Tokyo-3 Baby-sitters

Written by Alain Gravel

http://www.oocities.org/rakna01/

Story based on characters created by and copyright GAINAX
Started on June 30th 2000
First draft finished on November 14th 2002
Final draft finished on January 18th 2003

Chapter 8 - Dreams of possibilities that could have been

    Clad only in her underwear the girl sat on her bed in the darkened room, her features lit from below with the sickly light from the hand-held game she clutched tightly. Her fingers moved frantically on the miniature game console controls to give life to the small animated character on its screen. The girl growled softly as her character, a female knight with red hair and crimson armor faced off with a giant spider.
    She didn't even glance at her character's health gauge as she pushed the attack controls. The knight leapt forward, slashing and thrusting with her sword and depleting her mana reserves with a string of fireball spells. The spider put up a good fight, resisting some spells and striking back, computerized fangs sinking deep into the avatar's digital flesh. A more cautious player would have pulled back using some of the magic to resist attacks and heal the character, but not this girl. As both health and mana was decreasing, the player forced her knight onwards, ignoring the dangers. A furious slash with her sword cut away at two the spider's legs, and as the beast struggled to regain footing the knight raised her hand and sent a hellish beam of magic right between the six eyes of the beast. With an electronic shriek the spider rolled on its back and died a computerized death, its body vanishing from the scene now that it had played its role.
    Without waiting for any recovery the girl drove her knight forward. A zombie was put to the sword a moment later, and a wraith was blasted back into darkness by another fire spell. Such drive left the knight drained however, while the spectral knight that rose from behind the next tombstone was fresh and undamaged. A few swings of its dark blade cut through the weak spells the girl tried to throw at it, and a dark blast from the undead beast shattered the red knight's armor and ate all the remaining hit points. The knight died screaming as undead hands pulled her soul from the shattered hulk of her body, and Sohryu Asuka Langley swore as she restored her last saved game.
    Asuka had bought the hand held game console earlier that day, as she found herself bored and unable to find Subcommander Fuyutsuki. When she had tried to go to his office she had been stopped by Section 2 agents, told that Fuyutsuki was away and to go home. So without anything to keep her busy, Asuka had opted to go shopping.
    The first night alone in her room had been rather hard on the girl. Sleep had been elusive, as the silence and calm of the small room seemed to invite memories of the latest events and make her brain work overtime. It was another reason why she had bought the game. She didn't want to think. She didn't want to think about Rei, Misato, Shinji... her mother. She didn't want her past failures to haunt her over and over again, the wounds of the past to torture her heart every moment she let her guard down. With the game, she could forget all that, immerse herself in another reality and lose herself in it. In the game, she wasn't an useless Evangelion pilot, but rather Asuka the Red Knight, right hand of King Nabbam, ruler of Kenyash, sworn to bring peace and justice to the land.
    Asuka played until the early morning, until her eyes could no longer remain open and sleep claimed her, a sleep too deep for the nightmares to disturb.

    It was raining.
    The promising light of the morning had been obscured by thick, black, angry clouds. The rain fell hard, the sound of its impact against the windows creating a strange, yet hypnotic, cacophony.
    In some strange way, it reminded Rei of the constant sound of piledrivers that would chase away the tranquility that would otherwise been characteristic of her own apartment. She was glad for the rain, as it drowned out the eerie silence that had seemed to envelop the Katsuragi household like a heavy blanket, even little Shinji more quiet than usual.
    Rei wondered for a moment if they sky itself wasn't weeping over the grief of the owner of this place.
    The Major had only exited her room for less then an hour in the last few to take care of Shinji. Even then, her usual happy expression had left place to one which would normally would rather belong to the blue haired girl than the purple haired woman.
    The last hours had also been hard on Rei, who had spent them either fearing the wrath of the Commander or wondering if there was anything she could to for the Major and failing to find an answer. Her worries were soon forgotten, however, as a familiar feeling washed over her. A brief but intense feeling of anxiety, as well as a longing, a calling. She approached the window and looked up toward the clouds, in the direction of something the human eye couldn't possibly see.
    Clutching Shinji tightly against her chest, she walked toward the Major's room, taking with her the cell phone she knew would soon ring. She shook her head sadly. Couldn't they even respect someone's pain and grief?

    What's the status?!"
    Misato entered into the Command Center, drawing bewildered looks to her. Knowing that time was of the essence, she had simply put on pair of slacks over her sleeping shorts and her NERV jacket; fortunately closed, as the article of clothing hidden under it might have been a bit too revealing for a battle station. What had caught the attention of the people present on the bridge, however, was the presence of the small child cradled into her arms.
    "What is this child doing here?" boomed the voice of the Commander from his station.
    If the Commander showed irritation, Misato gave him such an icy look that Gendo found himself speechless. Behind him, he heard Fuyutsuki chuckle and knew the old man had seen the same thing he had. For just a moment he had seen Yui, their son in her arms, glaring at him for having done something stupid in the presence of one so innocent. It left the commander fuming, but like those times, he showed wisdom and stayed silent.
    "Status?" again asked Misato, pulling the bridge crew from the daze of seeing someone stand up to the Commander and be able to walk away.
    "We've established visual confirmation of the Angel," said Shigeru as he indicated a sort of crystalline shape on the main screen. "This is at maximum zoom. It's not moving from orbit and it's maintaining a constant distance from us."
    "Unit-02 has already being deployed and is trying to get a lock on the Angel with its positron rifle. But the target is currently out of our firing range. Rei is entering Unit-00 at this very moment and she should be able to provide backup for Asuka in seventy seconds. Crews are already setting up the positron cannon at Unit-00 sortie point."
    Misato nodded in understanding and approval.
    "Will the positron cannon be able to breach the Angel's AT-Field if it doesn't enter the positron rifle firing range?"
    "Unknown, Major. Insufficient data," answered Makoto.
    Misato frowned. She hated not having all the facts. In her arms, Shinji was getting more agitated, but she tried to ignore that and focus on her role.
    She asked about the MAGI's estimation of the odds of the Angel entering their firing range. She could hear Asuka complain about their adversary's laziness, but paid the girl's rantings no heed... until she started to scream.
    "What's going on?" barked Misato, growing more and more worried as Asuka's screams intensified. The viewscreen turned to the form of Unit-02, bathed in bright light. "What's this?  An enemy directional weapon?"
    "No," answered Shigeru, "No thermal energy reaction detected."
    The doors to the command center opened at that moment, revealing Maya and Ritsuko. Misato tried not to stare too hard at their disheveled state; the hair of both was messed up, Maya's jacket was open, showing a 'Hello Kitty' T-shirt that wasn't properly tucked into her pants and the blouse Ritsuko was wearing under her lab coat was buttoned all wrong. The Major quickly chased away whatever thought entered her mind and focused once more on the situation, while Maya relieved the technician sitting at her post and Ritsuko began analyzing MAGI's data.
    "Abnormal patterns in psychograph," announced Maya. "Mental contamination is imminent!"
    "An Angel's psychic attack..." said Ritsuko. "Is it possible that the Angels understand the mind of human beings so well?"
    Misato didn't really care. Whatever the Angel was doing, it was hurting Asuka and that was all that mattered to her. She watched the screen, trying to think of a way to help Asuka as the girl pilot attempted to fire at the Angel and failed, then discharged the remaining of her ammo all over Tokyo-3, the pain apparently too unbearable for her to realize what she was doing.
    "Don't we have an analysis of that Angel and its weapon yet?"
    "We're working on it, Major," answered Makoto. "The ray seems to be made of energy of a visible wave length. It's similar to an AT field, but the details are still unknown."
    "How's Asuka?" Ritsuko demanded, her own mind racing to find a scientific solution while Misato worked on a tactical one.
    "Situation dangerous. Mental contamination has broken the borderline."
    And, as the bridge crew watched in helpless horror, Asuka screamed again.
    "No! I... Don't enter into me! No-oo! NO! Don't look into my mind! Please!"
    At that moment, two things happened at the same time.
    While she showed no sympathy toward the German girl, her screams of pain struck a chord within Rei. She pulled the trigger of the positron cannon, a beam of pure energy racing toward the target, to impact against its AT-Field. Before she even knew of the result of her shot, Rei had ejected the fuse from the rifle and was preparing it for another shot.
    At the same time, Shinji began to cry and the command center found itself shaken as a deep guttural howl of rage came from the depths of Headquarters.
    "What was that?!"
    "My God!" exclaimed Maya. "It's Unit-01! It just activated! It's trying to break free of its restraints!"
    Misato fell a chill down her spine. Not now...
    "Remove the child from the bridge," Gendo ordered coldly. "Immediately."
    Misato looked at the child in her arms, crying as if in response to Asuka's pain. Was... was Unit-01 reacting to him? The Major blinked as she felt hands take the child from her and she looked up to see Subcommander's Fuyutsuki's smiling face.
    "It's hard to believe it's been fourteen years since the last time I took you into my arms like that," said the elderly man to the baby. "Let's go before we upset your mother further, little one."
    Misato stood there, stunned, as the old man left the control center, Shinji apparently calming somewhat. What had he meant by Shinji's mother?
    "Unit-01 is silent again," announced Maya. "The eighth cage is completely destroyed however."
    Again, Misato focused her attention to the situation at hand.
    "Status of Unit-02?"
    "Not good. Asuka's psychograph is at the critical point."
    "Her mental circuit is now being severely damaged," added Ritsuko. "Further overload will be  too dangerous."
    Misato closed her eyes. Then there was only one option.
    "Asuka, retreat!"
    "No!"
    "This is an order! Asuka, I order you to retreat!"
    "No, Never! I'd rather die here than retreat!"
    "Asuka!"
    Rei chose that time to fire again. With the same result.
    "No effect!" confirmed Shigeru. "There's not enough energy to break through the AT field from this great a distance."
    "Output power is at maximum," added Makoto. "We can't get more power..."
    Misato tried to think of another solution... none seemed feasible. There was only one thing she could think of, but it was too risky.
    Rei voiced it for her.
    "I will forcefully remove the Second from the battle field."
    "Rei! You might get hit too!"
    Misato bit her lip in shame. She still hoped that Rei would go, despite not wishing for her to get hurt.
    "I will not be defeated."
    "The risk is too great, Rei," the commander finally said. While this current Rei was of no use to him, she was also their only hope left. "Descend to Dogma and retrieve the Lance."
    While she wanted to help the Second as soon as possible, Rei could understand the Commander's logic.
    "Hai."
    Misato was about to question the Commander, but she trusted Rei. If she was willing to carry out this order, then... Adam, EVA, Third Impact. It seemed that those pieces of the puzzle didn't really fit the picture she had made in her mind.
    "Rei... what does she know of all this...?"

    Defeating the Angel once Rei returned from Terminal Dogma was surprisingly easy. Unit-00, carrying a strange, red twin headed spear that Misato had previously seen embedded into Adam's chest down in Terminal Dogma, arrived at the surface. There, Rei left the Angel with no chance to react to her reappearance. The Lance of Longinus, thrown with all the might the blue giant could muster, seemed to pierce the heavens and tore through the Angel's AT Field as if it wasn't there. The Angel had been destroyed on impact and the Lance found itself on a one-way trip to the lunar surface, although Misato barely registered that last fact. There were other things to worry about.
    Which was what had brought her into Sub-commander Fuyutsuki's office.
    Part of the Major's mind took note of the efficient, tidy look to the room. Everything seemed at its place, easy to find and reach, as if their location had been studied scientifically. Misato noticed the piles of paperwork on the Sub-commander's desk, but also noted how different it looked from her own chaotic piles. She felt slightly embarrassed and humbled. The feeling was a fleeting one, however, as her eyes caught sight of her objective.
    Sub-commander Fuyutuski was sitting at his desk, but wasn't looking in Misato's direction. In his arms he held a happy looking Shinji. Misato frowned. Somehow, she had hoped that Shinji would have been perturbed by her absence. As she approached the desk, she noticed that Shinji's attention seemed to be focused on an object on a desk, a photo frame, an attention shared by Fuyutsuki himself.
    "It's strange, Major. So many years have passed, and yet I can still remember happier times with such crystal clarity."
    Misato blinked at the older man's cryptic words. She was about to ask what he meant, when he turned toward her. He seemed somewhat older than usual, his eyes showing a strange mixture of joy and sadness. Like someone remembering bittersweet memories. She ventured to guess that she probably had sometimes this look in her eyes, when she remembered some of the nice moments she had shared with Kaji. Even that straight thought nearly broke her composure.
    "I expected you to come here faster than this." There was no reproach in the man's voice. he was simply stating a fact. "You've always appeared to me to be quite the motherly type."
    "I tried to check on Asuka first."
    NERV's second in command nodded.
    "That would explain it. How is the girl?"
    Misato clenched her fists.
    "I wish I knew... I wasn't allowed to see her. They've put her in quarantine. Something about possible mental contamination. Ritsuko says that she'll be alright, but..."
    "You're worried."
    Misato tried not to snap at the man. She could feel her fears and frustrations rising to the surface again, threatening to overwhelm her.
    "What happened to her... what the Angel did to her... it isn't right..."
    The was a silent pause, as the both of them remembered Asuka's screams. Misato shuddered. It was one thing to send those kids to face giant monsters. There were risks, but the Children, at least Rei and Asuka, understood them. Shinji had seemed to show an understanding of that too, when he came back to fight the Fourteenth. There was the risk of death, and injury, but there was a kind of finality to that danger; and if they died then it was likely that all of humanity would soon follow their champions into death. But to be... abused... like that...
    "You're right. I'll see that you're informed about her condition as soon as possible."
    "Thank you."
    The two were silent again, and only then did Misato notice that Shinji was still looking toward the picture frame and was giggling joyfully.
    "What's with him?"
    "It seems that, despite what happened to this child, he can still, at one level or another, remember the people he cared for. And the sight before him is one he hasn't has the opportunity to see for a long time."
    Fuyutsuki took the frame and handed it to Misato. She gasped in surprise and nearly dropped it. That woman! She... she looked just like Rei. She was somewhat older, her hair and eyes were of different color, but... She also noticed the younger looking Fuyutsuki and Gendo. She didn't understand. Was that Rei's mother? If so, why would Shinji have acted so excited? It certainly wasn't due to the sight of a younger Gendo. But...?
    "Sir, what...?"
    The words died as the man made a gesture for her to keep quiet.
    "Did you know that the first time I met Shinji was when he was about this age? It was when I decided to join Gehirn. Yui was so proud of him. She loved him so much. The two were never really separated for long. Maybe that's why Shinji takes so much after her, instead of his father. I never really approved of him, but he had managed to make her happy, so I had to respect him for that."
    Misato stared wide eyed at the picture, as something clicked in her mind. She looked at Shinji, then the woman, then Gendo, then Shinji again. Was it possible that...? But if this woman was indeed Ikari Yui, then... what about Rei? What was going on?
    "Forgive an old man for rambling about the past," said Fuyutsuki as the child yawned. "I think that poor Shinji is finally getting tired. You should get him home."
    "Yes, Sir... you're.... you're right..."
    She handed him the framed picture, and he handed her the child in exchange.
    "Take good care of him, Major. His mother was ready to sacrifice all that she was in order to protect his happiness. This is how much she loved him. It's a fact that I had forgotten with time. It shouldn't be forgotten again."
    "Yes, Sir."
    Misato gave Fuyutsuki one last confused look before leaving his office.
    What was going on? What had just happened in there? She wasn't really sure. It was as if someone had thrown at her pieces of a puzzle that didn't seem to fit at all with the picture she had managed to assemble so far.
    She then remembered the Sub-commander's last words. Her expression hardened. She'd get to the bottom of it. Somehow. For Shinji.

    Her eyes were open, yet they couldn't see anything in the void of the steel room. With all artificial sources of light turned off, with no opening to the outside world, perfect darkness ruled supreme. Despite that... she could still see. Images, images of a past she had long sought to bury, images of a past viciously ripped from the depths of her soul and shoved in her face...
    A woman... a face that she had tried to forget, but now remembered with disturbing clarity... the ripped bed sheets that encircled her throat, hanging her to the ceiling. And the doll... the doll that hung at her side...
    In her place.
    The girl squeezed her eyes shut, trying to seal those images away again.
    And failing.
    Failure.
    She had failed again.
    That doll... that doll had saved her life...
    How could she face anyone again? It was there, on their faces when they looked at her. Doctor Akagi. Those nurses. Those nameless faces she encountered when returning to her room. Sympathy. Pity. How could she? How could she face anyone ever again? To see those looks again... perhaps from Misato next? Or maybe that doll?
    "I hate her..."
    She couldn't do a thing... she had stood there and the Angel had utterly defeated her. And the doll had destroyed it. Easily.
    She was unfit.
    "I hate them all..."
    Unfit to pilot EVA.
    "I hate myself."
    Unfit to breathe.
    Unfit to live.
    "Why Mama? Why did you leave me? Was I so bad a girl that you left me to suffer like this?"
    And thus they came. Tears, tears that had been held back for so long, so very long. They came in long soul wrenching sobs, and at that moment, Asuka knew that she had lost herself, lost everything.
    "Mama... please... mama..."

    The Major had returned to the apartment, only to leave Shinji in Rei's care, before being away once more. Rei suspected it probably had to do with the Second Children. As her superior officer, it was the Major's duty to check on her people, after all. However Rei had learned much the past few days she had spent in this place, more perhaps than at any other time in her life. The Major was not worried about the Second's abilities to pilot EVA. She had gone to see her because she... cared.
    Despite herself, a shiver ran along her spine as she remembered the Second's screams. It was well known that she didn't care much about the Second. To her, the Second was a constant irritant. But she didn't hate her.
    Pain was familiar to Rei, and it was something she wished to no one. Not even the Second.
    Sohryu, she corrected herself.
    "She will be alright, Shinji. The Major will see to that."
    Held in her arms, the baby smiled at her, as if understanding. Or perhaps he only responded to the sound of her voice. He didn't seem sleepy, and for the moment seemed quite content to be held where he was.
    Rei's musing was cut when she heard someone enter the apartment. She knew right away that it wasn't the Major. Misato was usually more noisy and she hadn't been gone long enough to have found Sohryu yet.
    It was someone else. She could feel his familiar presence, even before seeing him. She had expected his visit. She hadn't expected here and so soon, however. As he finally came into the living room, she couldn't help but feel nervousness and fear at the sight of him. But she hid it and drew strength from the child in her arms. She could no longer say that she didn't care what happened to her. She didn't want to die. She didn't want to lose what she had gained, those precious days she had spent with this child. But she had to do anything in her power to keep him safe. It was her responsibility and her wish.
    "Commander," she said simply, acknowledging his presence.
    "Come with me."
    That cold, commanding tone. Weeks ago, she would have obeyed without hesitation and question. She would have left what she had been doing and complied. Were she still be her old self, she would have left the child on the floor and followed that man.
    That thought disturbed her.
    "I cannot leave Shinji alone."
    No man can truly keep a fully unreadable facade. Aside, perhaps, from the Sub-commander and Doctor Akagi, Rei was the person who knew the most about the commander. She could tell from subtle but nonetheless present signs, signs others would have missed, that he wasn't pleased with this answer.
    "Irrelevant. You will come with me."
    "Are you saying that your own son is irrelevant?"
    That question had taken him aback. Rei knew, as it took him a few more seconds to reply than he normally would have.
    "Yes."
    Cold anger surged within her at that answer. Had she had been standing and had not held the child in her arms, she would have slapped him.
    At the thought, she felt a certain shame for having slapped Shinji in the past. It seems that, despite the two of them having been separated for so long, Shinji knew more about his father than she did.
    "Come with me, Rei."
    "No."
    Casually, Gendo placed his right hand in the pocket of his jacket. Despite herself, Rei's eyes widened at the sight.
    "You can be replaced."
    Rei knew fear like she never had before. But she fought against it, trying to focus on the child in her arms.
    "Will you remove me... right in front of this child?"
    The commander didn't need to reply; the answer was apparent, behind his tinted glasses. He turned and walked for the door.
    "Then this child is truly without family."
    Her words took him by surprise.
    "You can never be reunited with her."
    His composure nearly broke at that. Rei knew him well. She knew of his obsessions. And she knew of the cracks in his facade.
    "I have not known her. Sometimes, I have feelings I cannot understand, but I cannot be certain that they are hers, or mine. I have still much to learn. But I can tell this much. I am very certain... that she has loved this child dearly. More than anything else. More than her own existence."
    The reaction was subtle. But she knew that she had given him the verbal equivalent of a punch in the gut.
    "Even if you find her again... she will never forgive you. You betrayed her when you cast this child away. You betray her every time you cause him pain. Your sins are unforgivable."
    She didn't want to hurt him. Despite all he had done, he had given her life. But it had to be done. He couldn't stay forever blind to the truths he refused to face. For his own sake and that of his child.
    "I just want our family to be reunited again..." he whispered, in an uncharacteristic show of helpless emotion.
    "Irrelevant." Rei saw Gendo wince as she used on him one of his own favorite expressions. "Your plans will destroy lives, this little one's included. Death creates nothing. You cannot hope for it to bring happiness back to you."
    The both of them stayed silent. Rei had hit at the cracks of his armor. She knew it wouldn't be enough to break it. Or break the man within. It was not what she wanted. All she wanted was to plant the seeds of doubt in his mind.
    "When the time comes, I will cooperate with you."
    This seemed to surprise the shaken man. The surprise was brief, however, as he pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose, his expression becoming unreadable once more, as if he had put a mask back into place. Apparently satisfied, he left without another word.
    "I will cooperate with him," said the girl to the infant, a full minute after the Commander had left the apartment, "but only to make sure that you are not harmed in any way."
    Clueless to what had happened, the baby just cooed, happy to be held against her bosom.

    Misato stared at the steel door, unsure of what to do next. The doctors had assured her that Asuka was fine. She had showed no sign of sustained physical or mental trauma. But... Misato could remember her screams, her pleas for help...
    The memories made her shiver.
    There was no way anyone could walk out of such an experience and be "fine". Maybe everything was alright for the purposes of NERV. No body scars to heal, no Angel mental contamination to fear. But what about her mind? What about those old scars that had surely been reopened, as the girl's own memories had been forced down her throat?
    The nights Misato was sober, she would often wake up from nightmares about that day in Antarctica. The day that had changed her life and the world forever. And yet... in some way she couldn't shake the feeling that Asuka had just gone through something far worse.
    No way that girl was fine!
    "Bastard!"
    There was little doubt in her mind who had given the orders to have the girl released. In moments like these, she could hardly believe Shinji shared genes with that man. Compared to him, her own father had been a saint.
    Gathering her courage, Misato pressed on the buzzer. And waited. After perhaps ten seconds, she pressed again. No reaction. Misato felt her throat go dry. Frantically she pressed again.
    "Asuka! It's me!"
    Nothing.
    A wave of cold fear washed over, an ominous feeling that something was wrong, very wrong. This was followed by the sound of something heavy falling on the floor, a moan of pain and something lighter falling and breaking.
    "Asuka!"
    Without any more hesitation, Misato entered the room's access code. She hadn't intended to barge in on the girl, but had not taken chances. And now she was glad she hadn't.
    The room was dark. Yet Misto's eyes widened in shock as the light from the corridor showed the girl sprawled on the floor, choking, one side of a length of bed sheets tied around her neck and the other side attached to a light fixture that was now also on the floor, broken. Obviously, it hadn't supported the girl's weight. Not that Misato cared, as she rushed to the girl, to loosen the fabric constricting her throat. The girl coughed several times as Misato freed her of the fabric, and helped her sit on the bed.
    "Asuka! What do you think were you doing?!"
    "Isn't it obvious?" croaked the girl. "Pathetic, isn't it? I can't even kill myself right..."
    Had someone been standing in the corridor, he would have heard the sound of flesh hitting flesh. The slap momentarily stunned Misato just as badly as if she had been on the receiving end of it. But anger and frustration and worry quickly came forefront again.
    "Don't say things like that, Asuka!"
    Perhaps it was Misato hitting her. Perhaps it was the realization of what she had nearly done. Or perhaps it was simply the sum of all that had happened that took its toll on the girl.
    For the first time in years, the girl cried in front of someone else. Misato's eyes widened in shock, at the sight of the girl's tears.
    "Asuka..."
    Then her expression softened and with a tentative hand, she reached for the girl, touching her shoulder.
    "Stop it! Don't touch me!" screamed the girl, pushing Misato's hand away and moving into a corner of the bed and room, hugging herself.
    For a moment, Misato hesitated, uncertain. Asuka was even harder to deal with than Shinji. And Misato wasn't good with dealing with people's pain. How could she when she buried her own under the comforting haze of alcohol?
    But the girl needed her. She needed someone, despite all of her attempts to drive them away.
    She hugged the girl. Hard. She embraced the girl in her arms, determined not to let go.
    "Don't push people away, Asuka. It never does anything good. I know..."
    "Go away! I don't need you!"
    Asuka tried to fight her. To wiggle out to her grasp. She even bit her. But Misato clenched her teeth and held on to the slowly weakening girl.
    "I don't need your pity..."
    "It's not pity. I just care about you. I don't want you to hurt yourself."
    Misato felt the girl surrender, despite herself, to the embrace. Misato lessened her hold, but didn't let go.
    "Why do you care, Misato? No one does..."
    "I don't know," admitted the woman. "You're loud, obnoxious, pushy... and I care. I can't explain it. I just do."
    Misato wasn't certain what her relationship to the girl was. Legally, after Asuka's father's death, her stepmother had become Asuka's guardian. But Misato knew that the two of them hadn't really seen each other in years, Asuka having been taken to live in NERV's base back in Germany. Misato was her commanding officer, and also roommate. She had tried to be like a mother, but she had known she had failed utterly. The fault wasn't entirely hers, but she also knew she could have tried harder. Try to help instead of blissfully ignore the problems.
    Like with Shinji.
    No, it wasn't like that with Asuka. Rather... Asuka was rather like the little sister she never had. Someone she could tease, nag, but also had to watch over. And someone she cared deeply for.
    "I just do," reaffirmed the Major.
    "Misato..."
    The tears came freely this time, the girl simply crumbling in her arms. Despite all that she said... perhaps hearing this was what the girl had needed the most.
    "It's alright to cry," said Misato, knowing just how prideful the girl was and how she was probably hating herself right now. "There's no shame in it."
    "You say that because you have no shame."
    Misato smiled at that. It wasn't okay now. But there was hope for the girl. With time... and caring... she would get better.
    One day.
    "Perhaps."
    With one of her hands, Misato caressed the girl's head. Asuka stiffened at first at this intimate gesture, but soon relaxed under the soothing motions.
    They stayed that way a long time, Asuka cradled against Misato. Long after Asuka was done crying. Asuka no longer seemed eager to go, and Misato was in no hurry to let her. When they finally parted, Misato smiled at her.
    "Come on... let's go home."
    Silently, the girl nodded.

    The ride back to the apartment they had previously shared had been done in silence. It was something Misato could understand. There were times where silence was really the only option. Misato knew that she could only do so much. The girl had a lot of thinking to do, and there were issues only she could fix. Right now, she needed rest more than anything else. And Misato would be sure she got it. The Major didn't like her kids using drugs, but just this once she could see their use. Once she would be sure that Asuka was asleep and would remain that way for a few hours, she would go retrieve her things.
    Then, the two of them would talk. It was about time Asuka opened up to someone. If she continued to keep to herself, she would break down again.
    She should probably also try to convince the German girl to get some therapy. A rather daunting task, considering the girl's pride.
    But she wouldn't tolerate silence any longer. Silence didn't bring anything. Misato knew that fact all that well.
    On the way, Misato had reminded Asuka of Shinji's presence and current state, as well as of Rei's temporarily living arrangements. Asuka had taken it better than Misato had expected, telling her not to worry.
    The Major couldn't help but do just that. Although, a confrontation with Rei just might bring some fire back to the girl.
    'There's no turning back now,' Misato told herself as she opened the door to the apartment.
    "I'm home!"
    Rei's pale head poked from the living room, indicating to Misato to be quiet. Misato did the same to Asuka, who just nodded.
    As the Major and redhead removed their shoes, Rei entered the kitchen area. Misato tensed as Rei and Asuka faced each other.
    "Welcome back, Sohryu," said simply Rei.
    This apparently took Asuka aback, as she fumbled on her words to try and thank Rei.
    Misato then knew than her worries were unwarranted. Rei had seemed to grasp Asuka's situation. She could had ignored the German girl, but that would have only infuriated her. Showing her a too friendly reaction, at least as friendly as Rei could get, would likely have been interpreted as a sign of pity.
    Yes, there was definitely hope for Rei. There was hope for both girls. And Misato would see that it remained so, she decided.
    But for now, she needed Asuka to get some sleep...
    Opening the fridge, she smiled.
    "Want some orange juice, Asuka?"

    Maya felt her heart skip a bit as the message "CHECK COMPLETED" appeared on her computer terminal. Not because of its sudden apparition, but rather because of its significance.
    It was done.
    Her gaze turned toward the glass cylinder that stood on a corner of the poorly lit room, waiting to be filled with LCL and to perform its sole function: turn a child into a young man. Maya had mixed thoughts about the entire project. While she could understand the necessity of turning Shinji back into his teenagers years, it didn't feel natural. What if Shinji had been turned into an infant for a specific purpose, in order to give him a second chance? Perhaps he had even wished for that himself...
    But the morality of what they were about to do wasn't the main thing on her mind.
    Her gaze then turned toward the blonde scientist who was working on another console on another corner of the room, working on tweaking a number of secondary systems.
    Whatever happened to Shinji, the completion of this project meant the end of their private team effort. This night would be the last they would spend together, alone in the dark depths of NERV. Maya dreaded the time they would leave, for those privileged moments to end. The last days had been demanding, as they faced hundred of small challenges to be conquered in so little time... but it also had been the best time of her life.
    Over time, as the Angels kept coming and coming, as secrets hid more secrets, Maya had seen the woman she admired so much slowly become another person. Someone colder, to whom moral issues were becoming more and more trivial, a woman alone at heart and nursing deep within herself anger and frustrations. But somehow, as they spent their time in quasi isolation from the world, her cherished role model had slowly reverted to her old persona, sometimes bearing a warm, true smile. Maya didn't know if she had anything to do with that change, but she was glad nonetheless to have been able to witness it.
    But it would be over soon. They would return to the daily preoccupations of NERV... she would return to him. Maya wasn't blind, she knew, at some level, that there was something between those two. She didn't want to ponder on the nature of their relations, however. Some possibilities were... unpleasant.
    She shook her head to clear if of that line of thought. Getting up, she approached her mentor. As she got closer, she could see that the roots of her hair were brown. Neither of them had returned to their apartment in a long time, and the Doctor had been unable to dye her hair in all that time. Maya couldn't help but wonder how the woman would look if she returned to her original color.
    It would be nice.
    "Sempai," she said, getting the Doctor's attention. "It's done. The main system has completed all its checks with success. It's ready."
    The Doctor nodded.
    "Alright. I'm almost done myself, Maya. Just a couple more minutes."
    The younger woman watched as the Doctor's hands almost blurred against her keyboard, lines of codes she had written being optimized by her companion. Finally, her hands went still, and Ritsuko saved those latest modifications, then let out a long sigh.
    "Finished."
    "Yes," nodded Maya. "Tomorrow..."
    She couldn't bring herself to finish that line. She wasn't even sure what she wanted to say. The next day would bring many changes to the lives of many people.
    "You must be tired," said Ritsuko, yawning now that suddenly the rush of typing code had passed.
    "You're tired too," Maya said simply.
    On common silent accord, the both of them headed toward the bed they had shared these last few nights. They were both too tired to head on the upper floors of the gigantic maze that was NERV, even less return home. They both laid on the bed, Ritsuko's to Maya's left, the both of them staring at the ceiling.
    'Now... I need to speak to her now..'
    Maya opened her mouth to speak.. but words suddenly dying in her throat.
    She had to do it! It could well be her last chance...
    "Sempai..."
    "Yes?"
    She tried to go on... but courage and words failed her.
    "Nevermind."
    Maya felt almost ready to cry at her cowardice. The only reason she wasn't was the person laying aside her. She gasped, as she felt a warm hand squeeze her own.
    "I know..." Ritsuko said simply.
    This time, Maya didn't hold back her tears.

    The following day had gone rather well, as far as Misato was concerned. Asuka looked much better after a full night of rest and had actually shown some of her old spirit in criticizing the breakfast Misato had prepared. Misato didn't see why the redhead complained about the fish being burnt; Asuka had groused about eating sushi earlier, and these fish were certainly not raw! She had grown a bit more somber once Rei had woken up as well and joined them, but Misato couldn't expect them to instantly become friends. The fact that Asuka didn't immediately go to her room showed improvement.
    After being sure that the next World War wouldn't break out in her apartment Misato had headed to her room to get a little nap. She had instructed Rei the previous night to warn her if Asuka were to leave the apartment, and Section 2 had been advised to keep a close eye on Asuka.
    After the previous fiasco involving Rei, they were VERY receptive to her request.
    And she really deserved some rest. She had barely slept in the last forty-eight hours.
    Later that day, Misato woke up to a sight she wouldn't have dreamed of seeing. Rei trying to instruct Asuka on how to hold Shinji right. She could tell that the two girls' patience with each other was wearing thin, but that was progress nonetheless, if Asuka was actually willing to approach Shinji and listen -- somewhat -- to Rei.
    So Misato woke up to a new day filled with hopes for her young charges. A smile on her face she headed towards the kitchen, only to be stopped by a German redhead waving a frying pan at her like she meant business.
    "Hold it right there!"
    Misato blinked.
    "If you THINK for one SECOND that you're going to FEED ME your over-burned... FOOD... you're DREAMING!"
    "But Asuka..."
    Misato took a step back as the pan almost hit her nose.
    "Since Shinji isn't capable of doing damage control, I'LL do it. Obviously, Wondergirl's taste buds were rendered unusable by years of Japanese food, but I won't let myself be tortured by your attempts. Who needs Angels to send us to the infirmary when they have you cooking for us?"
    "Hey there!"
    "The Major's food is not that dangerous," said Rei, earning Misato a look of gratitude. "I have yet to see it melt through the plates."
    "HEY!"
    Misato's culinary skills were saved from further attacks by a ring at the door. Showing her skill as a brilliant tactician, Misato jumped at the opportunity of diversion it presented. She opened the door, to see a very smiling Ritsuko standing there.
    "Ritsuko?!"
    "You could say 'Hi!' you know," said the doctor, as she walked in the apartment, followed by an equally smiling Maya "Especially since I've came all this way to give you the good news in person."
    Misato blinked. When was the last time she had seen Ritsuko being cheerful?
    "Good... news...?"
    Ritsuko's mood got slightly somber and Misato could see her go into the professional doctor persona.
    "We're ready. We just need Shinji now. So, just hand him to Maya and you'll be free again."
    Misato blinked at that, several times, as her brain refused to process those words. Finally, a single word made its way to her lips.
    "No."
    "What?"
    Now it was Ritsuko's time to blink. Behind Misato, Asuka and Rei were eerily silent, Rei seeming in fact even paler than she usually was.
    "I said no! You can't... you can't have him!"
    Ritsuko shook her head. She should have seen this coming. She should have expected that Misato would grow attached to this Shinji...
    "Misato..."
    "Why should we impose this on him? If he grows back... he'll suffer again. Now... he can grow up... the right way!"
    "You're not serious!"
    "I said you can't have him!"
    Ritsuko had to force herself to remain calm. At some level, she could understand, somewhat, what Misato was feeling. It was difficult to let something go... she knew that all two well.
    "Misato... we need him to pilot Unit-01," Ritsuko said, trying to appeal to Misato's sense of duty and her oath to destroy all the Angels.
    "I don't care! We can find another pilot! And we still have Rei and Asuka!"
    That comment actually got a smile out of Asuka. She had been fearing that now, she wouldn't be considered as an acceptable pilot. Obviously, Misato was of a different opinion.
    "You know that Unit-01 only accepts Shinji."
    "So what?! It's frozen anyway!"
    "Misato..."
    The Major was on the verge of tears. Ritsuko had to fight back the doubts she had herself about the morals of what they were about to attempt.
    "I don't want to lose him... I don't want to lose my Shin-chan..."
    "And so you would sacrifice Shinji? Not this one, but the real one? The fourteen year old boy you took in your home? The fourteen year old boy you got to consider as a little brother, if not a son? You would sacrifice him just like his father did?"
    Those words hit the right target, Ritsuko knew, as Misato's eyes widened in realization.
    "No... I... I..."
    "I understand it's not easy Misato... but you must let him go."
    Misato felt a hand touch her shoulder and turned to see Rei looking at her. The girl only held a feeble composure, Misato could tell, and was as shaken as she was.
    "She is right. It is the right thing to do."
    "Rei..."
    Another touch got Misato's attention.
    "Wondergirl is right, Misato. I... I... I miss Shinji. The real one. But don't you dare tell him!"
    "Rei... Asuka..." Misato closed her eyes. They were all right. Still... it hurt!
    "Alright."
    Rei nodded and went to the living room. When she returned, she was protectively holding the child in her arms. With a finger, she caressed his face, which made him giggle.
    "Sayonara." she said simply, her voice almost muted by emotions, before handing him to Misato.
    For a few moments, Misato held the child tight in her arms, her face in tears.
    "Goodbye... Shin-chan..."
    Before her resolve wavered, she handed the child to Ritsuko who nodded to Misato in understanding and left the apartment.
    As Rei watched the Doctor take the baby away, two single tears traveled down her cheeks. And as the Major burst out into tears, Rei felt the impulse to reach for another human being... and let her own feelings flow. Hesitantly, Asuka hugged the two other women... not sure why she was crying. All she was certain of, now, was that Misato was right. It was alright, sometimes, to cry.

    As the days went by, the lives of everyone who had been involved with baby Shinji slowly returned to normal, or at least as close as they could.
    On the same day of Shinji's departure, Rei excused herself and moved out of Misato's apartment. Misato had offered to let her stay, saying that they could surely find some room, but Rei had declined. That had saddened Misato, as she had started to grow fond of the girl.
    Asuka had started to get better. With what had happened with the Fifteenth Angel, remaining quiet on the events of her past had seem rather pointless. It seemed to Asuka that she could never forget now. Not again. She and Misato talked a lot, more than they had ever in the past. Both spoke of things they disliked talking about and both shed plenty of tears. And felt somewhat better afterwards. Misato also pushed Asuka to try to talk with Hikari again. The German girl had been hesitant at first, but Hikari had been quick to forgive her. It was a good thing, Misato decided, Asuka would need all the friends she could get.
    In order to keep her mind busy, Misato spent most of her time investigating NERV while Asuka was at school. There were too many secrets. She needed to learn the truth. It was the only way to protect those she held dear.
    She owed it to her kids. She owed to Kaji's memory.
    Finally, twenty two days after Ritsuko had taken Shinji with her, she came to them with the news that Shinji had now been transferred to NERV's hospital. Which was why Misato, Rei and Asuka were now waiting for him to wake up in the waiting room. Three pair of eyes lit up as Ritsuko made her appearance. Misato couldn't still believe that she had returned her hair to its previous color.
    "What's the news?" asked Asuka, trying not to look TOO excited.
    "Shinji seems in good health and remembers pretty much everything up until the Fourteenth Angel fight."
    "So he has no memories of his time as a baby?" asked Misato.
    "As far as I can say, no. Which really isn't surprising, considering that the first few years of a child's life are all about the brain continuing its development. He didn't really have a chance for new neuron patterns to be set down."
    Misato nodded, yet couldn't help feeling disappointed, a feeling shared by Rei.
    "When can we see him?" asked the blue haired girl.
    "Well, there's still some tests to do on him, but he's doing better than I've ever seen him doing, so any time you like. Just don't let him overexert himself. There could still be side effects we haven't yet identified."
    Misato nodded, deciding that she could tease him once he'd be back home.
    To say that Shinji was surprised when the three of them entered his room was an understatement.
    "Hey Shinji!" "Hi, Shinji!" "Ikari."
    The three girls looked each other and burst out laughing. Well, Misato and Asuka. Rei just smiled. Shinji gave them a look of disbelief, before smiling himself.
    "Misato-san... Asuka... Ayanami..."
    "Hey, how are you doing, Shinji?" asked Asuka.
    "Rather good," admitted Shinji. "Pretty good in fact. What happened to me? I don't really seem hurt enough to be here..."
    "It's a long story," said Misato, not really sure WHAT she should tell Shinji and what keep to silence. Although the teasing potential was almost too good to pass up. "I'll tell you when you're home."
    Shinji nodded at that. Then noticed Asuka frowning at him. Which made him worry.
    "What is it, Asuka?"
    "Stand up," she commanded.
    "What?"
    "Stand up!"
    Before his conscious mind actually processed the order, Shinji found himself on his feet. Looking forward, he saw Asuka approaching him, her movement ending only when their noses where separated by a thin hair of space. That's when he realized that something was off. He didn't have to look up to look Asuka in the eyes. In fact...
    He was looking slightly down.
    "Mein Gott! That's not possible! You CAN'T be taller than me!"
    "Umm... Asuka..."
    "You baka! And to think I worried about you!"
    The room grew silent at those words, Asuka surprised she said that and Shinji surprised to hear it.
    "You were worried about me?"
    Outside in the corridor, Ritsuko winced at the sound of the following slap.
    "Baka!"
    With that, Asuka ran out of the room, leaving a totally confused, but hurting Shinji. Misato sighed.
    "I'll go after her Shinji," said the major. "It's good that you're back. I'll come later to take you back home," she added with a smile.
    "Umm... Okay, Misato-san," said Shinji, still trying to grasp what was going on. "Do you know why I'm taller than Asuka now?"
    Misato's mind boggled at that.
    "Err... we better ask Ritsuko later..." said Misato, assuming that this was one of the possible side effects Ritsuko had mentionned.
    With that, she was off, leaving Shinji and Rei in an uneasy silence.
    "Umm... hello Rei," said Shinji in an effort to break it.
    "It is good to see you back," said Rei, surprising Shinji with a slight smile. "You were missed by everyone."
    Shinji mind froze at that. Ayanami doing conversation AND smiling? More and more, he was wondering if he wasn't dreaming or something. It was just too weird.
    "Err... Thank you, Ayanami."
    "I believe that the Major is planning on holding a party to celebrate your return. I look forward to see you again at this gathering."
    Shinji blinked again. Ayanami, looking forward to a social gathering? Things WERE weird!
    "Take care of yourself, Otouto."
    The warm smile she flashed him was enough to send him in a daze.
    "Ah... goodbye, Rei," he finally replied after a while, but she was already gone.
    What had she meant by "little brother"?

    Everyone dreams. Most people will remember a fraction of their dreams, some more often than others, while the rest will never really be aware of this state of conciousness where anything is possible. But everyone dreams.
    And so, even if she would have no memories of it, Ayanami Rei dreamed.
    She dreamed of herself and a young child, with brown hair and dark blue eyes.
    She dreamed of herself, looking like an ordinary person, dressed in normal clothes like any girl would.
    She dreamed of a child she held in her arms, a child between one and two years old, dressed in a very cute little sailor uniform.
    Both she and the child were happy and smiling.

    But was it really?

    After all, as long as the sun, moon and earth exist, then isn't there a chance for happiness?
 
 
 

The End
 
 
 

Author's notes:

It's done. Finally. I can't actually hardly believe it took that long to finish this chapter, and this story. Especially with the way everything just put itself together once I started working on this chapter again.

But the important is that it's done. And I'm actually happy with the result. It seems fitting. Somewhat ordinary, but then again, aside for some aspects of this story, it was a rather calm one. I think that's what kept me blocked on this part for so long. I had somehow visualized the discussions between Gendo and Rei as well as Misato and Asuka as being something extraordinary and of epic proportion. Like, Rei puts Gendo in his place and Misato fixes Asuka up. Like that was possible. Here, nothing is truly fully resolved, which is more in the spirit of the series. How this all ends? I'll leave this to your imagination. The core of this story was how baby Shinji was affecting the lives of those around him, even if I did expand more than planned (example Hikari). What happens now that Shinji is no longer a baby? That's another matter altogether.

And no, that isn't because I don't want to work on this project anymore. Fact is, the last part of this chapter had been written almost at the start of this project.

Thank you all for reading, and more thanks to those who have been patient for so long.
 

Regards,
 

Alain

November 14th 2002