Ranma 1/2 Presents:
Shampoo 1/2
Standard Disclaimer: I don't own any of this stuff. It all belongs to the
Goddess Takahashi. Buy lots of Ranma stuff. Not only is it low in calories,
but it can also take care of that annoying money people keep giving you for
work. Remember, Ranma is good food.
An Alternate Universe:
(What's gone on before: In the beginning, Ranma and Genma went to
Jusenkyou. They started sparring, not realizing Shampoo and Mousse were
already engaged in a duel as well. One mid-air collision and a dunking in
spring of drowned man later, we get a male Shampoo as well as a female
Ranma. So Ranma-kun/Ranma= male. Ranma-chan= female. Shampoo-chan/Shampoo=
female. Shampoo-kun= male. Enjoy.)
Chapter 2
Ryouga and Roses
Part 1
Ryouga...
Scene: The exterior of the school. Ranma-chan, Akane, and Shampoo-kun are
just approaching Furinkan getting ready for class. We can see Shampoo-kun
is now wearing a boy's uniform. Ranma-chan remains in her red and blue
outfit.
Ranma-chan: Pop and Mr. Tendo are really starting annoy me. If they try any
harder to push us together...
Akane: Don't look at me. I certainly am not encouraging them. The less I
have to do with you the better.
Ranma-chan sticks her tongue out at Akane who swings at her with her school
bag. A bat suddenly flies and attaches itself to Ranma-chan's face.
Ranma-chan: Ahhh! Get it off me!
Akane: Stay still. I'll get it.
Using the her transdemensional mallet, Akane swings at Ranma-chan's face
full force. Fortunately for the bat it gets out of the way in time.
Unfortunately, for Ranma-chan, her face doesn't. She is sent onto the
ground from the force of the blow. The bat flies off.
Ranma-chan: (Picking herself up.)Whad'ya do that for?
Akane: Dummy. It was attacking you. It may have had rabies or something.
Ranma-chan: Talk about the cure being worse than the disease.
Akane: That's the last time I help you.
Ranma-chan: I hope so. I can take about as much of your help as I can your
cooking.
Akane: And just what is that supposed to mean?
A shouting voice breaks off the deep philosophical conversation. It's
Ryouga, who has wandered out from behind the school.
Ryouga: Ranma Saotome. Today, I will have my vengeance. (Surprisingly walks
up to Ranma-chan) It's been years of hell trying to track you down. You may
have run away from our last fight, but you won't get the opportunity to
this time.
Ranma-chan: Who are you?
Ryouga: (Stunned) You don't remember me? (Pauses. Then lets himself become
angry again) Fine. You may not remember me, but I remember you. A lot of
time may have passed, but I'd recognize those beady little eyes anywhere
(points at his eyes), and that jagged nose, (flicks nose), and those ample
breasts, (pokes breasts, then realizes something is not consistent with his
memory.) Hey! When did you get breasts?
Ranma-chan: It's a long story.
Ryouga: Wait a minute. You can't be Ranma. The Ranma I know is a guy.
Girl: (Shouting from a window) That's not Ranma you dummy. That's Shampoo.
Ranma is next to her.
Ryouga: (Looks at Shampoo-kun) You're Ranma Saotome?
Shampoo-kun nods.
Ryouga: But I ran into... (points to Ranma-chan) never mind. You look a lot
different from the way I remember you. Still, if you are Ranma Saotome,
(draws the bamboo umbrella) then prepare to die.
The girls that have been watching the scene unfold from the windows of the
school react to that statement.
Girls: Did you here that?... He's threatening Ranma... Let's get him.
The fifty or so of them jump down from the windows and rush Ryouga, who is
very confused as to why a pack of women are now after him. The stomp him
into oblivion and then toss him somewhere in orbit.
Girls: That took care of him...Probably some kind of pervert that wanted a
date with Ranma...What was with that umbrella...I think he was kind of
cute, but he was no Ranma.
Akane: So Ranma, who was that?
Ranma-chan: I have no idea. He kinda looked familiar though.
Secret Sub-basement Level four: The next day before school. The same group
here from before is gathered once again
King: All right members of GWWDRO. Our last plan did not produce the
results we were looking for. Nonetheless, with the following plan I can
anticipate an eighty percent chance of success. Now here is what...
She is suddenly cut off by a several voices speaking in unison from the
back of the room.
Voices: Worry not. This matter has been taken out of your hands.
King: (Terrified) Oh No! What are you doing here?
Voices: We cut our trip short when someone sent us a photo of the new
student. We will make him ours. Final Attack: Whirlwind Pyramid.
The last thing we see is King's hair start to rise from a gust of wind.
Outside the school the trio approaches:
Akane: I still ache from all that practice yesterday.
Shampoo-kun: Shampoo know what mean. Ranma and Pop work us hard.
Ranma-chan: Umm, guys. Where's our usual friends?
Looking into the school yard we see it is deserted of the morning
attackers.
Ranma-chan: I've got a bad feeling about this.
As if in answer to his foreboding, five girls with pompoms and identical
school cheerleader outfits appear as if looking for someone, namely
Shampoo-kun.
In unison: You are as handsome as everyone says you are Ranma Saotome.
Shampoo-kun: Who you?
In Unison: Forgive us for not introducing ourselves. We are...
Girl #1: Ayeka.
Girl#2: Kyoko.
Girl #3: Megumi.
Girl #4: Kaede.
Girl #5: And Captain Ai Konjou.
In unison again: The Furinkan High School Cheerleader squad. And we have
come to make you ours.(They strike a pose.)
Shampoo-kun: Not again.
Ranma-chan: Which one of you is gonna date him?
Together: We all will. We do everything together.
Shampoo-kun looks nauseous, Akane eyes open wide in disbelief, and
Ranma-chan just buries her face in her hands.
Ranma-chan: I don't wanna know. (To Shampoo-kun.) You go have fun. These
guys deserve whatever you do to them.
Akane: (She grabs Ranma-chan by the shoulder) No, wait. These girls are
different. They're dangerous. The principal sent them away to a cheerleader
tour of the world. The stated reason was to represent Furinkan, but the
real reason was because they were becoming too powerful and dangerous.
Ranma-chan: (Incredulously) And just how are cheerleaders dangerous?
Akane: They have perfected the technique of Martial Arts Cheeleading.
Ranma-chan: There is no such thing as Martial Arts Cheerleading.
Capt. Ai: Oh but there is, and we have perfected it. We've traveled all
over the world challenging the other schools cheerleader squads, and
triumphed over all of them. Now we stand alone. The pinnacle which others
try to climb and fail to rise. (Starts cackling insanely)
Ranma-chan: We have just got to try to get this one and Kunou together.
Shampoo-kun stands in front of the others.
Shampoo-kun: Ranma not want to fight you, but if no choice then Ranma
ready.
Ayeka: R!
Kyoko: A!
Megumi: N!
Kaede: M!
Capt. Ai: A!
In unison: Ranma! You are ours! (They strike another pose, then attack.)
They attack Shampoo-kun one after another with kicks and punches. None of
the attacks get through but it is obvious they are very skilled. The Amazon
can do nothing but counter the attacks. The girls launch themselves a
second and third time, not getting through the defense. On the fourth
attack one manages to get a glancing blow in. On the fifth attack two solid
blows land. Shampoo-kun decides to sacrifice defense for offense. He takes
two more solid blows but dishes out two in return.
Capt. Ai: You are a strong one Ranma. Whole teams have fallen to less than
what we have attacked you with. But conventional attacks are not our only
technique. Girls!
In unison: Exploding Pompom Attack.
Their pompoms start firing tiny explosives. Most head towards Shampoo-kun,
which he barely manages to dodge. Some stray shots head towards Ranma-chan
and Akane.
Ranma-chan: Look out!
She shoves Akane out of the way and then tries to dodge. She avoids a
direct hit but is caught in the blast radius of the explosion.
Ranma-chan: (Getting up) That's it. You guys are way too dangerous to let
roam free. You can hurt someone like that.
Ayeka: That someone is going to be you if you don't get out of our way.
Ranma-chan: Oh is that so?
In the meantime Kaede throws her pompoms at Shampoo-kun. To him they appear
to off target and will pass him on either side. But as they go past
Shampoo-kun he realizes they are attached together by a cord. They wrap
themselves around his legs like a pair of bolos, trapping him. Kaede moves
in for the kill but Shampoo-kun is whisked out of the way by Ranma-chan.
She quickly severs the cord lashing Shampoo-chan's legs together. They both
hurl themselves at the squad. The girls have to get out of the way of the
attacks. It isn't long before the duo start to get the upper hand. The
cheerleaders look very upset at having to back off.
Capt. Ai: O.K. team. Let's do it.
Ranma-chan and Shampoo-kun look at them bewildered. They do not understand
what kind of attack they could be planning from the range they are at.
In unison: (Shouting) THAT'S ALL RIGHT! THAT'S O.K.! THEY CAN'T BEAT US
ANYWAY!
The ground suddenly swells in front of them as a blast wave emanates from
the squad. The are caught fully by the explosion and are both stunned.
Capt. Ai: It was a brilliant fight you two. But you were no match for the
Furinkan High Cheerleader Squad.
The squad cheers, jumping up and down, and otherwise behaving like normal
cheerleaders.
Capt. Ai: Now we shall finish it. (Strike another pose.) Final Attack:
Whirlwind Pyramid.
The group starts to form a human pyramid two on the bottom, two on their
shoulders, and Capt. Ai on the top. (Think Gatchaman, G-Force, Battle of
the Planets, or whatever they called it depending on where and when you
grew up.) They start spinning around in a circle. Ranma-chan and
Shampoo-kun can do nothing but watch in stunned silence. The squad start
spinning faster and faster until they begin to lift off the ground. They
rise higher and higher until we hear a voice shout out.
Megumi: I told you we haven't mastered this well enough to use outdoors.
Kyoko: Stop spinning. I think I'm going to be sick.
The whirlwind takes off flying into the air like a miniature twister. The
fly up until they are out of sight. Akane comes over to where Shampoo-kun
and Ranma-chan are.
Akane: Well, that was anti-climactic.
Ranma-chan and Shampoo-kun stand up brushing themselves off. Shampoo-kun
and Ranma-chan look as if the just stepped in some dog excrement.
Ranma-chan: That was terrible.
Akane: What do you mean? You beat them.
Shampoo-kun: No. Ranma right. Is bad. They beat selves. We no defeat them.
If not mess up, girls win.
Ranma-chan: (Disappointed) C'mon. Let's get to class.
After school, back at the home, Akane is watching T.V.
News anchor: And on a tragic note the space station Mir had another
accident today. An atmospheric anomaly shaped like a tornado struck the
station tonight. (We see a picture of the cheerleader whirlwind striking
the space station.) This is following the incident yesterday when an
unknown object was hurled from the Earth and struck the station causing a
massive amount of damage. (We see a picture of debris and a familiar yellow
and black striped bandanna floating in space.) The object was reported seen
heading back to earth after bouncing off the station.
Akane: Wow. They really were out of control.
She gets up to check on the others in the dojo. We see Ranma-kun and
Shampoo-chan working on various techniques in an effort to overcome the
Squad's attack. Genma is observing and talking to them.
Genma: You have got to figure out a way to overcome their abilities boy.
Ranma: I'm trying to Pop, but they were really good.
Genma: That's no excuse. You have to be better.
Shampoo: But they outnumber us.
Ranma-chan: One or two I could handle, no problem. Three maybe. But all of
them together are too much.
Genma: Then whittle down the odds.
Akane: That won't be possible Mr. Saotome. They operate as a team and are
never separate. They're like one large body.
Genma: There is always a way, some weakness. No technique is perfect.
Nabiki appears from inside the house.
Nabiki: I know their Achilles Heel.
Ranma: You mean you're willing to help us Nabiki?
Nabiki: Of course! After all, you are my future brother-in-law.
Akane: How much will this cost us?
Nabiki: Not much.
Ranma: (In disbelief) You mean you're going to charge us?
Nabiki: Of course! After all, you are my future brother-in-law.
Ranma: How do we know the information is good?
Nabiki: This one time only, I am willing to give you a money back
guarantee. For only a small additional sum.
Ranma: That figures.
Nabiki gives them the information.
Ranma: That just might work. Let's write the Squad an invitation for a
little showdown.
The weekend comes and we see the bleachers are once again set up for the
showdown. Kunou, Akane, and Nabiki are in the stands watching the crowd
grow with anticipation. The cheerleader squad is standing in front of the
crowd rooting for themselves. Shampoo-kun and Ranma-chan finally appear.
Ranma-chan: Look at how they're standing.
Shampoo-kun: They make it easy.
Squad: Are you two ready for defeat?
Shampoo-kun: Guess again. Is you who fall.
Ranma-chan: Are you blowhards gonna' just stand there or are you gonna'
fight?
Capt. Ai: Very well. You asked for it. Furinkan Cheerleader Squad. Attack!
The squad leap into a fray intent on winning this quickly. They have hair
appointments to make themselves look beautiful before their date with
Shampoo-kun. Ranma-chan blocks two blows and tries to kick Megumi, but she
gets out of the way.
Megumi and Ayeka: (together) AIRRRR KICK!.
Ranma-chan recoils as she feels herself hit by what felt like a blow.
Ranma-chan: (Thinks) Great. They only need two of them to make those stupid
cheering attacks. (She manages to draw Capt. Ai into battle with her as
well.)
Shampoo-kun is once again fighting a defensive battle. However, instead of
desperation in his eyes, one sees a calculating look, almost as if he was
waiting. At last, Shampoo-kun sees the opening he's been looking for. He is
about to be attacked by Kyoko and Kaede when he rushes forward and grab
Kyoko. She tries to wriggle out of his grasp and prepares to hit him.
Shampoo-kun: It too bad Ranma not interested in dating cheerleader right
now. If he was would definitely want go out with pretty girl like Kyoko.
Kyoko keeps from striking him.
Kyoko: You're just saying that.
Shampoo-kun: No. Is true. You prettiest girl in cheerleader squad. (In
fact, even though she is pretty, she is not as good looking as the other
members of her squad.)
Kyoko: (Stops fighting) You really mean that?
Kaede: (Annoyed at her partner's gullibility.) He's lying. He's only saying
that so you won't fight.
Shampoo-kun: No, is true. No be jealous just because you ugly. (Kaede is
actually the most beautiful member of the team.)
Kaede: I am not ugly you jerk.
Kyoko: Hey! Don't get mad just because someone finally thinks I'm prettier
than you are.
Kaede: You are so full of it. I am ten times better looking than an ugly
walrus like you.
Kyoko: (Verrrry angrily) Take that back now, you cow.
Kaede: (Also verrrry angrily.) I am not a cow. (The two of them start to
fight and Shampoo-kun moves on to help Ranma-chan.)
After a few moments Ranma-chan has managed to get Ayeka one on one while
Shampoo-kun confronts the other two.
Ayeka: You're good. Why don't you join us?
Ranma-chan: I would, but I wouldn't want to make you look bad.
Ayeka: You really think your martial arts are that good?
Ranma-chan: I don't mean my martial arts, I mean my looks. After all, if I
were to stand next to you it would make your hips look even bigger than
they are.
Ayeka: (Angrily) My hips are not big. (They are the biggest on the team.)
Ranma-chan: (Trying to calm her down) Hey. There is nothing wrong with
that. I have a friend named Akane Tendo whose hips are at least as big as
yours.
Akane: (Shouting from the stands.) HEY!
Nabiki: (Who is squatting down behind Kunou shouting.) Everyone look.
Shampoo is fighting the big hipped one.
Ayeka stops. As she slowly turns we see veins popping out of her neck and
forehead. A battle aura suddenly glows from her. Ran-chan backs away out of
cautious fear.
Ayeka: WHO... SAID ...THAT!
Nabiki points to Kunou. Ayeka yells at the top of her lungs and leaps
towards Kunou. Everyone around him runs for cover but Kunou remains where
he is, oblivious to the reason for her approach.
Kunou: I see. My handsome features have captured yet another sweet damsel's
fancy. She approaches me no doubt to ask if I would date her. But alas, my
heart belongs only to Akane Tendo and Shampoo. I must refuse this lovely
lass, but gently lest I break her fragile heart. (Stands up and shouts) I
cannot date you.
Ayeka takes out a section of the bleachers with a mighty explosion as she
hits. We see an unconscious Ayeka laying in the ruins and a battered Kunou
stand up groggily from the wreckage.
Kunou: She did not take that very well. (Collapses.)
Only Megumi and Capt. Ai remain standing. They look nervous.
Capt. Ai: We aren't beaten yet.
Shampoo-kun and Ranma-chan: (In unison) Yes you are.
All it takes is one final blow from the duo to defeat the last of the
squad. Ai picks herself off of the ground, obviously beaten.
Capt. Ai: How did you do it?
Ranma-chan: You guys were tough and your technique was impressive, but you
have one flaw. Your vanity. Once we learned how conceited you guys were we
concentrated on exploiting that. After a few of you were out of the way it
was easy.
The squad, whose pride is now broken, walks away in defeat, save for Kyoko
and Kaede who are still having a catfight. Nabiki and Akane come over.
Ranma-chan: Well it looks like your information paid off. Can I have the
guarantee part of my money back?
Nabiki: No.
Akane: (Battle aura glowing.) There is still the little matter of my hips
to discuss.
Ranma-chan: There is nothing little about the matter of your hips.
Akane: RANMA NO BAKA! (Uses the wooden mallet from nowhere to strike her
hard enough to send her into orbit.)
Malia: (Who is in the stands) So. Akane missed Ranma and hit Shampoo again.
Tough luck.
Nabiki: Hey. He didn't pay me all the money yet. How am I supposed to get
it now?
Later that night in the Tendo household. The television is on the same news
station it was on the night before.
News anchor: Tragedy struck Mir once again. A third object has struck the
space station in as many days. It was a missile designed to look like a
red-haired girl. The Russian government has decided to abandon the project
until it can be learned why some power seems intent on destroying the
station. (We see a picture of Ranma-chan bouncing head first into the space
station.)
(Interlude)
Dates I
Some days later we see Akane in her gi practicing her martial arts. Soun
comes in.
Soun: Akane. How about practicing with your father for a change?
Akane: O.K. dad.
The two spar for a very short time Akane defeats him within minutes.
Akane: Wow! That was the quickest I managed to beat you. Ever.
Soun: (Impressed) It is good to see that your training has progressed so
far.
Akane: Well, almost all of my time is spent either going to school,
studying, or practicing with Shampoo and the Saotome's. I don't have time
for much else.
Soun: (Seriously) That's what I have been concerned about. So, I have
decided for you to go out and have a good time tonight, on me.
Akane: Thanks dad.
Soun: I'm sure Ranma and you will have a marvelous time together.
Akane: I'm sure we wi...wait a minute. What do you mean, "Ranma and me?"
Soun: Saotome and I decided that it is about time you two went out on a
date. After all you are already engaged.
Akane: I am not going out with that pervert!
Soun: Give the boy a chance. I am sure that if you spend some time with him
you will learn he is a kind and caring fellow.
Akane: What will happen is that he will say something terrible about me and
I will hit him. That's what always happens.
Soun: Just go out and we'll see.
Akane: (Reluctantly.) Fine.
Soun: (He starts crying.) You make your father a happy man.
Akane: (Trying to calm him) Daddy.
As soon as Ranma-chan comes home she changes to Ranma-kun. Genma comes over
to him.
Genma: Ranma do you have any plans for this evening.
Ranma: I was going to practice then, *yech*, study.
Genma: Take the night off boy. Here's some money.
Ranma: (Suspiciously) What's going on Pop? You don't give me anything
unless there are strings attached.
Genma: Nonsense my boy. No strings attached. You need a break. Have a good
night with Akane.
Ranma: Thanks, I wi...wait a minute. Did you say "with Akane"?
Genma: Of course. How can you go on a date alone?
Ranma: I don't want to date that uncute tomboy.
Genma: That "uncute tomboy" is your fiancee. You should treat her better.
Go out on a date and have fun.
Ranma: I don't consider being called a baka and then rammed into a space
station fun.
Genma: (Getting exasperated) Just treat her nice and she won't hit you.
Besides we made reservations for the two of you at a nice restaurant. This
is the only time you will get a chance to eat really good food, so don't
blow it.
Ranma: Unlike you, I don't live for food. (Thinks to self) Still, it would
be neat to eat out at a nice place for a change. And it might keep those
two off my back for a while. (Out loud) All right. I'll do it.
Genma: That's the spirit son. No go up and get changed. Akane already knows
all about it. Oh, by the way, (gets out a piece of paper.) here is the
itinerary for the rest of the evening.
Ranma: (Ranma takes the paper and heads up the stairs.) As long as I keep
my mouth shut she won't hit me and I can enjoy a nice meal. Not a bad deal.
It's just too bad the company couldn't be better.
Later we see Akane trying on dresses. She has several discarded on her bed
already.
Akane: This is my first date. Ever. Darn it! Why does every thing I have
make me look like I'm fourteen? Come to think of it why I am I getting
worked up about this? It's not like I care if Ranma looks at me or not.
(Stops and thinks for a moment) Do I?
There is a gentle rapping on the door.
Akane: Who is it?
Ranma: (Comes in. He is dressed in a nice, rented, suit and tie.) We gotta
get out of here quick.
Akane: Why?
Ranma: Our fathers are setting up a banner and party stuff downstairs for
our first "date." I don't want them to spoil the mood.
Akane: (Surprised) You don't?
Ranma: Nah. All that fiancee stuff will just spoil my digestion.
Akane: (Starting to become angry) Oh, I get it. You don't want to be seen
with me.
Ranma: No it's not that. I just want to have a good time and not think
about that stuff.
Akane: (Her anger dissipates. She gives a little smile.) I understand. I
don't like being reminded of it either.
Ranma: Then let's head out the window. (Ranma picks her up and jumps out
the window. We see Akane is lost in thought as Ranma is holding her and she
holds onto him. A small smile plays across her lips.)
About an hour later Shampoo-kun finally arrives and changes to
Shampoo-chan. She looks around the house for Ranma and Akane. She
eventually resorts to asking Kasumi if she has seen them.
Kasumi: Yes. They went out on a date.
Shampoo: They go out on date?
Kasumi: Yes. That's what I said. (Notices Shampoo-chan looks depressed.) Is
something wrong?
Shampoo: (Too quickly) No. No problem. Just get Pop to spar. (Leaves. We
see Kasumi is looking thoughtfully in the direction Shampoo-chan just
took.)
Shampoo eventually runs down Genma the two start to spar, but Genma
realizes Shampoo is not into it.
Genma: What's wrong Shampoo? (Throws a punch.)
Shampoo: Nothing wrong. (Blocks blow.) Why ask? (Goes for a kick.)
Genma: It seems that you are troubled (Dodges kick) and I just wanted to
know if I could help. (Tries a back heel leg trip.)
Shampoo: (Jumps over the attempt.)You imagine. (Throws a punch.)
Genma: I've traveled too long with you to not know your moods. (Ducks under
the punch and lightly connects with the counter-punch. )Something's
bothering you.
Shampoo: (Angrily) Shampoo say nothing bother her! (Attacks Genma with a
fierce leap kick but it is sloppy. He grabs her and throws her down hard.)
Shampoo: (Gets up.) Shampoo not feel like fight. Shampoo go study. (Turns
to leave.)
Genma: You just remember, if you need someone to talk to, you can come to
me.
Shampoo stops as if struck. We see her turn her head around slightly to
look at Genma. Her eyes are a little wide as if she was surprised. She then
turns and goes into the house.
At the restaurant we see the date going well, meaning Ranma-kun hasn't been
beaten yet. It is a rather nice place with candlelight and a gentle
atmosphere.
Akane: (Thinks) Ranma is behaving himself tonight. He hasn't said one
insulting thing yet. Of course he has hardly said anything. I wonder if...(
She speaks up) Ranma.
Ranma: (Looks up. He is stuffing food in his mouth at a rate that would
make Genma proud.) Hmmph? ( His mouth is full.)
Akane: (Disgustedly) Never mind. (Thinks) Honestly. He is such a pig.
Later we see the couple leaving a movie theater.
Akane: Our dads picked that one, didn't they?
Ranma: What was the giveaway? Was it the fact the story involved a man and
his fiancee that didn't want to be engaged at first but fall in love and
get married later?
Akane: (Gives a little chuckle)Yeah. That's what I thought. What's next in
the schedule?
Ranma: It says we're supposed to go to a wax museum. That's stupid. Whoever
heard of taking your date to a wax museum?
Akane: It sounds neat.
Ranma: (Surprised) You think so?
Akane: Uh-huh.
Ranma: (Smiles) O.K. We'll go.
They arrive at the museum. It is a typical place with wax statues of famous
people, movie monsters, infamous criminals, politicians (far more horrible
than the monsters or criminals, largely in part because they are both).
Akane seems to be enjoying it very much.
Akane: This place is neat. I haven't been to one of these in years.
Ranma: (Somewhat bored) Yeah, whatever.
Akane: Hmm. That's interesting.
Ranma: What is?
Akane: I wonder what a panda with glasses is doing in the politician
section?
Ranma immediately realizes why there is a panda with glasses in the
politician section. He turns in time to see Mousse bearing down on him in
panda form. Ranma dodges the first two blows and manages to kick Mousse in
the gut. Mousse's bulk prevents him from being moved by the strike. He
barrels into Ranma and drives him through the wall with his superior mass.
Ranma is knocked down and winded from the blow.
Ranma: (To self) Oh great. I'm not going to be able to defend myself in
time. This may be it. What a stupid way to die. Mauled by a blind panda.
Mousse runs in with teeth bearing. Ranma puts up his arm in a defensive
gesture when Mousse goes past him and starts chewing on a wax statue of
Frankenstein's Monster. He looks shocked by what he believes is Ranma's
flavor and starts spitting it out.
Ranma: (Gets up, irritated) I don't look anything like that!
Mousse charges again. Ranma realizes that while Mousse's advantage of
surprise is lost, he still has the edge in close quarters combat due to
his size, combined with Ranma's lack of fighting room. He manages to trick
Mousse into blowing open a hole to the street with one of his exploding egg
grenades. Ranma runs outside immediately. He looks the street over and
forms a plan before Mousse can get outside. The near blind panda crashes
into the wall while trying to run out the hole. He picks himself up and
makes the hole on the second try. Once outside he starts looking for Ranma.
He sees a figure standing in a pool of water, which is forming from a
broken fire hydrant, with a jacket on similar to Ranma's. He rushes forward
into the pool of water and knocks the head off of what he thinks is Ranma.
It turns out he has done nothing more than knock over a mannequin wearing
Ranma's jacket. He starts throttling the now headless dummy until he hears
a voice above him. He looks up. It's Ranma-kun hanging upside down from a
light. He is holding what appears to be an electrical wire in his hand.
Ranma: Looking for me furball?
Ranma drops the live wire into the pool which causes Mousse's hair to stand
on end. He falls over as both he and the line short out.
Ranma: (Hops down and picks up the jacket. It is ruined.) Moron. I only
used electricity so the fight wouldn't last long enough to ruin the suit.
Pop ain't gonna be happy. (Smiles at unconscious Mousse.) I'll make a quick
call and notify the zoo one of their pandas has escaped. We'll see if you
can find hot water there.
Ranma finishes making the call as Akane finally joins him.
Ranma: (Sarcastically) You were a lot of help.
Akane: You seemed to have everything under control. Besides, you called me
stupid the last time I tried to help you fight him.
Ranma: I don't call distracting me by calling me a baka help.
Akane: Fine. I won't assist you anymore.
Ranma: Good. Besides, it's not like someone as bumbling as you could help
me anyway.
Akane: RANMA NO BAKA! (Punches him far away.)
She watches his form start to dwindle. The look of anger in her eyes
becomes one of sorrow.
Akane: (To self) Thanks for ruining my date, jerk.
In the backyard of the Tendo dojo, we see Nabiki, Kasumi, and Genma are
present. There is a high pitched whistle that is getting louder.
Nabiki: It sounds like we are going to have company.
Kasumi: I'll get the hot water ready. (Walks into the kitchen.)
The whistling in the air gets louder as Ranma-kun hits the pond and turns
to Ranma-chan. She floats to the surface face down. Genma comes over and
picks her up by the collar.
Genma: So, how did your date go?
Ranma-chan: Well, we went to dinner, saw a bad movie, went to a wax museum,
got attacked by a nearsighted panda, and then I got sent here courtesy of
the Akane Uppercut Express.
Nabiki: So the evening went pretty much the way you figured it would?
Ranma-chan: (Sighs) Yeah.
Genma: (Cheerfully) This is wonderful boy! (He puts Ranma-chan down.)
Ranma-chan: (Irritated) And how do you figure that?
Genma: Akane didn't hit you until the third event of the evening. Your
relationship is improving.
Kasumi: (Who has returned without a kettle.) That's true. Ordinarily, she
would have struck you before you got ten feet from the house.
Ranma-chan: I don't consider getting clobbered by my date at anytime an
"improvement." (Starts to walk away) I'm gonna do something constructive,
like study. (Shudders) Well, maybe not that, but I'll do something.
(Leaves.)
Ranma-chan is walking through the house when she goes by Shampoo-chan's
room. The door is open and she sticks her head in.
Ranma-chan: Hi.
Shampoo: (Turns to face Ranma-chan) Nihao. How date go Ranma?
Ranma-chan: Real bad. Mousse is back in town.
Shampoo: (Sighs) Mousse no change. Not know when to give up. Always like
that. He try to beat Shampoo and make wife for many years.
Ranma-chan: (Surprised) You never told us that. So, you got feelings for
him or something? (He says the last part in a way that implies romance.)
Shampoo: (Disgustedly) Not like Mousse that way, but he not understand.
Mousse was good friend, (Pause, then almost inaudibly) Mousse about only
friend.
Ranma-chan: (Not hearing clearly.) What was that?
Shampoo: Shampoo say Mousse not same anymore. Shampoo think turning into
panda change him more ways than one. (Her anger intensifies) Mousse stupid,
think Shampoo get kidnapped. No one make Shampoo do what she not want.
Shampoo not want Mousse fight with Ranma and Pop. Shampoo give him Kiss of
Death if he not stop.
Ranma-chan: (Trying to calm her down) Ease up. I didn't mean to get you
angry. Look let's forget about him. I mean it's not like he can stop us any
way. I haven't even practiced today, so let's go. (Pauses) Besides, I need
to blow off some steam too.
The two go off to spar. We Shampoo smiling a lot more than she has all
evening.
Later in the evening we see two men in zoo uniforms lugging an unconscious
panda to the panda pen.
Worker #1: Cheez, dis one weighs a ton.
Worker #2: You sure this guy's one of ours. (Does a quick count of the
pandas.) I think they're all here.
Worker #1: Look. On the offhand chance it does happen ta belong ta
somebody, they're sure to look here.
Worker #2: But how are we going to know which one it was?
Worker #1: Stoopid. It'll be da one wit da glasses.
They throw the panda into the water in the pen. The water revives Mousse.
He looks up to see the other pandas looking at him. He shakes his fur to
dry off and sits a little ways off. He somehow produces a tea set from his
fur and then a little burner for the teapot. The other pandas watch as he
lights the burner and starts warming the water.
Part 2
...and Roses
The Tendo Dojo after school the next day. We see Akane and a school girl
talking with one another. Ranma-kun comes in and sees the girl. He
immediately follows his instincts that the girl is here for one thing,
Shampoo-kun.
Ranma: (Shouting) Look out Akane! (Attempts to deliver a Dragon Stamp to
the newcomer.)
Akane: No! Wait Ranma! (Blocks his kick by placing her fist in his face.)
She's here for me, not Sham...(Catches self) Ranma.
Girl: Akane. Why did you call him Ranma?
Ranma: (Remembering the incident his pop mentioned with the girl and his
father the other night.) Because I am Ranma, Shampoo's brother.
Girl: (Pauses for a moment to process the information) You look a lot like
her. (Turns to Akane) It must get pretty confusing around here with two
Ranmas, huh?
Akane: (Dryly) You don't know the half of it.
Girl: Anyway, will you do it?
Akane: If it's for the school I guess I have no choice.
Girl: Thanks! You don't know how much this means to me. (She gets up and
leaves. Ranma notices she has a limp.)
Ranma: What was that all about?
Akane: She needed help. She belongs to the Furinkan Gymnastics Team. They
have a match coming up with St. Hebereke's. The star on that team is some
nutcase called "The Black Rose." She ambushed our team before the contest
so they couldn't compete. From what I understand, she does that to all her
opponents so she'll win all her matches by default.
Ranma: So why did they come to you? You're no gymnast.
Akane: Well it's Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics. She explained how it
works to me. You have to use weapons to take out your opponent during the
match. Since I'm one of the few martial artists she knows, she came to me.
It's for the pride of the school. I can't say no.
Ranma: You going to wear a leotard for this?
Akane: Of course. It's gymnastics.
Ranma: (Thoughtfully) That might work. (Grabs Akane's shoulders and looks
her in the face. His own is a mask of determination.) Akane. Here's my
advice to you.
Akane: (Taking it quite seriously.) Yes.
Ranma: Go to the ring with a robe on over your leotard. When you get in the
ring, take it off. Then, while she's laughing, you hit her with your best
shot.
Akane: (Angrily) I'll hit you with my best shot. (Picks up a table and
knocks him unconscious with it. She leaves it upside down on top of him.)
Kasumi's voice is heard from the kitchen.
Kasumi: What was all that noise? (Enters the room and sees the carnage.)
Oh, Ranma. Thank you for trying to set up the table, but I'm afraid it's
all wrong. (She sets the table up correctly, placing it directly above his
still unconscious form. She then leaves the room, humming a little tune to
herself.)
At the Zoo, the two workers decide to check on "their" panda. They open the
door to see four pandas, none with glasses, sitting, calmly sipping tea
from the cups of the tea service.
Worker #1: I think there was somethin' odd about that panda.
We see Mousse has gotten out of the panda pen and is looking for a way out
of the zoo. He goes up to a blurry figure.
Mousse: Excuse me sir. Do you know the way to the Tendo Dojo?
Mousse has in fact walked up to a gorilla's cage, with a gorilla in it,
whom he is addressing. It is an irate gorilla, since he hasn't been fed
yet. He grabs Mousse and tries fitting him through the bars.
At the Tendo residence, we see Akane is in the dojo working out with the
gymnastic tools her friend left her. She succeeds only in entangling
herself with the ribbon and getting caught in the hoop. She screams out in
anger at the tools, calling them all sorts of names she usually reserves
for Ranma. Shampoo-chan enters the practice floor amazed by the mess Akane
has made.
Shampoo: Why Akane practice with stuff?
Akane explains the situation to Shampoo-chan who listens with a more
sympathetic ear than Ranma.
Shampoo: Shampoo can teach Akane a little about gymnastics.
Akane: You know gymnastics?
Shampoo: Aiya. Shampoo learn when very young. Help her prepare for combat.
Akane: Did everything you do go towards combat?
Shampoo: (Sadly) Yes.
Shampoo starts showing Akane some basic things about gymnastics.
Unfortunately, Akane's enthusiasm does not make up for her lack of grace.
As she tries one of the more difficult maneuvers, she slips on one of the
balls laying on the floor and twists her ankle. Shampoo calls Kasumi to
confirm what she already fears. The ankle is sprained.
Akane: (Sadly) Great. How am I supposed to fight when I can't even walk?
Shampoo: No can stand, no can fight.
Akane: But I promised.
Shampoo: Shampoo fight instead of Akane.
Akane: You sure?
Shampoo: (She nods.) Is Shampoo school too.
Akane thanks Shampoo and watches her practice. She hates to admit it, but
Shampoo is a lot better at it than she was, no doubt due to the gymnastics
training and years of weapons combat. After watching Shampoo practice for a
few hours, Akane decides to go to bed. She enters her room with a great
deal of caution, looking for any of the usual girls who break into the home
to attack Shampoo. As she carefully scans the room she sees a few telltale
strands of black hair sticking down from the rafters in the ceiling over
her bed. She runs over, jumping up and grabbing the hanging figure we
recognize as Kodachi. Kodachi is stunned in disbelief.
Kodachi: How could you have known I was there?
Akane: Come on. This is the third time this week one of you has used that
place as an ambush spot. And I'll tell you the same thing I told the
others. This is not Ranma's room! (She belts Kodachi out the window and
watches the disappearing form.) Wait a minute. Wasn't she wearing a
gymnasts outfit?
On the roof we see Mousse has not only escaped from the gorilla, but found
the dojo as well.
Mousse: That's the last time I ask a convict for directions. Now at last I
have found the Tendo Dojo again and can revenge myself upon the accursed
Ranma Saotome and his equally evil father, whatever his name was! Then I
will free Shampoo from their evil clutches and marry her. (Starts crying)
Oh Shampoo, how I have missed you. It has been far too long since I have
challenged you to a marriage dual, but I shall rescue you, and you will be
mine. (Looks up to the sky.) That's odd. I don't remember it being a full
moon out tonight.
Kodachi's rear end promptly strikes Mousse squarely in the face. He is
knocked down and very stunned. She looks down to see who has broken her
fall.
Kodachi: (Thinks) Oh! This man has saved me from possible death. And he is
handsome. I have always dreamed that such a man would come to me. Long have
I imagined a moment like this. (Mousse starts to get up.) He has such
handsome eyes. (Mousse's glasses have been knocked off his face.
Mousse: (Feeling what might be a woman on him.) Oh, Shampoo. You have come
to me at last. (He hugs Kodachi.)
Kodachi: (Happily surprised.) This is so sudden. What is your name?
Mousse: Don't you recognize me? It's Mousse.
Kodachi: (Romantically) Mousse-sama.
Mousse realizes that it is not Shampoo's voice. He grabs his glasses to get
a better look at just who he hugged.
Mousse: You aren't Shampoo.
Kodachi: (Arranging something behind her back.) I have no shampoo to give
you. But perhaps these will do.
She holds a bouquet of black roses in her hands. The master of the hidden
weapon has only a moment to admire her abilities as to where they came
from, as she is only wearing a leotard, before the bouquet emits a cloud of
paralyzing gas which causes Mousse to freeze up. Kodachi leans over the
prone Mousse.
Kodachi: (Romantically) Mousse-sama, are you ready for that which will seal
our destiny?
She leans over to kiss him. Just as her lips are about to meet his, she is
punted off the roof by Akane.
Kodachi: (Sadly) Goodbye my darling. Until we meet again.
Akane: (Shouting) And don't come back, you hear me. (Looks down at the
still paralyzed Mousse.) Who are you? (Pauses, then recognition registers.)
You're that baka that ruined my date the other night. Mousse, right? Well
I'll tell you the same thing I told your girlfriend. (Punts Mousse) Don't
come back, you hear? (Stomps off.)
The next day the match is being prepared. Kasumi, Soun, and Genma are
sitting together in chairs along the floor. Tatewaki Kunou is located a
little ways off in the bleachers. Back in the dressing room, Akane and
Shampoo-chan are making last minute preparations.
Akane: Are you sure you want to do this as a girl? You are taking a bit of
a risk.
Shampoo: Can no go in as boy. Shampoo not mind. Beside, no other person can
do. Unless want Ranma.
Akane starts giggling uncontrollably.
Shampoo: What wrong Akane?
Akane: I just pictured Ranma in leotards.
Shampoo sits there for a moment, then joins in the laughter. A knocking is
heard on the door.
Akane: (Trying to get control of herself.) Come in.
Ranma-kun walks in. The two girls stare at him in silence for a moment,
then point and start laughing twice as hard as before.
Ranma: What did I do now? (The two laugh so hard tears are coming out of
their eyes.) Fine. If that's the way you're going to be about it, I'm
leaving. (He closes the door on the two laughing girls.)
The girls eventually regain control and head toward the ring. Shampoo-chan
enters the ring dressed in a purple leotard, she is joined in her corner
by: Akane as her coach, Ranma-kun as her trainer, and Nabiki sitting on a
stool as the manager.
Akane: I know why Ranma and I are here Sis, but what about you?
Nabiki: Are you kidding? Do you have any idea how much money I make off of
our little Shampoo? If her identity is blown I can kiss my cash, as well as
my reputation, good-bye. That's why I have this. (She holds up a kettle of
hot water.)
Ranma: (Sarcastically) Well, as long as your heart is in the right place.
Akane: Here she comes.
Kodachi is lowered from the roof by what appears to be a swing. She is
dressed in her gymnastics outfit with black rose in mouth.
Kodachi: It is time. Are you prepared for your downfall Akane...(Stops,
realizing it is not Akane in the ring) A substitute. How underhanded. I
admire your sneakiness Akane Tendo, but your subterfuge will avail you not.
(Turns to Shampoo-chan as she sets down) And what is your name lavender
one?
Shampoo: Am Shampoo Saotome.
Crowd: Shampoo...Saotome... What could it mean?...Is she related to
Ranma?...Looks like him...Strong family resemblance...She's gorgeous...It's
not fair to have two family members so beautiful.
Akane: (Shaking her head.) I can't believe they fell for that.
Kunou: Interesting. She bears the same name as my beloved Shampoo, though
her appearance is clearly different from one of my true loves. Still to be
related to the accursed Ranma Saotome is burden enough.
Malia: Hey. Ranma's down there too.
Kunou: (Within earshot.) Where? I see him not.
Malia: I mean Ranma, Shampoo's brother, not the Ranma that's Shampoo's
bro...(Trails off realizing just how confusing the situation is.)
Kunou: He is related to my Shampoo?
Malia: Yes. He's related to the red head, not the purple head. (Confused)
I think.
Kunou rushes over to Ranma-kun, flowers in hand. Ranma-kun panics as sees
Kunou obviously heading towards him bearing flowers.
Ranma: (Thinks) How did he find out?
Kunou: Ranma. Give these to your sister. (Hands over bouquet.) Tell my love
I shall meet her after the match to date her.
Ranma gives a disgusted look as he handles the flowers.
Akane (Thinks) Thank goodness he didn't get me any.
Kunou: (Holds a second bouquet from out of nowhere. Perhaps he picked up
the trick from his sister.) Akane Tendo, these are for you. Let us date
after the match.
Ranma: And just how do you date two girls at once?
Kunou: It is difficult, but neither can exist without my presence for
overlong. A burden for myself, I realize.
Ranma: (Disgusted) Yeah. Whatever.
Nabiki: Did you get me any?
Kunou: Why would I get flowers for a mercenary such as yourself?
Kodachi: (Shouting) Brother dear. Why are you in the enemy's camp?
Kunou: (Bows gracefully to Kodachi) I apologize my sister. However, I am
forced to use intermediaries for contacting my beloved.
Akane: (In shock) She's your sister?
Kunou: She is indeed my twisted sister. The depraved Black Rose of St.
Hebereke, Kodachi Kunou.
Ranma: I wish I didn't know.
Akane: (Shouts into ring) Shampoo. She's a Kunou. That makes her doubly
dangerous. Watch out!
Shampoo nods. It is at this moment Mousse decides to put in his appearance.
He jumps down from the ceiling girders and lands next to Akane.
Mousse: Shampoo. I heard about this fight and came to help you. (Hugs
Akane.)
Akane: Let go of me you jerk!
Mousse lets go of her and starts speaking to one of the corner posts.
Mousse: Fear not Shampoo, I will protect you.
Kunou: (Looking around) Where is my beloved?
Akane: He means the other Shampoo you dope.
Kodachi: (Sees Mousse and starts jumping up and down gleefully)
Mousse-sama. You have come to witness my victory. I am so moved. (Moves her
hands behind her.) Here. Some more flowers for you. (Whips out another
black bouquet.)
Mousse: (Actually manages to see what she's holding) Ahhh! Not Again! (He
throws an ax from his sleeves and cuts the bouquet in half. Then starts
talking to Kodachi) I don't know what your game, is but stay away from me.
Kodachi: Mousse-sama, how can you say such things? (Her eyes start tearing
up. At this point Mousse realizes the Shampoo he is looking for is already
in the ring.)
Mousse: Shampoo my love. (Jumps into ring and gets thrown into the mat by
Shampoo for his troubles.)
Kodachi: (To Shampoo) You wicked girl. You have somehow cast a spell on my
beloved. How dare you try to force apart two lovers. I will make a deal
with you. If I defeat you, you will release your hold over my Mousse so
that we may be together and you will relinquish any claim you may have on
him.
Mousse: (Recovers enough to speak) You will never defeat Shampoo, she is
invincible. (Crosses arms.) My situation is secure. (Gets out of the ring
and takes a seat next to Ranma-kun.)
Shampoo: (Thinks) If Shampoo lose fight then lose Mousse. That good. But if
lose fight then lose honor. That bad. (She clutches her head and shouts out
loud) Is too hard decision to make!
The struggle Shampoo has deciding whether or not to throw the fight does
not go unnoticed. Genma shouts to throw it, Akane says not to. Shampoo
looks to Ranma for the deciding vote.
Ranma: It's a no lose situation. Do what ever you want.
Shampoo: If Shampoo win fight then stuck with Mousse, that bad. But Shampoo
promise Akane win fight. Must keep promise no matter how much it
hurt.(Looks towards Mousse.) And it hurt lots.
Kodachi: Prepare for your downfall. Mousse-sama, we shall be together soon.
OHHOHOHOHOHOHO.
Kodachi opens the fight by trying to hit Shampoo with her ribbon, which she
dodges. Shampoo returns the favor by trying to strike Kodachi with her own
ribbon. Kodachi gets out of the way so gracefully it appears she was not
even trying to dodge.
Kodachi: (Disdainfully) You call that an attack? This is an attack.
Kodachi switches to pins. She hurls one at Shampoo which is dodged. She
hurls a second pin which is batted out of the air by Shampoo's ribbon. On
the third toss Kodachi chooses a somewhat bent one that sails wide.
Shampoo: Crazy Gymnast Girl no can throw straight.
Shampoo fails to see the club arc like a boomerang towards her back. Akane
tries to shout out a warning, but it is too late. Shampoo is struck in the
back of the head, momentarily stunned. Kodachi presses her advantage and
wraps her ribbon around Shampoo's ankles. She then swings Shampoo around
once and hurls her over the top rope.
Kodachi: So long harridan. Mousse my love! I'm coming for you.
She whips out her make-up kit and starts to apply it. Shampoo in the
meantime manages to grab the top rope and twist so to use the momentum of
the swing to spin between the top and second ropes. She then lets go with
her feet pointed to Kodachi like some kind of human missile.
Kodachi: (Drops the make up kit.) You must use a weapon to attack. Bare
handed and bare feet attacks are prohibited.
Shampoo: Shampoo know. Ball!
Akane throws a ball at Kodachi's stomach. It arrives a split second before
Shampoo. She uses the ball as a weapon and drives it into Kodachi's
midsection with her feet.
Kodachi: (Winded) A good...(Pauses to catch breath) attack. Let us see how
you deal with this. Hoop!
One of Kodachi's seconds throws a hoop to her which she snags by placing
her arm through the middle of the ring. She then hurls the hoop like a
Frisbee. Shampoo senses something wrong with the seemingly innocent weapon
and jumps over it. The hoop goes sailing into the crowd. Genma has just
enough time to get his legs up when the hoop slices through the legs of the
chair, causing him to fall on his rump.
Mousse: I can't see anything. (He is pointed in the direction opposite the
ring on his chair.)
Ranma: (Picks his chair up and points it in the right direction.) There.
Can you see now panda-boy?
Mousse: Yes. Thank you very much. (Suddenly realizes who he is next to.)
Ranma! You enemy of women. I don't know how you managed to substitute that
bokken wielding idiot in your place. But I will get you this time.
Ranma: That happened two fights ago. Why didn't you complain about it last
time? You should be angry about your electro-shock treatment now.
Mousse: Because pandas can't talk you fool!
Ranma: Why don't you use signs?
Mousse: That is the most stupid thing I ever... (Pauses) Wait, that just
might work.
He gets a wooden sign and some markers out and sits on the ground writing
on the board.
Mousse: (Finished. On the board is written) There! How's this?
Ranma stomps on his head and drives it into the sign.
Ranma: Not now you baka! You're human! Well, mostly.
Mousse: (Picks self up. Glasses have light glaze over them.) You will pay
for that indignity Saotome.
Mousse pulls a cat's claw from one of his sleeves and slashes at Ranma.
Ranma decides to take the fight away from Akane and Nabiki, so he runs
under the ring and Mousse follows. We see two dozen girls in leotards run
out from under the ring, followed by Ranma, then Mousse. We hear Kodachi
mumble about losing her "Ace in the Hole." Mousse has lost sight of Ranma
even though he stands not more than six feet away.
Mousse: (Looking around.) There you are Ranma! (He hurls a dozen knifes at
a blur which turns out to be Kodachi. She dodges the volley.)
Kodachi: (Reproachful) Mousse-sama. That's me you are throwing at.
Mousse: Sorry. (Looks around again.) There you are Saotome! (Throws knives
at the next blur, Shampoo, who barely gets out of the way)
Shampoo: (Angrily) Aiya! Stupid Mousse! You throw at Shampoo.
Mousse: Forgive me Shampoo. (Draws back to throw at next blur. This one
happens to be Akane.) There you are Ranma!
Ranma stops Mousse by shouting at him.
Ranma: Mousse, he's over there. (Points to Kunou.)
Mousse: There you are Saotome! Prepare to die!
He throws knives at Kunou whose arms and legs end up pinned to the
bleachers behind him.
Kunou: That fool. He will pay dearly for this injustice. But first, I must
relieve myself. (Tries to move, but discovers he is well fastened to the
wall.) Will someone please help me down? (There are no takers. Kunou
starts to squirm as best he can.)
Shampoo: Mousse you want help Shampoo?
Mousse: Of course my love.
Shampoo wraps her ribbon around him and unceremoniously dumps him in the
ring. She then picks him up by his ankles, holds him upside down, and
starts dropping him head first into the mat while holding him up by his
ankles. Every time his head hits the mat, objects come out of his robe. We
see knives, axes, chains, polearms, duck potty training seats, a Chrysler
Cordoba fall out. Finally Shampoo sees what she wants.
Kodachi: You harridan. Do not harm my Mousse.
Shampoo: What hairy den?
Kodachi: A harlot.
Shampoo: What har lot?
Kodachi: (Irate) Don't you understand anything? How about this: Bimbo.
Shampoo: Aiya! Shampoo not bimbo! Besides, she done with stupid Mousse
anyway. (Drops him on his head. She then reaches down and picks up an egg.)
Kodachi: What are you going to do with that? Hard boil me to death?
Shampoo: Not exactly.
She hurls the egg at Kodachi. It lands at her feet and she smirks at it.
Then the egg explodes. By some miracle she is still in the ring and, though
singe covered, barely hurt. Shampoo picks up another one and hurls it too.
Kodachi: Oh no you don't. If you use my Mousse, I shall use your Ranma.
Her ribbon twirls around Ranma, binding his arms, and hurls him into the
path of the egg. Shampoo yells and propels herself with all her might to
get to Ranma before the egg and get him out of the way. She is partially
successful as she gets Ranma untied but they are both caught by the
shockwave of the explosion. Both are hurled out of the ring. Just as they
are about to hit the floor a stream of water hits both and starts to push
them back into the ring. We see Akane has picked up a fire hose and is
using the pressure to lift them back into the ring.
Nabiki: (Shouting) Are you insane?
Akane: I'm just pushing them back into the ring.
Nabiki: You're using cold water!
Akane looks horrified at the stream. She knows what she is looking for and
can just make out that Ranma-kun and Shampoo-chan's forms have changed.
They are in the middle of the stream and their forms can barely be made
out, so the general public is unaware of the transformation.
Akane: What do we do? (The pressure is going to throw them out of the
ring.)
Nabiki: When I say kill the hose, kill the hose. (Nabiki hurls her kettle
where she believes the pair will be in the next second.) Now!
Akane shuts off the hose. We see for the briefest of moments Ranma-chan and
Shampoo-kun. The kettle hits them an instant later, changing them back. The
few people that thought they saw something chalk it up as a hallucination.
Ranma-kun and Shampoo-chan land in the ring.
Shampoo: Ranma leave. Is Shampoo fight. (Ranma gets out. Shampoo yells to
Akane.) Bonbori. (Akane throws Shampoo her Bonbori.)
Kodachi: You are a stubborn one. I'll give you that. (Yells to second.)
Boom ball.
The Second throws a gunpowder laden ball to her. Kodachi then throws it at
Shampoo. She bats it back with her bonbori. Kodachi ducks the ball which
explodes just outside of the ring. Kodachi then elects to try her clubs
again. She hurls dozens of them at Shampoo. Shampoo merely spins one of her
bonbori's in her hand so quickly that it acts as a shield, deflecting the
pins away before ever reaching her. Shampoo works her way closer until she
can swing at Kodachi. As she swings the Black Rose leaps over the bonbori
swung at her, and uses the one which is upraised to strike a second blow as
a springboard into the air. She then calls for a hoop which she receives,
and throws it at Shampoo. The hoop severs one of the bonbori at the handle.
Shampoo pulls out her ribbon so she has a weapon in each hand again.
Kodachi beats her to the punch as she lands on top of a corner post and
uses her own ribbon to tie up Shampoo. She drops her remaining bonbori to
the ground. Kodachi tries to whip her around again, but Shampoo braces
herself. Her superior strength holds out and she remains upright. Shampoo
then manages to flick her wrist so that her ribbon is now attached to
Kodachi's ankles. She then kicks the remaining bonbori like a soccer ball
so that it hits Kodachi in the head. Kodachi is so stunned that she lets go
of her ribbon. Shampoo then swings Kodachi around a dozen times and
releases her. She goes sailing out of the ring.
Ring Announcer: And the winner of the match is Shampoo Saotome. Fortunately
for The Black Rose, her brother broke her fall.
We see Kodachi has landed, head first, on top of her brother's skull. A
huge lump forms on top of Kunou's head which unbalances Kodachi enough so
that she falls off. The impact has freed Kunou form his, pinning
predicament. He runs off. Kodachi lands gracefully and walks over to where
Shampoo is standing. There is a moment of tension.
Kodachi: (To Shampoo) I will honor our pact.(To Mousse) Farewell my
darling.(Tears start forming in her eyes.)
A voice rings out over the PA system.
Voice: THIS SHALL NOT BE!.
The lights suddenly go out in the gym. Three spotlights come on. They are
centered upon Kodachi, Mousse, and Ranma-kun. We see it was Ranma voice,
for he is holding a microphone. Tragic love music starts playing.
Ranma: How can this be? How can we allow this beautiful, single black rose
among a field of red to be unclaimed? She has fought long and hard for her
love, and to have him taken away by fate is too much to bear. (We hear
women in the background start to cry.) But this fate can be avoided.
(Points to Mousse who is caught somewhat offguard by all this attention)
Only a heartless and cruel man could be capable of casting off this vision
of loveliness. You are not cruel and heartless, are you Mousse?
Shampoo: (Goes over to Mousse and whispers) You not heartless, right
Mousse?
Mousse: (Sweatdrop appears behind head) No. NO! I'm not heartless.
Shampoo: (Quietly) Shampoo knew.
Ranma: (Walking up to Kodachi and taking her hand, he walks her towards
Mousse.) We knew this. You are a man of great honor and know what to do
when a situation like this arises.
Mousse: (Clearly having no idea what to say.) Umm, of course I do.
Genma: (Suddenly appears behind Mousse.) Then go to her boy. (He pushes
Mousse from behind into Kodachi. He takes a step back after nearly bowling
her over.)
Kodachi: (Looking up at Mousse, tears in her eyes) Oh, Mousse my love!
A ribbon snakes out from Shampoo-chan which ties the two of them tightly
together.
Kodachi: (Placing her head on Mousse's chest) Mousse-sama, you hold me so
close.
Mousse: (Angrily) That's only because we're tied up.
A girl from the crowd: That's so romantic.
Girl #2: I wish some guy would do that to me.
Mousse is taken off guard again by people saying he is romantic. A word
never used to describe him before.
Ranma: And now that they have declared their love for one another. It is
time for these two lovebirds to be alone for a while. Perhaps a trip far,
far, away.
Kunou: (Shouts out) Hold. (He is closing up his uniform after finally
gotten a chance to "relieve himself" at a nearby restroom.) I have not had
my say in this family matter.
Ranma walks over and whispers in Kunou's ear.
Ranma: There's some pictures of Shampoo and Akane in it for you.
Kunou: (Shouts.) Sold! (Realizes what he has said.) I mean, (Suddenly
appears next to Kodachi and Mousse.) Sister, I see this man has stolen your
heart and given you a happiness which glows in your eyes. Who am I to come
between two whose fates are linked together? (To the crowd.) I give my
blessings to this relationship. (Puts his hands on both their shoulders.)
Kodachi: Thank you brother.
Mousse: (Now desperate to get out of this situation.) But I don't have any
money for a trip.
Ranma: (With a sinister smile on his face.) Leave that to us.
Ranma, Genma, and Shampoo grab a huge shipping crate and throw it over the
two "lovebirds". We see it has destinations of New York, Hawaii, Siberia,
and Timbuktu, among others. They then proceed to nail it shut at blinding
speed. All three of them pick up the crate and toss it onto the back of a
waiting pick-up truck which drives off to the airport at top speed.
Genma: It's true.
Shampoo: (Tears starting to form in her eyes.) It finally happen.
Ranma: We've finally lost that moron, and we got rid of that psycho gymnast
to boot.
The three link arms and start dancing in a circle to the tune of "Ding Dong
the Witch is Dead."
Akane: Honestly. I think they're overreacting.
Epilogue
The scene is a hilltop overlooking Nerima. A small trolllike figure with a
gnarled staff is looking at the city. We see a ticket stubs with the names
of Shampoo, Ranma Saotome and Genma Saotome on it.
Cologne( <>In Chinese)
End Notes: When I wrote this I was unaware of Mariko and martial arts
cheerleading. Once I found out about it, I modified the story slightly. I
decided not to transfer Mariko to Furinkan, so I came up with this. I might
have other plans for her. Why don't they show up in the "real" Ranma
universe. Ai and her buddies never made to the mainstream universe because
their charter plane crashed in a deserted island in the middle of the
Pacific. Curiously, no one ever felt the urge to look for them. Yes. Ai's
last name should look familiar next to cheerleader. That was no
coincidence.
(
geocities.com/tokyo/towers) (
geocities.com/tokyo)