Pointless.

That about sums it up. My life is an on going thing, filled with stupid people and stupider expectations.

I cant belive how people state that they have the right to be happy. How could they be with all thats going on around them? Dont they see the pointlesness of it all? I may be a cynic, but I dont expect to be happy. Im realistic, and this is getting to be a rare trend.

It's sick, really. Thee people just go through life being all happy and telling me that my CD's have satanic messages that play if you point the laser between the circly line thingamagis. Then they say I should stay home, have kids and not go on the pill. That isn't likely.

If I tell most people Im not happy, they 'why?' Well I dont know why. Im empty inside. There's no reason for it, I just miss something, but I dont know what it is. Maybe its direction. My life has none. People say to live life for itself, but what is there to live for. Survival of the fittest hardly applies anymore, at least not in the 'burbs.
And, of course, Alberta Education has just fucked me over big time. Math 10, I could have passed. But now we have Pure Math 10 and Applied Math 10. I wouldnt be abke to pass math 10 Pure, so I took Applied. Now there isn't a chance in hell that I'll get into universtiy. At least not in science, which is the only thing I could plausibly do for a living. I am *so* fucked. But whats the point even? There's no jobs left! So, yet again, it's pointless.

Most people find comfort in others, god and their possessions. I dont want to tell people my every thought, I dont belive in god and pretty trinklets dont make me complete. Its all empty. Halmark took our feelings and sold them for $2.95, $13.95 for a box set.

I should be a prozac or zoloft junkie by now. If a 'friend' told a teacher or someone else who can't (or wont) mind their own damn business, I would be. No if's and's or but's. They'd tell everyone and get me put on pills. My parents would make me swallow each one. My happiness would be a percription label. Tell me thats not depressing. The way things are going, Im either going to end up like that or kill my self. Or I'll screw up killing myself and get put on suicide watch and made to eat pills. Thats everyones picture of contentment.

Its just so bleak. Ive dug myself into a hole by thinking of things, and there's no way out. Its that simple. As it is, I dont expect to be alive when I'm 20. A person whose life revolves around a pharmacy isnt alive. It's just a mass of carefully controlled brain chemicals.

So I'll sit here and type, people will read it, shocked at me, and wonder why. And maybe they'll realize that happiness is more then being able to look the other way.

But they probly wont.

End.