Prologue

Takao Nakajima strolled across the street, on her way to purchase some
groceries. It was a pleasant day, and she had just come from watching the
awesome duel between the achingly handsome Chinese guy and that beautiful
purple-haired girl. Oh how she wished she could fight like the two of them,
especially the girl. If Takao were as tough as her, then someone like that
Mousse fellow would try to fight for her hand. And she knew someone like
him would not have a hard time of it. There was little doubt who she would
fantasize about tonight as she slept. 

She had tried to learn martial arts but never got past a green belt. Work
took up too much of the young girl's time, and it wasn't easy living on
your own in Nerima. So she went to purchase the groceries and thought about
what to do on her day off from her exciting job as a bank teller. That was
when it happened.

[Here me, Takao Nakajima, last direct descendent of my wielder's line.]

The voice was speaking within her mind. Telepathy!

[There is a great evil blossoming in the world. I can grant you the ability
to prevent it. I can give you power beyond your imagination and a chance to
make a difference, if you accept my offer. Do you accept this once in a
lifetime brush with greatness?]

How could she refuse? It was what she always wanted, a chance to break out
of her dreary existence and become a person of importance. Why, she could
end up a virtual super hero, like that Sailor Moose person, or whatever her
name was.

"YES! I ACCEPT!!!" she shouted out loud, never mind the fact the voice had
spoken to her telepathically.

[YES!!! You will not regret this. Oh, how long I have waited to taste the
blood of one so rich in power. I had thought his kind extinct for over a
millennium now. And to find one, the last one, is cause for celebration.
Now, I will give you the ability to discover the tomb I have been buried
in. It is located in China and, if you concentrate, you will be able to
feel the direction I lie in.]

Takao closed her eyes and did indeed feel a tugging in one direction.
Everything the voice said was true. She began walking in the direction of
the pull, and hadn't been in motion for more than ten seconds when she
heard a loud noise.

*HONK*

She opened her eyes to see she had walked out into the middle of a busy
street while her eyes had been closed. The car that had beeped its warning
struck her full force, hurling her twenty feet. 

She would be rendered comatose for over three months. By the time she
recovered, it would all be over. 


Somewhere deep within a sealed crypt in a mountain in China, The Blood
Drinker, one of the mightiest swords created during the height of the time
of magic, cried out in despair. After a millennium of inactivity it would
miss the opportunity to drink the blood of one of the most powerful beings
it had ever encountered. Why did all the Nakajimas have to be blithering
idiots? The last one he attempted to contact walked into a pit of hungry
tigers while his eyes were closed trying to locate the sword. And the sword
was tied to the family exclusively, there was no else to call on.

Why was existence so unfair?


Another Dimension:
The Empire of the Five Comets:

The Seer felt yet another possibility wither away. Time continued to run
out. The opportunities for change where dwindling to almost nothing. 

It did not look good at all.



Ranma 1/2 Presents:
Shampoo 1/2 
Chapter 25

This Little Piggy Wanted Revenge


C+C is greatly appreciated. It is the fuel which helps keep me running.
Azatlan has given Shampoo 1/2 a home at:
http://www.geocities.com/~azatlan/Special-Series/shampoo.html
and you can post C+C to the FFML or contact me at sommer@nb.net

Standard discalimer: I don't own these characters. They are the properties
of their various creators. All Ranma 1/2 characters belong to the Goddess
Takahashi.

An alternate universe:
What's gone on before (or what you really need to know to enjoy this fic.)
In the beginning, the Saotomes traveled to Jusenkyou to spar, not realizing
that Shampoo and Mousse had already begun a duel there. One mid-air
collision and bath in Spring of Young Drowned Man later, we have a male
Shampoo as well as a female Ranma. (So Ranma-chan= female Ranma.
Shampoo-kun= male Shampoo. Enjoy) Shampoo elected to travel to Japan with
Ranma and was accidentily engaged to Kasumi. After that was cleared up
Ranma became engaged to Akane. Over the months many allies and enemies were
made as all went through many adventutres. Last chapter, Ryu Kumon had
impersonated Ranma and the two had a fight over the name. Akane fought
Ryu's wife, the former Kaori Daikoku, and Shampoo had one last marriage
duel with Mousse. Ranma, Akane and Shampoo on all their fights. Ranma and
Shampoo horribly injured but able to walk away from the battle in one
piece, victorious. However, a giant razorback had been stalking Shampoo,
attacking whenever it got the opportunity. It has recently been revealed to
be one angry Akari...

Side notes: 
These mean:

<> Chinese
[] Thoughts
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


"RUN FOR IT!!!"

Shampoo needed no encouragement as the duo fled at top speed to evade the
charging Akari-razorback that bore down on them. Their new attacker
demolished trash cans, sidewalk cafés, street vendors' wares, and anything
else that stood between her and the target of her anger.

"Crazy Pig-Girl take things too, too far!" Shampoo shouted as she spared a
glance over her shoulder, estimating that Akari was indeed gaining on them.

Ranma had already come to the same conclusion and tried to increase his own
speed, failing miserably. Each of them was too fatigued to run any faster,
leap out of the way, or fight back. "Since when did she turn into a pig?"

"Razorback," Shampoo corrected.

"Whatever," Ranma replied, annoyed. "I remember being out in the rain and
her not changing." 

"You want to stop and ask?"

Ranma spared another glance and saw the bloodshot eyes of the massive
beast. Stopping would be an extremely bad idea. "How do we get out of this
one?" 

"Why is you asking me?" Shampoo growled.

"Because this one's your fault, not mine," Ranma snapped back as
Akari-razorback trampled another cart.

Shampoo gave him as much of an angry look as she could muster. "I just
trying to help you."

"I had the situation under control," Ranma replied. "You didn't need to do
it."

Shampoo snorted at that. Ranma's memory could become awfully selective. "As
Shampoo seem to recall, you was complaining about being hungry too. Almost
as loud as Pop."

"Oh, so it's all my fault now. Is that it?"

Shampoo shrugged. "You say that. Not me."

"She's gaining," Ranma informed his running companion. "And it is not my
fault."

The two turned down an alleyway in the hope it would force Akari to slow
down within the close confines of the narrow concrete passages. It failed
as the razorback simply bowled over or plowed under everything that stood
between her and the object of her quest. 

The fleeing martial artists came at last to a dead end. The duo hesitated
but a moment as they took off at top speed and leaped as high as they
could. Both fell three feet short of clearing the wall, then slid down the
height they had traveled, digging into the brick with their fingers in an
effort to slow their descent. It was all to no avail. Once they landed each
slowly turned around and gazed at their opponent. 

"I not think I can fight her any good, Ranma," Shampoo quietly said,
anxiety starting to make its presence known.

"I'm beat too," Ranma agreed. He looked Shampoo over once again, concerned.
During the flight from the giant boar Shampoo's hair had come undone. Sweat
now plastered her purple locks onto her face, heightening the growing
frightened look she now possessed. She didn't have any more strength than
he did. Akari certainly had picked the best time to attack them. Gosunkugi
could have handled each of them with a minimum of effort.


Akari stood at the opening of the alleyway and paused. Neither Ranma nor
Shampoo could escape now, and she was too large to allow either of them
pass by her unharmed. Cornered prey, that's what they were now. Slowly she
stalked forward until she was in leaping distance.


Both martial artists pressed themselves against the wall as Akari closed
the distance. No opening presented itself, forcing them to remain
motionless. 

"This no look good, Ranma." Shampoo silently chided herself for not forcing
her great grandmother to teach her the Breaking Point technique. All it
would take would be one finger and she could blow up a passageway to
freedom.

Ranma could do nothing more than nod his head in agreement. There were no
openings he could take advantage of and no attack he could employ to stop a
half ton of raging pork. Neither flight nor fight was an option. All that
was left was a feeling of impotence.

"Ranma," Shampoo turned to give Ranma a look of helplessness that was
mirrored within him. "There been something I been meaning to tell you."

"What?"

It was at that moment that Akari chose to leap directly at Shampoo. Ranma
acted on instinct as he threw himself in front of the purple-haired Amazon.
No one would ever hurt her if he could prevent it, even if it meant being
crushed flat.

He gave in to the urge to shut his eyes as the razorback's leap was now
directly at him. Shampoo was shouting something about him getting out of
the way as hands were suddenly tugging at his shirt. He stood firm, praying
that somehow his body would be enough to shield the Amazon from harm.

The huge porcine body had just reached the height of its arc when a splash
of hot water intercepted it in mid-air, triggering the transformation.
Akari's body lost its added mass as she quickly reverted to her human form,
landing upon Ranma and knocking him off his feet.

Ranma was more than a little surprised that the impact didn't hurt anywhere
near as much as it should have, and that the razorback's skin felt much
softer than he thought it would. In fact, it felt as though two objects of
the pig were pressing themselves against his face. Soft pliable things. At
last he opened his eyes and placed his hands on what was smothering his
head, pushing them off. It was a surprise at how soft they were and how
light the razorback felt until he realized Akari was in human form.

And naked.

And what the soft things were that had smothered his face

And what he had placed his hands on, in order to remove said soft things
from his face.

The shock was so great that he reflexively squeezed his hands slightly,
giving everyone an idea of just how responsive Akari was to stimulation as
she gave off a soft moan.

"RANMA!!!" Akane, the one who had thrown the hot water and saved the day,
began glowing brightly.

"HOW..." Shampoo picked herself up from under Ranma and stood over him as
Akane came to her side. The Amazon began glowing as brightly as Akane.

"...DARE..." Akane picked up where Shampoo left off.

"...YOU..." Shampoo said as the two began switching back and forth.

"...GROPE..."

"...HER..."

"...CHEST..."

"...LIKE..."

"...THAT!!!"

The two of them dominated his vision as they continued glowing like bright
stars in anger.

"I'm not groping her." As the words left Ranma's mouth he realized that his
hands had remained right where they were at the start of the diatribe.
Quickly he removed the hands as Akari stood up on her own and covered
herself as best she could.

"Fondling her then!" Akane growled.

"I wasn't fondlin' her either."

"Then what you call putting hands on girl's breasts and squeezing?" Shampoo
accused, still glowing every bit as brightly as Akane.

"I call it groping," Ranma answered seriously, then understood the way it
sounded. "But that wasn't what I was doing. I was..." He stopped and came
to the conclusion that he was doing it, but wasn't doing it in the way they
meant. "Okay. Look. I did it, but I didn't enjoy it. "

Two auras doubled in intensity as Ranma continued digging his grave.

"I mean I didn't do it to enjoy it! I just did it to get her off!"

"YOU DID IT TO GET HER OFF?!!" Akane raged.

"Off of me! Get her off of me! That's what I meant to say! Not get her off
of anything other than me!" He then added. "I didn't even notice how soft
they were or anything!"

Ranma became cognizant of the fact that the grave became deeper still. As
weakened as he was, he really might not survive a pummeling at the girls'
fists. No way of defusing the situation came to mind other than the final
excuse. 

"It's not my fault!" That never worked.

Akane was about to launch an attack when she felt the aura next to her
fade. She turned to see Shampoo had left her side and moved hurriedly down
the alleyway. It took only a moment to see why the Amazon had left. Akari
was trying to make a quiet getaway while the duo confronted Ranma. The pig
farmer's flight for freedom was prevented when Akari felt herself lifted up
by the scruff of her neck by one angry Amazon. 

"Where you think you going, Pig-Girl?"

"Umm," Akari laughed nervously. "I was thirsty and wanted a drink of
water."

Shampoo shook her head and tossed Akari into a nearby pile of trash. The
Amazon reached down into another pile at her feet and threw an old blanket
towards the pig farmer up to cover up. Akari understood as she cowed before
Shampoo and did as she was supposed to.

Akane's aura had disappeared as the moment of crisis passed and she focused
on the real threat. "Now what's this all about? Why is this girl trying to
attack you? Exactly what did you do this time?" All the questions were
directed at the source of all of her perceived problems: Ranma.

"Hey!" he defended. "It really ain't my fault." He caught the glare Shampoo
gave him at that. "Mostly."

"He's right!" Akari shouted out from her sitting position on the ground,
pointing accusingly at the purple-haired Amazon. "It's all this evil girl's
fault." The glare she received from Shampoo caused her to quiet down in
fear once again.

"So what did you do, Shampoo?" Akane stared flatly at the Amazon.

Shampoo returned the look and briefly considered getting in a staring
contest with the girl. Reason won out over pride as there were more
important things to do, like explain what was going on.

"It all a big misunderstanding," she said. "But Ranma can explain better."
She turned towards him.

Ranma looked a little startled at the suddenness of the suggestion, but
went along with it. "Well, it all started when me, Shampoo, and Pop first
arrived in Nerima. We came in from the boat all right, but we were all
hungry. Pop claimed he knew this great place to eat, never mind the fact we
didn't have no money."

"I think Pop was going to have us wash dishes to pay, just like in
Chahaung," Shampoo added.

"You're probably right," Ranma agreed. "Anyway, Navigator Pop says he knows
a short cut to get there. So we followed him, like the unsuspecting clods
we are."

"Pop pull a Ryouga on us," Shampoo explained.

"Yeah. You'd think the fact that we were in a wooded area instead of a city
would'a tipped him off, but no, he won't admit he's lost. So we get
hungrier and hungrier until we come to this little town in the middle of
nowhere and he finally asks directions. Not only does he find out we ain't
in Nerima anymore, but apparently some kind of giant animal has been
beating up all the men in the town. Well, Pop goes into a speech about how
it's the responsibility of a martial artist to protect the weak."

Shampoo interrupted again. "Pop find out there a reward."

"Yep," Ranma agreed. "And he volunteers me and Shampoo's services to help
the village."

"But I make sure Pop come along," Shampoo added. "He make a good shield if
worse come to worse."

"So we set off to find this animal, talking about food the entire time.
Shampoo was going on and on about how she knows all these great pork
dishes, getting us all hungry." Ranma paused to catch his breath, then
continued. "Eventually, I get jumped by this giant pig. Well, to make a
short fight into a shorter story, I beat him easy. Just as he goes down
this girl comes runnin' out of some bushes and starts shouting something
about marriages. Unfortunately, just as she was coming towards us, Shampoo
was already in motion and got to the pig first."

"You mean..." Akane began.

"I turn him into bacon bits with sword." Shampoo made a slashing motion
with her arm. 

"WAAAAHHH!" Akari began crying as she heard the retelling of the story.
"You killed Katsunishiki!"

Shampoo just scowled at the crying girl and continued. "It no my fault.
Besides, who think anyone be stupid enough to let her pet pig attack
people. I think it a wild animal, so anyone can have."

"Anyway," Ranma continued, lest he lose track of the story. "Akari runs
over and grabs the pig, crying all the time. We manage to get out of her
that it was her pet and not a wild animal. We apologized, even though some
people tried insisting that we should eat the pig." That comment was
directed at Shampoo.

"Me and Pop was hungry." Shampoo shrugged. "And it attack you."

Ranma just sighed. "It starts raining and she sees us transform. Naturally
she stares at us for a few moments, then runs away. Once we get to the town
we tell them what happened and find out the girl's name is Akari Unryuu and
she's a pig farmer. I told them to give the reward money to her, over Pop's
protests, and we headed back to Nerima and eventually met you."

"Where'd she get the curse?" Akane asked.

"I don't know." Ranma just gave her a bewildered glance. "She didn't change
when she got wet back then. She must've picked up the curse afterward."

"So, all this is over your pet pig getting killed?" Akane asked the now
standing Akari.

Akari dried up her sniffles and shook her head. "No. Because of Shampoo I
can't get married."

Akane's eyes widened as she turned to Shampoo. "What did you do to this
girl that she can't get married? You didn't turn into a guy and defile her
or something, did you?"

"WHAT?!!!" Shampoo shook in anger. "I no do that sort of thing! All that
happened was just like Ranma say! I no do anything with her! She just
crazy!"

"I am not crazy!" Akari protested. "It has to do with the promise I made to
my dying grandfather. He made me swear that I would only marry someone
strong enough to defeat our prize sumo pig, Katsunishiki. And that was
exactly what Ranma did."

"RANMA!!!" Now Akane turned in rage at her fiancé. "How dare you try to get
more fiancees! Isn't one enough for you?!"

"Hey!" he held up his hands defensively. "This is all news to me."

"I just bet it is," she replied acidly.

"I was so excited," Akari continued, losing herself in a fantasy of a
considerably better looking Ranma who was dressed like a prince. "He was so
powerful and handsome. And when I looked into his eyes I just knew there
was a kind hearted soul in there."

Akane looked incredulously at Ranma, trying to come to terms with that
description and the youth before her. Her imagination couldn't make the
connection.

"And then she killed him." Akari's fantasy ended as she pointed accusingly
at Shampoo once again. "I still miss my poor Katsunishiki." 

She began sobbing once more. It took her a few moments to collect herself
before she could continue. "I saw the transformation take place then. I had
no idea what to make of that. It was all too much. So I ran off to my
uncle's house and informed him about what happened. He told me that since
Katsunshki was defeated, I had to marry the boy that beat him. But since my
pig was killed BEFORE I married Ranma, it was a bad omen that meant that I
could never marry anyone. My family line is going to die out thanks to that
mean, purple-haired girl."

"What about your uncle?" Ranma asked.

"There was an accident when he was younger. He can't have children. And
outside of him, I have no direct family."

"Congratulations, Shampoo." Akane slapped her on the back. "Someone finally
came up with something more stupid than those Amazon laws about having to
marry someone that defeats you."

Shampoo did her best to keep her rapidly growing anger in check. Who was
Akane to criticize her laws when Japanese ones were clearly more foolish?

Akari continued with her story. "He said that, for the family honor, I
should go out and avenge myself on her. Since the only thing I know is pig
sumo fighting, and I wasn't a giant pig, I couldn't do anything. But my
uncle came up with an idea. It turns out he traveled to China once for a
pig competition with his prize sumo razorback. It fell into a pool and
drowned though. I guess some kind of guide told him that the pool was now
cursed and anyone who jumped into it would become a sumo razorback also. Of
course my uncle didn't believe him at the time, but when I told him what
happened to the two of you we figured out the curses must be legitimate. 

"I went to the village and discovered what your names were and where you
wanted to go. I then packed my bags, went to Jusenkyou and jumped into the
pool. I came back to Nerima and here I am, ready to take my vengeance."

Ranma stared at her in disbelief. "You mean you voluntarily jumped into a
cursed spring so you could turn into a pig?"

Akari nodded her head. 

"What are you, crazy?!" Ranma yelled.

"Please don't shout at me," Akari pleaded. "I hate it when people shout."

"You try to kill me, stupid Pig Girl!" Shampoo roared in outrage. "You
think I happy about that?!"

Akari shook her head vigorously. "Oh no! I don't want to kill you, just
avenge the family honor. I would never murder you, just stomp on you for a
little while."

Shampoo shook her own head in disbelief at the smiling girl. "Oh, that make
me feel much better." 

She turned to Ranma and started discussing what to do about the avenging
pig farmer. After a short discussion they came to a decision. "Mousse
Disposal Plan Number Four," they said simultaneously.

"D...disposal? You mean you're going to kill me?" And with that Akari's
eyes rolled into the back of her head as she passed out in a heap.

"Well, that went a lot easier than I thought," Ranma stated.

Shampoo shook her head as she looked at the prone form. "Is it just me, or
does she seem in over her head?"

"What's Mousse Disposal Plan Number Four?" Akane asked, not having been
part of the discussion. 

"Lock the attacker in a box and send them far away for a real long time,"
Ranma informed her.  "Just look at how long it took Panda-boy and the
psycho to get back." 

"Just make sure it a watertight container," Shampoo reminded Ranma.

The two left and quickly returned to the scene bearing a watertight packing
crate with an air hole in it.

"How can it be watertight if it has a hole in it?" Akane asked. 

"It ain't like we can let her suffocate," Ranma explained.

Akane shook her head. "But if it has a hole in it, it won't be watertight."


"No ask pointless questions! This way we always do it," Shampoo
reprimanded.

Akane ignored the protests and quickly hammered a small cover directly over
the hole in the side. It would let air in but keep most of the water out.
If it was submerged that would be a different story, but with any luck it
would hold up until Akari arrived at her destination: Siberia.

The trio sent the crate to be shipped and started heading home. Akane
quickly shot ahead of the others and scowled at Ranma.

"What's wrong?" Ranma asked as the girl pulled further ahead. 

"As if you didn't know!" she snapped. "You leave me behind after the fight,
never even thanked me for the hot water, and you tried to get engaged to
Akari!"

"And all that stuff's my fault?" he asked in disbelief.

"YES!" And with that she walked off.

"Well can you believe that? How can anyone that uncute be so stuck up
about..." Ranma trailed off as he caught Shampoo scowling at him. "What did
I do now?!"

She placed her hands on her hips and harumphed. "It look to me like you
enjoy having Stupid Pig Girl smother you with her chest." And with that she
turned and left.

"I did not!" He shouted at her departing form and shook his fist. For the
briefest of moments he considered following her, then stopped. It had been
a long day and he lacked the energy to deal with irritating fiancees and
irrational Amazons. The checkup at Toafu's was forgotten. It was time to go
to Ukyou's. She was always reliable and would always listen to what he had
to say. She acted like a normal human being, and he could get free food
too. Sometimes it seemed true friends were hard to find. Come to think of
it, she still had the Ryouga problem which he'd have to do something about
soon. Once he recovered from the fight.


The next day found Mr. Daikoku outside the Tendo Dojo, bidding everyone
farewell. 

"In light of the circumstances, Kaori doesn't feel up to marrying anyone
named 'Ranma,' the man explained.

"No problem. If you want to call it off that's fine with me," Genma replied
with one of the largest grins he even had. How things had worked out so
perfectly was beyond him.

"Thanks for understanding." Daikoku bowed for the third time before his old
acquaintance. "I will be traveling onward, but Kaori has decided she needs
some time alone to herself. She'll be staying in Nerima, so I gave her
something to keep her busy. I would appreciate it if you would drop in on
her from time to time and let me know how she's doing."

"Sure. More than happy to be of service." Genma bowed. "Where is she
staying?"


"Who the hell put up a crappy take-out shop across from my place?!" Ukyou
began glowing dull blue in anger at the sudden competition. It was one of
the Daikoku chains, and she had little doubt who would be running the
store. This was the last thing she needed. Now there was no doubt Shampoo
had to stick around and keep customers coming to her store, and away from
the enemy.

Ukyou sighed as she returned inside and began preparing the grill for the
afternoon opening. It wasn't long when a peppy little creature burst
through the door and made its presence known. 

"I don't know where Ryouga is, Kyoko," Ukyou growled at the effervescence
personified as she entered the establishment. 

"I don't want to see him, now anyway," Kyoko explained.  "I want to talk to
you."

Oh, this was going to be good. Another request to date Ai. "What?"

"I want to work for you."

Ukyou nearly facefaulted in shock. Was the little annoyance as spaced out
as Ukyou believed? She would rather hire Crepe Suzette than employ the
cheerleader. "Why?" was all she managed to get out.

"I want to work alongside my true love. It seems the time we spend apart
makes me too unhappy to do anything other than suffer." She gave a dramatic
pose. "So, do you have any jobs that I can do?"

Ukyou had a brief fantasy of hiring the girl as a human mop and cleaning
the floor with her. But that was absurd. Kyoko's head was too large to get
into the corners. Maybe the cheerleader had a future as a plunger...

Ukyou shook her head as she disposed of the delightful little fantasy. "I'd
rather pull my teeth out one by one with a pair of pliers."

Kyoko looked on, curiously. "Is that a 'yes'?"

"No. It isn't. I have enough employees as is. Can't afford to hire more.
Sorry." Ukyou gave a wide smile.

Kyoko appeared crestfallen as she silently left the restaurant. It took
everything Ukyou had to keep from delightfully telling her not to let the
doorknob hit her ass on the way out. At last! The chef had gotten some
small measure of revenge. 

Ryouga came in shortly after Kyoko's departure. "I just talked to Kyoko.
Are you sure you can't hire anyone else?"

"NO!" Ukyou snarled. "Unless you want to give up your job?"

Ryouga gained a panicked expression. "No way! I love working and living
here. I don't want to leave."

Ukyou softened a bit. Hearing Ryouga say that so enthusiastically
was...heartwarming. "You can stay here as long as you like. Of course."

"Thanks." His demeanor changed from happiness to one of reservation. "We
haven't talked much lately. I wanted to know if Ran-" His inquiry was cut
off by a foot landing in his head. The figure then used it as a springboard
to vault onto its favorite target.

"My love!" Ai shouted. 

Ukyou reflexively caught the cheerleader and nearly fell over with the
added weight. "Ai! Knock it off!" She let the girl down as Ai backed off
upon regaining her base. 

"I have a present for you," Ai cooed softly, then held out a rabbit in a
cage.

"That's so cute." Ukyou started to handle the cage, then stopped as she
thought about the situation. "I can't accept this, Ai." She tried handing
back the gift.

"But why?" Ai gave Ukyou the best wounded puppy expression she could muster
while refusing to take back the cage.

"I can't accept gifts from you," Ukyou started to explain.  "It's wrong.
You're under the influence of-"

Ukyou was cut off as a potted plant suddenly shouted out "RABBIT!
AHHHHHH!!!"  then ran off at top speed.

It took a moment for Ukyou to realize exactly why Tsubasa had fled in
horror. The 'Dreaded Rabbits of Xeczis' incident must have traumatized
Tsubasa like the cat fist training had to Ranma. A decision was made almost
immediately.

"The rabbit stays."

Ai was about to show her appreciation when a spatula prevented the
attempted glomp. "What's wrong?"

"Don't do that, Ai," Ukyou said in a tired voice.

Tears began to form in Ai's eyes. "I think I know what's wrong."

"I'm not into girls," Ukyou said.

"It's because I'm a year older, isn't it?"

"No. That has nothing to do with it. I'm not into girls."

"You don't like cheerleaders?"

"No. I don't date girls!"

"Are my breasts too big?"

"No! I don't give a damn how big your chest is! I told you, I don't like
girls that way!"

"Is it because I'm not open enough with my emotions?"

Ukyou facefaulted. 

"That's it, isn't it?!" Ai began bawling.

Ukyou picked herself up and placed her hands on Ai's shoulders. "NO!
IT...IS... BECAUSE...I...DON'T....LIKE ...GIRLS!!!"

"I see." Ai composed herself. "I'm going to have to get a sex change
operation."

"No! Damn it!" Ukyou finally snapped and began shaking the girl. "I won't
go out with you even if you do that! So don't get any bright ideas!"
Besides, thanks to Jusenkyou, there were easier ways to do that sort of
thing.

Having exhausted everything else, Ai tried asking a simple question. "What
can I do to win your heart?" 

Ukyou just shook her head. She at last had run out of things to say. 

"I think you should just lay off for today, Ai." Ryouga finally spoke up.
"Maybe Ukyou will feel better tomorrow. Besides, she has to get ready for
the afternoon rush crowd."

Ai nodded sadly and dragged herself out. It was only a moment later when
Kyoko rushed through the door and jumped onto Ryouga, her momentum spinning
the duo in a circle.

"You'll never guess what happened to me!" 

"They discovered there really is nothing but dead space between those
ears?" Ukyou mumbled under her breath.

"What?" Ryouga asked.

"I got a job across the street. Now I can see you every day as the two of
us go to work."

Ukyou cursed as Ryouga congratulated Kyoko. Some days it wasn't worth
getting out of bed. Having nothing better to do, she elected to do
something constructive, like choose the rabbit's name. Eventually
"Tsubasa's Bane" was settled upon. At least one good thing had come out of
the day.


Mousse shielded his eyes as they opened for the first time in two days. The
room was too bright. He was about to get out of the bed he was in when the
lights dimmed on their own. His eyes tried focusing on where he was, but to
no avail. There were no glasses, either upon his head or in the hospital
gown he now wore.

"Here." 

Mousse recognized Kodachi's voice immediately as his glasses were
delicately placed back on the bridge of his nose for him. There was a huge
bandage now across his face, helping with healing the broken nose.
Focusing, as well as he could, he scanned the room. It was unfamiliar.
Neither a hospital nor the Black Rose's Floral Shoppe.

"You are at Kunou Manor," Kodachi explained, as though reading his mind. "I
had you brought here when the doctors gave me permission to move you. You
have been asleep for well over twenty four hours. Is there anything you
need?"

Mousse shook his head, allowing the full knowledge of what had happened to
fill him. He had lost to Shampoo. For the final time. When she needed him
most, he had failed her. Perhaps he truly didn't deserve her love. After
all, a real man would have been able to save her from herself, no matter
the cost.

"There is nothing you can do for me," he said softly.

He heard Kodachi exhale ever so softly as she said, "I shall be outside if
you need anything," then backed to the door and closed it behind her as she
left the room. At least she hadn't tried to attach herself to him, or go on
and on about how he was now hers and how much better off he was without
Shampoo. At least she spared him that particular humiliation. After all, he
was going to a much better job of torturing himself over the previous days
events for quite some time to come.

He dozed in and out of sleep a dozen times over the next ten hours, his
body desperately trying to heal itself as fast as it could over the
injuries. They were easily the worst he had ever suffered and it seemed to
be taking forever for the pain to go away. The physical pain anyway. The
emotional one was going to be there for a long time. Now his options were
limited. He would not go home, not in disgrace and failure. Others would
interrogate him about Shampoo's whereabouts and something might slip. He
still could not, would not, hurt her. 

Until she came to her senses, marriage was out. He would live up to his
word and not challenge her anymore. That did not mean there was nothing he
could do. He could still help protect Shampoo, and he could still hurt
Ranma. Later, after Mousse recovered from the injuries he had received. And
if he could find Shampoo a cure, then he would give it to her and she would
run off with him and they could live happily ever...

[I sooner die than become you wife. And I sooner kill you than die.]

Maybe not. Why did her words have to hurt so? She said things like that
hundreds of times to him. No. That wasn't exactly true. They had never been
said with that kind of....conviction. 

Or perhaps they had always sounded like that and he had just not listened.

No. She had to be saved from herself, but it was doubtful the two of them
could ever be together. Still, she hadn't wanted him dead, or he would be.
Maybe there was hope.

[That was pathetic. Just what I expect from you!]

Did she really see him as pathetic? He wasn't. He did everything for her.
That was what love was all about. She was even more blind than him to not
understand that. It took courage to do what he had done for her. Even
yesterday was a perfect example. He didn't want to do it, but it had to be
done.

And he failed, just like a pathetic man would.

He never had feelings like this concerning Shampoo. What was happening to
him? The drugs the doctors gave him? Did Kodachi add some of her own? No.
Hers would have a more potent effect, and she hadn't done that to him since
their 'vacation'.

[You did not do something so simple as make love to me. You ravaged me,
body and soul.]

Occasionally he would think about that night. It was simply a moment of
crisis while he was under the influence of drugs. And he had gained
valuable experience in how to pleasure Shampoo. At least that was what he
had told himself. He believed it.

Mostly.

Such thoughts just served to increase his stress. No immediate action was
going to be taken, so he could wait and think about planning for the future
at some other time. He got up and headed out the door for some well needed
fresh air. Moving around a bit would help him get an idea of just how badly
wounded he still was. 

Upon emerging into the hall he immediately saw Kodachi sitting next to the
door in a large padded chair, asleep. Mousse began to scratch his head in
confusion until he remembered her words. He had assumed she meant he could
call upon her for anything, not that she intended to literally remain
outside the door for him. Ten hours straight she had remained there. No
matter how cushy the chair appeared, she had to be uncomfortable. He shook
his head sadly and picked her sleeping form up, just like when he had
knocked her out with the bouquet several weeks ago, and carried her to the
bed inside. How many times would that scene be repeated if he remained with
her? 

"Mousse-sama," she mumbled under her breath.

He shook his head sadly. It didn't matter that he had lost to Shampoo. The
purple-haired Amazon remained in his heart still. It would be better for
Kodachi if he simply departed. Yet some part of him wanted to stay. It
wasn't so bad at the Black Rose's side. And at least here someone wanted
him, even if he couldn't return her affections. If she could be content
with his friendship, then perhaps things would work out. You could never
have too many friends. Even ones like Kodachi Kunou. He would be certain to
give her the sort of friendship that he had lacked in his own childhood.
She deserved a real friend. 


Nabiki read the paper again as she took her time in going to the park. She
had finally heard from Kensuki for the first time in almost two weeks. His
note had been left in her mailbox earlier in the day. It was the usual drop
off point for her favorite spy, so nothing seemed amiss. The message itself
contained a brief note saying he had important information about Tarou and
that it would be necessary to meet Nabiki in the park. At night. Alone.
There was nothing terribly unusual about that either. No one knew of their
affiliation and each wanted to keep it that way.

Then she received a second letter from one of the newer people in her
'organization.' There was something about the new transfer student,
Ryonami, that Nabiki liked. A rare combination of intelligence, good
judgment, loyalty, and a lack of desire to do anything other than follow
orders and not be number one. The girl understood what she was (mostly) and
realized that it did not entail being in charge. Besides, she had a nice
personality too.

Which was why Nabiki noticed the odd tone the letter had immediately. 

"Someone's been asking a lot of questions about you."

That was all. Straight and to the point, just the way Nabiki liked it. Of
course it was also ambiguous and had offered no evidence to back up the
claim. Besides, if someone were asking around about her then she would have
received confirmation from another source.

Unless whoever were doing it was that good. But no one at school, or in
Nerima, fit that description. No one that she knew of anyway. So it was
with some caution that she went to the park, a part of her expecting a
trap. It took only a matter of minutes upon arriving at the appointed
rendezvous that she became apprehensive. Something felt wrong. 

"Hi there!"

Nabiki turned in surprise to see the source of the greeting. Pantyhose
Tarou stood before, her, smiling for all he was worth. 

"Hello," she replied calmly. So he had outmaneuvered both Kensuki and her.
That made him far more dangerous than the usual grade of
obsessive/deluded/dense martial artist that hung around Nerima. And what
made it worse was that Nabiki had a feeling he was different from the
beginning. It was her clumsiness that had made her underestimate him, and
now that might end up costing her something. The fact that it was an
unknown something made her feel even more uneasy.

Tarou walked around her like a predator stalking its prey. "I found out
about that little tail you put on me. I'm afraid I had to activate his
dental plan."

Nabiki shrugged in response. Not bothering to look at him, but rather,
listened to the sound of his voice. More could be learned from that than
any visual inspection. 

Tarou was disappointed in the lack of reaction from the middle Tendo. "I
would have gotten to you sooner, but I got tied up. The fights don't you
know?"

"No. I didn't," Nabiki answered honestly.

Tarou gave his little giggle. "Yes. Well, I now return my attention to you.
What am I to do with you, Nabiki? I can't have you dogging my trail, trying
to dig up information I don't feel like sharing with the public at large,
and that is your style, don't try to deny it. Your lackeys were very
informative."

Nabiki controlled her temper. No cracks could appear in her icy demeanor
lest she tip off Tarou to the fact that he hit a soft spot. They were
friends, not lackeys. She cared about them, even if she didn't show it
often.

Of course Tarou was giving her information by displaying his perception of
the world. He wasn't perfect either. No. Nabiki made her living reading
people, and while Tarou seemed perceptive, he also appeared painfully naïve
about some things.

"Trying to be the strong, silent type? That's a switch, not that I haven't
seen it before." Tarou said as he stopped in front of Nabiki and allowed
her to look deep into his eyes. She appeared only slightly flustered, which
irritated him to no end. She was no martial artist and couldn't defend
herself from any attack he could make. But there was no fear openly
displayed, like on that spy she used to track him.

"Well, let's skip all these pleasantries and get to the point." Tarou
settled down. Overt fear was not what he was going for tonight. Just a
little intimidation. "I want you to supply me with inside information on
the Fem-Boy."

Nabiki figured that unless he offered something valuable, like leaving
Akane alone, that was going to be out of the question.

He saw the answer in her eyes and started to supply the threats. "Akane
won't like the idea of you spying on me. Not one little bit. You won't
score any points there, and I have a feeling she'll believe me over you.
She's more than aware of how you get others to do your bidding. And I also
know your information network now. You rule them through a reward system
with the threat of punishment hanging over some of their heads. Right now,
they fear me way more than they ever did you. I saw to that personally.
Now, unless you like the idea of losing every one of your people, or worse,
have your own system used against you, you'll do what I ask. 

"Besides," he added with a smirk. "You'd be surprised just how many of them
needed very little persuasion to turn on you. And, of course, there's
always me." He cracked his knuckles for emphasis. "Be see ya', Nab-chan.
Make sure you have something for me  next time we meet." He gave a laugh as
he walked off into the darkness, leaving Nabiki alone in the night.

That had gone horribly bad. Now she was going to have to find some way to
have Tarou's fangs pulled. Trying to boss her around was a big mistake.
Only her family got away with telling her what to do, and only if they were
right. She was going to have to tread carefully with him as well. Of all
the people that seemed hell-bent on ruining Ranma's life, Tarou was the
smartest, and consequently most dangerous. And there was his attempted
relationship with her sister. Akane could not be allowed to fall for
something like that slime. Oh no. Something was going to have to be done
about Pantyhose, and soon. 

No one threatened Nabiki Tendo and got away with it. No one.


The next day:

Akane was surprised at Ranma's insistence that the two of them and Shampoo
go out for ice cream, his treat. He settled upon one of the local parlors
that he usually insisted on dining at as a girl. Couldn't eat parfaits as a
boy, now could he? At least that was the way it had always been in the
past. Today was different. He was very male when scarfing down the
strawberry double ripple blueberry special. 

Akane took the time to examine him and Shampoo more closely. Already the
wounds incurred from the previous day's fight were starting to heal, though
she estimated it would take at least three more days before all outward
signs of his injuries were to disappear. As to the ones inside, the ones he
claimed never to have until she jabbed him in the particular spot, those
would take longer. 

Shampoo, on the other hand, seemed to be healing more slowly. Her arm was
still heavily bandaged and her eye remained swollen shut. There was some
faint feeling of satisfaction that the beautiful Amazon was not looking so
pretty at the moment. Not that Akane was jealous or anything like that.

"What's the big occasion?" Akane finally asked. She had been hoping Ranma
would inform her as to why they were being treated so, well, so nicely. A
gentleman her fiancé was not. 

"How often do we get a chance to bask in the glory of victory? It was a
three way win for us all." Ranma took a long break from inhaling his ice
cream. "You beat that take-out girl. Shampoo got rid of Mousse." Ranma and
the Amazon exchanged smiles at that particular fact. "And I get to keep my
name. And, outside of Akari yesterday, no one has threatened to beat us
up."

All three knocked on the wooden tabletop. 

"It feels good to be alive." And with that Ranma resumed eating like there
was no tomorrow.

Oh well. It was nice if Ranma to want to treat them to a celebration.
"What's with the shirt?" Akane had to admit, Ranma's current purple and
gold dragon shirt was the nicest attire he had. So tasteful, in fact, she
would have assumed a woman had picked it out for him.

"I make it for him." Shampoo said as she gave Akane a large smile. "After
all, Ranma is such a nice guy, and I know how to show appreciation for
him." She turned to Ranma and gave him a saccharine sweet grin, which he
returned, showing off a series of red and blue teeth.

Akane observed the exchange and turned her own face towards the ice cream,
scowling at it. So Shampoo had made Ranma a shirt. Well so what? Big deal!
She could sew too. It would be a small matter for her to make Ranma an even
better shirt than the one the Amazon had sewn.

Akane made some excuse about having to do some schoolwork that she had
forgotten about and departed. There was just enough time to go to a fabric
store and get the materials she needed to make a shirt Ranma would never
forget. 


It only took two days for Akane to complete her surprise to Ranma. She went
down to the living room where he sat, watching television. Plopping herself
in between his line of sight and the television, she gave him a satisfied
grin. 

"What?" he asked, expecting the worst.

"Here you go! I made it myself," she declared and presented the garment
before him.

Ranma took it from her grasp and examined it. If he wasn't mistaken, it was
some kind if fabric. Not knowing what else to say, he simply thanked her.

"Aren't you going to try it on?" Akane looked on, hopeful.

So it was clothing. Ranma shook his head. "Nah! I'll try it on later. I
wanna' finish watching TV"

Akane was a little disappointed. She had been hoping for a greater sign of
appreciation, but at least he hadn't insulted it or used it as a Kleenex.
Regrettably there wasn't any time to pester him about trying it on to see
if it fit since she had to meet Chisa and Sayuri in a short while to do
some shopping for herself. A girls' night out as it were.

Ranma continued watching the program until its end, then got up to
practice. He was more than halfway to the dojo when he remembered to try on
Akane's shirt. Unfolding the garment, he was about to try it on when he
discovered one little problem.

"Well now how do you like that?" Ranma asked himself out loud. "How does
she expect me to wear a windsock?"


Kasumi held the invitation in her hand as she reread the words. It was from
one of her few friends from back in high school, Miki Matsudara, a girl who
had graduated one year ahead of Kasumi. Shortly after the graduation Kasumi
had received a couple of letters from the graduate about a new job Miki had
taken in the entertainment industry, and hadn't heard from her since. 

It was nice of her old friend to drop a line, although there was one little
problem with the invitation. It was apparently the second one that had been
sent. In it, Miki emphasized the need to know if Kasumi was coming or not
since the wedding was only two days away. That was more than a little
inconvenient since there wasn't going to be much time to prepare for the
trip. Miki lived a good distance away and it appeared a train ride would be
called for. And there was one other detail too.

Kasumi folded the invitation up, then went to Shampoo's room and knocked on
the door. The purple-haired Amazon answered immediately and gave a broad
smile when she saw who the visitor was. "What going on, Kasumi?"

"I just received an invitation to a wedding. I wanted to know if you'd like
to come along."

"Aiya!" Shampoo gave a jump for joy. "Sure thing. I'd love to go to a
wedding with you. I going to have to pick out a nice dress. Maybe get a new
one."

Kasumi nervously cleared her throat as Shampoo went on about the plans she
would have to make. "Actually, I wanted to know if you could go as
a...well, as a man."

Shampoo arched her eyebrow at that. "How come?"

"Well. It's sort of a tradition for a man to accompany a woman to these
sorts of things. And I'd rather go with you than anyone else." She started
nervously fidgeting with her dress. "If you don't want to go, I'll unders-"

"Sure." Shampoo shrugged nonchalantly. "Is no problem. I don't mind going
as a boy."

Kasumi felt her heart soar a little at that. "Wonderful. Do you have a
suit?"

Shampoo shook her head. She wasn't Ukyou and, regardless of the curse, did
not have a preference for wearing men's clothes.

"Well, I'll have to help you pick one out. I know a shop that we can go to
where they have some of the nicest formal wear around." The two began to
make preparations for their trip out of town and what they would need for
the wedding.


"WAHHH!!! MY LITTLE GIRL IS LEAVING US!!!"

"It's just a short trip, Father. We'll be back late tonight," Kasumi
reassured him as she made certain to avoid the wetworks Soun was pouring
out everywhere, lest he ruin her dress. All the others also gave him a wide
berth, save Nabiki, who had seen the whole tearful farewell coming and took
the precaution of bringing an umbrella. 

Soun dried up his tears as he grabbed Shampoo-kun firmly by the shoulders.
"Take care of my little girl, son. I leave her in your care."

"No call me 'son'," Shampoo-kun warned.

"You two have a nice date," Nabiki added.

"It not a date, Stupid Extortionist Girl!" Shampoo-kun growled menacingly
at the middle Tendo.

Ranma took Soun's place next to Shampoo-kun as he gave him a pat on the
shoulder. "Y'know, I'm impressed. You look almost as good as I would in
that suit."

"Oh no!" Kasumi said. "He looks much better than you ever would in it."

Ranma turned to examine the girl before him. From anyone else he would have
been deeply insulted, but there wasn't a bit of malice in Kasumi's eyes.
She had just been giving a simple opinion, even if it wasn't true.

Shampoo-kun smiled in amusement as he looked down to admire himself once
again. It was a fine suit he and Kasumi had picked out at the clothing
store. He did cut a rather fine figure in it, if he would say so himself.

The duo departed for the train station, leaving everyone else standing
outside for a few moments before returning indoors. 

Genma figured out the first problem with both Kasumi and Shampoo being
absent. "Who's going to cook dinner for us?"

"No problem." Akane said with a cheery demeanor. "I'll just whip something
up."

This time it was Nabiki who protested. "No need to, Sis. Kasumi took that
into account and made us some food to be heated up later."

"But wouldn't you rather have something fresh?" Akane offered.

"And have my stomach pumped too?" Ranma answered. "Thanks but no thanks.
I'll take my chances with what Kasumi made."

Akane followed Ranma around, trying to get at least him to accept her
cooking in favor of Kasumi's ready to eat food.

Several hours later Ranma walked on top of a fence as he had at last eluded
Akane's latest cooking 'masterpiece.' It was typical of her to ignore the
over three hundred protests that he had made and went on ahead to cook
something anyway. Emphasis on something. At least she didn't batter him
into unconsciousness and try to force feed him any of the toxic substance.
With any luck, she would resort to using his father as a guinea pig and
come back to a near dead old man. It would serve him right for how much he
had screwed up Ranma's life. 

As Ranma pondered life's little mysteries, like why everything bad happened
to him, he found more evidence to further add to the enigma.

"Fancy meeting you here, Bloodsucker," Ranma called out to the wandering
Ryouga Hibiki. 

"What do you want, Ranma?" Ryouga asked, his voice filled with the normal
amount of anger towards the youth who had made his 'life a living hell.'

Ranma leaped off the fence and crossed his arms in front of himself, giving
the appearance of great annoyance. "I've been meaning to tell you something
for a long time now. I want you to date Ucchan." That would solve all of
his friend's problems. She would go out with Ryouga, realize what a
clueless putz he was, and live happily ever after away from the lost one.

Ryouga's only response was to begin look down at the ground. It was unusual
for him to remain silent rather than launch into one of his tirades. It
took Ranma a moment to realize why Ryouga had remained silent for so long. 

"You..." A black pillar formed around Ryouga. "You total asshole! Are you
so determined to ruin my life that you dare to do this?!"

"Do what?" Ranma was horribly confused. He was trying to help a friend. And
not Ryouga.

Depression consumed his thoughts as he realized what damage Ranma must have
done. "My life is perfectly fine and you know it! So now you come along and
try to ruin it by using a girl you dare to call a friend against me! I will
not tolerate this any more!" The column doubled in size. "For what you are
trying to do to Uk-Chan, PREPARE...TO ...DIE!!!" And with that he launched
a Perfect Shi Shi Houkoudan straight at Ranma.


The resulting explosion was heard over the entire district of Nerima.


Akane looked outside her window towards the direction of the sound. Ranma
was causing problems again, no doubt. It would serve him right to get
beaten up for refusing to eat her cooking.


The battle raged on for almost a half hour. A long time even for a fight
between two such forces. Fortunately for Ranma, he had seen the attack
coming and avoided the majority of the blast. But even only receiving a
glancing blow from a perfect Shi Shi Houkoudan was more than enough to
really hurt. And that, combined with his only recently recovered injuries,
made the fight difficult for Ranma. He spent most of the time backing up
with Ryouga giving pursuit, which resulted in very little actual physical
damage done to the environment.

"Stand still!" Ryouga shouted as Ranma dodged a flying bandanna. The
seventy fifth one he threw. 

"It's not my fault you're as slow as you are dumb!" Ranma taunted back.

"Only cowards run from a fight!" 

Ranma stopped. Ryouga finally said the one thing certain to get Ranma to
stop. Ryouga calling him a coward was too much to take.

"Fine. You want it, you got it!" Ranma smirked as he built up his chi.
"MOKO-TAKABIHSA!!!"

"SHI SHI HOUKOUDAN!!!" Ryouga's black ball of chi energy halted Ranma's
attack. "You can't stop me, Ranma! I fight on the side of justice. I won't
allow you to use Uk-chan that way against me! SHI SHI HOUKOUDAN!!!"

"MOKO TAKABISHA!!!" Ranma's blue bolt of energy halted Ryouga's attack. "I
ain't using Ucchan against you, you jerk! She actually wants to go out with
you, and I don't know what's wrong with her! You got no idea of how much it
hurts not being able to help someone with a psychological problem as deep
as that! MOKO TAKABISHA!!!"

"SHI SHI HOUKOUDAN!!!" He stopped the bolt. "You liar! You know I'm happy
with the way my life's been going and want to ruin it, just like before!
And don't call her Ucchan! You lost that right a long time ago! SHI SHI
HOUKOUDAN!!!"

"MOKO TAKABISHA!!!" The black bolt was stopped once again. "She's my friend
and I'll call her whatever I want! And it's a lot better than that stupid
nickname you gave her! MOKO TAKABISHA!!!"

"SHI SHI HOUKOUDAN!!! She's my friend, not yours! And I would never reject
her the way you did! I would sell my soul if it would help her! And my
nickname for her is not stupid! SHI SHI HOUKOUDAN!!!"

"MOKO TAKABISHA!!! I think she'd settle for you using deodorant on a
regular basis, or at least if you got a clue to how she feels about you!
All you're doing in going out with that dumb cheerleader is hurting Ucchan,
not that you deserve someone as wonderful as her! MOKO TAKABISHA!!!"

"SHI SHI HOUKOUDAN!!! Kyoko is not dumb! You have no business calling her
that! She's a very nice girl! And Ukyou's just my friend! She...she doesn't
think about me that way. I mean I'm pretty sure..." Ryouga started to trail
off as he thought about the situation. It was almost as if the things that
were being said made sense. Then the realization of who was telling him the
facts occurred to him. "RANMA!!! How dare you try to trick me like that!
You almost succeeded in ruining my life again! SHI SHI HOUKOUDAN!!!"

"MOKO TAKABISHA!!! How can anyone be as stupid as you and still be alive?!
I'm going to make you accept the truth even if I have to beat it into you!
Now ask Ucchan out on a date before I have to get really rough with you!
MOKO TAKABISHA!!!"

"SHI SHI HOUKOUDAN!!! I would sooner die than go out on a date with
Uk-chan! Now prepare to die Ran..." Ryouga trailed off as a black column of
chi energy leveled a nearby building. The huge column remained as the
building fell down around it.

Both combatants turned in surprise at the discharge and prepared to defend
themselves when the dust settled from the explosion. Through the haze they
could just make out a solitary figure standing in the middle of the dust,
still glowing black. As the dust finally settled both youths made out the
form.

"Ukyou," they both quietly said under their breath.

The look of rage in her face was enough to panic the two boys. Then,
surprisingly, the rage was slowly replaced by a look of helplessness as the
huge black column dwindled away to nothing. 

Ukyou took in a deep breath and spoke. "Ryouga. I want you to go wherever
your heart leads you. That's what I want." She gave a wane smile at the
lost one, then turned and walked slowly off towards her home. 

Both youths watched her leave, staring in the direction she walked off long
after she went out of visual sight. Eventually, each turned to look at one
another.

"RANMA!!!"

"RYOUGA!!!"

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!" Simultaneously erupted from both youths as they
renewed throwing Moko Takabishas and Shi Shi Houkoudans at one another
until both were totally exhausted of every ounce of chi they possessed.
Each dropped to his knees and tried to regain some strength so they could
finish the other one off.

"You two look a little tired."

Both youths turned as one to look at the new figure that uttered the
comment.

"Oh, it's you, Pantyhose," Ranma said dryly.

"You should sound more excited than that to see me, Fem-boy." Tarou gave
Ranma one of his sinister grins. "I mean scared."

"Oh no!" Ranma gave a frightened yelp as he held his hands up to his face
in mock fright. "You mean you're going to dump me into a new spring and
give me a stupid name like, Jock Strap or something?" 

"I think ripping out that yapping tongue of yours is the way to go." Tarou
cracked his knuckles for emphasis. "Then you'll have to learn to
communicate with signs the way Mousse does." He gave Ranma one last grin
then turned his attention to Ryouga. "My advice to you is to figure out a
way to sleep with both of them. From the way you mope around I think you
need to get laid more than I do. Now, blow, you pathetic piece of crap!
This is between the hermaphrodite and me!"

Ryouga began trembling in rage. "How dare you speak that way about Kyoko
and Ukyou! PANTYHOSE! PREPARE TO DIE!!!"  The force of Ryouga's statement
was not backed up by his ability as his attempt to unleash a Shi Shi
Houkoudan fizzled between his hands.

"Suit yourself." Tarou shrugged. "Those two girls will probably leave a lot
of nice flowers on your coffin. I'll even recommend a place where they can
buy the best roses in town. I should know, I lived there long enough."

Ranma rushed over to Ryouga's side. "Together we can take him."

Ryouga nodded in agreement. Even he was willing to let go of the feud
temporarily in the face of their current opposition.

"Oh dear," Tarou pretended to bite his fingernails and shiver in fear at
the duo. "A two on one. Well, I know how much you guys go in for fair play,
so let me even things up." He grabbed a canteen from around his waist and
smiled. "I recommend saying your prayers now. With any luck you'll catch up
to where they go pretty soon." And with that he poured the water over
himself, triggering the change.

"This looks...bad, doesn't it, Ranma?"

Ranma nodded his head in response. He couldn't figure out any way they
could win. And why did he have to lose to this guy? Given a choice, he
would have preferred being defeated by Azusa Shiratori instead of someone
named Pantyhose.

Tarou-bull was about to stomp forward when a voice rang out.

"Ranma! Quit picking on Tarou!"

Everyone turned to see a fuming Akane, hands on her hips in anger. 

"I figured you were up to no good. It's bad enough you're picking on Tarou,
but dragging Ryouga into this? Haven't you got enough courage to do this
yourself instead of having others help you in your fights?!" She shook her
fist at him in anger.

Ranma just shrugged, secretly relieved at the save. "You're right, Akane. I
shouldn't pick on Pantyhose." He gave a big grin towards Tarou-bull. "I'm
sorry for picking a fight with you, Pantyhose. I won't do it again,
Pantyhose. To prove my sincerity, I'm going to leave now, Pantyhose. I know
since I'm the mean, rotten, bad guy here, and you are the nice, wholesome,
good guy, that you don't want to fight, so you won't follow me, isn't that
right, Pantyhose?"

It took every ounce of restraint Tarou-bull had possessed in his entire
life to not begin frothing at the mouth and gore Saotome on the spot.
Instead, he managed just the slightest of grins back at Ranma. All the
while fantasizing what he was going to do to Ranma, his dead body, and his
grave afterwards.

"Quit trying to start a fight, Ranma!" Akane warned, then looked up at
Tarou. "Don't let him get to you. He's like that all the time. Now let's
get you some hot water." She grabbed the giant Tarou-bull by the hand and
led him away from the scene of the battle. All the while Tarou-bull glared
back at Ranma, promising revenge with those eyes.

"That was sure pointless," Ranma muttered, then turned to the lost one. "Do
you wanna continue, or call it quits for today?"

Ryouga considered that. Any desire he felt to kill Ranma was now gone and
he was drained. It would be pointless to try to continue any fights. "No,"
he said, then walked off. Ranma turned and did the same. There was little
need to be concerned about Akane. She was apparently the one person Tarou
considered off limits, and he wasn't in any shape to try to challenge him
at the moment. But someday Pantyhose would get what was coming to him.
Someday.


The practice session for the Furinkan High Cheerleader Squad ended with one
final practice with the whirlwind pyramid. Once finished, Ai lay on her
back, sighing at a picture of Ukyou, while the other girls gathered around
Kyoko.

"I think I'm ready for the next big step with Ryouga." She gave a girlish
giggle and began dancing around in excitement.

"That, I find hard to believe." Kaede shook her head to underscore her
statement.

Megumi held up her finger. "I've never seen her so worked up over a guy
before. I think she should do it."

Ayeka held her hand to her chin in thought. "Are you sure you want to go
through with this?"

Kyoko nodded her head. "I've been going out with him long enough. I think
he's ready, and won't run away from me afterwards."

"I guess having them leave after they're done would be kind of depressing,"
Kaede agreed.

"You seem to have thought this through," Megumi said. "It sounds to me like
you're ready. And Ryouga does seem like a nice, if thick-headed, kind of
guy."

"Why don't you borrow some things from Ai?" Ayeka walked over to the
captain, who was still lost in thought. "Kyoko's going to need some things
from you, Ai."

"Like what?" she said as she continued staring at the picture.

Ayeka began thinking about the inventory of paraphernalia kept at her home
and what Kyoko might use. "For her, I'd say body lotion, K-Y jelly, some
garters to help turn Ryouga on, umm." She turned to Kyoko. "Do you like
pain?"

Kyoko shook her head furiously. "Of course not!" 

"Do you like inflicting it?" she asked

A small smile blossomed on Kyoko's face as she paused in thought. It
quickly disappeared as she began to blush. "No. Not really."

"Then whips are out," Ayeka continued. "Better include some condoms. I
doubt he'll think of them and I know she's not on the pill."

"What am I going to need all that for?" Kyoko asked.

"Flavor, girl," Ayeka said. "Your first time should be special. You don't
want to just have a 'wham-bam-thank you ma'am' sort of thing. When the two
of you make love it should be a perfect memory that you will always
cherish."

Kyoko paled. "You think I should have sex in front of my parents?!"

Ayeka looked at her in confusion. "Not unless they're REALLY open minded."

"Hold on a moment," Ai suddenly focused on the conversation. "When you say
'take the next step' what do you mean?"

"I want him to meet my parents. What did you think I meant?" 

Megumi looked on, exasperated. "I should have known." She paused for a
moment to reconsider the suggestion. "I personally think you should sleep
with him beforehand, though." 

"Why?" Kyoko asked.

"I know your parents," Megumi explained. "and you'll need every edge you
can get to convince him to stay with you after meeting them."

Kyoko considered the advice as she went to collect Ryouga.


Ryouga stared at Ukyou as she stood behind her grill. Normally, she
appeared so alive when making okonomiyaki it would take Ryouga's breath
away. It wasn't just the motions she went through, which seemed to be one
continuous symphony of movement, that resulted in a culinary masterpiece,
it was the vitality that she held in her eyes as the ingredients took the
shape of the object she desired. He had once asked her how she became so
perfect in the creation process. She had explained that she put a little
bit of herself in each dish she made. 

But now that vitality was missing. 

"Ukyou," Ryouga began. "What did you mean when you told me to do what my
heart tells me to do?"

She looked at Ryouga as though confused. "I mean just what I said."

"Yeah, but I don't understand it."

Ukyou shook her head. "There's no way I can explain it to you. Just do what
you want. I'll understand." She went back to her cooking.

Ryouga took a deep breath. He was uncertain if he should continue asking
her the questions that needed to be spoken. But if he didn't risk it he
might not ever know what it was that was bothering her. He decided to take
the chance, and hope she didn't get offended. 

"Ukyou. You've been acting very differently since I was lost with Kyoko all
that time. I'm really worried about you."

"You are?" She couldn't help but smile at his concern while cursing herself
for being so soft around him at the same time.

"Of course. Did Ranma do something to you while I was gone?"

The smile disappeared as she began boiling in rage. "Ranma is not to blame
for everything that goes wrong in your life, Jackass! You are plenty
responsible for a lot of the things that aren't perfect in your world! Now
stop blaming him for everything that doesn't go your way and start thinking
about what you might have done to make things the way they are now!"

Ryouga was taken aback by the anger in her voice. Part of him figured that
Ranma must have done something to her to get that kind of reaction to that
kind of a question, but another part of his mind began working on what she
actually said. It did not get very far along in the process when a
cheerleader burst through the door to Uk-Chan's and glomped itself onto
Ryouga.

As much as Ryouga loved the expression of affection, he found himself
wanting to think instead of basking in the adoration. He carefully detached
the cheerleader. "What is it?"

"I want you to go with me tonight. There's this great dance club one of my
friends told me about that's really neat." Kyoko took a deep breath to work
up the courage and go forward with what she knew she had to do. "And
there's some people I want you to meet."

"Look, Kyoko," Ryouga began. "I'm not so sure tonight's so goo..." His
voice trailed off as he saw tears begin to form in her eyes.

"You don't like me any more?" she sobbed out.

"N...no! NO! It's not that at all. We can go out. No problem." There was no
way he could live with himself if he made a girl cry, especially one as
nice as Kyoko. He started to escort her out when he turned back to say good
bye to Ukyou. She waved to him and told him to have a good time. Even as
oblivious as Ryouga could be sometimes, he still saw the sadness she tried
to hide with that face. 

It was with a heavy heart that he followed Kyoko to their destination. If
he refused, it would break the cheerleader's heart, making him just as
miserable as he now felt for abandoning Ukyou without finding out what was
really wrong. He had everything he wanted and it was turning out to be less
than he expected. Where did everything start to go wrong?

Halfway to the dance club Kyoko suddenly decided she needed something from
home. The pair arrived at a small, pleasant looking house located in the
nicer part of Nerima. At first Ryouga tried to insist on staying outside,
but Kyoko would have none of that. She cajoled him into going into the
house and left him in the entryway while she went inside to grab what she
had come for. 

She had not been out of sight for more then ten seconds when a shot rang
out. Ryouga felt the breeze of something passing over his head and heard a
thunk in the wooden wall behind him. A quick examination of the wall
revealed that it had indeed been a gunshot, the bullet just missing his
head by less than three inches.

"Sorry about that. The gun accidentally went off while I was cleaning it." 

Ryouga turned back to the direction the gun had been fired from. There was
a middle-aged man holding a revolver and waving it indiscriminately before
Ryouga.

Ryouga was about to attack the gunman when Kyoko returned with a cross
expression on her face. "DADDY!!!"

The middle aged man turned to Kyoko. "Hello, Pumpkin. I was just meeting
this new boyfriend of yours."

"Yeah! Right! And your gun 'accidentally' discharged again, didn't it?" She
asked with her hands on her hips indignantly. 

"Yes. It was an accident."

Kyoko shook her head. "I'm so sure. It's funny how, whenever I bring a boy
over for you to meet, you always seem to be cleaning your gun and it
accidentally goes off. Didn't you learn your lesson when Tora came by?"

"Oh, that's right," her father reluctantly said. "How is the boy, by the
way?"

"He's a lot better. You can barely notice the limp."

"Well, that's good." The man returned his attention to Ryouga. "So you're
my daughter's new boyfriend. I'm her father, the police officer." He
emphasized the last part quite strongly. 

"Pleased to meet you sir," Ryouga said as he bowed before the man and held
his hand behind his head, laughing nervously the entire time.

"Now you take good care of my daughter. I'd hate to have to hunt you down
and shoot you," he warned while smiling pleasantly the entire time.

Kyoko grabbed Ryouga by the arm before her father could do any further
damage. "Let's get out of here before Daddy blows your head off."

She pulled Ryouga into the kitchen and left him there while she went to
grab her jacket from upstairs. Ryouga simply stood in the middle of the
kitchen, wondering what to do while listening for the hammer to be drawn
back on a gun that was no doubt waiting for him. He was so wrapped up in
tension that he neglected to hear the soft tone of a speaker being turned
on.

He was trying to figure out how many bullets he could take when music
suddenly boomed out of the huge speakers next to the walls. Somehow he had
missed those rather large pieces of music equipment upon his initial
arrival in the kitchen. A woman in her thirties burst into the room bearing
a microphone in hand. Ryouga could do nothing other than form a huge
sweatdrop behind his head as she approached. 

The woman began to sing, her voice coming out over the speakers. 

"Come to you across the divide
Looking out, a wrinkle in time
there is nothing less I would do 
than to stand up for truth."

She moved with a great deal of theatrical motion as she made her way over
to where Ryouga was standing and began singing directly to him.

"In the cold dark ways of this lonely place 
I will warm you hold you
a gold shield glistens and your breath quickens
I will stand close by over you."

She held out a second microphone and handed it to Ryouga, then indicated
with her hands that he should begin singing as well. He began tentatively
at first as he strove to recall the lyrics to the song. 

"Two hands held strong and sure
with the power of one
reaching out past the walls 
that can hold you"

At last, Ryouga remembered the lyrics and began singing enthusiastically
with the woman, the two performing a duet. 

"We are guardians and warriors
come from somewhere to mind 
what creates you and shapes 
the Alchemy of Love."

Ryouga really got into it as the two of them performed side by side,
movements mirroring one another as they sang to an unseen audience.

"There is a chain of light out
across the endless skies
and I see the energy that 
reflects me in your eyes
and keeps us both alive and
keeps us both alive.

"Evening and the shadows will come
to destroy what we have done
but always will the power of love
shine a light as bright as the sun.

"When the cold dark waves on
the shores break 
I am around you found you
a gold sword fires and night expires
a long night surrounding you."

As the two continued on to the finale of the song, enjoying playing the
roles of singers until a pair of hands began clapping.

"You two did a great job." Kyoko had returned, jacket in hand, and waved at
the older woman. "Hi, Mom!" Now that Ryouga got a good look at the older
woman he saw there was more than a passing resemblance between the two.

"I like this one, Kyoko," the woman said in a husky voice as she placed her
arm around Ryouga's shoulders. "I think you should keep him."

"Thanks, Mom!" Kyoko made Ryouga give up the karioke microphone and headed
outside, making herself a human shield in case her father decided to try to
use Ryouga for target practice once more.

"Your mother is very, ahhh..."

"A very good singer? You better believe it," Kyoko said. "And she likes
you. That's great! Now all we have to do is keep Dad from shooting you and
everything will be perfect."

Ryouga just gave a nervous laugh. That was one weird family, even by his
standards.


Nabiki hung up the phone as the rest of the family looked on. She turned to
the group and relayed the message. "Kasumi says it's late and that she and
Shampoo are going to spend the night at a hotel. She also said not to worry
and..." Nabiki ran off Kasumi's list of one hundred reminders for what to
do in her absence.

"Do you think she'll be all right, Saotome?" Soun was practically chewing
on one of the tables in anxiety of his daughter spending the night far away
from home.

"She's with Shampoo. There's nothing to fear. That girl can take care of
any trouble that comes up," Genma reassured his old friend.

Soun looked visibly relieved as he turned back to the game board and made
the next move.

"She won't be back until tomorrow, right?" Akane asked, suddenly hopeful.

Ranma suddenly had a bad feeling. "No. Why do you ask?"

"Well," Akane smiled back. "Someone has to cook breakfast."

Four cries of "I'm trying to lose weight, so I'm going to skip breakfast"
cut off any further discussion, causing Akane to leave in a huff. She would
make it anyway and they would all eat it. Kasumi would never forgive her if
she let the rest of the family starve.

The others headed for bed while Nabiki ran down the final checklist that
Kasumi had left. It really was surprising just how much Nabiki's older
sister did without anyone else realizing it. The middle Tendo girl did all
of the requests until she got to the one she had been dreading since Kasumi
had mentioned it. In hindsight, Nabiki should have suckered Ranma into
doing it for her. But now he would be asleep and it would be next to
impossible to awaken him from his slumber.

She went into the kitchen and looked at Birdy, who returned her cold stare
with one of his own.

"Forget it," she decided. "You can go hungry for a night." The little
vermin wouldn't kick the bucket of it didn't eat for one day.

She turned her back on the pterodactyl, not seeing the mean stare it
leveled at her departing form.


The next day:

Nabiki yawned as she woke up from her restful slumber. Lifting up the
covers she raised her arms high above her head and stretched out, working
the kinks out of her arms. She rubbed her eyes, clearing them enough to see
the rat's head sitting in her bed right next to a message that was scrawled
on a piece of paper. She stared wide eyed at the repulsive sight and read
the message:

Next time, feed me, or else.

It was signed. "Birdy."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"


Once out of her bedroom she had managed to compose herself and looked at
the facts. 

One: Birdy was a stupid animal.
Two: Birdy was locked up in a cage.
Three: Animals couldn't write.

One check on the fact Birdy was still in his cage, and one splash of hot
water to ensure it wasn't just another Jusenkyou curse victim, confirmed
her beliefs. That meant someone else must have done it. And there was only
one likely suspect. Grabbing a pair of gloves, she took the rat's head and
delivered it to the most likely culprit.

Nabiki stormed into the Saotome's bedroom. One splash of cold water later
Ranma-chan sat up.

"Whad'ya do that for?!" she shouted. 

"This!" And with that, Nabiki stuffed the rat's head right next
Ranma-chan's face.

Ranma leapt back, repulsed. "YECH!!! That's gross! What the hell do you
think you're doing, you sick weirdo?!"

Nabiki dropped the head on Ranma-chan's sheets. "I know you're behind
putting that in my bed. This isn't the last you've heard of this, Saotome."
And with that she departed, leaving a very confused redhead behind. 

Genma woke up and evaluated the situation. Once he spotted the rat's head
he spoke up. "That reminds me, time for breakfast."

"You're sick, Pop!" Ranma-chan condemned. She had lost her entire appetite
with the morning's events, even if Akane wasn't the one making it.


Mousse walked about the ground of Kunou Manor, careful to avoid the traps
meant to dispatch unwary intruders. It almost seemed the Kunous had an
obsession with security. 

Kodachi walked beside Mousse, remaining unusually quiet. It was only when
he initiated conversation that she seemed inclined to talk at length with
him. During those times she would go from extreme happiness to deep
depression, though she always responded well when he tried to cheer her up.

During the tour Mousse had finally met the infamous father of the Kunou
clan. Twice the refugee from a Hawaiian Tropic ad tried to give Mousse an
undesired haircut. 

"Take off dat hair, boy. Ya don' wan be thought of as a hippy," he said in
barely understood Japanese, only to have Kodachi chase her father off both
times using her ribbon as a whip. She tried to apologize for her father's
behavior, but Mousse would have none of that. His insanity wasn't her
fault.

The sound of a battle cry captured Mousse's attention. He and Kodachi moved
to see Kunou practicing with his bokken. Kodachi made some comment about
how her brother was doing nothing other than practicing lately. Mousse was
about to turn away in disinterest when something about Kunou's style caught
his eye. The sword techniques he was employing seemed a great deal better
than the ones he usually employed in combat. Mousse adjusted his glasses
and used a much closer examination. There was no doubt about it. Kunou was
at least twice as good as before, making him glad Kunou didn't bear him any
grudge. Maybe Mousse would get lucky and Ranma would anger Kunou and get 
the living daylights beat out of him.

Mousse left as Kunou severed the heads of four practice dummies with one
swing. Kunou silently hoped he would be able to do ten, as the handbook he
had found implied. Soon he would be ready. 

Soon.


The rest of the day was unusually normal for Ranma. He managed to keep from
starving by grabbing his meals at Ukyou's as the two talked for close to an
hour about the good old days. As time passed several of the Furinkan
students wandered in and joined the conversation. As the students talked
about an upcoming school project one of them began to whine. 

"Where are we going to find a windsock?"

Ranma could not believe his ears. "I got one I can give you guys. Let me
run to my place and get it." 

It wasn't long before Ranma returned bearing the gift Akane had made for
him. He gave it to his fellow students, happy he could be of service. It
was such a surprise that Akane had actually given him something like that
and it proved to be useful. He would have to thank her later.

The rest of the late afternoon and early evening was spent roller skating
in the park. It had been months since he had a chance to listen to the
cheers of his adoring fans, all of whom he had missed very much. After a
three hour performance in which he performed newer and even more incredible
stunts than ever before, he headed back home. It was the middle of the
evening when he returned and immediately went to find the others, figuring
Shampoo and Kasumi should have returned from their trip by now. He only
discovered the fathers and Nabiki who were sitting around the table,
looking for all the world like condemned prisoners.

Fearing the worst, Ranma braved the storm. "What happened?"

"K...K...Kasumi!" Soun sobbed.

Ranma felt dread building. "What happened to her?"

"She and Shampoo aren't coming back today," Genma explained.

Ranma understood immediately. "That means..."

"Here's dinner!" 

Akane entered the room and plopped down some unrecognizable substance in
the middle of the table. She grabbed a spoon and dug into the substance.
"You first, Ranma."

"AHHHHH!!!" It was like some horrible nightmare that repeated itself over
and over again every day. He fled the house, praying Uk-Chan's was still
open, while being chased by Akane, who was bound and determined to that he
eat this meal, even if it was his last on earth.


The next day:

Shampoo-kun stared out as the cab window watching the world go past. They
two of them were already back in Nerima and would soon return home. The
mini vacation was at an end. It was bothering him more than he thought it
would.

He gave a soft gaze towards Kasumi as he saw that she too was staring out
the opposite window, lost in thought as well.

"We're almost home," Kasumi said out loud. "I hope the others are all
right."

"I tell you, they all big boys and girls. They can take care of themselves
fine."

"I suppose," Kasumi sighed. "It was wonderful, wasn't it?"

Shampoo-kun nodded. "Yes. It was." 

"I needed a vacation. It was nice to pretend for a while, wasn't it? That
it was just the two of us, alone and without a care in the world." Kasumi
looked almost forlorn as her mind drifted back to the weekend. 

Words were becoming more difficult for Shampoo-kun. Almost painful.
"Maybe... maybe we could try to make something out of -"

Kasumi cut him off by placing a finger to his lips. "No. Don't say that.
Please. We both know it wouldn't work out. There are too many
complications."

"Maybe," Shampoo-kun assented.

"You're a girl. Right?" Kasumi asked.

Of course. Shampoo-kun nodded his head.

"And you don't want to be a boy," Kasumi stated. "You would cure yourself
of your curse if you had the opportunity, right?" 

"Yes," Shampoo-kun said softly if somewhat reluctantly. It wasn't so much
the curse anymore as the complications that arose from it. But he did want
to be entirely female once again.

"Well," Kasumi continued. "If I had some of that magic girl water, I would
cure you right now. I love you and want what's best for you."

"I love you too," Shampoo-kun agreed. Though he believed it must have hurt
Kasumi at least a little to say things like that. No matter how happy she
appeared on the outside.

"And if you were a girl all the time where would that leave us?" Kasumi
asked. "We both know I'm not attracted to you when you're female. This
weekend proved that."

Shampoo-kun nodded. That was the undeniable truth, as much as both of them
might have wished otherwise.

Kasumi sounded almost troubled as she spoke more rapidly. "I do love you
when you're a girl, but it's a different kind of love. I know it shouldn't
be that way. I know you're the same person underneath no matter what sex
you are. Maybe that's a failing on my part." 

"No," Shampoo-kun protested. "It's not. It's just the way you are." The way
he used to be, sort of.

"I suppose," she acceded. "I just want you to be happy. That's the most
important thing to me. I really would be happy if we could cure you of your
curse."

He examined her closely. She was being sincere. He was sure of it. And that
sincerity made him feel even more guilty than before, though there was no
reason for it.

Kasumi looked deeply into his eyes. "Thank you for the most wonderful
weekend of my life."

"It was the most special for me as well," the Amazon agreed. "I never going
to forget it as long as I live. It always hold a special place in my
heart."

They were silent for a while before Kasumi spoke up once again. "We're
almost there." There was no doubt there was the slightest bit of sadness in
her voice. "We're going to have to stop pretending now."

"Yes," Shampoo-kun agreed. He watched Kasumi start to say something else,
then stop. "What is it?"

"It's nothing." The lie could not have been more obvious.

"Kasumi." Shampoo-kun's tone warranted no argument.

She took a deep breath. "I just wanted to ask if we could kiss one last
time before we get home."

That was all she wanted. So little. "I like that very much," he said
softly.

The two of them leaned forward, lips engaging in a passionate embrace.


"Thank kami-sama! They're back!" Ranma exclaimed, thought he remained
standing still. Akane had managed to force feed him some of the swill she
had made, with the predictable results. An upset stomach that even medicine
couldn't cure.

Akane just growled at the declaration. 

The cab pulled up to the house. Kasumi was the first one out as she hugged
her tearful father and politely greeted everyone else. Nabiki took note
that her normally cheerful sister almost seemed to be glowing with joy. The
vacation had obviously done wonders for her. There was also something else
that she couldn't quite place. Something that was...different about Kasumi.


Shampoo-kun finished paying the driver and turned to see Ranma come over to
him. 

"Nice vacation?"

Shampoo-kun nodded his head.

"Let's go inside and you can tell me about it," Ranma was eager to hear
what the two of them had done over the weekend. It was a surprise as
Shampoo-kun looked strangely at him and shook his head.

"Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow," he answered, then went inside.

That left Ranma more than a little confused. Shampoo always had time for
him, and they hadn't even seen each other for the better part of three
days. He had certainly missed the Amazon, and it was quite a blow to his
pride that she hadn't felt the same.

Shampoo-kun made his way to his room, remaining male. For the first time
that he could remember, he had no desire to be around Ranma. What that
meant was anyone's guess. Instead, he chose to lie down and reminisce about
the weekend and what an almost perfect time he had with the eldest of the
Tendo girls. What he had told Kasumi earlier was true. It might very well
have been the best weekend of his life. How unfortunate that it could never
be repeated again. At least that was what he told himself.


Kasumi made a tsking sound as she entered the kitchen and saw the pile of
dishes waiting for her in the sink.

"Sorry about that, Sis," Nabiki said as she followed her older sister into
the kitchen. "I meant to clean those up."

"Don't worry about it," Kasumi said as she cheerfully began washing. Things
were rapidly settling back to normal for Kasumi.

Nabiki examined her sister more closely. Something was different about her.
She still almost seemed to be glowing. "So, how'd the trip go?"

"It was wonderful," Kasumi sighed.

"And the wedding?"

"It was beautiful. Absolutely perfect. I can only hope all of us have ones
just as nice." Kasumi looked off in the distance, obviously lost in
thought.

"What did you and Shampoo do for three days?" Nabiki was becoming more and
more anxious as she tried to figure out what was going on. Being in the
dark was slowly eating away at her.

"We went to a hot springs area. Then we went shopping and did some other
things."

"Yes, I saw the bags." Nabiki said. The two had certainly arrived with more
than they had left. They must have done a great deal of shopping. "Anything
else?"

"You know, just things." Kasumi went back to washing the dishes.

"Did you and Shampoo sleep in different rooms?" Nabiki asked, continuing
the probe for information.

"Oh no. We couldn't afford two rooms, so we shared one."

Nabiki finally realized something about her sister. "I see. By the way Sis,
why are you walking funny?"

Kasumi dropped one of the plates. She 'OH'd and mumbled something about
being clumsy and began to clean it up. Nabiki waited patiently for her to
finish before speaking up again.

"You didn't answer my question."

"What question was that?" 

Nabiki thought the most vexing part about it was that Kasumi looked
completely sincere instead of being evasive when claiming she forgot about
it. Nabiki repeated the question just to make sure.

Kasumi placed her hand to he chin in thought. "Well, we did a lot of
walking. A suppose I pulled a muscle without realizing it." 

"Walking?" Nabiki's eyebrow shot up at that. How much walking did it
require to pull a muscle?

"Yes," Kasumi said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"We did a lot of dancing the night before and we did a lot walking the next
day. So it must be from the walking."

"And that's the only thing that could have done it?" Nabiki asked, every
sense trying to read her sister's body language. She was holding something
back, maybe. It was so impossible to tell when dealing with Kasumi. Her
reactions to situations were still far from normal, and her body language
reflected that. 

"I think that's probably what did it," Kasumi said with confidence.

Nabiki stared at her sister as though she could see right through her. It
wasn't like she could accuse Kasumi of lying. 

"Is there anything else?" Kasumi asked politely. 

"No. I'm glad you two had a 'good time,'" she emphasized the last words and
set off to find Shampoo. There were more than a few questions that needed
asked, beginning with "What did you do with my sister?"


"Watch out for that crate!"

The dock foreman shielded his eyes so the rain wouldn't fall on them as he
looked upon the crane operator. The operator was either the stupidest human
being on the face of the planet, or at least using the crane while drunk. 

The shipping crate was placed on the ship with no more difficulties. The
foreman checked on the next one slated to be loaded on. A last minute
addition whose destination was Siberia. He told the operator to use the
crane on it. One last crate before he could get out of the downpour and
into a nice warm house. It was just what he needed. 

The foreman's thoughts were interrupted as the sound of a crate hitting the
side of one of the warehouses rang out. He started to curse the craneman
again as the operator tried to get it right the second time. As the crate
was halfway to the ship it suddenly erupted, belching forth a huge
razorback that took off as soon as it hit the ground.

The operator was only aware of the razorback hitting the ground and running
off at top speed. He looked down at the little flask of whiskey he had kept
out of sight and been drinking from all night long, then looked back at the
fleeing side of bacon, then back at the flask. 

It was time to become sober. Being drunk for twenty years wore down a man's
faculties, and there was no clearer sign from kami-sama that it was time to
quit when pigs flew down from out of the sky.


Five Days later:
Joketsuzoku, China:

Four of the elders remained before Cologne well after the council meeting
had ended.

"" Shou Ya still spoke in awe at the revelation. Cologne had
calmly explained to the council that she had sought out great artifacts
while in Japan and had remained there until she could ascertain the
validity of the pieces. They were so in awe of the discovery that none of
them listened closely enough to tell that she had never once claimed that
was her reason for going to Japan in the first place.

"" Cologne waved her hand dissmissively. 

Be Dea frowned a little. The most negative emotion that she had shown all
day. Not only had Cologne returned, but she had managed to come back a
hero. Each piece of treasure was incredibly valuable, and any advantage Be
Dea had gained with the council over the last few months of Cologne's
absence had been dashed in less than a day. Damn, but the woman was good.
"" That was sincere, at least.

"" Cologne accepted the compliment graciously with a
serious face, though underneath the pleasant veneer she was smirking in
enjoyment. How it must have galled her rival to say such words.

With everyone treating her with such reverence Cologne decided that now
would be the best time to deliver the announcement. ""

Comb spoke up. ""

She had anticipated their reluctance. Sometimes they really did act like
the old women so many other called them. "" Cologne said
to ease the others' apprehension. ""

"" Talcum stated. ""

"" Shou Ya commented.
""

" Be Dea said. " 

With Be Dea's somewhat unexpected show of support, the other three agreed
to Cologne's travel arrangements, with one stipulation. She should take
along a magical tracking device so she could be quickly found should some
emergency come up. The matriarch readily agreed to the arrangement. As she
went to leave, Comb asked one last question.

""

Years of practice allowed Cologne to evade the question with ease. ""

"" Talcum lamented. ""

The others nodded their heads in agreement, each remembering how some
offspring had refused to take on responsibilities as was necessary for
their age. The elders made certain to mention how they were never like that
though.

After another half hour of reminiscing about the good old days, Cologne
began to leave once more to make travel preparations. Comb again spoke up.

""

Cologne expected something like this, and answered immediately with a well
prepared answer. ""

"" Be Dea chided
her. ""

"" Comb didn't get a chance to finish as Be Dea cut her off.

""

Comb's eyes blazed with anger momentarily, then she settled down. ""

""
Cologne advised.

"" Shou Ya said as her voice took on a dangerous
tone. "

Sweatdrops formed behind everyone but Shou Ya's head.

"" Comb felt her pulse
race. Everyone knew Shou Ya was more powerful than Comb, and her anger was
nearly a thing of legend in the tribe. Several times Shou Ya had hinted at
knowing there was more to it than rumor, but there was no chance she had
any evidence. Even after a century, Shou Ya would not hesitate to make Comb
die in agony for violating her honor, and husband, if she ever admitted to
it. Of course, remembering what Shelf had been like, Comb felt it was worth
the risk. At least back then. 

Such was the politics of the Joketsuzoku.

Shou Ya gave a laugh to defuse the situation. As the others relaxed,
Cologne finally bid a fond farewell to everyone and left. Comb quickly
followed, leaving the other three council members alone.

"" Talcum said.

"" Shou Ya agreed. 

Talcum thought about it. ""

"" Shou Ya agreed, then turned her attention to Be Dea. ""
She asked Be Dea.

"" Be Dea corrected.

Talcum knew Be Dea was already planning something. ""

Be Dea gave a creepy smile that could rival Cologne's. ""

"" Talcum asked.

"" Be Dea said calmly.


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Alchemy of Love by Christopher Franke

Special Thanks to:

Harold Ancell
Ryan Anderson
Gray Kleppe
Jason Liao
Lord Talon
Shadowmage
Dr. Wade Tritschler

    Source: geocities.com/tokyo/towers/5920