A MATCHMAKER IN TOKYO
PART FOUR: All’s at the Fair in Love and War
(Nabiki and Aisa are in Nabiki’s bedroom. The two face each other silently; Nabiki seated on her
desk chair, Aisa perched on the edge of the bed.)
NABIKI: Let’s get down to business. For starters, *who* are you?
AISA: (shrugs) I’m...who you think I am. My name is Aisa Valenzuela, and I’m from the
Philippines. I came to the Tendo dojo to learn martial arts...that and to bring Ranma and Akane
together.
NABIKI: How’s that? Hmmm... Well, I guess it’s not that hard to believe that a complete stranger
would get as frustrated about those two as we are.
AISA: Right!
NABIKI: So that’s what you were up to with the signs. (shakes head) You know, I used to find this
on/off relationship of theirs amusing, but now it’s just plain getting on my nerves. I mean,
repair costs for the roof and dojo come in everyday! This has gotta stop.
AISA: I know. Especially when it’s so obvious to everyone else that they’re meant for each other.
(Nabiki begins to eye her shrewdly.)
NABIKI: Hmmm... So you’re a matchmaker, huh? How sure are you that you can get those two
together?
AISA: Oh, I’m very sure! I mean, I better... (laughs nervously, remembering Rumiko Takahashi’s
face)
NABIKI: Well, I’m just curious. The possibilities of this have just occurred to me. There’s a
standing bet pool going on in school. If we team up, we could make loads of money.
AISA: That’s a great idea! I just might even make enough to buy some Fushigi Yuugi novels.
Nabiki, you’re a genius.
NABIKI: Just doing what comes naturally. Still, it’s great to be appreciated by *someone* around
here. (She whips out two glasses of champagne.) Cheers! I think this could be the start of a
beautiful friendship.
AISA: Cheers! (sips from the wine glass, then immediately gags)
NABIKI: Have you got a new battle plan ready?
AISA: Who, me? Of course! In fact, it’s your presence, Nabiki, that gave it to me.
* * * * *
(That weekend, Ranma, Akane and Aisa are at the carnival.)
AKANE: Coming to the fair was a good idea, Aisa. I’m glad you thought of it.
AISA: Thanks! [Heh! Little does she know about my true motives for bringing them here! Seeing
Nabiki reminded me that in one of the anime episodes, a fortune teller told Kuno that Nabiki
would be the girl he would marry. That sure made *him* look at her in a new light. That lasted
only temporarily, but I’m still going to try to do the same for these two...only I’m playing for
keeps!] Hey, look guys! There’s the fortune teller’s tent!
AKANE: Oh? Where?
AISA: Come on! (dragging her by the arm) Let’s go have our fortunes told.
AKANE: (giggles) OK. I’m for it.
RANMA: Oh, come on, fortune telling’s for girls. (He stiffens abruptly as Akane and Aisa both
prepare to throw a bucket of water at him.) All right, all right! I’ll go. Guess I asked for
that.
(They join the sizeable line outside the tent. Aisa taps her feet impatiently, grumbling. Ranma
and Akane are then surprised when she starts elbowing her way forward over the protesting people
in front of her, to become the next in line.)
RANMA: (blinking) Geez. She sure is determined to find out what *her* fortune is. (He turns
around and starts to look around him. His eyes light up suddenly.) Awright! They’ve got that
goldfish catching stall. (He runs toward it delightedly.)
STALL OWNER: No...it can’t be! Please not you again!
RANMA: Heh heh. Better believe it, old man. (pushes sleeves up in anticipation)
AKANE: Honestly, Ranma. Don’t you tire of this?
STALL OWNER: Please, listen to the wise lady. I’ve got three of my own to feed...
RANMA: (flips him a coin) There. One hundred yen’s still the price, right?
(The stall owner breaks down and starts bawling. Akane shakes her head and looks away, disgusted
with both. She searches the line outside the tent.)
AKANE: Where’s Aisa? Oh. There she is. (She waves back at Aisa inside the tent. Aisa waves back,
and she returns her attention to Ranma.)
RANMA: Yaaaaahhhh!!!! (His hands fly at a dizzying speed as goldfish after goldfish lands in a
bowl of water. A crowd begins to form around them. The stall owner covers his face with his hands
in grief.)
(Meanwhile, inside the fortune teller’s tent...)
AISA: All right. Here’s the deal. I give you this big bag of money...
(She lays a bag on the small round table. There’s a sound of metal clinking against each other,
and the fortune teller’s eyes widen with greed.)
AISA: I’ll give you all this in exchange for a favor.
FORTUNE TELLER: Anyt’ing. Anyt’ing you want! You want good fortune? I give you best of house!
AISA: No, it’s not for myself. (She parts the flap of the tent halfway.) Do you see that short-
haired girl over there? Standing by the goldfish stall?
(Just then, Akane spots her and waves to her. Aisa waves back.)
FORTUNE TELLER: Oh. That one.
AISA: Yes. See that dark-haired boy beside her?
FORTUNE TELLER: (squinting) I see the back of head.
AISA: Well, never mind. (closes flap of tent) They’ll come in here seperately. Here’s what
fortune you’ll give to them. Tell the girl that that man is the man she’s meant to be
with forever. Tell the guy to stop being such a jerk and just admit his feelings to her. Finally.
OK? Got that?
FORTUNE TELLER: Got that. Oke-dokey.
* * * * *
(Aisa steps out of the tent, and into the bright sunshine. She squints. She can’t see Ranma or
Akane through the dense crowd that had formed around them. She is just about to join
them when a bright blue sign to her left catches her eye. Hear fascinating story LIVE, the sign
proclaimed. Underneath it was scrawled, "Freaks of Jusenkyo".)
AISA: Hmmm... What a strange coincidence. (unconsciously she starts to walk toward the sign) My
friend WordCobbler and I were planning to write a fanfic with that same exact title! How weird.
(She comes to a dead stop. Her back turned to her, there is a girl on top of a platform with
reddish-brown hair.)
AISA: No, it can’t be. Not...Sharon-chan?!
(The girl turns around at the mention of her name. A grin splits her sunny face into two. She
jumps down the stage.)
SHARON: Dreamspinner! I can’t believe it’s you. What’re you doing here?
AISA: I think that’s supposed to be my line. WordCobbler, I’m really confused. Aren’t you
supposed to be in Canada right now? And what’s with the getup and this "Freaks of Jusenkyo"
thingamajigg? (She gestures to Sharon’s elaborate Chinese costume.)
SHARON: I hope you don’t mind my borrowing our title. But it’s the only way I could persuade them
to take me to Japan with them.
AISA: Who’s "them"?!
SHARON: (throws her arms in a wide gesture that encompasses the whole fair) The circus of course!
AISA: (jaw drops open) You’ve joined the *circus*?!
SHARON: Yup. Isn’t it amazing? I thought to myself, I have to see Japan, so I signed up. I’m a
storyteller here. I weave tales about strange kids who turn into something else when hit with
cold water.
AISA: (mouth still hanging open in schock) How original.
SHARON: (smiles widely) Oh shut up! I’ll have you know my act is quite a hit around here. (She
playfully punches the still catatonic Aisa on the arm.) But enough about me. What have you been
up to?
AISA: Er...do you have a lot of time till you’re next act?
SHARON: I think so. Why?
AISA: Well, I think you better sit down for this one...
* * * * *
(Ryoga trudges wearily across the carnival grounds, barely able to keep one foot in front of the
other. He is oblivious to the merrymaking going on around him. He tilts his face upward to the
serene blue sky wistfully.)
RYOGA: [Oh, Akane. How long I have journeyed this time, just to catch another glimpse of your
beautiful face, and to have you hold me in your arms. If only you were here with me now, I
could-]
(Just then, the wind carries Akane’s voice to him.)
AKANE: Honestly, Ranma...
RYOGA: Huh? That was Akane’s voice! She’s here! Along with that cursed Ranma...
(He approaches a crowd and makes his way to the front, just in time to witness Ranma cry out and
deliver his finishing move. The last goldfish lands in the bowl. Ranma faces the crowd and bows
arrogantly. He is stunned when not a clap is given to him. He opens an eye. Everyone is looking
at him wide-eyed, expressions of incredulity on their faces. He glances at Akane. Her eyes are
narrowed in disgust.)
AKANE: Idiot.
(He looks down with dread and gulps. *He* is a girl.)
MALE SPECTATOR #1: Incredible! That guy changed into a girl!
RANMA-CHAN: [Of course! While I was catching all the goldfish, a lot of water was spraying onto
me. Oops!]
(She glances back at the gaping crowd, then smiles exuberantly.)
RANMA-CHAN: Tada!!! (strikes her best pose)
(The crowd begins to clap, still awestruck.)
MALE SPECTATOR #2: That was some trick.
FEMALE SPECTATOR: Truly amazing!
BOY: See, Mom? That woman telling the "Freaks of Jusenkyo" story was telling the truth after all.
MOM: Hush, Robbie! Just don’t look at him. I mean, her. I think...
(Ranma exhales a breath of relief.)
STALL OWNER: Here. (hefts aquarium full of fish and thrusts it toward him) Take it already.
(Ranma stares at him a moment, then smiles.)
RANMA-CHAN: Nah. You keep it.
STALL OWNER: Are you sure?
RANMA-CHAN: Yeah. I mean, what use would I have for a tank of goldfish, anyway? Besides, I can
always return and win them back.
STALL OWNER: Oh, thank you! (faces crowd) Step right up, everybody! Catch a fish, one hundred
yen!
MALE SPECTATOR #1: (approaching eagerly) Let me try.
MALE SPECTATOR #2: (pushes sleeves up) Yeah! That doesn’t look too hard.
(Akane suddenly spots Ryoga in the crowd. She waves and moves toward him.)
AKANE: Ryoga! What are you doing here?
RYOGA: Oh, h-h-hi Akane.
STALL OWNER: Step up, step up! Don’t be shy!
(Ranma takes a step toward where Ryoga and Akane are standing. There is a wicked glint in her
eye.)
RANMA-CHAN: Well? What about it, Ryoga? Care to try goldfish-catching?
AKANE: Yes, why don’t you, Ryoga? I’m sure you can do even better than Ranma here.
RANMA-CHAN: Yeah, Ryoga. Why not try? (pauses) You're not chicken, are you?
RYOGA: [Erk! I can’t risk changing into a pig in front of Akane!] Shut up, Ranma! O-O-Of course
not! It’s just... I’m allergic to goldfish. Yeah, that’s why! (laughs crazily)
AKANE: (laughs with him) My... What a strange condition!
RANMA-CHAN: (leans over) Pig. (She receives an elbow in the ribs.)
AKANE: So Ryoga. Ranma and I were planning to have our fortunes told. Would you care to join us?
RYOGA: F-For you, Akane, I’d do anything!
(Ranma looks from one to the other with narrowed eyes.)
RANMA-CHAN: Oh gimme a break. (drags Ryoga) Come on, loverboy!
(Aisa saunters over to the fortune telling booth, smiling happily.)
AISA: Gosh, what a twist of fate to meet WordCobbler here. To think, if I hadn’t come up with
this plan, I’d have never known.
(She lifts up the flap of the tent and enters. The fortune teller is counting her money at the
small round table. She grins a welcome upon spotting Aisa.)
AISA: Hi again. Did you do as I said?
FORTUNE TELLER: (makes thumbs up sign) To the letter.
(Aisa eagerly sits down on the stool in front of her.)
AISA: So. Tell me how it happened.
FORTUNE TELLER: Well, first the man came in. I told him not to be this "jerk" like you say, and
finally to admit his feelings to the girl he love.
AISA: Then what, then what?!
FORTUNE TELLER: Well, he break into tears!
AISA: Tears? Whoa, whoa. Are you sure we’re talking about the same person here?
FORTUNE TELLER: (shakes head vigorously) Can be no mistake. He cry and say how right I am...how
he such coward not to tell her sooner. Then he run out.
AISA: (laughs nervously) That’s funny. If I didn’t know better, I’d say that sounded a lot more
like Ryoga.
FORTUNE TELLER: (waves hand dismissively) In now comes the girl. I look into her palm and ooh and
ahh and say, "You very lucky girl! You have found man you will marry. He is waiting for you
outside!" Well, with that her eyes go wide and and she become very still. When she not say a
word, I lift up flap of tent and point to the man. "There he is right now!" She looks at me,
whispers, "*That* one?"
"Yes," I shout. "That man with the yellow shirt and big umbrella!"
(Aisa suddenly freezes dead still.)
AISA: What...did you just say?
FORTUNE TELLER: Well, she sounded like she can’t believe me. Like she thought I would name
someone else. So I told her, "The man with yellow shirt and big umbrella." (chuckles) After that
she have no doubts who I speak of.
(Aisa grabs the fortune teller by the collar, taking her by surprise. The woman cries out and
puts her hands up in defense.)
AISA: (through clenched teeth) Do you not like me or something?! Did you not want a lot of change
in your purse?! Because why?! Why would you do this to me?!?!
FORTUNE TELLER: What? What? I do nothing!
AISA: Nothing?! I told you to match her up with Ranma, you idiot! You matched her with *Ryoga*!
Oh you conniving little...
FORTUNE TELLER: What? Well how was I supposed to know?! You told me to match her to the guy she
was with. Well, this Ryoga was the guy she was with!
(Aisa goes cold all over.)
AISA: You mean...the guy with the pigtail wasn’t there?
FORTUNE TELLER: No!!! Guy with pigtail definitely not there.
(Aisa lets her go, a stricken expression on her face.)
FORTUNE TELLER: (nods vigorously) There was *girl* with pigtail. She came after the two were
finished. She very rude. When I gave her good fortune and told her she meet man of her dreams
very soon, she snorted loudly and muttered about listening to crap. Very unladylike!
AISA: A girl? Don't tell me she was red-haired...
FORTUNE TELLER: (leans over and whispers) Too red, if you ask me.
(Aisa is no longer listening. She is staring into space, totally stricken with shock.)
FORTUNE TELLER: Hey, I’m sorry if there was misunderstanding. But you know, there’s no refunds.
(She hugs pile of coins to herself possessively.)
AISA: Sure. Who cares about money? Sorry about the neck.
(She exits the tent in a daze, and stands outside in a stupor. It is in this state that Nabiki
finds her. She taps her on the shoulder.)
NABIKI: Hey, Aisa.
AISA: (jumps) Nabiki!
NABIKI: I came up here to check up on you. How’s our operation going?
AISA: Oh Nabiki, it’s a total disaster!!! I couldn’t have gotten things worse if I’d tried. I
don’t even know where Ranma and Akane are now.
NABIKI: Listen...it’s all right. At least one good thing came out of all this mess.
AISA: Huh? Go on, I’m listening.
NABIKI: Well, since both Ranma and Akane were gone, I decided to do some investigating around the
house.
AISA: And...
NABIKI: Well, I found something *quite* interesting... (
geocities.com/tokyo/towers) (
geocities.com/tokyo)