PART TWO
Operation Cupid
(The next morning. The sun is shining brightly down on Nerima's
rooftops. Akane yawns and stretches before she gets out of bed.
She is surprised to discover that the mat beside her bed is
empty.)
AKANE: Oh! That's right. Aisa must have had to get up early for
her lesson with Dad.
(She swings her legs over the bed and onto the floor. Running a
finger distractedly through her short, dark hair, she exchanges
her yellow pajamas for a blouse and short skirt ensemble.
Humming, she heads for the dining room. There, she finds Soun and
Aisa already at the table.)
AKANE: Good morning! (to Aisa) How'd it go?
(Aisa opens her mouth to reply, but before she can speak-)
SOUN: Oh, it's horrible! Horrible! (bangs head on the table,
bursting into tears)
AKANE: Oh come now, father you've got to be overreacting.
SOUN: I am not! There is no hope!
AISA: Hey! (flushing) I know I wasn't that good, but how can you
expect me to be at my best if you wake me up in the middle of the
night?! At 6 a.m. on a weekend! Who gave you the right to- to-
AKANE: (pats her on the shoulder) Cheer up. *I'll* take over
instructing you. (shoots Soun murderous look, just as Kasumi sets
down a steaming bowl in front of him)
AISA: Th-thanks, Akane.
SOUN: Yes. You make your father very happy this day. (digs into
food with a vengeance) But why volunteer? I was complaining about
how long it took Kasumi to prepare breakfast today.
AKANE & AISA: ......
AKANE: Pathetic.
AISA: And lazy.
KASUMI: Ranma! Mr. Saotome! Breakfast is ready!
GENMA: Be there in a minute, Kasumi!
RANMA: Aaaaaaaa - aaaaaaaaaa -
=SPLASH!=
KASUMI: Why, good morning Nabiki-chan.
NABIKI: ...... What's good about it?
KASUMI: ......
AISA: Oh no! C-can it be? Are those dimsum? I love dimsum!
(She quickly reaches out and attempts to pick one up using her
chopsticks, but it slips and the dimsum flies straight into
Ranma-Genma territory. A scuffle ensues as father and son battle
over the prized item. Genma, with his larger body mass as a
panda, easily elbows Ranma-chan in the ribs to plops it into his
mouth. Ranma-chan darts him a look that could kill.)
NABIKI: Psst. Akane. I happened to overhear that you're going to
be taking over our guest's lessons. Do you think you're up to the
task?
AKANE: Why, of course! Will you guys stop being so down on Aisa?
We got to talking last night, and she's really quite nice. She'll
do fine just you wait and see.
(Just then another dimsum sails through the air in a perfect arc
to land directly into Ranma's rice bowl.)
RANMA-CHAN: (sticks out tongue at panda) Nyaaah!
AISA: Feh. (japs angrily with one of her chopsticks to pierce the
dimsum, then holds it up, beaming proudly) There!
************
(Within the Tendo training hall.)
AKANE: In martial arts, the first thing you have to know is how
to fall. You have to learn how to fall without breaking a leg,
arm, or worse, your neck. Sometimes, if executed properly, you
can even turn it to your advantage. Once you know how to minimize
the damage that you take, you'll be in a better position to fight
back.
(She proceeds to demonstrate a simple tumble that includes
tucking her head in between her shoulderblades and positioning
her palms to slap downward to absorb the impact.)
AISA: That's what I saw Ranma do earlier.
AKANE: You did? See? Martial artists do this all the time to
protect themselves.
AISA: He's very good, isn't he?
AKANE: Who? Ranma? Well, he is a bit advanced...
AISA: (sneaks her a look) Speaking of falling, what was it like
falling for Ranma?
AKANE: EXCUSE ME???
AISA: I said, what was it like f-
AKANE: No, I heard you the first time. What did you mean by it?!
Why would you think...?
AISA: Well, you two *are* engaged. I don't know how it is here in
Japan, but in the Philippines, love is a traditional
prerequisite...
AKANE: It's the same here. Normally. But this is something our
parents arranged. We can't stand each other! W-We d-d-don't-
AISA: (sympathetic) That's too bad. Then would you consider
giving him to me instead?
AKANE: WHAT???
AISA: Relax! I was only kidding. It's just that he's the kind of
guy girls drool over...
AKANE: ......
AISA: You're right, I suppose. (pretends to sigh dejectedly) All
he has to offer is a great bod...
AKANE: What about those blue eyes-? (stops, stares at the ground,
blushing bright crimson)
AISA: (shrewdly watching out of the corner of her eye) And
Cupid's arrow strikes...
************
(Aisa is alone inside Akane's bedroom later that day, working
over something busily. Scattered on the floor around her are art
supplies and an atlas.)
AISA: [Feh. What a foolproof plan! By drawing all these false
maps, I can lure all the "distractions" out of and away from
Nerima! Akane herself gave me the idea while we were up all night
talking and she was recounting some of their adventures. Of
course, I already knew them all but that's beside the point. It
reminded me that each of the characters want something, and I can
pretend to offer it to them! All of them except Ryoga, that is. I
have no idea where he is now, so I wouldn't know where to give it
to. No matter...with his sense of direction, it'll take him weeks
to find his way back here!] (jumps up) There! All finished!
(She rushes out of the room and flies down the stairs.)
KASUMI: Oh hello, Aisa-chan. Where are you off to?
AISA: I was just going to drop off these letters.
KASUMI: That's nice. There's a mailbox at the next block.
AISA: Thanks! Be right back.
(She exits the house and is prepared to run when she is startled
to find a mailbox right across the street from her.)
AISA: That's odd. Kasumi specifically said it was in the next
block. (shrugs) Oh well... (crosses the street and is about to
drop the letters into the slot when the mailbox seemingly shies
away to the left)
AISA: (blinking) What the...?
VOICE: Do you mind?! (a face pops up and glares at her)
AISA: (takes a step back) Tsubasa Kurenai...
TSUBASA: Hm? Do I know you?
AISA: N-No. But I know Ukyo. She's a...friend.
TSUBASA: Dearest Ukyo? Well why didn't you say so at once? (face
now beams at her eagerly) Is there anything I can do for you?
AISA: Well I *was* planning to drop these letters...
TSUBASA: Then why don't you? There's a mailbox at the next block.
AISA: No...wait. I have a better idea. Do you happen to have a
mailman's uniform?
TSUBASA: (sniffs offendedly) Have one? It is an insult to one of
my skill in dressing up that you need even ask! Humph! (turns
away)
AISA: (ignoring him) Why that's even better! Tsubasa, would you
mind wearing it and delivering these personally? The sooner
they're delivered, the better.
TSUBASA: (still ticked off) And why should I? Even if you are one
of dear Ukyo's friends...
AISA: (stares at him and slowly starts to get furious.) Listen
up, you! I happen to know your dirty, little secret. See those
clump of girls over there? I could go over to them and share it
with them. I bet they'll find it real funny; so funny that
they'll forget to laugh and just beat you to a pulp instead!
Pervert!
TSUBASA: (backing off) OK, OK! No need for you to get all nasty.
Geez... (scurries off without a backward glance)
************
UKYO: (squinting at the figure in the distance) Tsubasa? (shakes
head) Nah, it can't be. Although I could have sworn hearing
someone yell "Charge..." (shrugs, spots envelope on Ucchan's
doorway) What's this?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Ukyo:
Rest relieved. I am friend not foe. I came by this map
on one of my travels, and natives of those parts tell me
that it will lead you to a cave.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
UKYO: A cave? So what? What's so special about that?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
But it's *not* just any
cave, Ukyo. Because there, buried underneath a large
boulder, is a scroll containing a recipe for love. When
used to make okonomiyaki, anyone to eat the pizza will fall
madly in love with the one who cooked it.
I hope this will be of use...
Dreamspinner
-----------------------------------------------------------------
UKYO: (clutching letter to herself ecstatically) Be of use?!
Dreamspinner... Whoever you are, I'd like to give you a big,fat,
juicy kiss!
************
(Kuno mansion. A thunderstorm is brewing outside. Tatewaki and
Kodachi Kuno come back from separate outings and reach the front
doors at the same time.)
KODACHI: Good afternoon, big brother.
KUNO: And to you, demented maniac.
(They fling the doors open, just as lightning bolt srikes. Sasuke
jumps up in fright and immediately scurries over to attend to
them.)
KUNO: How did things fare while we were gone?
KODACHI: Deprived of our presence, it was no doubt bleak.
SASUKE: (bowing) A-Assuredly. This came for you. (hands each a
white envelope)
KUNO: (rips it open, peruses contents) Hmmm...
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Master Kuno:
Oh mighty Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, I am your most
loyal and obedient servant. From afar, I have grieved and
anguished with you over your unsolvable love triangle and I
vowed that I would find a way to aid you. Long and hard I
have searched for a solution and now I am satisfied I have
one at hand.
The map enclosed with this humble message will take you
deep into the heart of a Japanese forest. There lies a lake,
as clear and blue as anything you will ever behold in your
lifetime. Legend has it that whoever looks into its mirror-
like surface will find reflected the face of his true love.
Oh master! I hope I have been able to serve you...
Dreamspinner
-----------------------------------------------------------------
KUNO: (clutches letter, tears run down cheeks unchecked)[Why...
to think that the answer to my prayers would come now, just when
I had started to despair of ever knowing who is truly more
deserving of my love: Akane or the pig-tailed girl! Soon I will
have the knowledge I seek! Oh how joyful the lucky girl will be!]
KODACHI: Hmmm...
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Kodachi Kuno:
Your time is up! My name is Dreamspinner, undefeated
new champion of Manresa School. I have heard you are the
best and I have come to prove them wrong. Henceforth, I
challenge you to a Martial Rhythmic Gymnastics match at the
place indicated. Watch out! Your days are numbered...
Dreamspinner
----------------------------------------------------------------
KODACHI: (crumples letter up into a ball) [Insolent girl! To
challenge I, Kodachi Kuno, rising new star of St. Hebereke School
for Girls' gymnastics team, the one they call the Black Rose, is
to lose before they have even begun!]
KUNO & KODACHI (pointing a finger to Sasuke) You! Pack my things!
(Just then, another lightning bolt strikes.)
SASUKE: (jumps in fright) A-As you wish. But please...whose shall
I pack first?
(The two siblings glare at each other, to the accompaniment of
thunder.)
************
SHAMPOO: Aiyaa!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Shampoo:
Nihao! Dreamspinner faitful Amazon sisster too Shampoo.
Dreamspinner faynd wey help Shampoo cap-chur airen, yes?
Lissen plan. Dreampinner discover existense of perfyum dat
wen worn cos whoever smell faynd werer iressisstibel. He
follow werer too ends of earth if want! You like?
Dreamspinner manaje to defeet O-ner of map, she give to
Dreamspinner in return, who now giv too Shampoo. Is taym now
for Shampoo too return too villaj wit nyu husband, yes?
Dreamspinner
-----------------------------------------------------------------
SHAMPOO: Shampoo no know Dreamspinner. That no sound like Amazon
name. But is perfect! When Shampoo find perfume, Ranma sure to
never leave Shampoo's side again! He say goodbye to violent
girl and spatula girl and come home with Shampoo to Amazon
village! (hugs herself in elation)
COLOGNE: Shampoo, are you finished with those deliveries? Or are
you just dawdling about?
SHAMPOO: Aiyaa! Shampoo forget great-grandmother. She might no
approve of plan. To be on safe side... (eyes glint) Oh, great-
grandmother! (throws up arms in welcome) We go on training trip,
yes?
************
(Shampoo laughs and flings herself into Mousse's arms. Her body
is soft and pliant as it presses against his. Tilting her
beautiful head up eagerly, Mousse bends his own and just as their
lips are about to meet... Mousse wakes up with a start.)
MOUSSE: (sighs) Great. Even my subconscious knows I'm only
dreaming. (leans back down on his pillows) Oh Shampoo... How will
I ever have you? I begun to despair! If it weren't for that
wretched Saotome...
(He lapses into silence and stares into space for a while,
thinking deeply. All of a sudden, he notices a small white
envelope slipped underneath the door and lying on the floor.)
MOUSSE: Hm? What could this be? (picks it up and starts to read)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dearest Mousse,
I have watched you and your pursuit of the beautiful
Amazon they call Shampoo for a long time. Alas! I know how
it is to love sombody without receiving their love in
return. I remember when I was a young girl. When I... But
never mind that now. To get back to the subject at hand, I
decided after a long deliberation, to aid you in your
endeavor. I know you cannot hope to win Shampoo's love
without first defeating that abominable Ranma Saotome. This
is where I can offer you my help. I have drawn a map to my
house deep in the heart of a forest. You must come to me
thus, and I will show you a technique that will render you
invincible! Not even the old ghoul who terrifies you so will
be able to lay a finger on you. And all you need do is
come...
Dreamspinner
-----------------------------------------------------------------
MOUSSE: At last! Someone who understands me! I will go, and no
one will stand in my way. (marches resolutely out of room and
into the restaurant) Shampoo! Old ghoul! I am going away and
don't try to stop me -
(He suddenly stops as he realizes he's all alone. He stares
aghast at the chairs put up on the table and the sign reading
"Cat Cafe closed. (It no your business why.)")
MOUSSE: Gak! They've already left...
************
(Back at the Tendos...)
AKANE: Aisa, is there anything wrong? You look a little glum.
AISA: What? Oh, it's nothing.
(Akane smiles and walks away to sit down next to Nabiki, who is
watching a soap opera on the TV set.)
AISA: (sighs) [If you only knew! The trick I pulled will only
keep them away a week at the most before they figure it out.
Worse, I didn't have time to copy different routes from the
atlas, so I just drew the same one in each of them. They'll all
meet up in the same place! And when they do, they are going to be
one, big, pissed off bunch. I for one do *not* want to be here
when that happens!]
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