| Lou: | Every time I come watch the Morris dancing, you know, every time I'd ask you about the team, you would never tell me. |
| Bud: | Yes I did... |
| Lou: | No you didn't! |
| Bud: | Yes I did! |
| Lou: | Now, you gotta tell me about the team, so that when I see 'em perform, I'll know who they are. |
| Bud: | Well, I told you before, they all have strange names... |
| Lou: | Well, you tell me their names. |
| Bud: | Well, all right, let's see for officers, there's: Who's the Fore', What's the Squire, I Don't Know's the Shepherd... |
| Lou: | (Cutting him off) That's the same thing you gave me before, I'm still trying to find out! |
| Bud: | It's the same names! |
| Lou: | (Sigh) All right, now who's the Fore'? |
| Bud: | Yes. |
| Lou: | Well, go ahead and tell me. |
| Bud: | Who. |
| Lou: | The dancer who's Fore'. |
| Bud: | Who! |
| Lou: | The fellow who's Foreman! |
| Bud: | Who's the Foreman! |
| Lou: | Why do you keep asking me? |
| Bud: | I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. |
| Lou: | Well I'm asking you; who's the Fore'? |
| Bud: | That's right. |
| Lou: | So, go ahead and tell me. |
| Bud: | Who. |
| Lou: | The dancer who's Foreman. |
| Bud: | Who. |
| Lou: | The Foreman. |
| Bud: | That's the man's name. |
| Lou: | (sigh) It's the same as always, only worse. |
| Bud: | Aw no, we got a contract with him now. |
| Lou: | You got a contract with who? |
| Bud: | Yeah, absolutely. |
| Lou: | So who signed the contract? |
| Bud: | Well, certainly. It'd be no good unless he signed it! |
| Lou: | Unless who signed it? |
| Bud: | Yes. |
| Lou: | Now look, somebody's gotta sign the contract, now who signed it!? |
| Bud: | That's right. |
| Lou: | (Sigh) All I'm trying to find out is: what's the dancer's name who's Fore'? |
| Bud: | Oh, no, wait a minute, What's the dancer's name who's Squire. |
| Lou: | I'm not asking you who's Squire. |
| Bud: | Who's the Fore'. |
| Lou: | One dancer at a time! |
| Bud: | Well, stop trying to change them around. |
| Lou: | I'm not trying to change anyone around. I'm only asking you what's the dancer's name who's Fore'? |
| Bud: | But I'm telling you, What's the dancer's name who's Squire. |
| Lou: | I'm not asking you who's Squire. |
| Bud: | Who's the Fore'. |
| Lou: | I don't know. |
| Bud: | She's the Shepherd, now we're not talking about her. |
| Lou: | How'd I get to the Shepherd? |
| Bud: | You mentioned her name. |
| Lou: | If I mentioned the Shepherd's name, who did I say was the Shepherd? |
| Bud: | No, Who's the Fore'. |
| Lou: | Stay away from the Foreman, will ya!? Now, what's the dancer's name who's the Shepherd? |
| Bud: | What's the Squire. |
| Lou: | Who's the Squire. |
| Bud: | Who's the Fore'. |
| Lou: | I don't know. |
| Bud: | She's the Shepherd. |
| Lou: | (Throws his hand in the air) There I go, back at the Shepherd. |
| Bud: | Well, I can't change their names. |
| Lou: | Now look; let's you and I talk about the Shepherd, see, and no one else! |
| Bud: | All right. What is it you wanted to know? |
| Lou: | Who's the Shepherd? |
| Bud: | (Pause) Why do you insist on making Who the Shepherd? |
| Lou: | Who am I making the Shepherd? |
| Bud: | Yes, but we don't want her there. |
| Lou: | You don't want who there? |
| Bud: | No. |
| Lou: | So, what's the dancer's name that belongs there? |
| Bud: | No, What's the Squire. |
| Lou: | I'm not asking you who's the Squire? |
| Bud: | Who's the Fore'. |
| Lou: | I don't know. |
| Lou/Bud: | (Together) The Shepherd! |
| Lou: | (Pause/sigh) Have you got any characters? |
| Bud: | Well, certainly. |
| Lou: | And the Fool's name? |
| Bud: | Why. |
| Lou: | Oh, I don't know, I just thought I'd ask you. |
| Bud: | Well, I'd just thought I'd tell you. |
| Lou: | So go ahead and tell me, who's the Fool. |
| Bud: | Who's the Fore'! |
| Lou: | Stay away from the officers, will ya? I wanna know what's the Fool's name? |
| (The following should be said very fast, speeding up until Lou almost beats Bud to the "The Shepherd" line). | |
| Bud: | No, What's the Squire. |
| Lou: | I'm not asking you who's the Squire? |
| Bud: | Who's the Fore'. |
| Lou: | I don't know. |
| Bud/Lou: | (Together) The Shepherd. |
| Lou: | (Angry now) And the Fool's name? |
| Bud: | Why! |
| Lou: | Because! |
| Bud: | No, he's the Betty! Come on, you know these dancers as well as I do. |
| Lou: | (Sigh, Pause) Have you got any musicians on the team? |
| Bud: | Wouldn't this be a fine team without musicians. |
| Lou: | And the box player's name? |
| Bud: | Tomorrow. |
| Lou: | You don't want to tell me today? |
| Bud: | I'm tellin' you man. |
| Lou: | Go ahead. |
| Bud: | Tomorrow. |
| Lou: | What time? |
| Bud: | What time, what? |
| Lou: | What time tomorrow are you going to tell me who's playing box. |
| Bud: | (Finally angry in return) Now listen, Who in not playing box. Who's the... |
| Lou: | (Cutting him off) I'll break your arm you say "who's the Fore'"! |
| Bud: | (Backing off) All right, all right, have it your own way. |
| Lou: | Look, all I wanna know what's the box player's name? |
| Bud: | What's the Squire. |
| Lou: | (Interrupting) I don't know. |
| Bud/Lou: | (Together) The Shepherd. |
| Lou: | Have you got a drummer? |
| Bud: | Sure. |
| Lou: | And the drummer's name? |
| Bud: | Today. |
| Lou: | Today. |
| Bud: | That's right. |
| Lou: | And Tomorrow's playin' box. |
| Bud: | (Happy) Now you've got it. |
| Lou: | (Doing a slow boil) Now I've got it? All we got is a couple of days on the team. A couple of days... |
| Bud: | (Cutting him off before he blows) Hey, don't get excited. |
| Lou: | (Finally blowing) Who's getting excited!!! |
| Bud: | Take it easy there. |
| Lou: | (Puffing to calm down - long pause) I'm a pretty good drummer myself, you know. |
| Bud: | So they tell me. |
| Lou: | So I'm drumming, see, and Tomorrow's playing box, and the 'Fore is teaching a new dance. Now, me being a good drummer and all I want to make sure the set's the way the 'Fore wants it. So, I check with who? |
| Bud: | Now that's the first thing you've said right. |
| Lou: | I don't even know what I'm talking about. |
| Bud: | Well, that's all you have to do. |
| Lou: | I check to make sure the set's ready. |
| Bud: | Yes. |
| Lou: | Then who do I check with? |
| Bud: | Naturally. |
| Lou: | (Slowly, growing out of a sense that he has finally got something nailed down) If I check whether the set's ready, somebody's gotta be responsible. Now, who's responsible? |
| Bud: | Naturally. |
| Lou: | Who is? |
| Bud: | Naturally. |
| Lou: | Naturally. |
| Bud: | Naturally. |
| Lou: | Naturally. |
| Bud: | There, that's all there is to it. |
| Lou: | (Thinking he finally understands) So, I check with Naturally. |
| Bud: | No you don't! You check with the Foreman. |
| Lou: | And that's who? |
| Bud: | Naturally. |
| Lou: | That's what I'm saying! |
| Bud: | I'm not saying that. |
| Lou: | When I check that the set's ready, I check with who? |
| Bud: | Naturally. |
| Lou: | Now you ask me. |
| Bud: | All right. You check that the set's ready, then who lets you know? |
| Lou: | Naturally. |
| Bud: | Stop saying that! |
| Lou: | Same as you!!! |
| Bud: | No, no, no, no, you see... |
| Lou: | (Cutting him off) When I check that the set's ready, who lets me know? |
| Bud: | Naturally. |
| Lou: | He better let me know. |
| Bud: | All right. |
| Lou: | Another dance is being taught. This is a six person dance using Because. Why, I Don't Know, she's the Shepherd, and I don't give a darn. |
| Bud: | What's that? |
| Lou: | I said "I don't give a darn". |
| Bud: | Oh, that's our Hobby. |
| Lou: | (Moan) |