KASUMI: (faces him, hands arrested above the kitchen stove) Hm?

SOUN: Nabiki!

NABIKI: (looks up from manga she is reading)......

SOUN: Akane!!! Ranma!!! Genma!!! Where in heaven's name are they?

RANMA: (glances at her) Whatsa matter, Akane? Can't handle a little stroll around Nerima?

(An aura with an alarming shade of red begins to envelop Akane)

AKANE: Ranma...no BAKA!!!

(She aims a punch at him, but Ranma manages to jump up at the last second. She ends up driving a fist through the wall instead. (Unfortunately for Ranma, Genma is luckier and his high kick nails him and sends him crumpling to the floor.))

AKANE: (stares at hole dismally) Oops.

(Nabiki suddenly appears in the doorway. She props a shoulder against the door frame and regards Akane with her arms crossed over her chest.)

NABIKI: There you go again, Akane. No wonder we're knee-deep in repair costs.

AKANE: (flushes guiltily) I-I'm sorry, Nabiki. Still... Not everyone thinks the world revolves around money.

NABIKI: No? Then I guess this wouldn't interest you. You too, Ranma, Mr. Saotome.

AKANE: Visitor?

SOUN: Yes. I received her letter yesterday afternoon. Her name is Aisa Valenzuela and she will be staying here until she finishes her martial arts class.

NABIKI: (jumps up) Wait a minute! Don't we have some say on who gets to stay under our roof? We do live here too, Dad.

SOUN: She agreed to pay, Nabiki.

NABIKI: (sits back down) Well why didn't you say so?

SOUN: (coughs) It seems she comes from the Philippines -

RANMA: Did she walk? From there to here?

SOUN: No. She flew.

RANMA: I thought as much. (smirks smugly and leans back)

KASUMI: How old is she? I hope she's around my age. It would be so nice to have someone to talk to. (sighs)

AKANE: Well I hope she isn't another of Ranma's fiancees.

RANMA: What? Is that how little you think of me? Pop and I concur. There are no more left. Isn't that right?

(Genma nods hastily, but a giant perspiration bead runs down his forehead.)

RANMA: Why you -

(Ranma grabs him by the collar, but just then, they hear a car honk outside.)

NABIKI: Oooo! It must be her!

(She runs out, and the whole Tendo family rush after her. The two Saotomes hang back, coming more slowly. Just as they pass through the door, a light rain starts to fall.)

RANMA-CHAN: Feh. Just the thing. Hey, Pop. Don't you find something about this...familiar?

PANDA: @What did you say?@

RANMA: (whaps him on the head) Awww nuthin'.

(They join the Tendos, who watch as a young girl climbs out of the taxi cab. She has shoulder-length black hair and large dark brown eyes, and she is wearing jeans and a brown jacket with the hood pulled up over a green and white shirt. She carries a large duffel bag.)

SOUN: You...wouldn't be...

AISA: (smiles) Aisa Valenzuela. Pleasure to meet you. (She sticks out a hand and Soun takes it.)

NABIKI: Well...she looks a little rich. I think. (pokes Aisa's breasts)

AISA: HEY!!!

NABIKI: Sorry. One can't be too sure of these things around here. (She shoots Ranma-chan a sidelong glance, and she shifts her weight uncomfortably.)

SOUN: Well... Let's go in before we catch our death of cold.

PANDA: @Excellent idea, Tendo.@

(They file back into the house silently.)

SOUN: (clears throat) I'd like to introduce you to my daughters. Kasumi; 19. Nabiki; 17. And Akane; 16. Those two are our guests: my old friend Genma Saotome and his son, Ranma.

NABIKI: I know how you're going to react to that "friend" and "son" bit. Before you think we've gone nuts, there's something you should know about Ranma and his father.

AISA: You don't have to tell me. I already know.

(At this, Ranma-chan's jaw drops open and Akane takes an involuntary step forward.)

NABIKI: (blink-blinks) You do?

AISA: Yeah. Very tragic story and all that right? We had to read up about Jusenkyo in, um, class.

NABIKI: Really now?

(Aisa nods quickly, *too* quickly, and Nabiki notices. Her eyes narrow speculatively.)

NABIKI: [Something tells me you're hiding something, Aisa Valenzuela...but what?] All right. Show us your dough. There will be no talk of business before then.

AKANE: Nabiki!

AISA: OK. [Heh. It's a good thing that I specifically requested Takahashi-san to always draw my wallet full of money.] (reaches into pocket) Will this be enough?

(Soun and Nabiki half-rise from their seats as they gape at the fistful of bills she is holding. Their jaws sag onto the table surface as their pupils quickly turn into $ signs.)

RANMA: (snorts derisively) I think you should take that as a yes.

(Steadfastly ignoring him, Nabiki snatches the bills and starts to count them eagerly. Meanwhile, Soun's eyes overflow with tears. He throws himself in front of her.)

SOUN: M-M-Master! My soul is yours! Do with it what you may.

AISA: Uh....... Keep it. I'm sure it'll be more of use to you than it will be to me.

SOUN: The master has spoken. Kasumi! Prepare the special guest room.

KASUMI: You mean the one beside Master Happosai's room?

SOUN: Yes, that one.

AISA: Hold it. Happosai? Uh-uh. No way am I staying anywhere near that freaky pervert.

KASUMI: Oh dear. I'm afraid that's our only spare.

AISA: ......

SOUN: ......

NABIKI: She'll sleep in Akane's room.

AKANE: WHAT???

NABIKI: Now, now. No need to be rude.

AKANE: I-I didn't mean - (She flushes and glances at Aisa apologetically. Aisa just shrugs, a small smile on her lips. She turns and starts to whisper to Nabiki furiously.) Just why does it have to be my room?

NABIKI: (whispers back) Simple. She has the money.

SOUN: Is this agreeable to you, Akane?

AKANE: Y-Yes.

AISA: Then it's settled!

(She and Soun shake hands vigorously. She turns to Akane, beaming with pleasure.)

AISA: Oh, I just know we'll have a great time!

AKANE: (finds herself smiling back) Me too. You wanna be friends? I'll show you the practice hall.

SOUN: Ah... That's a good idea, Akane.

(Akane leads Aisa out into the backyard and toward a building bearing a sign with Japanese characters. She slides the panel door open and Aisa steps inside and takes a good look around. The place is obviously much the worse for wear, starting with the gaping hole in the wall at the corner. But there is a sense of pride and hard work put into it.)

AISA: Wow.

AKANE: (beams at her proudly) You're a beginner, right? (She nods.) Why don't we have a little match? Just for fun. Don't worry. I won't hurt you. Just try to dodge my moves, OK?

AISA: (shrugs) If you say so.

(She just stands there while Akane drops into battle stance. Akane attacks. Fortunately, she is able to dodge them all by either moving to the left or right, ducking or running away. Aisa is not sure however if she owes it all to skill. Akane uses the same moves against her that she used against Ranma when they first met, plus they're deliberately slower.)

AKANE: (claps a hand on her shoulder) You have pretty good reflexes.

AISA: (panting heavily) You think? Because I wasn't all that good at sports in school.

AKANE: No need to worry. Martial Arts isn't only about brute strength. You gotta have patience, discipline...

RANMA: Which is why Akane will never be much of a martial artist.

AKANE: Shut up you jerk! (A giant mallet suddenly springs into her hand, and she clobbers him. Aisa comes to stand beside her, eyeing what appears to be Ranma on the floor.)

AISA: Cool.

AKANE: You know what? I'm really glad you're a girl.

AISA: (tenses) And why is that?

AKANE: (looks confused) What do you mean why? That's it. I'm just glad you're a girl.

AISA: (breaks into a grin) You know what? So am I.

AISA: (into the phone) Hello? Mrs. Gloria? May I speak to Laila please? Thank you.

LAILA: Hello?

AISA: Lai! It's Au! Guess where I'm calling from?!

LAILA: You know, I really hate it when people make you guess their news. I mean, you know that they're gonna say "what" at the end. The reason why you're calling is that they don't know.

AISA: ......

LAILA: Fine. (sighs) Where?!

AISA: I'm calling from Nerima! In the Tendo residence!

LAILA: You're kidding! You told me that you were going to Japan to try to convince Rumiko Takahashi to include you in her story, but I never thought you'd actually -

AISA: Well, what can I say. The two of us related to each other so easily. You know, from one genius to another...

LAILA: Shut up already! You probably pestered the woman almost to her grave. (muses) Still, I have to admit that was fast work...

AISA: Well after I convinced Takahashi-san she was in a real hurry to start. Must have felt suddenly inspired or something.

LAILA: Uh-huh. So what's happening?

AISA: Um... I'm going to take martial arts classes under Mr. Tendo, and I'm staying here until I finish them. That way, there will be enough time for me to get Ranma and Akane together. The way they should be.

LAILA: How do you plan to do that, by the way?

AISA: I'm not sure. I was thinking about the old roses and love letters for the girl and obvious hints for the guy.

LAILA: It guess it's worth a shot...

AISA: I sure hope so.

(All of a sudden, they both hear a deafening crash.)

LAILA: What was that?!

AISA: I don't know. I think it came from the living room. Anyway, I think I gotta go. Call you again soon, OK?

LAILA: All right. Bye!

(Aisa hangs up the phone. She creeps on tiptoe toward the living room and peers in. Her eyes widen in shock when she realizes one side of the wall is completely destroyed and lying in a heap of stones. The reason for this is...)

SHAMPOO: Wo da airen...

RANMA: Sh-Sh-Shampoo! (in vain, he tries to disentangle her arms from around his neck) If you're here then -

(They both look up. A boy with long black hair and white robes stands before them. He gropes for the wall that is not there anymore, and lands flat on his face as he contacts with nothing.)

RANMA: (groans) - Mousse is not far behind.

MOUSSE: That's odd. I was sure there was a door there. (He picks himself up and perches the thick eyeglasses on his nose. His eyes narrow on spotting the entwined couple.) So Saotome... Forcing yourself on Shampoo again, eh? Die! (His trademark chain weapons spring from the depths of his robe, aimed right at Ranma. He ducks, and the chain weapons sail harmlessly above him.)

SHAMPOO: (sighs in exasperation) Mousse can't see past end of nose...even with glasses!

UKYO: Yoohoo! Ranma honey! I brought you some okonomiyaki - (She breaks off; eyes smolder upon seeing him with Shampoo.)

SHAMPOO: (sticks out tongue) Nyah!

RANMA: (gestures wildly) N-Now, don't listen, Ucchan. This is all an accident and -

KODACHI: Ohohohohoho!!! But of course, it is an accident, darling Ranma! Every one knows that it is only I, Kodachi, the Black Rose of St. Hebereke,that you desire to be in your arms!

AKANE: (coldly) Is that so? (Everyone turns to face her. Her eyes blaze with fury and flames appear to radiate from her body.) Well, let's see you desire her...when you're both girls! (She hurls the contents of a pail at Ranma and Shampoo. Instantly, in their places are Ranma-chan with a pink-and-white cat perched on her shoulder.)

RANMA-CHAN: YYYYYEEEEEEHHHHHH!!!!! (jumps up and starts running around, flapping her arms)

KUNO: Ah! But it is my pig-tailed goddess! (outstretches an arm toward her, but looks to Akane with anguish) Yet Akane Tendo is here too! Oh how can a man choose between two such loves?

AKANE: Choose this! (She plants a foot in his face.)

UKYO: (pulling at Shampoo) Let go, you little minx -

RANMA-CHAN: Get offa me!!!

(Aisa watches as the scene becomes a blurry tangle of arms and legs.)

AISA: (under breath) Hmmm... It is because of these... nuisances...that Ranma and Akane cannot wed. I must find a way to keep them from interfering... (Eyes glint mischievously.)