, she had liked this girl. She could have made some nice company. Not to mention that she might also have been a good potential baby-sitter.

    Hikari found Asuka on the school roof. The German girl had run out of the classroom the moment the morning classes were over and it had taken Hikari a substantial portion of her lunch time to track her friend down. Asuka never ate alone, and the rooftop had been the one of last places Hikari had thought to look. She only thought about it when it occurred to her that this was the place where Touji usually went, aside from the basketball court, when he wanted to be alone.
    "These two are more alike then they might think," she thought with a small, albeit sad, smile.
    She approached her friend slowly, giving her all the opportunity to react to her intrusion of her privacy. Asuka was laying on her back and staring at the sky, a vacant look on her face. Hikari noted that an opened bento was laying at her side, with barely a third of its contents eaten. This confirmed Hikari's guess that something was wrong with her friend. In the time she had known Asuka, she had never skipped a meal, except if it was made by her guardian, and usually, when those rare occurrences happened, the German girl would find a way to tease/threaten/blackmail poor Ikari-kun into buying her a lunch.
    "Mind if I sit?"
    The girl stayed silent, so Hikari decided that it wasn't a 'no' and sat down at her friend's right. She looked up at the clouds herself for a few moments before trying to interact with Asuka again.
    "Nice day, uh?"
    Inwardly, Hikari scolded herself. Didn't she have anything better to talk about than weather? But then, she realized, Asuka was usually the one who started conversations. It was never a problem, it almost seemed that the Evangelion pilot always had something to say, even if most of the time it was complaining about all the little inconveniences in her life. Hikari actually found herself at a loss here. What could she say? How could she manage to get Asuka to talk about her problem? The last thing she wanted was to be too insistent and rush Asuka into telling her what was disturbing her.
    "What do you want?" Asuka finally said as she raised herself to a sitting position.
    Hikari smiled. It seemed that there was still some life in her friend. And if she had to choose, an annoyed Asuka was better than an unemotional one. Also, this gave her the opportunity she was looking for. It seemed that Asuka wanted to get this over with. So she might as well be direct herself.
    "What's wrong Asuka? You're not yourself today."
    "There's nothing wrong. So you can just stop worrying and leave me alone."
    "Asuka... Don't even try telling me that nothing's wrong. I'm not stupid. I was there yesterday night, remember? I was the one who carried you home and..."
    "SHUT UP!" shouted Asuka as she nearly jumped up and glared down at her friend. "Nothing happened last night, you hear me!? NOTHING happened!"
    All around school, Horaki Hikari was known to be one the sweetest people you could find. Strict, perhaps, while in class, but she hardly ever got angry at anyone and when she did, it was usually short lived. But even Hikari had her limits.
    "I won't shut up! Something serious happened yesterday! You'd still be laying in a puddle on the street if I hadn't dragged you home!"
    "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Nothing happened! We went directly to your apartment after school! NOTHING ELSE happened!"
    Hikari had been about to reply to the girl's words, when something clicked in her mind. Here was Asuka insisting that nothing had happened the previous night. All day, she had tried to act in public as if she didn't have a care in the world. She acted happy. It finally occurred to Hikari that Asuka wasn't trying to convince her that the previous night had been uneventful; she was trying to convince herself. Something had happened and Asuka was trying with all her might to deny it.
    She was... trying to deny the truth...

    The older sister stood, tears streaking her teenage face, in front of her middle sister.
    "Hikari-chan... Kaa-san... kaa-san's gone now..."
    "NO! Oneechan! You're lying, you're lying! Mamma can't be dead!"
    "Hikari-chan..."
    Kodama tried to hug her sister, but the smaller girl escaped from her arms and ran past her, into her parent's bedroom. Her mother lay on the bed. Her eyes were closed, and for the first time since she had been sick, she seemed at peace. Surely she couldn't be dead. She couldn't! It just wouldn't be fair!
    "Mamma! Mamma! MAMMA!"
    The little girl tried to shake her mother awake, but without success. Because she would never wake again.
    "You can't be dead Mamma! You can't be! MAMMA!"

    Sadness having replaced anger, Hikari felt tears welling up in her eyes at the memory. For a long time she had tried to deny the truth, eventually trying to take her mother's place at home, to be her. Slowly, as she had grown older, she had finally accepted the truth, but still, there were times...
    Perhaps for the first time, Hikari now understood how her sister Kodama felt toward her.
    She wondered... if Asuka wanted to forget what had happened, could she really help her? What should she do, go along with her delusion, or try to help her face whatever was troubling her? Playing along with Asuka would be easier, but wouldn't it be more harmful in the long run?
    "Asuka... you just can't try to deny reality. It never works."
    The German girl just gave Hikari a nasty glare as the class representative got up.
    "You don't have to keep all this to yourself. You can't keep your pain bottled up inside forever... eventually, I'll tear you apart."
    "Don't talk about things you don't know about!"
    "Baka! Do you think that you're alone in the world? Do you think that everyone else aside from poor miserable Asuka is always happy? Well guess what?! That's not true! We all have our problems! And yes, there are other people who can be hurt just as you are! But you're just too damn egocentric to realize that!"
    Hikari took a deep breath and tried to clear her head. Shouting at Asuka surely wouldn't help.
    "I'm sorry... I shouldn't be yelling at you. But Asuka... I know what you're going through... I understand more than you might think."
    For a moment, it almost seemed as Hikari's sincere feelings were reaching through to Asuka. The class representative couldn't help but smile slightly. She might be able to help her friend after all.
    "Let me help you."
    For a second, Hikari got the definite impression that her words did indeed reach Asuka. The German girl seemed almost... grateful. But then, her expression suddenly shifted, to be replaced  by burning hatred. Before she knew it, Hikari found herself falling backward, under the blow of a vicious slap.
    Hikari had often pitied Ikari-kun. Now she couldn't help but admire him. That had hurt! A lot! She wondered how he managed to put up with it.
    "I DON'T NEED YOUR PITY! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
    Asuka left the rooftop before Hikari could even think of what to do next.
    "Asuka... don't run from your friends...", she whispered, as she touched her already swelling cheek.

    Rei let out a small sigh of relief as she set foot into the Geofront. It was quieter, cooler, and the air, despite being artificial, seemed cleaner. She knew of course that while the Geofront sphere itself was of unknown origin, all that was inside it was man made. What seemed like the light of a bright afternoon was only the result of a carefully planned projector array. The trees and grass had been planted by man, the huge lake near NERV's headquarters had been dug then filled with water by man. Life inside the sphere was entirely fake. But it didn't matter to Rei. She knew this fake world better than the outside one. And in the end, if she removed her shoes and socks, the grass under her feet would feel as real as the one on the outside.
    It was probably more fitting, too. After all, she herself was as artificial as everything around her. This was her universe, one she would probably never escape, despite whatever foolish dreams she may have the folly to try to grasp.
    As she thought back to what had occurred earlier, Rei felt great shame and a sense of failure. She had lost control again and had let herself be completely driven by her emotions. She couldn't even remember clearly how she had actually found herself on her way into the Geofront. More importantly, the incident had reminded her of her place in the world. For a moment, she had thought of herself as a real person, and had paid for that. While she was quite used to physical pain, Rei had never faced emotional pain in such a way. Now she understood why Ikari-kun tried so hard to avoid it.
    Leaving the stroller behind as it slowed down her progress in the grass, Rei walked aimlessly, Shinji cradled in her arms. She could have returned to the Major's apartment, but felt suddenly unsure that she could remain calm under the stares of people in the streets. She didn't belong there, not the way she wanted, as a teenager carrying a baby with her, and she was certain that everyone would notice now. They had probably noticed all along; she just hadn't cared before.
    "Ayanami!"
    The girl almost jumped as she heard her name called in a voice she knew, but not a familiar one. She turned toward the source of the voice to see the man called Kaji Ryouji. He smiled and waved at her to come to him. Rei complied and frowned as she approached him, perplexed by his actions. He was standing in front of a small melon patch and appeared to be sprinkling them.
    "Miss Ayanami, what a nice surprise, seeing you here. How are you?"
    Rei blinked. People rarely inquired about her well being.
    Kaji smiled, a warm very inviting smile. His gaze bore directly into hers, instead of looking away like people usually did. For the first time in her life Rei had to look away, and she felt her cheeks grow slightly hot under the man's scrutiny.
    "I... I am well."
    "Good to hear. I see that you're taking a walk with baby Shinji. You two make a lovely pair."
    "I... thank you."
    Again, he smiled at her. And while he kept sprinkling the small garden at his feet, Kaji's eyes remained on her. Rei grew progressively more uncomfortable. What was she supposed to do in such a situation? What had been that man's purpose in inviting her over? Were they supposed to engage in what people called small talk? She remembered her earlier contact with the woman in the park. She remembered how she had somehow desired to participate in a form of bonding with that woman. She also remembered how it had disastrously ended. But there were no children here...
    "What... what are you doing?" tentatively asked Rei.
    The man's face lit up at her question. Rei smiled lightly as she got the impression that she had apparently done right.
    "Good of you to ask, Miss Ayanami. What you see here is a hobby of mine. I'm growing watermelons. And since this may be my last opportunity, I thought that I'd come here and sprinkle a little bit. It's surely not as complicated as taking care of little Shinji-kun here, but watching those little things grow sure has its rewards."
    The girl gave a perplexed look at the fruits. Waiting for plants to grow was enjoyable?
    "This is a hobby?"
    "Oh, why, yes! And a very relaxing one. You know, if you hand me little Shinji, you could try sprinkling a bit if you'd like..."

    Asuka stared at the forest green metal door in front of her. She didn't know how long she had been sitting on that toilet seat, staring blankly at the stall door. Seconds, or maybe minutes? She wasn't sure. The only things on her mind were recollections of what had just occurred. The anger had left her as she had been running down the stairs leading to the school rooftop, leaving her with confusion and guilt.

    Misato felt good. Now, this wasn't the kind of good she usually felt after her sixth beer, but rather the good of someone who had spent a very pleasant day and was equally pleased with her actions.
    The day had started rather badly. Misato still worried about Asuka, and Rei's sudden decision to skip school had not helped a fast growing headache. But a good bath and cup of strong coffee helped clear her thoughts a bit, and soon Misato realized the advantages of this new reality. Mainly that she could leave Shinji in Rei's care any time of the day and finally leave the apartment for a few hours. Not just to do some quick shopping or because of a health care emergency, but simply to relax and have fun.
    That is, once she made sure that Asuka was alright.
    She almost hadn't made it, but apparently her short, forced vacation hadn't impeded her legendary (and dreaded) driving skills. So Misato managed to get to the Children's school with a few seconds to spare, before Asuka and Hikari showed up. Most likely, Asuka never noticed the blue sport car on the other side of the street, since she never gave it a glance and just walked toward the school building, a smile on her face and chatting happily with her friend. Relieved that her charge seemed in a better condition than the last time she had seen her, Misato headed out toward the mall with a worry free mind.
    For a change, Misato actually had some money in her account. If the decision to stop drinking had proven to be a healthy one -- it pained Misato to admit it, but life was more enjoyable without a perpetual hangover -- it had also been a good one moneywise. The Major could hardly believe how much money she had saved just by not buying any beer in nearly two weeks. Having managed to have Shinji's needs covered by the scientific division budget -- diapers and baby food were so expensive after all -- and with Asuka away, Misato had also found her regular weekly expenses greatly diminished. Life was good.
    When she returned to the apartment around lunch time to see how Rei and Shinji were doing, Misato carried a few bags with her, the results of hours of shopping. While she had shown some moderation, just in case she would have to meet some unexpected expenses, Misato had still picked up two new set of clothes for herself and two for Rei. God knew the girl still needed to let up a bit, and Misato figured that perhaps an addition to her rather bland... wardrobe -- if you could call a few school uniforms a wardrobe -- would help. But what made her smile the most were the clothes she had picked up for Shinji. Some were a few sizes too big, like that cute little sailor uniform or the plugsuit like pajama, but she just couldn't resist buying them. Besides, he'd eventually grow big enough to wear them, right?
    "Rei! Shin-chan! I'm home!"
    Misato almost shook with excitement, a smile threatening to split her face in two. She couldn't wait to show Rei what she had bought and to try a few things on Shinji!
    Misato frowned when no one replied, but that wasn't enough to damper her mood.
    "Maybe they're asleep..."
    Misato soon started to worry, however, as she found Shinji's crib empty.
    "Rei?"
    While it could manage to accommodate three roommates, Misato's apartment wasn't very big, so it took little time for her to realize that Rei and Shinji where nowhere to be found. Discarded on the kitchen table, three shopping bags and their contents were soon forgotten as the Major grew more and more worried.
    "They're gone..."

    Through a strange twist of fate, or perhaps a simple mundane coincidence, Katsuragi Misato wasn't the only person who was growing more and more worried with each passing minute. While the feeling had been plaguing Hikari since morning, it had been growing in intensity as students -- the very few that were still attendinng classes -- were one by one taking their places. It became clear when the teacher finally came in that Asuka wouldn't be coming back.
    Silently, Hikari cursed herself for her stupidity. It was likely that despite her good intentions, she had just made an already delicate situation even worse. Whatever the reason, Asuka was going through a difficult time and somehow... Hikari felt that she had failed her friend.
    Perhaps she was worrying over nothing, but still, Hikari couldn't help it. In the wrong frame of mind, people could do some pretty stupid things. Hoshino Yuki came to mind. The girl had been in Hikari's class since the beginning of high school and while she wasn't a close friend, she was a pleasant girl to know. That is, until the Third Angel attacked. After that day, Yuki had isolated herself more and more from the others and eventually blended into the class picture in a manner similar to Ayanami Rei. Unnoticed by anyone, Yuki had been slipping into a deep depression, and it had almost taken a turn for the worse one day when Yuki had been left alone to finish her cleaning duties. Having forgotten some papers she needed to give to a sick classmate, Hikari had found Yuki sitting on the classroom floor about to slit her wrist with a knife she had brought from home. Hikari had barely managed to stop the girl and learned later that night that Yuki had been dating a boy from a higher class, who had been among the casualties of the Third Angel incident. Yuki had been moved to her uncle's place in Tokyo-2 and last Hikari had heard, was doing a lot better.
    Hikari couldn't help worrying that Asuka might try to do something similar to what Yuki had done.
    "Miss Horaki?"
    The ponytailed girl blinked, and realized that the teacher was staring at her. She had been so caught up in her thoughts that she had forgotten her duties as class representative.
    "Are you alright Miss Horaki?"
    The girl felt her cheeks grow red as she realized that the entire class was staring at her. She got up and bowed in apology.
    "I... I'm alright sensei. I'm... I'm sorry, I had something on my mind. I'll pay more attention in the future."
    The teacher nodded and followed with his everlasting speech on Second Impact. Hikari sighed as people looked away to either catch a nap or do whatever they usually did when their teacher was rambling.
    Hikari herself was slowly tuning out the teacher's words to go through another round of self appointed guilt when a chat query appeared on the screen of her laptop. Normally, she would have scolded anyone who tried to used those functions of the class network during class. The fact that the request came from Kensuke's ID wouldn't have helped matters; she had told him time and time again not to use these functions for personal use. But a look at Kensuke convinced her to hear him out. He seemed worried, which wasn't a sight she was used to.
 

    Silently, Hikari touched her still swelling cheek and winced at the contact.
 

    Hikari gasped, her heart leaping in her chest. Did Kensuke mean...?
    "Is there something wrong, Miss Horaki?"
    Hikari look up from her terminal, to see the entire class, and especially the teacher, staring at her. She realized that she had probably been quite expressive in her surprise. Again, she blushed heavily and got up to bow in apology.
    "Gomen nasai, sensei! This won't happen again!"
    "It better not, miss Horaki. It would look bad for a class representative to have to go to the hall and hold buckets."
    Hikari gulped. The old teacher wasn't mad, but clearly disappointed in her.
    "Yes, sensei! I understand!" replied the girl, bowing again, part of her angry at Kensuke for putting her in this situation.
    "Good. Now class, as I was saying, the days after the Second Impact were extremely hard on those who survived. I remember..."
    Tuning out the teacher's rambling like the other students, despite how risky it was, Hikari brought her attention back towards Kensuke.
 

    From her position, she could clearly see Kensuke become uneasy at the question.
 

    Kensuke clearly went paler with that threat. Cleaning duty for a month was, after all, a punishment nobody wanted.
 

    Again, Hikari's heart leapt in her chest and she found it rather hard not to express that overwhelming sense of joy she was feeling. She knew that her cheeks were probably horribly red again and that again some her classmates were likely staring at her, but this time, she was beyond caring. She felt as if she was floating on a cloud. Touji... liked her...
 

    She clearly saw Kensuke sigh in defeat.
 

    Hikari blinked, trying to see if the words were real or not. Touji was thinking of asking her out?
 

    Hikari felt her eyes grow wet as all that Kensuke had written sunk in. Touji liked her. He wanted to ask her out. But he didn't feel good enough for her now.
 

    Asuka! She hadn't thought of her at all ever since she had started talking to Kensuke. And while she couldn't help feeling a bit guilty about that... Touji liked her! It was all so confusing, she felt like a mess inside, different loyalties and feelings waging war within her.
 

    Hikari was surprised to see Kensuke suddenly log off. Was there something wrong with his system? It was strange, because the school network usually worked well. Maybe she should mention this to sensei. After all, it had been a while since a check had been run on the class terminal.
    Hikari's thought were cut as she realized that Kensuke had just got up.
    "Sensei, I think I'm not feeling well. I need to go."
    There had been a certain urgency in Kensuke's tone and the old teacher saw no reason to deny the boy his request and nodded his approval, not stopping his rant about post Second Impact life. The boy then looked at Hikari and the girl's eyes went wide at what she saw. There was a sad, fragile and hurt look on his face, something that was definitely strange; the Kensuke Hikari knew seemed always happy and full of energy, taken in his passion of computers and military stuff. Then the boy gave her a weak smile and was out of the class.
    This peculiar behavior left Hikari rather perplexed. What was that all about? Then, she looked down at her terminal and the last words Kensuke had typed. Inside her mind, a few gears went into motion, put together the latest events and suddenly, Hikari added two and two together. She felt suddenly dizzy as she reached a conclusion. It might only have been a guess, but it explained everything.
    Kensuke liked her. Kensuke liked her and here she had been, showing him how delighted she was knowing that Touji liked her. Kensuke's best friend...
    "Kensuke... I didn't know..."
    For a while, Hikari stared at the door by which her friend had left, feeling like her world had been thrown upside down.
    Touji liked her and she thought she like him back. But Touji also now didn't feel worthy of her, if what Kensuke had said was correct. He was hurting, and hurting alone.
    Kensuke liked her too, while knowing that she liked Touji. She really didn't know what to think about that, except that she felt really sad and guilty. Kensuke was probably hurting a lot because or her.
    And there was Asuka. But right now, her worries about her friend seemed somehow insignificant, compared to those for Touji and Kensuke. She had already done all that she could for Asuka. Maybe her sister was right. Maybe it was time that she focussed on her own problems now...
    "Sensei. I think that there was something wrong with Aida-kun. I ask permission to go look for him and see if he needs to go to the infirmary."
    "Good idea Miss Hikari. You may go."
    Hikari got up and bowed for the last time that day.
    "Thank you, sensei."
    Hikari was quickly out of the room, looking for Kensuke. She didn't know what she'd tell him if she found him, she didn't even know if there was something she could say to him, but she didn't want him to be alone. He was probably hurt, and while she was perhaps not really the best person for him to see right now, she knew that she was the only one he had. He was very much like Shinji, or even Touji, in that prospect. They didn't have many friends.
    And then, she would need to find a way to talk to Touji. Maybe even figure out a way to visit him in Tokyo-2.

    "What do you mean you don't know where she is?! Goddammit, you're paid to watch over that girl!"
    NERV Section 2 agent Tanaka Daisuke winced as Katsuragi Misato tried her best to make him a deaf man. He was very tempted to hold his cellular phone a few feet away, but the situation was bad enough as it was without risking missing something the Major would say. So the man gritted his teeth and endured. After all, pain was to be expected in this line of work.
    "It means that I haven't seen anyone fitting the First Children's description exiting the building. Are you sure she's not inside the apartment, Major?"
    Agent Tanaka took the string of curses yelled by the Major as a no. And for once, he regretted being fluent in German and English...
    "Maybe she's somewhere else in the building, Major," he suggested, hoping to calm down the Major just long enough to call in sick and get someone else to relieve him. Something was telling him that staying at his post might be a bad idea right now...
    "You'd better be right... because if you aren't I'll have your sorry ass!"
    The man gulped as he heard the phone on the other side of the line being slammed so hard he doubted it would be functioning for long.
    Tanaka sighed. Most likely, he was in deep shit. To have Major Katsuragi angry at him was bad enough. But rumor was that the First Children was Commander Ikari's favorite. Now, if she was really missing... who knew what might happen to him.
    It was really a shame that the man hadn't paid much attention to that strange baby-carrying boy who had left the building a few hours earlier... But considering that the man had never seen Ayanami Rei wearing anything besides a girl's school uniform, and the cap she had put on had managed to hide her short hair, it wasn't that surprising. Also, being distracted by a hot looking American girl walking in the opposite direction hadn't helped any.

    If anyone would have asked, Kaji Ryouji would have admitted that Rei had truly surprised him beyond any expectation. The last thing he would have anticipated was Rei pulling out a picnic blanket from the backpack she had been carrying and inviting him to join her for lunch. Rei's bento was a little small for two, but it was something Kaji quickly fixed by choosing the nicest watermelon available. It was ironic in some ways; without Rei's appearance, Kaji might not have actually thought of trying out one of the fruits he had spent some of his spare time to grow.
    Kaji found the meal genuinely pleasing. Apparently, Rei's cooking skills had not suffered from her stay into the Katsuragi household, as they were almost on par with the young Ikari. While he had somehow expected the food to be bland, it had actually been rather tasty, even for an all vegetarian meal. But more noteworthy was probably the faint blush and small smile that appeared on the girl's face when Kaji complimented her cooking. The ponytailed man grinned; he didn't know exactly why, but something was telling him that Commander Ikari wouldn't like how things were heading.
    It pained him to admit it, but Kaji had severely underestimated Rei. His first impression of Rei had been that she was somehow just a pawn controlled by the Commander and that she wasn't really worth his attention. The girl's file may have been blank, but one fact remained: the girl had been raised by none other than Ikari Gendo, which immediately suggested to Kaji what the girl was a lost cause.
    But now, that same girl was sitting right in front of him, feeding a young baby and looking genuinely happy. She would probably always remain an introverted and quiet girl, but perhaps a normal life wasn't out of her reach after all.
    Even if the odds were very likely against the girl.
    "I see that you take very good care of little Shinji here. Katsuragi must consider your help a gift from heaven."
    "The Major did express her gratitude for the help."
    "But you're not doing this for her, are you?"
    Kaji gave Rei his best smile, one that usually had devastating effects over ladies. Rei seemed unfazed, except for a very slight blushing of her cheeks, although Kaji was uncertain whether it had been caused by his question, or by the smile. The girl was extremely hard to read. Had he been fifteen years younger, he might have found her to be a most interesting challenge.
    "I... I enjoy taking care of him."
    "Yes, it shows. I think you'll make a very good mother eventually."
    Kaji didn't miss the hurt expression that crept on her face, before it disappeared under the usual emotionless mask. He almost smiled, knowing he had found here the opening he had been looking for. They had talked of little things during lunch, and this was the first time he had managed to get such a reaction out of her.
    "You don't seem to share my evaluation, Rei. Why's that?"
    "To be a mother... this is not my purpose."
    "Oh? And what is you purpose?"
    The girl remained silent and started gathering her things.
    "I see... I always thought that Ikari had specific plans concerning you. I couldn't manage to find what it was, but I'm sure that you're a key element in this whole puzzle."
    The girl stared right at him. Kaji grinned. So he was close to the truth after all.
    "Rei... don't undervalue yourself. It would be a mistake. The truth doesn't lie in what Ikari may say to you. It's out there, for you to find, on your own. Think for yourself and decide by yourself what you should do, and don't think of having any regrets. The world is filled with opportunities. You just need to seize them."
    As he got up, after plucking up one last piece of melon, Kaji could see the conflicting emotions in the girls eyes, as two philosophies clashed within her very being.
    "It's strange. I didn't expect to say those words again, even less say them at this exact same place. 'Think for yourself and decide by yourself'. The same words I told Shinji, before he came back to fight the Fourteenth Angel."
    Kaji smiled as he knew that the mention of Shinji, the Shinji from before the Fourteenth Angel, struck a chord within Rei. Kaji was quite aware that no amount of words would be enough to free the girl from Ikari's hold; it was something she would have to do on her own. But to do so, she would need a reason to reflect on her life as it was. Kaji hoped sincerely that he had managed to plant the seeds of doubt into the girl's mind.
    The man took a glance at his watch. He had no reason to, but he felt that now was the time to leave the girl on her own.
    "Oh my... how time flies. I really have to be going. Goodbye, Rei!"
    "Good... goodbye."
    Goodbye... for a reason, this word made Kaji uncomfortable. As if it was the last time he would see the girl. It would really be a shame... in the short time they had spent together, Kaji had developed a liking for her. She reminded him a lot of Shinji. Yes, there was hope for her.
    "And at least this girl isn't trying to get me to be her boyfriend."
    Kaji chuckled, as he left a confused girl behind him. He took a bite out of the watermelon piece he was still carrying and chewed slowly, savoring the fruit's taste. Today, life was good, he decided.
 
 
 

[To be continued...]
 
 
 

Author's notes:

The school bathroom. This scene was inspired from Darren Demaine's NGE story, "As I Stare Into Myself / Strong Arms to Hold Me (To Push Me)". In my notes, I had put "Asuka reflects on what she just did", the 'she just did' referring to her hitting Hikari. To make sense, it had to happen in a short amount of time after the act. Which meant that Asuka was still in school, but somewhere where Hikari wouldn't think to look for her, at least long enough until the afternoon classes. While I tried to think of a suitable location, a scene from Darren's fic came to mind.

Here ends what I'll call the Hikari arc. Under Daniel Snyder's suggestion, I tried for a while to think of a way to expand Hikari's network conversation with Kensuke. Initially, I pondered on ways to have Kensuke evade the questions military style, but found myself unable to, not to mention that it wasn't fair to Kensuke's character; I mean, he has to be more than a military otaku, especially when worried about his friend. Then, it hit me. Try a different and new angle. A Kensuke/Touji/Hikari love interest triangle. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. For a long time, those two have been around Hikari. For Touji, we could have seen him slightly warm up to her in the anime. Why not make it that he was simply shy? As for Kensuke, it's not too far fetched. Hikari is a cute girl (more available than Rei), and a kind of authoritative figure he might like (definitely more available than Asuka). And she had a certain charm and kindness not to be ignored. So, is it too hard to believe that Kensuke might have feelings other than being a military and computer nut. What if, right from the start, he saw himself as simply not good enough to even try to ask her out. I mean, he is surely aware of himself. He must know that his passions are not very common and surely won't make him popular. He might figure that a short, freckled faced, glass wearing, military obsessed boy like him has no chance to be liked by a girl as nice and cool like Hikari. I know it's a kind of feeling I could relate to myself in my highschool years. So I thought, why not put him in the role of the boy with an unrequited love, with his best friend actually being the object of the affection of the girl he likes? I think it works. And I know personally that it can happen in real life. It's been the story of my life; married, going out with a friend of mine, living on the other side of the world or simply not interested. Oh well, the future is filled with new opportunities.

Back to the network chat, I found it also interesting to mention Touji's state of mind. In my earlier fic, "The One I Love Is..." I made him accept his injuries rather easily. It's nice here to mention, even if I won't work in depth on that, that this would affect him a lot, that he would, in a sense, consider himself as "damaged goods".

In case anybody asks, no I won't work on the love triangle situation I created here. It definitely goes too far beyond the background of T3B and one love triangle story was enough for me. This is simply to bring closure to Hikari's role in T3B. Besides, I'll have enough to do with the relations between Rei, Misato, Asuka, Gendo and, of course, baby Shinji to worry about that.