Ranma 1/2 Presents:
Shampoo 1/2
Chapter 5
Of Spatulas and Men
Standard disclaimer:
I don't own any of these characters, nor pretend to. They are owned by the
Goddess Takahashi and whomever she sold the rights to. Remember Ranma is
good food.
An alternate universe.
(Some of what's gone on before. In the beginning, the Saotome's traveled to
Jusenkyou and started to spar not realizing Shampoo and Mousse had already
begun a dual there. One mid-air collision and dunking in Spring of Drowned
Young Man later we have a male Shampoo as well as a female Ranma.
[Ranma-kun/Ranma= Male. Ranma-chan= female. Shampoo/Shampoo-chan= female.
Shampoo-kun= male.] Shampoo elected to travel to Japan with Ranma. Upon
arrival, in a case of mistaken identity, she was briefly engaged to Kasumi.
Once that was sorted out Ranma became engaged to Akane. On the first day of
school, confusion and water mixed, and everyone there now believes
Ranma-chan is Shampoo and Shampoo-kun is Ranma. Worse yet, Nabiki informed
the female student body that all they needed to do to date the "Handsome
Ranma" was defeat him in combat. [Sound familiar?] Since then, encounters
and battles with Ryouga, Kodachi, cheerleaders, and others too numerous to
mention have occurred. At the end of last chapter, a certain somebody at an
all boy's school heard about the antics of one "Ranma Saotome" and has
become very interested in settling an old score...)
As always, any C+C (flames included) would be appreciated. sommer@nb.net.
For previous chapters just ask at sommer@nb.net I'll be more than happy to
provide.
The scene opens in the Tendo's backyard. It is late at night. We see a fire
burning in the center of the yard. Gathered around it in clockwise order
are: Kasumi, Soun, Nabiki, Genma, Ranma-kun, and Shampoo-chan. All look
grim, their faces set in deadly earnest. They are watching the figure, in
the center next to the fire, Akane. Her hair is cut short now. She is
wearing a gi and sitting in cross-legged fashion, looking intently into
fire. There is something in the center of the fire which we cannot quite
make out.
Ranma: (Dead Serious) You had better not fail this time.
Shampoo: (Dead Serious) Aiya. Consequences could be dire.
Genma: (Dead Serious)This is what martial arts are all about.
Soun: (Dead Serious) Show me that my training was not in vain.
Nabiki: (Dead Serious) I got money riding on you.
Kasumi: (Dead Serious) There are some cookies waiting for you after you're
finished.
Everyone else facefaults.
Everyone gets back up. Akane continues to stare at the fire.
Ranma: (Barks an order) Do it! Or run away. I really don't care.
Akane scowls at Ranma, then looks back into the fire. Finally she takes a
deep breath closes her eyes in concentration. Finally she looks back into
the fire and shouts.
Akane: KACHU-TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN.
We see her hand whip into the fire at blinding speed. She finishes in less
than a second. She looks down at her closed fist. She slowly opens it up.
In the center of her palm are a dozen chestnuts. Everyone celebrates. Ranma
goes so far as to actually hug her for a second. He freezes up the moment
he does this. He then holds her at arms length, and lets her go, looking
down at the ground in embarrassment. Akane does likewise.
Ranma: (To Akane) Anyway, good job.
Soun and Genma are smiling and patting each other on the back, Kasumi looks
warmly at her sister, Nabiki gives a warm, calculating look, and a small
smile forms on Shampoo's lips after a brief moment.
Akane: Let's go in and celebrate.
Everyone goes inside and sits at the dinner table.
Akane: I prepared a feast for everyone.
She plops down an unrecognizable dish. Everyone's eyes bug out.
Nabiki: (Annoyed) I thought this was a cause for celebration.
Shampoo: (To Kasumi) Why you let Akane do this?
Kasumi: She insisted. She was so confident she would master the technique
today I didn't want to spoil her mood.
Genma: This seems a high price to pay for martial arts.
Soun: (Crying) Oh, if my little girl has mastered the Chestnut Fist,
perhaps she has mastered cooking as well.
The only one who remains silent is Ranma. All eyes turn towards him. He is
looking at the table and the food. He slowly gets up without looking at
anyone. He goes out into the hallway and picks up the phone. He dials a
number and waits for a moment.
Ranma: Hello? This is the Tendo residence. (Pauses) Yes, she's at it again.
(Pauses) You'll send someone over right away? Thank you. It's nice to know
you guys are so understanding. (Pauses) You take care too. Bye. (Hangs up
the phone.)
Akane: (Bewildered) Who was that?
Ranma: (Exasperated) It was the haz-mat (Hazardous Materials) disposal
people of course. Look, Akane, we can't just leave your food laying around.
Someone might eat it, and then there is no telling what might happen.
Akane: (Aura glowing. Her hand forming a fist) I can tell you exactly what
will happen.
We are shown an exterior shot of the house. We hear the words "RANMA NO
BAKA!" followed by Ranma shooting through a wall at about cruise missile
speed and landing out of sight of the house. Much later, he eventually
manages to come home using a tree branch as a makeshift crutch. The haz-mat
people are just finishing up They are in bio-hazard suits and two of them
are carrying a large metal case, with warning placards on it, from the
Tendo house to the van. One of them waves at Ranma.
Toxic Waste Technician (TWT) #1: How's it going Ranma? Did Akane hit you
through the wall again?
TWT #2: I had a bet that you landed in Nerima.
TWT #3: I bet you landed outside it. So who won?
Ranma: Tetsuo (TWT #2) did. I landed about a half mile within Nerima, at
least. She was in a good mood tonight. Thanks again for being so prompt.
TWT #1: Hey, we're used to it. You're our most reliable customer. See you
later. (He starts humming: "When She Gets That Cooking Feeling Again." They
pack up and drive off.)
Ranma: (Watching the departing van.) There go some nice people.
Ranma enters the house. We see a figure detach itself from the shadows from
a rooftop across the street. It is Ukyou with a giant spatula slung across
his back.
Ukyou: They called him Ranma, but I didn't get a good look at him. (Sighs)
I guess I had better wait until school tomorrow.
The next day at school Akane, Ranma-chan, and Shampoo-kun arrive at their
homeroom. They sit down and look towards the front of the room where
Godai-Sensei is standing with a new student. It appears to be a boy,
dressed in a black uniform with a bandoleer of mini-spatulas on his chest,
a giant spatula on his back and a small portable stove in front of him.
Godai-sensei: Class. Meet our new student, Ukyou Kuonji.
Ukyou bows before the class.
Ranma-chan: (Muttering to self.) No way. It can't be.
Ukyou: Witness the prowess of a master of okonomiyaki.
Ukyou moves at blinding speed, cooking, then tossing okonomiyaki to
everyone in the class.
Akane: (Biting down on hers) Hey, this is pretty good.
Ranma-chan: (Shouting out gleefully) It is! It is Ucchan!
Ranma-chan jumps up and rushes across the room. She is about to embrace
Ukyou when she is stopped dead in her tracks by a giant spatula.
Ukyou: Do I know you Miss?
Ranma-chan: Sure Ucchan. It's me, RanAKK. (She is struck in the top of the
head by Akane's elbow.)
Akane: (Leaving the elbow on top of Ranma-chan's head.) My, my, SHAMPOO,
aren't we being too friendly with RANMA'S acquaintances. (Twists her elbow
to emphasize the last part.)
Ranma-chan: (Understanding) Right. Ranma's friends.
Ukyou: You know Ranma?
Ranma-chan: Oh yeah. He's right over there. (Points to Shampoo-kun.) We are
like that. (Twists two fingers together.) There aren't any secrets we keep
from one another.
Every girl in the class suddenly gets a homicidal glare in their eye. They
rush over surrounding Ranma-chan.
Girl #1: And just what do you mean by, "We are like that?"
Girl #2: No secrets from one another?
Girl #3: (Shaking her fist) Shampoo, is there something you want to tell us
about your relationship with Ranma?
Girl #4: And for your sake it better be good.
Ranma-chan: (Warding them off with her hands.) We're just friends. Honest.
Nothing going on there. Friends, Bosom buddies. (Auras start glowing)
Scratch that. We aren't even that close. Just casual acquaintances.
(Pleading) I really don't want things to get violent.
The girls appear somewhat satiated and return to their seats. Most still
stare daggers at Ranma-chan.
Ukyou: And what did Ranma tell you about me?
Ranma-chan: (Perking up) He told me everything. About how you were one of
the few friends he had growing up. How you used to make okonomiyaki for
him. How you used to mock fight with him. (Suddenly sounds sad.) How he had
to leave suddenly one day. He was real sorry about that.
Ukyou's harsh look faded away when Ranma-chan first started reminiscing. He
started to look happy until he got to the part about leaving. Then the
harsh stare returns.
Ukyou: Typical. He lied about the "departure."
Ranma-chan: (Shocked) I didn't forget anything. Pop and me were leaving and
you were chasing AHKKK. (Akane has started choking Ranma-chan.)
Akane: WHO WAS LEAVING?
All the girls in the class notice the faux pas as well.
Girl #1: How dare she call Mr. Saotome, Pop.
Girl #2: She makes it sound like they are already married.
Girl #3: I knew she was lying.
Akane releases her grip.
Ranma-chan: Geez Akane. You don't have to choke so hard. (Continuing) MR.
SAOTOME and RANMA were leaving and you were chasing him down the street.
RANMA was sitting on top of the yatai as he saw you running and calling out
his name. He waved at you until you were out of sight. He was really sad.
Ukyou: And did he tell you what kind of a yatai it was?
Ranma-chan: Sure it was the oko...wait a minute. We didn't have an
okonomiyaki yatai.
Akane hits Ranma-chan in the back of the head.
Ranma-chan: RANMA, RANMA didn't have a yatai. You did. Why did we...I mean
they, have your cart?
Ukyou: It was part of the deal.
Ranma-chan: What deal?
Ukyou: The deal to take me along.
Ranma-chan: Why were you supposed to go with us...THEM? (Corrects herself
just in time. Akane was an inch away with the fist.)
Ukyou: That is between Ranma and me. (He turns toward Shampoo-kun. He makes
a special okonomiyaki and throws it. Shampoo-kun snags it out of mid-air.)
Ranma, I challenge you to a dual. Later today, after class. (He leaps out a
window.)
Shampoo-kun just looks at the challenge written on the okonomiyaki. Akane
looks accusingly at Ranma-chan. Ranma-chan looks shell-shocked.
Godai-sensai: (Eating some of the okonomiyaki) That was even weirder than
most of the things that go on at home. Wonder if a can get the recipe of
this stuff for Kyoko.
After school behind the gym we see a ring has been set up by Ukyou already.
Half the school, including Godai-sensai, is gathered to watch the fight.
Many of the girls are looking at Ranma-chan as though they want to claw her
eyes out. Word from the mornings events has traveled fast. Godai-sensai
goes over to Shampoo-kun.
Godai-sensai: I don't know what happened in your past Ranma. But try to go
easy on him, he is a new student.
Shampoo-kun leaps into the ring in school uniform and with bonboris in
hand. Ukyou looks him over and fully appreciates him for the first time. A
look of sadness is in his eyes for the briefest of moments. It quickly
passes.
Ukyou: I see you came prepared. For what you did to me Ranma Saotome, you
are going to pay. (Gets into a battle stance, spatula drawn.)
Shampoo-kun: Am ready. (Holds bonboris up ready for the attack.)
Ranma-chan: (Pleading) Isn't there some way to call this off Ucchan?
Ukyou: NO! And don't call me Ucchan. Only Ranma could call me that, and he
lost that right a long time ago.
Shampoo-kun: Fine. Call Stupid Spatula Boy. Now fight.
Ukyou charges with his giant spatula. His first two strikes are blocked.
Shampoo-kun delivers a glancing blow with a bonbori. Ukyou leaps back and
kicks one of the pots filled with a batter and rubber cement mixture
towards Shampoo-kun. He bats it back with a bonbori. Ukyou deftly jumps
over the returning jar and hurls a volley of mini spatulas at Shampoo-kun.
He leaps back out of the way and lands on the edge of the ring, only to
discover it is a very hot, non-stick cooking surface. Shampoo-kun jumps
back into the center of the ring after the hot foot.
Akane: Ukyou's fighting for real.
Ranma-chan: (A look of depression in her face.) I know. I can't figure out
why he is so angry with me.
Ukyou continues his assault. He hurls another volley of mini spatulas at
Shampoo-kun then sweeps in with the giant spatula once again. He connects
solidly with the shoulder and causes Shampoo-kun to drop one of his
bonbori. Ukyou picks up the mace with his spatula and tosses it into one of
the jars of cement. He comes in a second time with his spatula but is
struck in the chest by Shampoo-kun's foot before he can deliver a blow. He
raises his spatula to strike again but Shampoo-kun blocks this with the
bonbori. This has allowed the Amazon to move in close.
Shampoo-kun: KACHU-TENSHIN AMAGURIKAN!
Ukyou sees the blurring fist in front of him and backs up. He reaches for
some mini spatulas but realizes there are none in his bandoleer. He sees
Shampoo-kun grinning, several mini spatulas in hand and the others on the
ground. Ukyou pulls a bag of flour from his shirt and hurls it at
Shampoo-kun. He disappears in the fog.
Ukyou: Time to finish it.
He grabs a bowl full of noodles with the tensile strength of steel. He
whips the noodles into the fog and feels them catch on something. He pulls
back on the noodles to tighten their grip. The flour fog finally parts and
we see that Shampoo-kun is standing there with the noodles clutched in one
hand. Ukyou is shocked.
Shampoo-kun: Ha! Ranma know noodle trick.
Shampoo-kun pulls back on the noodles and whips Ukyou into him. He then
grabs the warrior/cook into a bear hug, pinning his arms. Ukyou desperately
tries to get out of the hold, but to no avail. Shampoo-kun in his male form
is far more powerful.
Ranma-chan: It's over.
As Shampoo-kun tightens his grip his eyes suddenly grow large in surprise.
He nudges one of the fallen mini-spatulas into the air with his foot. At
the height of the arc he releases Ukyou and pushes him slightly away. He
snatches the mini-spatula in mid-air and slashes downward with it, cutting
open Ukyou's uniform and the wrap she wears that hides her breasts.
Everything comes out for all to behold. Everyone is stunned, even
Shampoo-kun who suspected the truth. Ukyou quickly pulls the uniform over
her chest as best she can with one hand.
(Writer's note: Henceforth, Ukyou will be openly acknowledged as a girl.)
Ukyou: (Tearfully to Shampoo-kun.) YOU JERK!
She slaps him with her free hand, then starts leaping from rooftop to
rooftop trying to get away as quickly as she can. Shampoo-kun stands in the
middle of the ring, watching the cook's retreating form.
Shampoo-kun: Shampoo think she say something make Spatula Girl feel better,
but not know what.
Akane: (To Ranma-chan) I thought you said she was a he.
Ranma-chan: He was. I don't...(a light suddenly comes on in her head.) Of
course. He must have fallen in naniichaun, like me, poor guy. We gotta find
him and let him know he ain't alone. I owe him that much at least.
The scene cuts to a fleeing Ukyou. Tears fill her eyes as she jumps from
the rooftops to the ground. She is crying so hard she can't see where she
is running.
Ukyou: I can't believe he did that, the jerk. How could he, in front of
everybody? I am so humiliated. He's ruined my life not once, but twice now.
I HATE YOU RANMA!!!
It is at this point that Ukyou runs into a brick wall and falls down.
Actually, it just feels like a brick wall, it is in fact Ryouga Hibiki, who
is a lot more solid than most brick walls.
Ryouga: What the...
He registers the impact and looks down to see Ukyou on the pavement. He
also notices that her hand has fallen away from her uniform and she is,
once again, showing off her wares. Ryouga moans and turns away as fast as
he can. He is staring up to the sky in a desperate attempt to pretend he
did not see what he just saw. He feels the blood starts to rush to his nose
and feels lightheaded, the harbinger to passing out due to the
embarrassment, when his mind manages to lock onto something that cuts
through the haze.
Ryouga: (To self) She said Ranma.
He slowly turns around in an effort to give Ukyou as much time as she can
to cover up. He sees that she has indeed closed her uniform up and is
sniffling on the ground.
Ryouga: (Still flush with embarrassment) Excuse me Miss. Did you say Ranma?
As in Ranma Saotome?
Ukyou: (Still sniffling) Yes. Why?
Ryouga: I know him, unfortunately. Is he responsible for making you cry?
(Ukyou just nods her head.) I knew it. Only a dog such as him would make
pretty young lady such as yourself cry.
Ukyou: (Stops sniffling for a moment and thinks.) He said I was...pretty?
(She looks more closely at him.) How do you know Ranma?
He gives her the ducking out of a fight and chasing him across the world
story. She looks sympathetically to him. Suddenly, he asks her a question.
Ryouga: What did the Ranma you fought look like? (She describes
Shampoo-kun.) So you fought the stand in. (He explains the fights he was
involved in with Ranma. She is not pleased.)
Ukyou: So that jackass even worms his way out of his own fights. That means
I owe that stand in some lumps for what he did to me.
Ryouga: Let's work together. After all, there's two of them, and if we
fight them together we would stand a better chance of getting the real
Ranma.
Ukyou agrees and walks off with Ryouga to start making plans. Eventually
she realizes he is taking them to Hokkaido, so she leads him to her place.
We cut to the Tendo Dojo where Ranma-kun tells his father the details of
what happened today.
Ranma: So why did Ukyou think we were going to take him along?
Genma: (Sweating bullets) I really have no idea.
Ranma: (Suspiciously) Pop, you're holding out.
Genma: The truth would hurt to much to tell boy. Just try to help the poor
girl...I mean boy out. But try not to believe anything she...I mean he
might say. The truth has no doubt been twisted in his mind.
Ranma: O.K. (To self) He's holding out all right. I just wish I could find
out. Beating it out of him probably won't work, even though it would be fun
trying. Guess I'll just have to confront Ucchan.
Ranma vows to confront Ukyou at school the next day, but she does not show.
Godai-sensai is not happy with Shampoo-kun and let's him know about it.
Godai-sensai: I don't approve of this situation. You should have been more
gentle with him...I mean her. I want to get this situation resolved. Here
is his...her address. Go try to make peace. And don't cut open
his....arrgh, her top this time. (Shampoo-kun takes the paper with the
address on it. Godai then buries his head on the desk.) These guys are
starting to rival those bakas I call neighbors as far as insanity goes. And
I thought this job was going to be easy.
We see Shampoo-kun, Ranma-chan, and Akane leaving school to go to the
address they were given. About halfway there they are set upon by none
other than the object of their quest and her newfound partner. The newly
made duo leap down from a rooftop to land next to their targets. They are
ready for battle. Ranma-chan nods to Akane who runs off into one of the
stores.
Ranma-chan: What are you doing here Ryouga? This doesn't involve you.
Ryouga: I disagree, whatever your name is. This does involve me. Ranma hurt
this poor girl and myself. He has a well deserved beating coming. Now tell
us. Where is the real Ranma Saotome?
Ranma-chan: Closer than you think. Why don't you get lost somewhere and let
us explain everything to Ukyou?
Ukyou: What do you mean?
Ranma-chan: I know your secret.
Ukyou: (Dumbfounded) Of course you do. Everyone knows the secret. That
(points to Shampoo-kun) jackass let everyone know. And he is going to pay.
(She holds her combat spatula at the ready.)
Shampoo-kun pulls his bonbori out. Ranma-chan tries to defuse the
situation.
Ranma-chan: (To Ukyou) I don't mean that one. I mean the OTHER one.
Ukyou: (Horribly confused.) I have no idea what you are talking about.
Ranma-chan: I don't want to do it in front of him (pointing to Ryouga), it
might embarrass you.
Ukyou: You're just trying to trick me. Show us the real Ranma, and don't
try to pass off this worthless piece of crud as him again either.
She indicates Shampoo-kun again, who does not appreciate the comparison. It
is at this moment that Akane reappears with a kettle of hot water. She
hands it to Ranma-chan.
Ranma-chan: If I can't do this any other way, then I guess I have no
choice.
She hurls the contents at Ukyou who backs away to avoid the hot water. Just
as it is about to hit her Ryouga throws his opened umbrella to block the
stream. The umbrella returns to his hand.
Ryouga: I don't know what you think you're doing, but I will not let you
harm one hair on her head. She has had far more misery than any two people
should have, and I will protect her with my life if necessary.
Ukyou looks stunned at Ryouga.
Ukyou: (Thinks) No one has ever talked about me that way before. And why do
I feel so strange when he says something like that?
Ryouga: (Thinks) Why was she trying to...no way. They couldn't know about
that. Could they? (Out loud) Take us to Ranma now, or else!
Ranma-chan: If that's the way you want it, then fine. (Ranma-chan leaps to
attack Ryouga.)
Ryouga: (Backing away) I don't like to fight girls, but you leave me no
choice. (He throws a punch.)
Shampoo-kun goes to help Ranma but is cut off by a spatula thrust.
Ukyou: I still owe you one for yesterday. (She starts attacking
Shampoo-kun.)
Akane grabs the kettle and goes back inside the store.
Akane: Those guys are never going to get things settled at this rate. I
swear I am the only one with brains around here.
We see Ryouga is holding back in his fight with Ranma-chan and is suffering
for it. Ranma-chan is raining blows on him from every position. Try as he,
might she is too fast for him to connect even once.
Ryouga: (Thinks) This is absurd. I am never going to get close to Ranma if
I can't even beat one lousy girl.
The battle between Ukyou and Shampoo-kun is a little more even, since Ukyou
is doubly enraged at her target after yesterdays events. Shampoo-kun is
escalating his level of force as the battle progresses, however.
Shampoo-kun turns to see Ranma-chan has made a mistake and is being driven
into a corner where her speed will not be as much a factor. He can tell by
the way Ranma-chan is moving that she is paying more attention to
tormenting Ryouga then to where she is. Ukyou is bringing her spatula in an
overhead swipe when Shampoo-kun uses a move similar to what Kodachi used
against him. He jumps in the air and uses the spatula's head as a
springboard to vault over to where Ranma-chan is. He sees Ranma-chan has
just discovered she has run out of room when Ryouga brings his umbrella
back for a clubbing blow. Shampoo-kun lands behind Ryouga and grabs onto
the tip of the umbrella in an effort to keep it from descending. It turns
out to be a bad choice as the more powerful Ryouga simply applies
sufficient force to bring Shampoo-kun over with the blow. It does give
Ranma-chan an opportunity to get out of the way. She decides to use
Ryouga's head for added force in a leap over him. As she clears his noggin
she sees Ukyou is running in pursuit of Shampoo-kun, who is landing rather
painfully on his rear end as a result of Ryouga's actions. It is at this
moment that Akane shows up with another kettle of warm water. She throws it
in the air for Ranma-chan, who snatches it and proceeds to pour the
contents over Ukyou. Ryouga tries to use his umbrella to intervene, but
Shampoo-kun has held onto the weapon, thereby preventing the attempted
save. The water splashes on top of Ukyou's head. Ranma-chan lands next to
the doused cook.
Ranma-chan: And now, the truth for all to see. (He tears open Ukyou's
uniform to reveal, breasts.) What the he...(The rest is cut off by the
giant spatula that has found its way onto Ranma-chan's head.)
Ukyou: (Crying again.) What are you? Some kind of pervert too?
Akane: What is going on here? Ranma I thought you said Ukyou was a boy!
Ranma-chan: (Holding her head) He was. I don't understand.
Ryouga abandons his umbrella and rushes over to Ukyou's side to protect
her. She is too angry to require protection.
Ukyou: (Yelling) What kind of stupid statement is that, and why are you
calling her Ranma?
Ranma-chan: Here, let me show you. (He dumps some of the hot water in the
kettle over his head. One Ranma-kun later, Ukyou and Ryouga stand with
their mouths open.
Ukyou: (Pointing) You... just... changed... into... a... GUY!
Akane: (Sarcastically) Gee Ranma. Ukyou looks a little stunned for someone
who was suffering from the same thing you are.
Ranma-kun: (To Ukyou) It's me Ranma Saotome. I fell into one of the cursed
springs of Jusenkyou. So did Shampoo over there (He tosses the remaining
water to Shampoo-kun who changes). I thought you did too.
Ukyou: (Still in shock.) No. Why would you think that...Ranma? (She is
asking if he is Ranma as much as she is asking him the why.)
Ranma: Because you were a boy when we were little. I guess you got one of
those sex change things though, huh?
Ukyou: (Angrily) Of course not you baka! I've always been a girl. Why else
do you think our fathers engaged us?
Ranma: (His turn to be shocked) Always...girl...fathers...ENGAGED?
Ukyou: You mean to tell me you didn't know I was a girl? (Ranma shakes his
head.) Did you know about the engagement? (Again shakes head.) That
explains a lot.
Ranma: I don't understand.
Ukyou: When we were little my father was raising me by himself. We wandered
around a lot and I didn't really make a lot of friends. (Ranma nods his
head, sympathizing.) Anyway I met you and we hit it off real well. Daddy
was worried that, in being raised by a guy, I wouldn't be very feminine and
he thought I might not ever marry. So he offered to engage me to you. Your
dad resisted at first, but when my father offered to throw in our yatai as
a dowry, he relented. Then, after getting the yatai, you guys took off
without me. (She starts sounding depressed.) Everyone knew I got dumped and
made fun of me. I vowed never to become a woman. To that end I behaved just
as a man would. I dressed, talked, and sounded like one. I also practiced
the art of okonomiyaki combat until I could have revenge. (Her shoulders
slump) Now I learn that my fiancee didn't even know I was a girl, I got
humiliated in front of the school, and my whole life has been one cruel
joke. (She begins crying.)
Ranma: (Waving his fist) Pop is so dead.
Genma: (Suddenly appearing) You can't stick this one on me boy. You were
the one who made the choice.
Ranma: What do you mean?
Genma: I asked you point blank which you preferred, Ukyou or okonomiyaki.
You chose okonomiyaki. See. It is not my fault.
Shampoo-chan, Ukyou, Ranma-kun, and Akane all bury their fists in Genma's
head.
Ranma: (Yelling) I was, what, six at the most and thought Ukyou was a guy.
What kind of decision could I make? You were the one that did it for food.
Akane: (Also yelling) After you promised he would be engaged to someone in
my family.
Shampoo-chan: That low Pop.
Ukyou: This is all your fault old man.
Ryouga has remained silent up until now. We see a battle aura has built up
around him.
Ryouga: This is all YOUR fault Ranma. If you had picked Ukyou, she would
never have been hurt. Now you will pay.
He throws a bandanna at Ranma who ducks out of the way. It slices through a
fire hydrant directly in front of Ryouga. He goes to use his umbrella to
block the stream when he realizes he left it behind. He is sprayed directly
in the face by the cold fountain of water. As the flow subsides we see that
there is a bat floundering in the middle of the street.
Ranma: So that's what happened when he kept disappearing. He must have
fallen into Jusenkyou too. No wonder he kept disappearing whenever he got
doused with water. Poor guy.
It at this point that Ryouga flies up and attaches himself to Ranma's face.
Ranma: Get this thing off of me.
Kunou: (Appearing out of nowhere.) Allow me to assist you, brother of my
beloved Shampoo.
He swings his bokkan at the bat attached to Ranma's face. As usual, the bat
gets out of the way, Ranma does not.
Ranma: (Picking himself off the ground.) You baka. (He punches Kunoe very
far away.)
Kunou: Wait! I did not give you these wonderful flowers to give to my
soulmate, your sister.
Ranma: Where the heck did he come from anyway?
Ukyou is standing, there watching Ryouga land next to her.
Ukyou: (Picking up Ryouga) Ranma. Can you help Ryouga? Please.
She pleads with Ranma, who cannot refuse his old friend in need. He grabs
the remaining hot water and pours it on Ryouga. He changes in Ukyou's arms
who collapses under the sudden weight shift. She gets up and realizes
Ryouga is in the in buff.
Ryouga: (Grabbing his clothes.) Make sure I am in my clothes when you do
that. (He dresses in a flash.)
Ranma: So, tell us what happened, Batboy.
Ryouga scowls at Ranma. Then decides to share his full story with the
others.
Ryouga: (To everyone.) Everything I told you was true. I just left out the
fact that I stumbled into the training grounds of Jusenkyou while in my
search for Ranma. I remember the day very well...(Flashback officially
begins.)
We see Ryouga emerging from some shrubs, looking around trying to get his
bearings and mumbling about how this is not Tokyo either. We see he is at
the edge of the training grounds right above a pool. He notices a shadow
looming over him. He looks up in time to see a multi-colored ball with a
handle on the end land on his face just as he looks up. The blow stuns him
and he falls into the pool below him. Out comes a bat.
(Flashback ends.)
Ryouga: ...and that is how I lost my manhood.
Shampoo-chan listens to the story, looks at her bonbori, and quickly puts
them behind her back so no one can see them. She tries to look nonchalant
by looking up in the sky and whistling.
Ranma: Turning into an animal is pretty tough, huh?
Ryouga: (Sadly) You don't know the half of it.
Ranma: Why did you keep flying into my face though?
Ryouga: It's weird. I think my echolocation system confuses my lack of
direction sense. Instead of getting lost, I always get to where I'm going.
I even tried to get lost once as a bat, but still I flew in the right
direction.
Ranma: Then why did you take so long to find me?
Ryouga: (Yelling at Ranma) Because you fool, I despise being stripped of my
humanity. Besides, no one likes bats. People are always trying to knock you
out of the air, scream in terror, or exterminate you. And do you know how
difficult it is to find hot water as a bat? Now if I was some kind of cute
animal, like an otter or piglet, it would be different.
Ranma: Well it ain't my fault that happened to you.
Ryouga: I was looking for you at the time so it is.
The two start arguing when Ukyou realizes Shampoo is drawing attention to
herself by trying to act nonchalant. She walks behind Shampoo to take a
closer look at the bonbori behind her back. Shampoo is still looking
straight up in the air. Ukyou grabs one of the bonbori. Shampoo recovers
too late.
Ukyou: (Showing the bonbori to Ryouga.) Did that ball look something like
this? (She hands him the item.)
Ryouga: (Holding it above his head, he drops it on top of his head. Thump.)
Yes, It felt exactly like it. (Looks at Shampoo.) Is this yours? (She
hesitantly nods her head.) And you are really a girl? (She nods her head
again.) Great. I can't beat up a girl. So much for revenge.(He tosses the
mace to the ground.)
Ranma: Well now that that's settled let's call it a day. I tell you what, I
will even pay for some food. What do you say? (Ranma barely ducks out of
the way of Ryouga's fist.) What are you doing?
Ryouga: Just because I no longer have a grudge against you doesn't mean you
get off that easily. There is still the matter of you hurting Ukyou. She
may be too much of a lady to beat you up, but I am not.
Ranma: But that wasn't my fault!
Ryouga: No excuses! Fall Saotome! (Swings again. Ranma high tails it out of
there. Ryouga pursues.)
Shampoo: (Watching the retreating forms and speaking to Ukyou) Boys fight
over silly things. Yes? (She barely avoids a spatula thrust at her.) What
you doing?
Ukyou: Just because I no longer have a grudge against you doesn't mean you
get off that easily. There is still the matter of you hurting Ryouga. He
may be too much of a gentleman to beat you up, but I am not.
Shampoo: But that not Shampoo fault!
Ukyou: No excuses! Fall Shampoo! (Swings again. Shampoo high tails it out
of there. Ukyou pursues.)
Akane is left standing alone, with only an unconscious Genma as her
companion.
Akane: Those guys have all the fun and I have to clean up the mess. (She
sneezes.) Someone must be talking about me. (She grabs the back of Genma's
collar and drags him home.)
Epilogue
The scene shifts to the interior of a theater. A man wearing a black hat,
black cape with red interior, stylish black suit, and a half mask over the
upper part of his face is looking over the stage. We see the word director
is in white lettering on the back of his cape. The man's voice booms out
dramatically from the PA system.
Director: Soon the show will begin. HAHAHAHAHA! (Maniacal laughter.)
End Notes:
I couldn't resist giving Ryouga a direction sense, albeit, one he is
reluctant to use. As to why he ended up in a pool different form that of
drowned black piglet, he just popped his head out a little earlier than in
the mainstream, and got knocked into a different pool. Now all of the main
characters have been reintroduced. Time to go on to the next part of the
story. Oh, and you may have noticed Ranma apparently has no real fiancee
problems. So that would mean he and Akane should have no problems with
their engagement. Unless...maybe... perhaps...no fiancees actually makes
things worse.
(
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