Ranma 1/2 Presents:
Shampoo 1/2
Chapter 5

Of Spatulas and Men


All C+C is appreciated. You can contact me at:
sommer@3rdm.net

L.Ang has given a home to all of my fics,
http://angcobra.jumpfun.com/dbsommer.html

Bloodblade has also put it on his webpage at:
http://www.geocities.com/tokyo/towers/5920

Slashley also has it at:
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Shrine/5747/Shampoo.html

Standard disclaimer:
I don't own any of these characters, nor pretend to. They are owned by the
Goddess Takahashi and whomever she sold the rights to.


An alternate universe:
What's gone on before: In the beginning, Ranma and Genma traveled to
Jusenkyou for the first time and started to spar, not realizing a duel was
already occurring between Shampoo and Mousse. One mid-air collision and
dunking in spring of young drowned man later, we have a male Shampoo as
well as a female Ranma. (So Ranma-chan= female Shampoo-kun= male.) Shampoo
began traveling with Ranma after acquiring her curse. Since then chaos and
confusion has reigned. At the end of last chapter, a certain somebody at an
all boy's school heard about the antics of one "Ranma Saotome" and has
become very interested in settling an old score...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was turning out to be a boring day.

Slowly, eyes little more than half-lidded slits, Ranma-chan scanned the
classroom. Today was just one of those languid days when nothing was
happening, and to be blunt, she was bored. That was perhaps the one thing
Ranma-chan hated most of all: nothing interesting in the least going on.
Oh, it was true that sometimes things got TOO interesting, but given a
choice between the one or the other, she would have wanted something to
happen to liven things up each and every time.

Lazily, the redhead looked over towards Akane and Shampoo-kun. No. Neither
one of them seemed to be having any problems (nor causing any, for that
matter). Kunou wasn't around. No deranged cheerleaders were present. There
was only the droning voice of Godai-sensai disturbing the silence. It was
too boring for Ranma-chan to complain about how boring it was.

Ranma-chan's head was resting on her desk when a young student entered the
room. He appeared to be the same age as the others in the class. Curiously,
the newcomer bore a grill under the arm and a large spatula strapped across
the back. All eyes turned towards the unusual visitor.

"Ah, I was wondering when you'd show up," Godai-sensei said to the newcomer
before turning his attention to the rest of the room. He hoped things would
go all right. He didn't believe they would, but he did try to hold on to a
glimmer of hope. Clearing his throat, he said, "Class, allow me to
introduce a new student. Everyone, please meet Ukyou Kuonji."

The new student was immediately sized up by the members of the class. The
girls evaluated the new boy, coming up with an eighty seven percent
approval rating: He wasn't leering at any of the girls, had not attempted
to glomp onto anyone the instant he had laid eyes upon them, did not spout
poetry, and had pretty darn good-looking bishonen features to boot (though
he still fell somewhat short of Ranma in the looks department.)

The boys of the class came up with a thirty-five percent approval rating:
Too good-looking; they didn't need the competition. If he went for the
bishonen look, he was probably not athletically inclined and therefore not
likely to help by joining any of the sports teams. However, he did have a
large spatula slung across his  back, which meant he was weird and would
probably have some decent entertainment value.

As the students continued their evaluations, Ukyou bowed before the class.
The chef then laid the grill down and held two of the mini-spatulas from
the bandoleer in her hands.

Ranma-chan had initially been interested in the newcomer, but when all that
happened was a normal introduction, quickly became bored again. Her own
evaluation had gone something along the lines of 'Not attacking me or
anyone I know: another boring student with a grill.' She was about to try
catching just a tiny nap, when something about the figure struck a chord
deep inside the recesses of her memory. "No way. It can't be."

Ukyou raised the spatulas high in the air. "Witness the prowess of a master
of okonomiyaki."

Her hands moved at blinding speed, and within moments the chef cooked, then
tossed, okonomiyaki to everyone in the class. Each serving of the food
landed right on target upon each individual's desk.

Akane bit down on hers. It was delicious. She was going to have to try to
get Kasumi to make some. Or better yet, try to do it herself. Judging by
how quickly this Ukyou made them, cooking some would be easy.

Across from Akane, Ranma-chan took one bite into hers and smiled. Only one
okonomiyaki in the world could taste that good. "It is! It is Ucchan!" she
shouted as she jumped out of her seat in a heartbeat and made her way
across the room by leaping upon other students' desks as a normal person
would play hopscotch. She stopped right in front of Ukyou, and was about to
embrace the chef, when a giant spatula was maneuvered between her and her
intended target.

"Do I know you, Miss?" Ukyou asked, watching for any other unexpected
movements from the girl. The redhead had seemed more happy than violent,
but it could have been some sort of trick. Ukyou was too close to achieving
her heart's desire now to let anything get in the way.

The smaller girl gave Ukyou a hurt look. "Sure, Ucchan. It's me, RanAKK."

Akane's elbow landed on top of Ranma-chan's head, preventing her from
saying getting anything else out. "My, my, Shampoo, aren't we being too
friendly with Ranma's acquaintances?" She emphasized 'Shampoo' and 'Ranma'
with all the subtlety of a brick to the head.

Ranma-chan nodded in understanding. "Right. Ranma's friends."

Ukyou's eyebrows raised in surprise at that. "You know Ranma?"

"Yeah." Ranma-chan decided to make the best of the bad situation. Besides,
she could probably tell Ukyou the truth, eventually. "He's right over
there." She pointed to Shampoo-kun.

Ukyou looked suspiciously at the dark-haired boy Ranma-chan had indicated.
The chef was still staring at him as she asked, "So, he's told you the
nickname he had for me?"

"Oh, yeah," Ranma-chan said casually. "We've been around each other for
months now. There aren't any secrets we keep from one another."

That got the attention of all the girls in the room. Every set of female
eyes, save Akane and Ukyou's, regarded Ranma-chan with hostility at the
perceived advantage the redhead had over them and the target of their
affections. Since the Ranma-chan's attention was riveted on the newcomer,
she remained momentarily unaware of the host of lethal stares.

Ukyou stared suspiciously at the shorter girl. "And what did Ranma tell you
about me?"

Thoughts about their shared past cheered Ranma-chan up. "He told me
everything. About how you were one of the few friends he had growing up.
How you used to make okonomiyaki for him. How you two used to spar. It was
too bad he had to leave all that behind with Pop. I mean his pop. He never
knew anyone else that ever made okonomiyaki as good as that."

Ukyou's harsh look, which had partially faded away when the chef had been
cast adrift on memories of bliss, hardened. "Typical." Ukyou snorted in
disgust. "He lied about the 'departure'."

"The heck I did," Ranma-chan shot back. "I didn't forget anything. Pop and
me were leaving and you were chasing uACK!" A blunt object halted her
speech once again.

Akane tossed back the paperweight Shampoo-kun had thrown to her --to
silence Ranma-chan-- back. "Who was leaving who, might I ask?"

Most of the girls in the class picked on the faux pas as well, and as
usual, came to their own conclusions as to what that meant. A chorus of
voices filled the room as the girls formed small groups and began
chattering amongst themselves.

"How dare she call Ranma's father, Pop."

"She makes it sound like they're already married."

"You don't suppose there's a reason for that?"

"What if they got married in a secret ceremony and are just keeping it
quiet until Shampoo becomes pregnant and they can't hide it anymore?"

"Oh my god! Shampoo's pregnant with Ranma's child!"

"NOW CUT THAT OUT!" Ranma-chan roared at the top of her lungs. It was
amazing how quickly students could come up with weird ideas and spread
ridiculous rumors. Odds were the shout would be seen as a denial that would
serve to confirm the gossip, and Nabiki would be accepting bets on the sex
of the child by tomorrow morning. The only saving grace was that Ukyou
didn't seem to be buying into the rumor.

"Anyway," Ranma-chan began again. "Mr. Saotome and Ranma were leaving and
you were chasing him down the street. Ranma was sitting on top of the yatai
as he saw you running and calling out his name as you waved good-bye. He
waved at you until you were out of sight. He even felt kind of bad about it
for a couple of weeks, before completely forgetting about it until he saw
you again today."

Ukyou's anger began to swell. Ranma had dared to forget about her? After
what he had done? "And did he tell you what kind of a yatai it was?"

"Sure it was the oko...wait a minute. We didn't have an okonomiyaki yatai."

Shampoo-kun tossed a desk to Akane. Once again conditioning took effect.

"RANMA! RANMA, didn't have a yatai!" the redhead emphasized as she rubbed
her head. "You did. Why did we...I mean they, have your cart?"

"It was part of the deal."

"What deal?"

Ukyou's eyes glinted dangerously. "The deal to take me along."

"Why were you supposed to go with err...them?"

"That is between Ranma and me." Ukyou intoned dramatically before turning
her attention to her grill again. The chef whipped up yet another
okonomiyaki and tossed it to Shampoo-kun, who snatched it out of mid-air.
On it were written the words, "I challenge you to a fight, Ranma Saotome.
Meet me behind the gymnasium right after school."

With the challenge delivered, Ukyou leapt out a window and to the ground
below.

"You know, I actually kind of expected that to happen," Godai-sensai stated
from his desk at the front of the class. Apparently desensitization to the
bizarre really could happen.

"So what did you do to him?" Akane asked.

"Nothing," Ranma-chan insisted. "I can't figure out why the guy's angry
with me. I know there was nothing I did that could have been misinterpreted
as something bad, like with Ryouga. Besides, Ukyou wasn't screwed up like
Ryouga was. Ucchan was a normal little kid, just like me."

Ranma-chan missed the suspicious glances Akane and Shampoo-kun shot towards
her. She was too lost in thought over the new events. Something strange was
going on with Ucchan, and she meant to get to the bottom of it. On the
bright side, at least things were looking interesting for the first time
today. Although suspicions about the situation evolving into something TOO
interesting made her somewhat cautious.

Shampoo-kun considered the situation, then shrugged. If he had to fight in
Ranma's stead, it would be no problem. He brought out a bonbori and gave it
a few practice swings. He doubted if it would be much of a fight. After
all, how dangerous could someone whose primary weapon was a spatula be?


Rumors had reached Tatewaki Kunou (rumors he had not needed to pay for, the
gossip having reached his ears before Nabiki Tendou had gotten to him and
offered to give him some 'exclusive information,' about Ranma, for a
price), and they had told of yet another person who had become embroiled in
the holy crusade against the Evil Saotome. It was a matter worth looking
into. Not that Kunou needed assistance in his campaign against the vile
one, but it suited his desires to know who else might be aligned against
his most tenacious and dishonorable opponent.

Besides, he had to be sure it wasn't some sort of plan on the part of the
newcomer to ingratiate himself into the feelings of Saotome's two love
slaves: The Beauteous Akane Tendou and The Equally Spirited Shampoo.

It took some searching, but eventually he came upon the new student. Ukyou
was in the process of setting up some kind of fighting ring behind the
gymnasium. The design was a bit unusual, with an odd black metal
surrounding the edge of the mat and several large ceramic jars located near
one corner of the ring. Apart from those odd characteristics, it appeared
to be capable of containing an honorable duel.

"Good day to you, Sir." Kunou's announcement captured Ukyou's attention and
caused a scowl to crease the chef's forehead.

"What do you want?" Ukyou asked.

"I have come to see for myself yet another of the foul Saotome's many
enemies."

That got Ukyou's attention. "Oh? He has lots of enemies?"

"Indeed," Kunou's eyes glazed over and he drew his bokken, pointing it to
the skies as he went into full rant mode. "All men are truly the enemy of
one so low, yet it falls to champions such as us to counter his evil ways,
for he is an opponent of some might. Though no comparison to my own, of
course."

"Unn, right," Ukyou said hesitantly, wondering if the guy was for real.

"His evils know no limits. He has somehow, perhaps through magic, bound two
women to his cause. Two sweet innocent maidens that he uses for his own
base desires."

Ukyou nodded in understanding. It was an unusual way to put it, but Ukyou
knew what Kunou meant. "Using women for his own, umm base desires. Now that
sounds like the Ranma I know. I real user of women, along with his
worthless father. I bet that redhead was one of them. Maybe I can explain
to those girls what a creep he really is, and then they'll leave him."

"Indeed," Kunou cast a suspicious glance towards Ukyou, and pointed his
bokken in her direction. "Why such concern about the women? Do you mean to
make them yours as well?"

"Eww," Ukyou made a face towards Kunou. "I'm not that way. I don't like
girls."

"Ah, that is a relief," Kunou paused as he considered exactly what Ukyou
had just said. There was something a little off about that statement. "What
do you imply by declaring that you do not like girls?"

"It's self-explanatory," Ukyou responded. "I'm normal, okay? I just like
guys."

Kunou paled. "What a grim day this has become. Furinkan has yet another
pervert amongst its halls, as though there were not enough such depraved
people already."

"Excuse me?!"

"You probably lusted after me from the moment you laid eyes upon my
magnificent form."

Ukyou made an even more disgusted face at that. "I'd sooner date a girl
than a guy like you, Sugar. And believe me, that's saying a lot."

"Methinks thou doth protest too much," Kunou quoted as he jumped into the
ring and brandished his bokken towards Ukyou. "I consider it my duty to
teach you the error of your unholy ways."

The giant spatula found its way into Ukyou's hands. "Okay. I wanted to test
my fighting ring anyway. I guess this is as good a way as any."

"Foolish, perverted, misguided youth. I am the Blue Thunder of Furinkan.
There are none that can truly defeat me, Ranma having cheated in all of our
fights to date. Allow me to beat the perversions out of you."

Ukyou just gave a grim smile in return.

The fight was brief, consisting of Kunou going. "A spatula is no true
weapon." *SMACK* "OW! Put that pot down, else I shall-" *SPLASH* "How
grotesque. I am now covered in some repellent brown sticky substance."
*SMACK* "OW! How dare you strike me while I'm distracted. All I need is a
moment to." *SIZZLE* "ARGH! I'm being cooked alive!" *SMACK* "I shall
avenge myself upon you, once I recover consciousness.' *THUD*

A wide smile broke Ukyou's face. Now that she felt warmed up, she was
prepared for the main event. As she waited for her former fiancé to show,
she stared at Kunou. As she did so, an idea came to her. After all, she
needed something to kill the time.


Word had traveled like wildfire through the school during the course of the
day. Enough people heard about the impending battle that when school ended,
there was a sizable crowd gathered behind the gymnasium waiting for the
fight.

"What the heck is that?" Ranma-chan called out as she made her way through
the crowd only to see Kunou, leaning against the ring, baked into the
middle of a giant okonomiyaki.

"I was experimenting with a new style of food," Ukyou explained from the
center of the ring. "I was going to call it, Dip-with-a-Stick Okonomiyaki,
but it's an absolute failure."

"The great Tatewaki Kunou is no man's side order," Kunou complained as he
tried prying himself out of the slightly burned yet still tasty crust. But
it was all to no avail. He turned his head towards Akane and Ranma-chan.
"It appears my situation is somewhat awkward. I would not consider it
beneath me to have you assist me out of this foodstuff."

Watching Akane and the big-tailed girl laugh until they cried, Kunou
realized that Ranma truly had woven his spell deeply into their souls.
Should the perverted Kuonji fail to dispatch Ranma, it would fall to Kunou
to defend them in their innocence once again. First, he had to get out of
his bizarre predicament to make sure he would be able to do that. After
taking a deep breath, he began eating his way out of his baked form of
confinement. On the bright side, Kuonji, as perverted as he was, did know
how to make darn good okonomiyaki.

Next to the ring, Godai-sensai sighed. It was his responsibility to see to
the welfare of a new student. Actually, it was his responsibility to look
after the welfare of all his students, but he gave up on that early on.
He'd have been lucky to survive spending five minutes with them given some
of the situations they tended to end up in. But for the sake of the new
student, he had to try at least this once. It would be risky, but no one
would accuse Yusaku Godai of being spineless.

Except his neighbors, wife, family, and anyone that knew him really well.

Walking over to Shampoo-kun, Godai cleared his throat to get the boy's
attention. "I don't know what happened in your past, Ranma, but try to go
easy on Ukyou. He is a new student, after all."

Shampoo-kun did what came naturally and promptly ignored the reasonable
advice. Ukyou had challenged him (inadvertently) and was going to learn the
hard way just what a mistake that was (a big one). Besides, in a way,
Shampoo-kun was doing the chef a favor, since Ranma was better than the
Amazon and would have defeated Ukyou even more quickly and efficiently.

A glance at the students surrounding the ring revealed the usual crowd of
Shampoo-kun admirers waving signs with his 'name' on them and shouting
words of encouragement. Annoyingly enough, he also noted that most of the
guys were rooting for Ukyou. The naïve fools. Really, what chance did
anyone think the likes of a chef, even a martial arts one, stood against
someone as tough as Shampoo-kun? He'd make short work of the newcomer; less
than five minutes was all it would take.

With a leap, Shampoo-kun effortlessly propelled himself over the ropes and
into the ring, landing lightly on his feet and ready for battle. Ukyou met
the cursed-amazon's look of intensity with one of her own. Now that she
found herself at the moment of truth, a moment anticipated for more than a
decade of devotion to revenge, she took her time to evaluate him. Her
Ranchan no longer looked the same since those bygone days when they were in
the flower of their youth, before he shamed her. His appearance had
completely changed. Had it not been for people pointing him out, she would
never have been able to guess this boy was him.

She took note that he was several centimeters taller than her, with a broad
chest and nice shoulders that even his school uniform couldn't hide.
Definitely handsome, much moreso than she had remembered. For a moment, the
feelings of desire, long since forgotten (or perhaps more accurately,
suppressed) flooded back to her. But then years of not so pent up anger
overwhelmed the pleasant memories and attraction. This was the moment of
truth, where Ranma paid for humiliating her and abandoning her at the side
of the road. She felt an increase in anger towards him for making her want
to not bash his head in, even if it had lasted for only the span of a
moment.

Ukyou brought her giant spatula up, raising it up past her shoulder so that
she could bring it into play in an instant. When they were but children,
Ranma might have been able to defeat her, but no longer. For years she had
practiced and become better at her art. She had even gone so far as to
fight the ocean. Sure, it hadn't been much of a sparring partner, and she
hadn't defeated it, but that wasn't the point. Besides, Ranma was no body
of water; he could be beaten.

In response to Ukyou's motion, Shampoo-kun brought his own bonboris to
bear.

"I see you came prepared," Ukyou said. "For what you did to me, Ranma
Saotome, you are going to pay."

Shampoo-kun smirked in response. "Am ready."

Much to Ranma-chan's surprise, she found herself becoming dismayed over the
fight. It was bad enough to allowing Shampoo-kun to fight yet another
battle meant for her, but now it was against someone she had really liked.
The redhead had already warned Shampoo-kun to go easy on Ukyou, but perhaps
the whole thing could still be prevented. She muscled her way past the
crowd and to the edge of the ring, then called up to the chef, "Isn't there
some way to call this off, Ucchan?"

Ukyou turned in anger at the strange girl who had been acting far too
friendly with her from the moment they had met. "NO! And don't call me
Ucchan. Only Ranma could call me that, and he lost that right a long time
ago."

"Fine," Shampoo-kun snorted. "Ranma call Ucchan something else stupid
instead."

Ukyou looked at her opponent curiously. "What is it with the missing
pronouns?"

Before Shampoo-kun could answer, Akane blurted out, "Ranma was in China for
so long, and spoke Chinese so well, he's forgotten how to speak Japanese
fluently."

"Good answer." Ranma-chan patted Akane on the back in appreciation for
coming up with the excuse. Yes, it was flimsy, but the student body of
Furinkan was not the brightest around. It would hold up to their sort of
casual inspection.

"I think it's cute," one of the girls next to the ring moaned, proving just
how correct Ranma-chan had been

Ukyou considered the girl's words. The spatula wavered slightly. "Yeah, it
is kind of cute. Maybe..." She realized what she was saying and shook her
head. "Hey! You're trying to get me to not beat you up by coming on to me
by acting cute again, aren't you? That's a pretty low trick, but it's not
going to work! What feelings I had for you don't matter anymore. You're
going to pay!" Ukyou brandished her spatula in Shampoo-kun's direction once
again.

Akane eyes widened at the reference to 'feelings' and the manner in which
they were spoken. She looked at Ranma-chan quizzically. "Feelings he has
for you? Coming on to him? Just what kind of relationship did you have with
Ukyou?"

"Not that kind." Ranma-chan shook her head furiously, picking up on the
implication of Ukyou's words as well. He hadn't thought Ukyou went that
way. He had always seemed like a normal kid, or at least that was what
Ranma-chan remembered. Obviously he hadn't know Ukyou quite as well as she
thought she had.

"Are you sure you didn't lead him on?" Akane asked suspiciously.

"Of course not! I'm not that way!" Ranma-chan shot back, offended at the
implication.

The girls surrounding the ring listened to the words Ukyou had used as
well. Several huddles formed as discussions on this new information broke
out among them.

"Ranma's gay?"

"It can't be. I've seen the way he looks at me. You know, the way guys look
at girls. Pure lust."

"And yet, it would explain why he tries so hard to avoid dating us."

"And also why Akane isn't interested in a hunk like him."

"We need some way to prove Ranma's not gay."

"Let's have a guy try to kiss him. If Ranma hits him, that means he's not
interested in men."

"My brother, Tetsuo swings that way." The speaker turned to her brother.
"Hey, Tetsuo. Try to kiss Ranma."

Tetsuo was offended. "Excuse me, I am not some desperate alley cat that
tries to kiss someone whom he hardly knows, unlike some girls I could
mention, dear sister.  Besides, I don't go for the martial artist type.
They are so insufferably macho."

Shampoo-kun didn't know whether to be offended at being unkissable to the
boy, or grateful that his acting job was so good.

Sayuri took command of the situation. "I guess there's only one other
course for us to take. We'll have to have a girl kiss Ranma and prove that
he isn't gay."

"Who's going to do it?" another girl asked.

"This burden must fall upon my shoulders." Sayuri boldly said, beating back
the other girls that wanted to share her 'burden'. She crawled up the ring
apron and walked over to the corner Shampoo-kun was in. She leaned in the
ring and said, "Well, Ranma, here's a chance to prove your manliness to
everyone." Sayuri closed her eyes and puckered up.

Shampoo-kun let his bonbori kiss her. Hard.

As the crowd grabbed Sayuri's unconscious form, cries of anguish and tears
began to come from the girls, and the boys cheered as Shampoo-kun's sexual
orientation came into question.

Ranma-chan began to panic. There was only one option left to her. Boldly,
she declared to Akane, "I can't let this happen. The name of Ranma Saotome
can't be connected with such unmanly behavior. Shampoo has got to kiss a
girl to prove I'm not gay."

Akane's eyes widened at the look of determination in Ranma-chan's eyes;
nothing would be stopping the redhead this time. An odd sensation came over
Akane. It wasn't jealousy. Really, it wasn't. "Ranma, are you sure you're
going to be able to kiss Shampoo in front of all these people?"

"Don't be silly. I'm not going to do it. She's a guy now. You're going to
have to go in there and kiss her for me."

A giant wooden hammer found its way to Ranma's skull.

Shampoo-kun turned his attention from the fallen Ranma-chan back to his
opponent, only to see Ukyou glowing blue and glaring at him with  a look of
pure rage.

"How dare you blatantly tease and seduce all of these girls right in front
of my face!" Ukyou roared.

After Shampoo-kun picked himself from the facefault, he returned the glare
to Ukyou. "Stupid Spatula Boy not have strong connection with reality. Now
Ranma make connection even worse." He waved his bonbori menacingly towards
Ukyou.

"Spatula BOY?!" Ukyou raged, then lunged forward and attacked.

The Amazon met the charge with one of his own, the two opponents meeting
right in the center of the ring. The sound of metal on metal resounded
across the yard as bonbori met spatula, sparks flying as the weapons
connected soundly with one another.

For a couple of minutes, all that was heard was the ringing of weapons
clashing and the gasps of the crowd as one opponent would nearly hit the
other, only to have a flurry of counterstrikes drive the attacker back and
prevent him from taking the advantage. Ukyou connected first with a
glancing blow off Shampoo-kun's shoulder, which was then returned with a
solid blow from the cursed Amazon, who struck with a bonbori to Ukyou's
ribs.

Ukyou backflipped away from Shampoo-kun. At first, the dark-haired boy
thought it was because his opponent wanted to catch his wind, but instead,
Ukyou kicked one of the pots lining the inside of the ring in Shampoo-kun's
direction. The Amazon was a blur of motion as he barely reacted in time by
batting the pot back with a blow from the bonbori, driving the batter and
rubber cement mixture within back towards his foe. Ukyou, having more time
to react, deftly leaped over the jar, allowing the contents to spill over
the edge of the ring, hardening almost instantly. She then retaliated with
a volley of throwing spatulas in Shampoo-kun's direction. He dodged the
weapons, only to land on the black metal lining the edge of the ring. A
second later, he discovered that what appeared to be a normal part of the
ring was actually a very hot, non-stick, cooking surface. Shouting from the
pain of the unexpected hotfoot, Shampoo-kun leaped back to the center of
the ring.

Ukyou pressed the advantage, hurling another volley of mini spatulas.
Anticipating where Shampoo-kun would dodge correctly, the okonomiyaki chef
struck solidly with Shampoo-kun's shoulder, causing him to drop a bonbori.
Smiling, Ukyou picked up the weapon with the flat of her own and hurled the
metal sphere into one of the other batter and rubber cement jars.

"That takes care of that," Ukyou smirked, cocky at her success and
believing her victory close at hand. Her overconfidence was short lived as
she received a kick to the chest when she paused too long to unleash her
next blow. The next strike from Ukyou's weapon was deflected by
Shampoo-kun's remaining bonbori, which also left her too close as
Shampoo-kun drew back his free hand and called out, "Kachu-tenshen
amagurikan!"

Ukyou's skills were great enough that she saw the hand actually blurring in
front of her and realized her opponent's fist was moving at an unbelievable
velocity, although Ukyou felt nothing of the blows. Rather than allow the
volley to continue, she leaped backward, preparing for another attack. Just
as she drew her spatula back for another blow, she saw Shampoo-kun smirk
and hold out his hand. Within its grasp were several throwing spatulas,
each held between his fingers. Ukyou looked down at her bandoleer to see it
absent of her familiar weapons, the majority of which were now on the mat,
lying at her opponent's feet.

Reacting even as Shampoo-kun continued his cocky grin, Ukyou pulled a bag
of flour from its place of concealment within her outfit and hurled it at
the dark-haired boy. Shampoo-kun's form was lost in the white haze of the
flour bomb.

"Time to finish it." Ukyou drew yet another weapon she had prepared
especially for the duel, a bowl of special noodles with the tensile
strength of steel. Using a pair of chopsticks, she hurled the noodles into
the fog in a wide web, allowing the base of the strands to remain in the
bowl. In a second she felt them latch onto something in the fog and pulled
the noodles tight. She knew she had her prey at last. This particular
strategy had been one she came up with the night before. She had not
thought she would need it, but thankfully she had decided not to take any
chances. Victory was now hers. Once the fog cleared, her helpless opponent
would truly get the beating he deserved.

The flour fog finally dissipated, and Ukyou was left staring in disbelief
at the tableau before her. Shampoo-kun was standing there, all of the
noodles firmly in the grip of his right hand.

"Ha!" Shampoo-kun laughed as he maintained his hold on the noodles. "Ranma
has been trained in Martial Arts Take Out, and knows counter to stupid
noodle trick."

While Ukyou stood there, stunned, Shampoo-kun pulled back on the noodles,
jerking the chef forward and causing her to lose her grip on her giant
weapon. The moment Ukyou was close enough, he released his hold on the
noodles and wrapped his opponent up in a bear hug, pinning her arms before
she could recover. Ukyou squirmed futilely in his grasp, trying to escape,
but was helpless in the face of his vastly superior strength.

Shampoo-kun tightened his grip and felt Ukyou's body smothered flat against
him, her breath slowly being forced from her lungs leaving her helpless to
draw in another. Just as he was sure she was about to pass out, he noticed
an inconsistency with his opponent's form. Specifically, two rounded fleshy
inconstancies that were poking him in his chest.

Using his foot, Shampoo-kun flicked one of the fallen mini-spatulas in the
air. Just as it reached eye level with him, he released his hold on Ukyou
and snatched the weapon out of mid-air, taking a half step back.

The audiences' eyes widened as Shampoo-kun brought the weapon down in a
sweeping arc, right in front of Ukyou. Cries of dismay started to circulate
among the crowd when everyone finally saw that Shampoo-kun had not actually
cut Ukyou, but rather the front of her outfit.

And the bindings that kept her breasts bound tight against her flesh.

It took a moment for the cool breeze to wash over Ukyou's front for her to
realize what had happened. Her eyes drifted down slowly, as though if she
hesitated in looking upon her display, others would too. But she saw that
it was just as she knew it would be. Her hands pulled her slashed top back
over the exposed flesh, though the damage had already been done. Through
tear-filled eyes she stared at Shampoo-kun, feeling even more betrayed than
before from suffering further humiliation at what she thought were her
former friend's hands.

She drew one of her hands back, holding her top in place with the other.
"You jerk!" she shouted as she slapped the stunned boy across the face.

Despite his suspicions, Shampoo-kun was shocked to discover that it had
indeed been a girl he had been fighting. Had it not been for feeling the
bound breasts, he would never have suspected that his opponent was really a
girl; Ukyou's act had been that convincing. And then there were the
implications of what relationship this girl might have had with Ranma.
Those two revelations froze him in place, allowing Ukyou to unleash a none
too gentle slap to his face, one that he didn't react immediately to. His
hesitation allowed Ukyou to flee the scene, leaping over the school yard
and into the streets beyond, bawling her eyes out the entire time.

Akane was one of the first to recover from the surprise. "I thought you
said he was a guy."

"He was," Ranma-chan insisted. "Don't you'd think I'd know a guy from a
girl? Just how unobservant do you think I am?" The redhead paused in
thought for a moment. "Obviously if Ukyou was a guy before, and is a girl
now, then something must have happened to him."

"Obviously," Akane agreed dryly.

"And I think I know what it is," Ranma-chan said triumphantly.

"What?"

"He fell into the Spring of Drowned Girl at Jusenkyou, just like me."
Ranma-chan smirked at her genius at solving the question so quickly.

Akane wasn't so certain. Yes, it made sense. Too much, actually. It seemed
the answer was just a little too easy. There had to be a catch, there just
had to be. "So what should we do?"

"Find Ukyou and let him know he ain't alone in the world," Ranma-chan
declared. "But first, we got to rescue Shampoo." She pointed at the cursed
Amazon and the predicament he suddenly found himself in. As Ukyou's true
sex had come to light, the Furinkan girls quickly realized that since Ukyou
was really a girl and not a boy, that meant the object of their affections
was not gay. In their delirious joy, they leaped into the ring and onto
Shampoo-kun, threatening to drown him in the impromptu sea of humanity. It
was up to Ranma-chan and Akane to pull him out of the mess he was in and
help them in tracking down the fleeing chef.


Ukyou was crying harder than she ever had in her life. Harder than when
Ranma and his father had left her by the roadside. Harder than when the
other kids made fun of her for being dumped by her fiancé. Harder than when
her pet dog, Fluffy, had been electrocuted in that horrible fight with that
large yellow rat that kept shouting 'pika.' (All such nasty little
creatures deserved to die.)

How could Ranma have so brazenly humiliated her again? Wasn't once enough
for him? Did he get some perverse joy out of tormenting her? Oh, how she
hated him, even worse than before. He was going to pay. She was going to
make the man who had humiliated her suffer. Oh yes, suffer horribly, just
like she had. It would take her time, but she'd come up with something.
Something nasty, like, like feeding him poorly made okonomiyaki. Yes. That
was what Ukyou hated more than anything in the world. Okonomiyaki was meant
to be subtle, yet delectable. Something that would satisfy, yet leave a
craving for more. But so many amateurs did it wrong, making the flavor too
strong or too bland. It was like suffering through a little piece of hell
every time she tasted the world's most perfect food cooked so absolutely.
It was only justice that she should make Ranma suffer such horrors as well.

"I hate you Ranma!" Ukyou shouted through eyes so filled with tears that
she couldn't see where she was going. Which was why it hurt so badly when
she slammed into what felt like a brick wall. Or maybe a Caterpillar.

The construction vehicle, not the insect, of course.

But whatever it was she had collided with, it had the effect of her
knocking her down, leaving her sprawled out on the ground.

The brick wall, which was in fact nothing more than a martial artist (who
was built much more solidly than most brick walls), was wandering around,
trying to find where Ranma Saotome had run off to once again.

Ryouga barely registered the impact, and looked down to see who had
collided with him. He saw that it was a person, a girl, to be specific. He
could tell it was a girl, in spite of the men's style of clothing she wore,
because her naked breasts were showing.

Naked breasts.

"ACK!" Ryouga covered his eyes as quickly as he could, pretending that he
had seen nothing while still feeling a bit of blood leak steadily from both
nostrils. That was all that he needed. The girl would realize he had seen
her and probably hate him and call him a pervert and make him feel lower
than a worm. It was all Ranma's fault. If he hadn't run away from the ice
rink, then Ryouga would not have been wandering around trying to find him,
and therefore would not have had the girl run into him and call him a
pervert (which was going to happen any second now)

Wait a minute, Hadn't the girl been shouting about Ranma the moment before
she had collided with him?

In a moment of daring, Ryouga peeked through his eyes to look at the girl,
hoping he had given her enough time to cover up. As he had hoped, she was
sitting on the ground, her hand holding her top together so he could only
see a bit of flesh at the top. He was safe.

"Sorry about that," Ukyou said, grateful that when she looked up, the boy
she had run into had not been leering at her chest the way so many of those
guys at school had. He had probably seen something, but at least he was
trying to act like a gentleman. Unlike that jerk, Ranma.

"Umm, Excuse me, Miss," Ryouga tried hard to forget what he had seen of
her, the image of naked flesh threatening to superimpose itself on the
chest of the girl he was speaking to. "Did you say something about a Ranma?
Perhaps a Ranma Saotome?"

Ukyou looked at him in puzzlement. "Uh, yes. I did."

Ryouga felt his temper start to burst. From the rapidly drying tears on her
face, it was obvious the girl had been crying. And she knew Ranma. It
didn't take a genius to put two and two together. Obviously Ranma had made
this girl cry. "What did he do to you?"

Ukyou continued sniffling. Who was this stranger that seemed to know what
had happened to her? And how did he know Ranma? Through her sniffles, she
said, "He's ruined me. He ripped open my top in front of the whole school
and humiliated me, the jackass."

The anger Ryouga felt quadrupled. "I always knew Ranma was the lowest of
the low, but to do this. It's unthinkable. What sort of monster forces
himself on cute young women, ripping off their clothing and trying to...
to... to do whatever it is monsters like him do to cute young women whose
clothing he rips off. AAHH!" Ryouga punched through a nearby wall,
envisioning Ranma's face before it.

Ukyou finally managed to stop sniffling. At first it was at the awesome
display of strength the strange boy had just demonstrated, but then
something else he had said set in. He called her cute. Not once, but twice,
meaning it hadn't been a mistake the first time. No one had ever called her
cute, except for some of the girls she had known (when they thought she was
a guy), and they didn't count because, well because they were girls. It
only counted when guys called you cute. Okay, Tsubasa had called her cute,
but he was annoying and didn't really count either. So this was the first
time anyone that mattered had called her cute, and she wasn't sure how to
react to it.

Deciding she was quickly getting nowhere, Ukyou stood up and began scuffing
her foot, feeling embarrassed for some odd reason. She quickly brought her
emotions back under control. "How exactly is it you know Ranma?"

"Let me tell you a story," Ryouga said, and began informing her of exactly
what had happened to him at the hands of Ranma. He told it all in the most
graphic details that he could.

"But Ranma doesn't have a pitchfork and horns," Ukyou pointed out.

"Well, that's all that the scum is missing," Ryouga admitted.

Ukyou agreed, and told Ryouga her own version of the events that had led up
to this moment in her life.

"Umm, do you think forsaking your femininity and impersonating a guy for
the last decade was the right way to deal with Ranma dumping you?" Ryouga
asked

"Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time," Ukyou responded. Besides,
there were some good benefits to acting like a guy. She didn't have to put
a lot of thought into her wardrobe. She didn't have to deal with make-up.
She didn't have to put up with other girls complaining about silly things,
like how thick their thighs were or how they went go on and on about guys.
She didn't worry about her weight and ate whatever she wanted to.
And just useless and annoying things like that.

True, there were disadvantages too, like having to come up with excuses on
why she couldn't take gym (but she did get some free shows when she went
into the guys' locker rooms, not that she was a pervert or anything),
making up stories about how she scored with girls, (though she was sure
most of the stories the guys told were made up too. How many girls were
THAT flexible?), and occasionally even being pressured by the guys into
going out on dates with girls so they didn't become suspicious about her
true sexuality. It was then she learned the truth about girls; they were
amorous creatures that continuously came onto guys and one had to literally
fend them off with a spatula. She would never drape herself over some guy
that way. It was just too creepy. The dating was easily the worst, but
overall she felt the pros outweighed the cons.

Ryouga listened intently, then said, "What did the Ranma you fought look
like?"

Ukyou gave him on odd stare. "Kind of tall. Good-looking. Long hair, wore
it back in a ponytail that went halfway down his back. Oh yeah, his
Japanese was shitty too."

"Ha! Just as I suspected," Ryouga shouted. "You fought the stand in."

"Stand in?" Ukyou asked. Ryouga informed her of the switch Ranma and
Shampoo had pulled. Ukyou's anger suddenly came to include someone who now
easily rivaled, if not surpassed, Ranma on her hate list. "So it was this
Shampoo that sliced open my shirt and humiliated me in front of everyone."
Her grip on her spatula tightened. "Oh, she's going to pay for that."

Ryouga nodded in agreement. "Let's work together. After all, there's two of
them, and if we fight them together we would stand a better chance of
getting the real Ranma."

Ukyou agreed. Oh, revenge was right around the corner. Especially since she
now had an ally on her side for the first time in her life.

And he thought she was cute, too.


"Man, I don't have a clue to where he is," Ranma complained as he, Akane,
and Shampoo returned home. They had spent the better part of the day
following school looking for the chef, but she was nowhere to be found. And
now Ranma was hungry. Searching for Ukyou would have to take a backseat to
more important things, like eating.

Upon entering the kitchen, Ranma saw the man he most wanted to speak to, at
least after Ukyou. "Hey, Pop. You'll never guess who I met today."

"Oh, who?" Genma asked.

Ranma related his tale. The further he got into the story, the more his
father seemed to become panicked and evasive. Knowing the man all too well,
Ranma became increasingly suspicious.

"So why did Ukyou think we were going to take him along?" Ranma asked as he
finished his tale.

A bright sheen of sweat broke across Genma's brow. He mopped at it with a
nearby dishtowel. "I really have no idea."

Ranma began tapping his foot. "Pop, you're holding out."

A sad look crossed Genma's face as he took a deep, sad breath. "The truth
would hurt too much to tell, boy. Just try to help the poor girl...I mean
boy out. But try not to believe anything she...I mean he might say. The
truth has been no doubt been warped in his fragile little mind."

Ranma considered badgering his father further, but let it go. It would be
too much hassle to try to tear the truth out of him when there was another,
easier way of discovering it: find Ukyou and ask him. At this point, Ranma
would believe just about anything Ukyou had to say about the matter over
Ranma's father, including the idea that they were supposed to adopt the
chef or something.

After raiding the refrigerator, Ranma set out to find Ukyou once again. He
dragged Shampoo and Akane in tow, even though they had barely had enough
time to eat anything, given how quickly Ranma had finished his own meal. As
they began their search once again, Ranma began relaying a plan to his two
companions on what to do when they finally had a chance to confront Ukyou
again.

Two teams of searchers, one with an accurate sense of direction, set out in
search of one another. By some stroke of luck, they managed to meet each
other at exactly the halfway point from where each set out.

"Gee, that didn't take long. I wonder if it's good luck we found them so
quickly, or bad?" Ranma commented as he saw that somehow, Ryouga had met up
with Ukyou. Now there was the added problem of having to deal with whatever
lies Ryouga had told the chef, although he probably told her about the
truth about Ranma's identity at least. That would save time. Still, Ranma
was going to have to try to defuse the situation. Both Ukyou and Ryouga
appeared ready for a fight, and Shampoo looked none too reluctant to
involve herself either.

"What are you doing here Ryouga? This doesn't involve you," Ranma said.

Ryouga shook his head. "The heck it doesn't Ranma. Ukyou told me
everything. How dare you hurt her that way and allow that impostor Ranma to
shame in her front of everyone like that. It's not enough that you hurt me,
but now you're going around and hurting everyone else you meet as well. Oh,
what a worthless piece of garbage you are, Ranma. For making both mine and
Ukyou's lives hell, you should... hey! Quit yawning!"

"Sorry," Ranma said without a touch of sincerity. "It's just that I thought
I heard this whole speech before."

"Ryouga's told me all about you. You're an even bigger jerk than I
remember, Ranma," Ukyou said as she swung her giant spatula in front of
her.

That actually hurt Ranma slightly. "Hey, I don't know what this guy's told
you, but believe me when I say he's got it all wrong. He's as messed up as
his direction sense."

"That's not true," Ukyou said. "No one can be as messed up as his sense of
direction."

"Hey!" Ryouga protested.

"Sorry, sugar. But I've only spent several hours with you, and it's pretty
obvious you couldn't find your way out of a closet."

"I can too find my way out of a closet!" Ryouga retorted. "I just have a
bad tendency to end up in them when I'm trying to find other places."

Akane decided now would be a good time to run into a nearby store, just
like she and Ranma had discussed earlier. Hoping the quartet would still be
talking until she retrieved what she needed from inside, she ran as fast as
she could.

Ranma decided to bring the conversation back to the subject at hand.
"Anyhow, Ucchan, there's no need to feel ashamed or nothing about what
happened to you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ukyou asked suspiciously.

"I know your secret," Ranma answered.

Ukyou stared at him, dumfounded. "Of course you do. Everyone knows my
secret. That jackass," she pointed at Shampoo, who stuck her tongue out in
response. "Let everyone know, and she is going to pay."

"I don't mean that one," Ranma sighed. "I mean the other one."

Ukyou gaped at him. "You mean you know about the time I poured liquid heat
in Akio's jockstrap because I found out he was slapping his girlfriend,
Yumi, around?"

Ryouga, Ranma, and even Shampoo, all crossed their legs in sympathetic pain
and winced. "No."

"Then I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I don't want to do it in front of him." Ranma pointed to Ryouga. "It might
embarrass you."

"Oh, well that certainly cleared nothing up," Ukyou held a hand to her head
in exasperation.

Akane returned just at that moment, bearing a kettle or warm water in hand.
Ranma accepted the offered container from her. "If I can't do this any
other way, then I guess I have no choice."

Without another word he hurled the contents at Ukyou, who backed away to
avoid the hot water. Just as it was about to hit her, Ryouga leaped in
front of her, umbrella opened to deflect the stream.

Once he was sure the contents of the kettle had been emptied, Ryouga folded
the umbrella back up and pointed it at Ranma. "I don't know what you think
you're doing, but I will not let you harm one hair on her head. Ukyou's
already had to suffer far more misery in her life than any two people
should have. Why, she's almost suffered half as much as me. I will protect
her with my life if necessary."

Ukyou looked stunned at Ryouga proclamation. No one had ever talked about
her in those sort of terms before. It made her feel odd inside. A good kind
of odd, though.

Ryouga took a moment to try to figure out exactly why Ranma had hurled the
water in the first place. Was it possible that he... no. Ukyou couldn't
have had one of those. If she had, she would have mentioned it to him.

Deciding the matter resolved to his satisfaction, Ryouga shouted, "Ranma,
prepare to die!" and moved to attack.

"If that's the way you want it, then fine." Ranma had had enough of
Ryouga's messing up matters. If it hadn't been for the lost boy, everything
would have been taken care of by now. Ranma answered in kind and began
fighting with Ryouga.

Shampoo moved to help Ranma, but found herself cut off by a spatula thrust.

"So you're really the guy that humiliated me," Ukyou said with a wide
smile. "I don't know about all this curse stuff, but I do know I still owe
you. And Ukyou Kuonji always pays her debts." She swung her spatula and
began attacking Shampoo in earnest. Shampoo pulled out her bonbori and
retaliated in kind.

Akane looked at the scene of battle and sighed. Things were never going to
be resolved if all everyone was going to do was hit one another. She swore
she was the only one with any brains in the whole group. Rather than
participate in the general melee, Akane picked up the kettle Ranma had
discarded at the start of the fight, and headed back into the store.

Ranma didn't hold anything back in his fight with Ryouga, and was slowly
and surely beginning to press an advantage against his opponent. Although
it was still close enough that one solid blow could change the tide of
battle.

The fight between Ukyou and Shampoo was a little more even, especially
since Ukyou was doubly enraged at her target after the day's events.
Shampoo reluctantly found herself admitting this was probably the most
able-bodied female opponent she had faced (not counting Ranma) since
becoming cursed back home. Of course, given Ukyou's condition, perhaps
'she' should not have counted, either.

It was to that scene that Akane came out with her kettle of hot water.
Ukyou was fully wrapped up in her fight with Shampoo. As for Ranma, he saw
Akane and afforded her a wave, then planned his next action in a split
second.

"Throw it up in the air!"

Akane wondered what Ranma was up to, but, trusting his judgment, threw the
kettle high into the air between the two groups of fighters. Ranma faked an
attack then jumped on top of Ryouga's head. He used it as a springboard to
leap high into the air, catching the kettle easily. Airborne, he saw that
he had the perfect opportunity to get Ukyou, whose back was to him as she
fought Shampoo. Taking advantage of the opening, he threw the contents of
the kettle at Ukyou, hitting her full in the back.

The unexpected splash startled Ukyou, making her spatula slip from her
grasp as she yelled, "Hot!" and writhed slightly in pain. Shampoo backed
off, allowing Ranma to land and approach the wincing chef.

"And now, here is the truth for all to see." He grabbed Ukyou's pinned
together top and ripped it open to reveal...

... a nice set of firm breasts.

Ranma released his hold on her top  "Ahhh! He didn't turn back with hot
water!" The rest of Ranma's declaration was cut off by a vicious spatula
blow to the head.

Ukyou burst out into tears again. "What are you? Some kind of pervert too?"

Akane felt her temper began to fray. "What is going on here?! Ranma, I
thought you said Ukyou was a boy!"

"He was. He was," Ranma insisted. "I don't understand."

Ukyou was seething in rage now. "What kind of stupid statement is that, you
jackass? Of course I'm not a boy!"

Now Ranma was completely confused. "Haven't you ever been to a magical
training ground in China called Jusenkyou? You know, you get splashed with
the water there and turn into whatever drowned in the pool? Hot water
changes you back?"

Ukyou seemed to follow a bit of that. "You mean that curse thing you got?
Ryouga explained that to me. No. I was never stupid enough to go to some
cursed training ground. Come on, it's cursed. Why would you want to go
there and maybe get cursed?"

Ranma, Shampoo, and Ryouga all shifted uncomfortably from the assault of
common sense Ukyou was wielding against them. But the effect didn't last.

Ranma examined his old childhood playmate more closely. "So, if you didn't
get cursed with magic girl water like me, I guess you got one of those sex
change things."

Ukyou suppressed the urge to flatten Ranma's head in again. "Of course not,
you idiot! I just cross dress. I've always been a girl. Why else do you
think our fathers engaged us?"

Slowly the words seeped into Ranma's brain. "Always...girl..."

Very slowly.

"...fathers ...ENGAGED?!"

"You mean to tell me you didn't know I was a girl?" Ukyou didn't know how
that was possible. She hadn't forsaken her femininity until after she had
been dumped by him. Up to that point, she had been a normal girl and very
feminine. Once she had forsaken her femininity she had had to give up...
had to give up... give up...

Okay, so she hadn't really changed that much. She still pretty much dressed
and behaved the same way she always had. But it was the principle involved.

"All right, so back then you might very well have mistaken me for a boy,"
if you were completely unobservant and brain dead, Ukyou silently added.
"But you at least had to wonder why your father engaged you to a boy,
right?"

"I was never told about any engagement," Ranma insisted.

"You're father didn't tell you?" Ukyou hated to admit it, but if Ranma
hadn't realized she was a girl, and hadn't known a thing about the
engagement, that went a long way to explaining a lot of what had just
happened.

"I seriously don't understand what is going on," Ranma stated, wondering
exactly how his father had gotten him into the mess this time.

Ukyou began her story. "Look, when we were little, my father was raising me
by himself. We wandered around a lot, and I didn't really make a lot of
friends. Anyway, I met you and we hit it off real well. Daddy was worried
that, since I was being raised by a guy, I wouldn't be very feminine and he
thought I might not ever marry. So he offered to engage me to you. Your dad
resisted at first, but when my father offered to throw in our yatai as a
dowry, he relented. Then, after getting the yatai, you guys took off
without me, you jackass.

"Everyone knew I got dumped and made fun of me. I vowed never to become a
woman. To that end, I behaved just as a man would. I dressed, talked, and
sounded like one. I also practiced the art of okonomiyaki combat until I
could have revenge." Ukyou's shoulders slumped in defeat. "Now I learn that
my fiancé didn't even know I was a girl, I got humiliated in front of the
school, and my whole life has been one cruel joke."

Everyone felt a pang of sympathy go through them at the end of hearing
Ukyou's story.

Ranma was the first to break the silence. "Pop is so dead."

"You can't stick this one on me boy. You were the one who made the choice,"
Genma said as he ripped off his clever disguise (consisting of a
trenchcoat, hat, and fake Soun-like mustache). He knew following them and
telling what had really happened was the only way he was going to get out
of the mess that was really and truly not his fault.

"What do you mean?" Ranma asked.

"I asked you point blank which you preferred: Ukyou or okonomiyaki. You
chose okonomiyaki. See. It is not my fault." Genma thought that cleared him
of responsibility quite nicely.

He was the only one.

Simultaneously, Shampoo-chan, Ukyou, Ranma-kun, and Akane all buried their
fists on top of Genma's head.

"I was, what, six at the most and thought Ukyou was a guy?! What kind of
decision could I make? You were the one that did it for the yatai!" Ranma
shouted.

"And this was after you promised he would be engaged to someone in my
family," Akane said.

"That low, Pop." Shampoo twisted her fist on top of his head more tightly.

"This is all your fault," Ukyou considered smacking him in the head a few
more times, with the spatula.

Ryouga however, was not of like mind. He allowed a battle aura to build up
around him before breaking his own silence.

"This is all YOUR fault Ranma!" He leveled his finger towards the object of
his rage. "If you had picked Ukyou, she would never have been hurt. Now you
will pay."

He pulled a bandanna from his forehead and hurled it at Ranma, who dodged
nimbly out of the way. Instead of human flesh, the razor-sharp piece of
cloth sliced through a fire hydrant directly in front of Ryouga. Rather
than go for the umbrella strapped to his pack to avoid the stream, Ryouga
froze, disappearing from view as the burst of cold water hit him squarely
in the chest. Once the powerful flow of water stopped, all eyes saw that
instead of a somewhat thick-headed young boy, there was a bat floundering
in the middle of the street.

Ranma was the first to put it all together. "So that's what happened. He
must have fallen into Jusenkyou too. No wonder he kept disappearing
whenever he got doused with water. Poor guy, er, bat."

High pitched squeals assailed everyone's ears as Ryouga flew up and
attached himself to Ranma's face.

"Get this thing off me." Ranma tried prying his fingers under exceptionally
powerful wings, but Ryouga steadfastly remained.

"I'll get it," Akane and Shampoo said together as they aimed fists towards
Ryouga's unusual glomping attack. As the last two times it happened, Ryouga
detached himself before the blows connected, though not in time for Akane
and Shampoo to halt their fists. Both hit the center of Ranma's face
squarely.

"Not in the face, damnit!" Ranma shouted as he picked himself up off the
ground.

Ryouga landed next to Ukyou, protecting her as only a bat could. Which was
not really very well, if one stopped and thought about it.

Ukyou picked Ryouga up and held him gently. She turned to Ranma. "Can you
get some hot water? Please."

Ranma reluctantly poured the remaining contents of the kettle over Ryouga,
who changed back to his human, and very naked form in Ukyou's grasp. The
sudden shift in weight caused Ukyou to fall forward, sending both her and
Ryouga to the ground. It only took Ryouga a moment to realize his current
state, and he quickly grabbed his clothes and put them on, though not
before Ukyou managed to catch a glimpse of him. Not too bad. She'd seen
better, but Ryouga definitely qualified as being a little above average.

"Make sure I'm in my clothes when you do that!" he shouted at Ranma.

Ranma ignored the complaint. "So, tell us what happened, Batboy."

Ryouga scowled at Ranma, but decided to finally unburden his tale to the
others. "Everything I told you about Ranma making my life hell was true. I
just left out the fact that I stumbled into the training grounds of
Jusenkyou while in my search for him. I had it on good authority that Ranma
and his father had headed off to China. After a lot of searching and
wandering around, I thought I had finally caught up to them at the cursed
springs. Unfortunately, just as I was about to catch up to him, disaster
struck.

"I had just come out from some foliage and found myself at the edge of a
small cliff overlooking the springs. I was still trying to get my bearings,
when I noticed a shadow right above me. I looked up, only to see this
multi-colored metal orb fall from the skies and nail me right between the
eyes. I lost my balance and fell off the cliff and into the Spring Of
Drowned Bat below. I was so confused by the change that I flew off. It took
me a while to discover that it took hot water to change me back into a
human. By the time I had figured it out, Ranma was long gone."

Shampoo had listened to the story intently. As Ryouga got to the part about
falling multi-colored spheres, she took a close look at her bonbori,
remembering how the day she had first gotten cursed went. Her eyebrow
raised slightly, then both weapons where behind her back in a flash. She
attempted to look nonchalant by looking directly up to the sky and
whistling, thereby gaining everyone's attention.

Ranma turned his attention back to Ryouga. "So turning into an animal is
pretty tough, huh?"

"You don't know the half of it."

"Why do you keep flying into my face, though?"

Ryouga looked odd for a moment, almost as though he were trying to find the
right words. After a moment, he said, "It's weird. I think my echolocation
system confuses my lack of direction sense. Instead of getting lost, I
always get to where I'm going. I even tried to get lost once as a bat, but
still I flew in the right direction."

"But if you could have found me at any time, why did you take so long to
locate me?" Ranma asked.

Ryouga turned angry again. "Because, you idiot, I despise being stripped of
my humanity! Do you know how degrading it is to know that there's something
you could do only as an animal instead of a man? Besides, no one likes
bats. People are always trying to knock you out of the air, scream in
terror, or exterminate you. And do you know how difficult it is to find hot
water as a bat? Now if I was some kind of cute animal, like an otter or
piglet, it would be different. That I could have dealt with, but now I'm
just a kind of flying vermin no one likes."

That answered a few questions. Still, Ranma felt he had to point out, "It
ain't my fault you got that curse, so quit blaming me for it."

Ryouga wasn't mollified in the least. "I was looking for you at the time,
so it is."

The two began arguing again. Ukyou shook her head, trying to figure out how
she might defuse the situation, when she thought about Shampoo's attempt at
being nonchalant. The chef moved quietly, sneaking up behind the Amazon to
see what was in her hand. Upon seeing the bonbori, and remembering what
Ryouga had said earlier, she darted in and snatched one of them out of
Shampoo's hand before the Amazon realized what was happening.

Ukyou moved next to Ryouga and showed him the bonbori. "Did that falling
sphere look something like this?" She handed it to him for a closer look.

It appeared right to Ryouga's eyes, but there was only one sure way of
finding out. He held it high above his head, looked up, then released it,
allowing it to smack into his face.

"Ow!" he said. "Yes, it not only looks exactly like it, but it felt like it
too." He shot Shampoo an accusing glare. "Is this yours?"

Hesitantly, Shampoo nodded her head.

"And you are really a girl?"

Again, she slowly nodded her head.

"Great." Ryouga's shoulders slumped in defeat. "I can't beat up a girl. So
much for revenge." He let the bonbori drop to the ground.

Ranma felt relieved. At last everything had been explained. "Now that
that's settled let's call it a day. What do you say?"

In answer, Ryouga took a swing at Ranma that he barely ducked.

"What the hell are you trying to hit me for?" Ranma shouted.

Ryouga kept his fists clenched. "Just because I no longer have a grudge
against you doesn't mean you get off that easily. There's still the matter
of you hurting Ukyou. She may be too much of a lady to beat you up, but I'm
not."

Ranma felt like slamming his head into something out of frustration.
Anything except Ryouga's fists. "But that wasn't my fault!"

"No excuses! Fall Saotome!" Ryouga swung again. Ranma decided the terrain
wasn't to his advantage, so he elected to run, Ryouga staying hot on his
tail.

Shampoo watched their retreating forms. She gave a sad shake of her head.
"Boys fight over silly things. Yes?" Hearing the light sound of a whistle
behind her, she instinctively ducked, barely avoiding a spatula thrust
aimed at her. She turned in shock. "What Stupid Spatula Girl think she
doing?"

Ukyou kept her spatula up. "Just because I no longer have a grudge against
you doesn't mean you get off that easily. There's still the matter of you
hurting Ryouga. He may be too much of a gentleman to beat you up, but I'm
not."

"But that not Shampoo fault!" she insisted.

"No excuses! Fall Shampoo!" Ukyou swung again. Shampoo also decided the
terrain wasn't to her liking, so she elected to run, Ukyou staying hot on
her tail.

Akane soon found herself standing alone, with only an unconscious Genma as
her companion. It figured. They all high tailed it out of there and left
her to clean up the garbage. She hoped they all bludgeoned each other into
unconsciousness. Sighing, she grabbed Genma by the caller and proceeded to
drag him back home.

As she made her way back, Akane did allow herself to smile. At least the
day hadn't been boring.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Special thanks to
Lord Talon

    Source: geocities.com/tokyo/towers/5920

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