GRIGORENCO T.D.
A WIND of DESTINY
Ìîñêâà 1999 ã.Ã83 Âåòåð ñóäüáû. – Ì.: Èçäàòåëüñòâî
«Ëèòîãðàô»,
1998. – 107 ñ. JSBN 5-8228-0003-3 ÓÄÊ 882 ÁÁÊ 84(2 Ðîñ – Ðóñ) 6
(Site "Through thorns to stars". Anatolj Grigorenco)
Copyright©2001 Feedback
THE FOREWORD
Dear reader, as seems to me, in your hands the not so usual book. It not the art novel, it not the memoirs any of a known face from our elite. It is simple the document circumscribing life of the simple Russian woman. It with the shrill truth shows that actual life, with which Russia in epoch of construction of socialism lived.
Differently developed of destiny, at someone it is better, at someone it is worse. But paradise life was not at anybody. That waits for us hereafter, we do not know, but it is necessary well to muse, whether it is necessary to us to try to return those times, which are circumscribed in this story.
This story was written by my mother. She not the writer. Shortly before her death, I ask he to wrote to me the letters, and as though under the chapters described her life. Longly these letters lied without movement. Now so there were circumstances, that at me the possibility these letters to edit and to issue has appeared. I would like to make it and for the following reason. Now, when in our country go (can and is not so successful) deep reforms, it became simple as though by good form to speak, as it is heavy, as all is bad, that the government owes to us etc. etc.
Having read this book, I hope, many will understand, that times now not worse. Freedom, about which is possible only to dream. The famine is not present. Wars too. Around grandiose spaces of free ground, which is a basis of decent life. Can not find itself in city, go where want. Take the house in thrown farm. To do a kitchen garden, plant a garden. Itself and family will support. Certainly, can be difficultly come off from a habitual place, can be uneasily take a shovel to the hands which have got usedo shift of papers in any office. Can be it would be desirable to be by the businessman, broker, bank employee more. I do not know. Decide, citizens and dear readers.
One I ask, only do not hope for government and state. The state is first of all officers. And the officers always think only of themselves. About you, the dear readers, they will not think. And to demand other president or other government is simply silly. The officers on essence will stay same.
We in Russia never lived, and survived. And now let's survive, even how our ancestors survived.
With large to you by respect Grigorenco A.M.
EMERGING of NEW LIFE
You have presented me both rays, and colours,
And
attractive distance of the golden river.
May, waking life from winter hibernations. All nature woke up around. At a cheerfully rippling brook, singing eternal song, among exulting young greens, sat, stood, went for a walk young, elderly and children. They met the first of May, 1913.
Some drunk people began to sing songs, here and there on something argued, sometimes reaching up to quarrel.
- Well, how businesses Dania, and where yours wife, why you one?
- Yes she was unwell.
And at this time in roughly hammered together crude small hut, with small windows and inserted in a middle of it a splinter of a glass, the young woman lied in bed, in an veiled angle. Near hi sat old woman and tenderly talked to her. The woman (is faster even a children of seventeen years) gave a beginning of new life. It the dark - fair-haired hair was scattered on a cushion, black as a tar an eyebrow, having lifted, knit one,s brow from strain and pain, she hardly breathed. In the middle of hut, on iron forge, in a basin the water was heated. More in hut there was nobody. Silently. The silence was occasionally infringed by silent groans of woman. The sun, heating ground shy still by vernal heat, was declined to sunset.
And suddenly the inhuman shout was resound. In it the fear and intolerable pain was heard. Old woman was lifted.
- To strain, to strain lovely, - she has started talking, - to strain more force.
And behind a door twelve persons of the men. Who sat on the stumps and on the dumped trees, who stood, having leant to a prickly wall, listening and not being decided enter in hut. Weary talking, they waited, when it will be possible enter.
Daniil, - has called old woman - Daniil, at you daughter!
GOLD-FIELDS ON THE ZEIA RIVER
As you are perfect the world
Allis
perfect in you
Only bitter taste of losses
Both in me, and in you.
The settlment stood on slope. Among a settlment there was a large brick house, in it the manager of gold-fields lived. Gold-fields the taiga enclosed. At the wood stood small wooden hut. Was warm summer day. The solar ray rushed into a slightly opened door, sliding on child-bed, in which the child slept. Small polecat has decided to check up, whether there is no that tasty in hut. It has run in in an open door and began to run on angles. Has jumped on desktop, on a bed, from a bed on child-bed and has woken the child. He has opened eyes and began handles to try to catch polecat for a tail, swinging by legs. Be heard someone's pitches. Behind a door crunched the branch, and polecat was gone in a door end has disappeared, having flown by legs the woman. « Again this little thief was », - the woman has thought. She for a long time already noticed it. At hut the mushrooms were dried, and it get the habit them to steal, but would like was to have a look in the hut.
- We shall go, daughter, we shall go, mine good, we shall go mine beauty, - she has dressed on her new frock, has taken on hands.
- To you today year, at you birthday. Let's celebrate on glade in a birch wood. There so well smells of birch.
On a road in birch wood she has picked vernal flowers, has sat down on stumps and has plaited wreath to the girl and herself. Dressing it on the black hair and on the head of the daughter, has made by an exulting voice: - now we such beautiful!
And on glade their visitors expected. And she, with the spoiled hair and with wreath on a head smiling, with the child on hands, also with wreath on a head, was by him in a white dress. The visitors charming looked at them, were afraid to infringe silence.
- Hi dear guests, I ask to sit, - she said.
- No, no, we standing shall have a drink for name-day of you daughter and for you ours dear beauty mum.
The husband began to spill wine. Each took on hands the girl and drank a wine-glass fault. This girl was favourite of all settlment, as the settlment was small and children more in it was not.
Four years have passed. The girl became mistress of all settlment. She ran everywhere, but in a wood farly from being ran. Grew by the strong, healthy child, but in her there was any feature.
The mother stood at iron forge and prepared dinner for the artel. The girl, pale, suddenly runs in.
- What with you ? - ask the mother.
- There! There someone terrible eat up my doll!
- Where? - in bewilderment interrogated the mother.
- There water.
Whether - Yes you up to the channel ran? - having turned pale, has told the mother. Yes, really, the channels were terrible. By its the water in career for washdown of gold breeds moved. The shores of channels became stronger by boards, and the water in this narrowness was born from a mountain with a mad velocity, moving waves, which from depth seem black.
The girl for the first time has appeared here. Having run up to an edge, she was frightened by this born water and has dropped a doll from hands. The water has picked up it and instantly has carried away. The girl bitterly cried.
- Do not cry, dear, a doll I to you still shall sew, but you only do not catch there more, and that a water will eat up you .
But on gold-fields there were many dangerous places. From the central channel was separating channels in other places. If the water was not necessary, it was superimposed by gateways. At such drained channels the girl climbed and nobody knew. To it to happiness, when she there was gateways did not open. There were many spent flooded old mines. On old mines the honeysuckle grew. On it the girl was eating berries, risking to be dumped in shaft. But the life protected it.
There was a winter.
- We shall go, dear, to a aunt Ksenia.
She was the sister of the father of the mother, is very beautiful, with black hair, black brows, is similar to the mother. Carried gold earrings in ears. Lived in an adjacent settlment, through a mountain. When they came, the mothers have told, that collect the men in the soldiers.
- Oi, it is necessary without delay to go home.
- Yes though to tea, - has told Ksenia.
- No, no , it is necessary to go, and so evening. We late were going today, and Danika has released me for not much time.
They was going on a mountain, and towards lifting the moon, illuminating by silver light a bell tower, trees, drowsily facing with the snow which has covered each branch. And it seemed to the girl, that they go on an air road weaved from thin transparent threads, is direct on the moon.
- The mum, and who there lives?
- Where?
- Yes there, - showing on the moon by finger, is spoken by the girl.
- Nobody, it is the moon.
- And what for this road there?
- Yes you that, that, are a road to us home, look also ours hut it is visible.
At home all was in a grey smoke from the smoking people sitting at long table, on it was some foods and bottles with vodka. Saw off the men in the soldiers. - Tamarochka, go to me, - having seen the daughter, the father hhas called the girl to itself. The girl, rosy and cold, has approached to the father.
- Has frozen? - the father has asked.
- No, - babbled the girl. The father has removed from her footwear and beginning to rock her on laps to sleep. The girl did not sleep, but pretended sleeping, it was pleasant for her to lie on the father laps.
Having woken up in the morning, the girl has not seen the father.
- The mum, where the daddy?
- He has leaved.
What for, where and whether for a long time, she yet did not understand, that is why did not ask more. But again summer, and around it is so much interesting.
On gold-fields there were groups of the armed Japanese, plundering and commit atrocities. In a small adjacent settlment, in large deep excavation, they lifted the men on bayonets and threw in the dug out holes. To live began is intolerable, and the people become to leave small settlments.
- We shall go daughter to a large settlment.
When they came, there already there was a lot of people. The priest was serving the sermon. After a service of crowd of the people everyone went and went, and was around strange silent, as though all taiga was silent in grief. On gold-fields the working life has calmed down. Who has left on mobilization, who was killed by the Japanese, and familys was going who where.
- There will be going also we with you, my dear.
Having combined in the bandle her and a daughter clothes, they were going on a way. The summer was in heat and the tired girl make one,s way on path behind the mother between high herbs. In the distance babbled water. It is small river was rolled on stones, being poured in rays of the bright sun. On that party, on green glade, there was a large beautiful house, with large windows shining on the sun, and large painted porch. The woman with the daughter have come in cool water and it became easier to them to breathe. River was small-sized and woman, having taken the girl on hands, easily has passed it. Here lived gold manufacturer with the wife and adult children. The woman has explained to hostess, what for she has come. Having listened it, the hostess has told:
- Well that, be here. You will prepare a food for us and with cleaning to help. Will live in a wing, there and to prepare a food.
The next day the had a rest girl has run to examine, what here around grows. Has find "bundles" she began to break thick, hollow trunks, to tear off from them skin and with crackle ate of them. They were juicy and sweet.
Winter also has occured. In one cold morning the girl has left on a street and has seen the bound horses under saddles. And the mother in a wing baked tasty of a wafer also carried away them in the house.
In the evening of the window of a house shined by bright lights. The next day of the horse and horsemans have disappeared as mysteriously, as well as have appeared.
- The mum, who it was?
- Yes who knows them.
Day through three hostess has told to the mother:
- We leave. Go to collect to itself a few foods for a road. There flour, to bake something for a road to itself and to stableman and too to leave in Zeia. We give the horse for you . We longly shall not return.
The main road was brisk. There were militarians strings of sledges. Among them the sledge was mislaid, on which the three - stableman and woman with the girl sat. But was showing town Zeia. From pipes the smoke was twisted up. It was frosty.
- The mum, I has frozen. Soon we shall arrive?
- Soon, my dear daughter, suffer a little more.
In small house the distant relative of the mother lived. They also have approached on her. The beautiful woman has jumped out of a gate.
- Of the Pascha and Tamarochka have arrived! Well, more soon go, have frozen? And where Dania?
- You, Ksusha, put up the samovar.
- Yes, yes, I now to give to drink you by tea, from a road am good to drink the tea.
- But Dania was taken to the soldiers. On gold fields it is terrible, that is created. Japaneses are kill of stayed males , on a taiga wander any armed people, hunhuses attack on gold fields, beat the people and put they on incandescent ovens. Scoff, as want. Pull out earrings directly with meat of the women. And I, as has left Dania, have gone to Boguslavskys, at them on gold fields the house is. And then for they someone has arrived also they have leaved it is not known where. Gave for us the horse and stableman us has brought. Tomorrow I go to search for an apartment and work.
- On an apartment you go to old woman. She near here lives. On same street. She are lived alone. She have the cow, kitchen garden. By something you shall help her. And work … By cook you, probably, will not be arranged anywhere. All hosts run from gold fields. Can in hospital to try.
On advice of Ksenia, the mother has gone to old woman. She affably has met they.
- Will let, grandmother, me on an apartment with my daughter?
- And that to not let. I one and anything from you shall not take. When that will help. Old I already and much can not. And place will suffice, in bedroom both will sleep. Today also come.
- Yes, grandmother, at me there is nothing to carry, in the evening and we shall arrive.
The winter has passed. In the summer at a gate on bench the young woman sits, and near her the girl years to six was jumping on one leg .
- Tamarochka, - suddenly with disturbance the woman has told, - the folder goes.
To them went the man in soldier's shirt.
- Daddy, daddy! - the girl has screamed and has rushed to him towards. But the father was gloomy and has not converted attention to the daughter. The woman has feel some wrong and, have been drooping, to lead of him to the house.
- What happened, Dania? - she shy has asked.
- You are too young for me and will find to itself younger, and I leave in Irkutsk.
- Dania, yes you that, but we have the daughter.
- Anything, will grow and without me. Return mine wear, and I have, soon motorship sails.
He has combined a wear in suitcase and, not having said goodbye, has left. The woman cried. Having nestled to her, the girl too cried, nothing understanding. Simply were a pity to her for the mothers. Having woken up in the morning, she has not seen her.
- Do awaking, Tamara, do you will carry milk, - old woman told.
The girl has humble risen. Having washing, she has approached to old woman.
- Take, drink a milk, - Also has given her a glass of warm milk.
- And now dress this waistcoat.
The waistcoat was with jacks for bottles. Having inserted bottles in a waistcoat, she conducted the girl for a gate, has shown to whom to bear,
and girl drag oneself along the street. To her was some heavy, but she sufferred. For the first time she carried that weight on the small shoulders. So the girl per six years began to
earn to itself on a glass of milk.
- Be going, Tamara, we are leaving the grandmother. Are give a room in hospital for us. We will live there.
Tamara with pleasure has collected her clothes, has changed clothes, has put shoes on. Though the grandmother was also kind, but to carry every morning heavy bottles was bothered for her. And she was afraid of the cow since has visited on its steep horns.
On a new place she was lived not bad. Were got a playmates, with which she ran together to the river to catch by bottles from rafts small-sized fish, which was much in transparent water. It was visible, as fish are floating in a bottle for bread, but can not come back, as ran upon on acute edges of smashed bottom. Has been observing, Tamara has slipped about slippery log has dived downwards by head into water, having seen at front of she a yellow circle. Was come to oneself she on raft, when she was evacuated by adult children .
With boys and girls ran in the korean settlment. There then lived koreans in some huts on streets in a dirt and a stink. Was looked on mad woman and teased of her. She walked in the winter and summer naked with cane and with a bag for pieces.
They climbed in the Chinese kitchen gardens for large red poppies, and when they fade, for mature cones of poppies. Behind them with swearing on their language chinesians was hunted , but nobody could catch, yes not so and tried.
Two years have passed, as they have gone away from gold fields to Zeia city, and again, being rescueed from famine many was going again to gold fields. Gold fields were deserted. Gold manufacturers have disappeared somewhere, gone by revolution.
WANDERINGS
Not so for a long time
Went on foot on a snow
In
that far distance,
In a wind and storm.
The young woman working on hiring to extract to itself and six years' girl a piece of bread. The father is not present. In small a settlment near gold field of work is not present, black need and hopelessness. The people were threw oneself on produced and thrown gold fields. Having kept the daughter at the relative, there has gone also mother.
The children's laughter is delivered from the solar dazzled broad and fast river. They with a laughter and squeal thrusted one another in water, splashing by it. Only one girl sat separately on a large stone, having omitted legs in water, and observed, as small taimen-fishs, surrounding her legs, was poked in them, trying to bite a bit. Her Pretty face in a melancholy - « Somewhere mum now ».
A broad grain field, the burning sun and dust under legs also was recollected to her. The girl was tired from heat and fatigue, but she was patiently going, was the mum near her. And she was happy, when by the whole street went in a wood, in mountains, for berries and mushrooms. To have find some family under red hats, she with joy shouted: « the Mum, mum, go here more soon, I have found many - many mushrooms». «Collect them dear daughter, I now shall collect here and I shall come to you». In a wood was silently, only was shouted to one another a people, and from time to time knocked on bottom of an empty bucket, frightening of the host of a wood, bear, that he further left. To the girl it was not fearful , a near was the mum. Was recollected, as with a neighbours, has taken a large sweep-nets, were going to lake for catching a fish. The adults are catching, and kids run with buckets and collect a fish. Then common supper in somewhose yard. Lived poorly, and the girl did not have toys. She was invited to play by daughter of gold manufacturer in their rich house. It was the apartment on some rooms and in it there was a room for toys. Rich playmate somewhere has left, having kept Tamara one. She, not longly thinking, has seized smallest doll, and to run from their yard that is of forces.
Runs and looks back, whether run behind her. And her small heart hardly not will jump out. But they, probably, also have not noticed loss. The highest happiness Tamara was, when the mum has presented for her the first simple pencil, and a coloured one - hosts, at which the mum lived as a servant. And she as in a thanks, has drawn the peacock to the their son, that was a same years as she.
Winter. Tamara standing near the window and by breathing to thaws of the ice of glass for to look, what is outdoors. Whether there is on lunar light a person on wires, to check up the heard story about sleep-walkers.
And now mum is not present. She far, somewhere behind these broad mountains, a sleeping woods, a broad rivers. And what for have abandoned of she one with the another's people? At the girl on eyes the tears began to boil. She peered in distance, in hope to see the mum through sleeping a taiga, through broad mountains, through high rocks.
Afterone year the mother, having begun to miss about the daughter, has asked cabmen, delivering products from the cities, to bring the daughter. A long path in hundred kilometers in the winter on horses. Around snow and taiga.
The six-years girl sits, wrapped up by blankets and kerchiefs together with legs, on a cart. Eyelashes were covered with hoarfrost, and went of pairs from it of breathing. The legs have frozen. Was cold to her. The twilight was condensed, and zimovie (inn in taiga without a personnel) all was not visible. Courageous it there were people. One - alone lived in a taiga in tens kilometers from zimovie.
- The uncle, I has frozen, soon we shall arrive to the mum?
- Soon, Tamarochka, suffer a little bit.
And they in warm hut, on desktop hot tea-urn, tea with candies. And around pieces five cats, what for this woman kept many cats? It is not known. With boredom probably. For some reason dogs on gold fields was not.
And then solar bright day. The cart is lowered from a steep mountain. Cabman went near a head of the horse, constraining it, that has not run. And the girl sat on a cart and looked forward. Was warm for her. From a mountain it was visible, as on a coast of the river in a valley there was a smoke from huts. «The Mum!», - girl suddenly has shouted. Towards them the reddened and smiling mum ran in a mountain.
Have come in wooden hut with high porch. In hut two rooms and kitchen with iron oven and not nothing - neither beddings, nor furniture. On wooden plank bed slept in what was dressed in.
On a bed slept the young man. The mum began to unroll sloionki (food) and to explain, that it a uncle the girl should name as the daddy, but she was silent and did not understand what for it it is necessary.
Not for long they here lived. By snow they have going to a gold fields on Delui. The things were not any. A wear on itself, in hands the bundle with lepioshki (kind of bread). To the small girl to go was difficultly. Were going day by a frost and snow. Under evening, to be exhausted, they have seen in raspadok (valley between mountains) stretched gold fields. Heaps of a empty rocks and creaking cranes, here and there a smoking fires.
The people was not much. They by families, till some person was pottered about fires and butars (equipment for cleaning of a gold), were washing empty rocks. Gold fields was produced. But the people did not lose hope, something to wash and to exchange for a flour at chineses, which else delivered to here of products. This hope was engendered and at the mother with the stepfather.
On gold fields the free housing accomodation was not. For kilometer from gold fields in raspadok at a spring they have found chinese fanza (hut) with stubs inside and in an angle with large smoked boiler. There iron stove in the middle. Near a wall the plank bed. Near the window, a covered by canvas with small glass , was a little table that was hammered of logs. On the parties from it same bench. The floor was not, ground with the faded herb and stubs.
The mother with the stepfather on dawn were gone on gold fields, left the girl one in fanza. And around not a soul. The wood and silence, which sometimes was infringed by birds. The girl nestled to cold stove.
Sat in one print cotton dirty gown and with interest observed for grey mice, coming from under stubs. She was afraid to move and, all sat before arrival of the mother with the stepfather.
They had a little flour, but it soon was terminated. And the gold was not. Brought one tears. There was only freezen cabbage, and that has sufficed not for a long time. Till three days at the girl nothing was in a mouth. Her head was whirled and at night she shouted: «Lipioshky, Lipioshky! »
It was necessary to leave from here to not die with famine. They have left on adjacent gold fields. There they managed to be arranged in artel. It became slightly easier. The artel has attacked on not so produced shurf (mine) and was somehow fed.
The spring came nearer, and it is less and less gold extracted by artel and with first warm days of spring the artel became to disperse somewhere.