::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
                 ::::::::PERSONALITY MAKEOVER IV:::::::
                 :I do...NOT!!! Operation Anti-Wedding:
                 ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
                                    
                                    
     "What I want to know," Ranma-chan was saying, "is what was
so wrong with our idea. We bust in, inevitably kicking a few
butts along the way, grab the girl and get the heck out." She
folded her arms across her chest. "Simple as that," she stated.
     Nabiki shook her head. "That's just it. It's a little *too*
simple. Things are more complicated than you think."
     "Oh yeah?"
     Nabiki regarded her gravely. "I suppose you've noticed the
change in Akane."
     Her expression darkened. "Could hardly miss it. It's
pathetic how all of a sudden she's trying be cute." She faced
away. "As if she could..."
     "Well, maybe she's not acting of her own will. She could be
under the influence of something. A potion slipped into her food,
for example."
     Ranma's mouth dropped open. She blinked. "You mean...
*Shampoo's* behind all this?"
     "Wouldn't be the first time, would it?"
     Ranma slammed her fist down on her palm. "You're right! That
explains everything! Nabiki, you're a genius."
     She inclined her head smugly. "I do what I can."
     Ryoga came alongside Ranma and clapped a hand on her
shoulder. "You know what this means, don't you?"
     "She doesn't like Kuno after all!" She threw her head back
and laughed. "I knew it all along."
     "It means," he continued, "that it's your fault Akane's like
this!" The last part he roared into her face, eyes gleaming
dangerously.
     "N-now hold on a minute." She backed away and brought her
hands up. " I-it's just a theory after all, a-and a really stupid
one at that."
     Ryoga tightened his grip on her collar, then turned on
Nabiki. "What is your plan to rescue her?"
     "I was hoping to get to that," she told him wryly. She drew
out a set of blueprints from her jacket, and spread them out on
the grass. "The element of surprise is our key to success," she
stated, looking at each in turn. "To get in, we'll have to go
through the Kunos' back door...literally. The man at that post
owes me. Expect no trouble from him. From there, we'll take these
stairs to the balcony, which overlooks the Great Hall, where the
ceremony will take place. When the judge comes to the part about
asking for "just cause", both of you jump down. Ranma, you'll
distract Kuno as the pig-tailed girl then take him out."
     "You got it," she replied, cracking her knuckles.
     "Ryoga, you'll tell Akane some excuse; say, her closet's on
fire, to make her follow you out. Wait for Ranma, and the two of
you'll head for the house, where we'll all meet and figure out
what to do next. Questions?"
     Ryoga was nodding his head. "Are you actually saying I _lie_
to Akane?"
     She fixed him a long look. "Remember. It's for her own
good." She stretched her arm out and they laid their hands over
hers. Then they looked at each other.
     "What do we yell?" Ryoga ventured to voice.
      Nabiki stared at both in disgust. "Just forget it."        
     They ducked out of their hiding place as swift and    
silently as they could in the direction of the Kuno mansion.     

   
      "*Now* what do we do?" Ranma whispered furiously.          
     Ryoga sighed loudly. "Just our luck that *they'd* be here." 
      "Quiet, you two," Nabiki snapped.
      They were crouched low on the balcony and peering down    
through the railing. Directly below them was a raised platform.  
Standing on top of it was the judge, a man with long hair growing
at the sides yet balding on top. He gestured as he practiced his 
lines. Beside him stood Kuno, tall and straight in samurai armor.
      But that wasn't what they were gaping at.
      Sitting on the front row to one side were Kodachi, Ukyo,   
Mousse and Shampoo. All three girls looked exultant, and
Kodachi kept taking out a lace-edged pocket handkerchief and
dabbing her eyes with it. Mousse sat with arms crossed, brooding
and looking highly disturbed. 
      On the other side sat Soun, looking ready to do battle with
a war bandanna tied militantly at the back of his head; Genma,   
attempting to appear as stern as his friend but not really       
succeeding in his panda form (by way of compensating he'd
prepared lots of wooden signs and paint instead); Principal Kuno,
who grinned from ear-to-ear and kept on bursting into fits of
laughter, all which his seatmate Kasumi smiled and nodded
tolerantly at.
      "The moment we jump down, Ranma'll be mobbed," Ryoga 
continued gloomily.
      Nabiki slowly turned her back on the sight. "I hadn't
counted  on this," she murmured thoughtfully. She tossed her head
back.  "Very well. We'll just have to switch to Plan B."
      Ranma and Ryoga exchanged shocked looks. "There's a Plan
B?!"  
      
     Nabiki stepped into the Great Hall, unknowingly drawing not
a few stares from those already seated. She'd changed into more 
formal wear - a blue blazer over silk cream blouse and matching 
blue skirt, and she'd swept her hair up to one side with a silver
barrette. The result was simple and understated, yet very mature
and sophisticated. 
     Acknowledging the nods of a few people she knew, she moved
to position herself beside the platform. Here she had a good view
of the guests, which were all abuzz with excitement and
anticipation. Surveying her surroundings, she couldn't blame
them. Hundreds of fresh roses had been artfully arranged to make
the chamber appear positively blooming with flowers. A banquet
table to one side had been heavily laden with exquisite dishes,
drawing more than a few to hover over it greedily. But best of
all was the crystal chandelier which hung suspended from the
center of the ceiling. It sparkled like so many jewels and was
dazzling to behold. The effect was very dramatic. 
     Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the massive
oak doors swinging open. At the same time, the band struck up the
strains of "The Wedding March." 
     Nabiki caught her breath. A hush went over the guests. 
     She stood framed in the doorway for a moment, pausing to
take a deep breath before placing one foot in front of the other.
Slowly, she made her way down the aisle. She became conscious of
the many pairs of eyes focused on her, and she forced her chin a
little higher. 
     Most of the guests were from her school. All of the girls
were near tears, looking forward to their own wedding day in the
future, and taking it upon themselves to jab an elbow into ribs
of any male present not paying enough attention. 
     She shifted her gaze forward and realized with some shock
that there remained only the front row and platform before her.
Beneath the protective covering of her veil, her eyes darted to
each seated occupant, knowing, *expecting* trouble.      She was
not disappointed.
     Kuno held his hand out to help her up, and she was about to
take it when Soun got to his feet noisily. "Stop!" I cannot allow
this wedding to continue!" Genma joined him and nodded gravely at
every one. He held up a sign that read: *I second the motion!*   
     "About time the action started," someone in the back cried
and was immediately hushed.
     The judge made an annoyed sound. "Couldn't you have at least
waited till I got to that part?"
     Soun bowed respectfully. "If it pleases the court, my
daughter is already engaged to be married to Ranma Saotome." *My
son,* Genma added helpfully.
     Shampoo rose to her feet angrily, followed by Ukyo and
Kodachi. "Ranma Shampoo's airen! Violent Girl concede
defeat...why she marry Stupid Boy!"
     Kuno started.
     "Ranma is *my* fiancee!" Ukyo declared, stabbing a finger at
herself. 
     Kodachi sighed dramatically, clasping her hands to her
bosom. "Mere technicalities. Ranma darling and I were meant to be
together!"
     "Hey," Mousse squawked, jumping up, "Ranma *is* engaged to
Akane!" The three enraged girls turned on him furiously.     
     "What's this?" Principal Kuno grunted. "Akane choose Ranma
over my son? She'd have to be mad!"
     "Takes one to know one," whispered Daisuke to Hiroshi. 
Immediately, there followed a jab in the ribs.
     "This is too much!" the judge exclaimed, pulling at what
little hair he had. "I've put people in mental institutions for
less than this!" Kuno opened his mouth. "Oh I suppose *you* have
something to say."
     "Indeed I have. For the record, I want to state that the
aforementioned, Ranma Saotome is a fiend of the highest order."  
     "That's enough!" 
     Startled, they all looked to each other to see who had
spoken, and simultaneously realized it had come from the bride.  

     Soun's eyes welled with tears. "Oh Akane. You have some
feelings for Ranma after all!"  
     The judge threw his hands in the air. "Hallelujah! A way out
of this mess. Let's just leave it to the bride. Do you want to
marry?" he inquired, leaning towards her.  
     She snorted impatiently. "Of course I do...not!"      
     There was a collective gasp from the onlookers. Shampoo and
the rest started, and Kuno seized her by the shoulders. "Akane-" 
     She suddenly threw up her veil. "Hahahaha!!!" Ranma-chan
laughed in his face.        

     Akane stepped out of the automobile, resplendent in her
wedding finery, paper bags strewn through her arms. She was   
humming. 
      In keeping with the old adage, she'd worn something old
(her high heels having already been worn twice), something 
borrowed (the wedding dress itself was the one Kodachi used to 
make her entrance in rhythmic gymnastics matches) and something  
blue (underwear). But she didn't have anything new; that is,  
worthy of the occasion. So she'd convinced Sasuke to drive her to
the mall, where she'd gone and purchased a stunning pair of  
earrings. But going out of the jewelry store, her practiced eye  
had caught sight of some darling dresses at the shop across. One 
thing had led to another...  
      She realized that she was running a little late for her
own wedding, but she was not at all worried. If anything, it  
would just enhance her entrance. She dismissed Sasuke with a nod 
and the beat-up Volkswagen chugged down in the direction of the  
garage.  Turning, she set her steps toward the mansion.  At once,
she noticed something wrong. She frowned. Why were the doors  
already thrown open? And where were the attenda- 
      Suddenly, she was yanked backwards into the bushes with a  
hand clamped over her mouth. The paper bags flew out from her  
grasp. Her cries were muffled and she struggled futilely against 
her attacker.  
      Ryoga remained oblivious to the kicks she aimed at his
shins. Tears flowed from his eyes. "Please forgive me, Akane. It
pains me to do this, but...do it I must." He let go of her and
she whirled on him, angry tears standing out on her eyes. "Don't
scream," he quickly added. "I won't hurt you." 
      But instead she gave him a hard shove. "How dare you try to
ruin my wedding like this!" She stomped off haughtily. Ryoga made
a grab at her and pulled her back. He held her by the shoulders 
firmly. He squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm so sorry Akane! But
Nabiki- I have to do this... It's all Ranma's fault!" he wailed.
He suddenly noticed something was wrong. "Huh?"
      Akane hung limp in his arms.
 
      The Grand Hall went very still, and time seemed to stop.
Ranma-chan glanced around nervously and batted her eyelashes
innocently. 
      "Ranma?" everyone cried in disbelief. 
      "My pig-tailed goddess!" Kuno exclaimed, clutching her to 
him.
      There was a thud as the judge fell to the floor, senseless.
      Both Soun and Shampoo lunged for her.
      But Nabiki had already sprung up the platform and grabbed 
ahold of the mike. Her voice rang out. "Who here would like to 
wager whether Ranma will or will not be able to stop this 
wedding?!"
     "Me! Me!" came the resounding response as the crowd surged 
forward. Those in the front row were pushed aside and swept away.
Someone jostled Kuno from behind and Ranma wriggled out of his 
grasp. Terror-stricken at the sight of everyone rushing forward, 
she leapt up and grabbed ahold of the chandelier.
     "Ranma!" 
     She looked down and saw Kuno and the rest pushing their way 
toward her. She pulled off her shoe and hurled it at them. It hit
Kuno in the face. He tottered and fell backward, pinning every
one  behind him beneath his heavy armor. She pushed with all her
might  and swung off the chandelier, landing in front of the
doors. She rushed out, just as an aghast Ryoga stepped out from
the bushes cradling Akane.
     She took one look and her mouth dropped open. "What did you 
do to her?!" she demanded.
     "Nothing, I swear! She must have fainted!"
     "Fainted?! We better get to Dr. Tofu's fast." She hitched up
her skirts and ran, Ryoga not far behind her. They rushed ahead,
heedless of the stares they drew. 
     "Hey Sonny," someone cried out. "Whatcha need *two* brides 
for?" 
     Ryoga's ears turned bright pink with embarrassment. Ranma
gritted her teeth and continued running.
      
     Dr. Tofu opened the door, pleasant surprise on his kind
face.  "Why Ranma, what are *you* doing here?" She barged in,
panting heavily. Taking in her wedding dress, he added, "Well
looks like congratulations are  in order." His expression changed
the moment Ryoga walked in with Akane. Wordlessly, he took her
from him and carried her to the bed, laying her down gently.
Ryoga came to stand beside him. 
     "What happened here?" he asked, eyeing each in turn.
     "She fainted, Doc," Ranma replied. She took the whistling
kettle on top of the stove and stopped long enough to tear the
dress off before pouring the hot water on herself. He shook out
his wet hair. "She's been doing that a lot lately," he added.
     "Really? That's odd." Dr. Tofu frowned and began to examine
her.       
     Ranma let out a low chuckle. "That ain't the half of it.
There's something wrong with her with her... She's been acting
all feminine and, worse, going after Kuno! Nabiki says Shampoo
might have poisoned her or something."   
     Tofu shrugged. "In any event, there are no external
injuries. Oh, except for this bump on her head-" He broke off,
and gaped at Ranma.
      "What?" the martial artist grumbled defensively. "It was
an accident!"
      The doctor shook his head excitedly. "No, the bump is on a
very unusual spot! Could it be...?" He snapped his fingers.
"Ranma, hand me that blue book over there."
      He looked to his side and spotted the thick, bound book on
a nearby table. He hefted and passed it to the doctor. 
     He began to rifle through it impatiently. "There!" he cried
triumphantly, stabbing his finger at one of the pages. Ranma and
Ryoga drew closer and peered over his shoulder.
     "It's as I feared," the doctor told them. "Akane's been hit
on the part of the brain that deals with personality traits.
Whatever struck her made her change into a totally different
person."
     Ranma's head was spinning with confusion. "Doc... I don't
think I understand..."
     He smiled almost cheerfully. "It is rather complicated. You
see, people don't usually change when their personality spot is
hit. They get a nasty bump, but that's all. It only happens when
being that kind of person was something that weighed heavily on
their minds at the time."
     Ranma's mouth dropped open. "You mean Akane was *thinking*
about acting that way?" he inquired incredulously. "Acting all
cute and feminine?"
     "Not only thinking, Ranma, but *wanting*."
     He shook his head. "I don't buy it. Akane's the biggest
macho dweeb. Why should she be...?" He fell silent. He stared
into space, thinking deeply.
     "But why did she forget us?" Ryoga fired out.
     The doctor faced him. "In some cases, memory loss occurs to
the point that she forgets every one she hasn't known for more
than five years."
     "But she can remember us again, right?" Ryoga asked in
earnest, clenching his fist. "There is a way for her to go back
to normal?" 
     The chiropractor regarded them both gravely. "Yes...there
is. But I'm afraid you might not like it." 
     "Anything!" Ryoga cried fervently. "Anything for Akane!"
Ranma leaned forward expectantly. 
     "To cure her...you must hit her on the head again."  
     There was silence as they digested his words.
     "That's it?" Ryoga asked disbelievingly.
     "Yeah," Ranma chimed in. "I thought it would be something
*difficult*.
     They threw back their heads and burst out laughing.         

                                                                 

                           *  *  *  *  *

     Ryoga stood alone by Akane's bedside in Dr. Tofu's clinic,
gazing at her tenderly. She looked so at peace, lying there. She
appeared to be sleeping, and Ryoga couldn't help but remember the
times he'd slept in her arms as P-chan. *Dear Akane,* he thought,
deeply moved. *I'd die for you. Soon you'll be back to normal,
and you'll remember me.* He looked up as Ranma walked in. "Well?"
he asked.      
     Ranma grinned and held up a small mallet. "We can use this
to whack her. Lends the whole thing a poetic justice, doesn't it?
All those times she banged *me* on the head with one of these
things." He came alongside him, but Ryoga caught his arm before
he could strike. He snatched the hammer away.
     "No! If anyone's going to save Akane...it's going to be me."
     Ranma stared at him in surprise.
     He firmly turned his back to him and faced Akane. He took a
deep breath and raised the mallet above his head. Then for
several seconds, it just hang there. Finally, the mallet slipped
from his nerveless fingers and clattered to the ground. He made a
strangled sound. "I-I can't do it! I can't hurt Akane!" He ran
out, weeping into his hands. 
     Ranma shook his head in disgust. "Feh. What a weakling." He
picked the mallet up and stood contemplating it with a smug
smile. "Well, here it goes!" He brought it down quickly, only to
have his hand stop an inch above her head. His face was frozen
with shock and exertion; sweat running down. He threw his arms up
and ran screaming. "I can't do it!"
     The closet door creaked open. Dr. Tofu and Nabiki watched
him leave with bland expressions. They stepped out. 
     The doctor sighed. "Just as I expected. That's why I called
you, Nabiki." He smiled at her. "I trust *you* will handle it?"  
     "Of course."
     He touched her on the shoulder reassuringly and left,
heading for his office.
     Nabiki glanced around and spotted the mallet at her feet.
She picked it up and walked over to where Akane lay. She took a
deep breath. "Sorry, Akane. This isn't easy for me. I don't want
to hurt you, but...a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do.
Frankly, I can't have you running after Kuno." She squeezed her
eyes shut and with a yell, brought the mallet down. She
cautiously opened one eye.
     Akane moaned and stirred.
     Her shoulders sagged in relief. She let out the breath she'd
been holding. Suddenly, her ears picked up the sound of
approaching footsteps. She heard Ranma muttering in the hall. A
glint came into her eyes. "This should be interesting." She
dropped the mallet and scooted back to her closet, banging the
door shut.
     Surely enough, Ranma walked in, his face grim yet
determined. "OK, Akane," he said, squaring his shoulders. He
rolled his sleeves up. "This is it. No more backing out. I may
not wanna do this, but you leave me no choice. You're ready to
marry Kuno for Christ's sake! Besides," he added, this time a
little more softly, "I...liked *you* better before, even if you
are an uncute tomboy, can't cook to save your life," he started
to warm up, "thighs are too thick, can't even kick-"
     "Ranma, you jerk!" Her fist flew out and connected with his
jaw. He fell to the floor with his mouth hanging open, staring up
at her sightlessly, in a state of shock.
     She sat up and glared at him. "Moron!" But her expression
softened and her lips turned up in a smile. "But...I like you
too, Ranma." She blushed and glanced around guiltily to see if
anyone had overheard, but found no one.
     But someone had. And that someone thought one thought:
PROFIT. 
     Nabiki switched the tape recorder off.