Rockapella at the Birchmere

Once again Rockapella is at the Birchmere; this would be my third concert there, making a total of eight altogether. Mom, Dad, Gordon, and I left home early as we were trying a different route to Alexandria. We had planned to get there at six p.m. and were only a little later than that, but still there was a crowd. (Geez, how early do we have to get there?) We found a table all the way over on the right side of the stage, so we saw a lot of profiles. Really the Birchmere is so small and cozy that there aren’t any “bad” seats, but ours weren’t the best. However, we were next to the stage door so we got to see the guys as they came out.

Since this was a holiday show they opened with a Christmas song. Kevin came out alone singing the opening strains of I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day. After the second line first Scott then Elliott joined him, and then Barry and Jeff came out on the third verse. This is a lovely carol, and especially appropriate for the current situation: “But in despair I bowed my head. ‘There is no peace on Earth,’ I said, ‘for hate is strong and mocks the song of peace on Earth, good will to men.’ Then peeled the bells, more loud and deep, ‘God is not dead, nor doth he sleep. The wrong shall fail, the right prevail with peace on Earth, good will to men.’"

From this charming song they went straight into Moments of You, after Scott declared, “Tonight is mouths only!” Ah, but his mouth wasn’t just engaged in singing. Halfway through the song he rode his mic stand like a hobbyhorse to the edge of the stage and snagged a French fry from a passing tray. Then he ate it, all the while singing lead.

Following this came Barry’s introduction of the band. “Our highest, most stratospheric tenor, and the only man on the planet who can sing and eat a French fry at the same time, Mr. Scott Leonard.”

Scott came forward and made to sing his high note, but a belch came out instead. He immediately retreated to the back of the stage looking chagrined while Barry apologized to the audience.

Moving on, “Our curly-haired, angel-voiced, babe magnet second tenor, Mr. Kevin Wright.”

Kevin came forward and sang, “Oh, it’s far, far, far too cold outside!”

When our applause died down Barry added, “He’s from Florida. Now our festively attired, smooth jazz baritone, Elliott Kerman.”

Elliott came forward and rotated once so we could admire his Christmas red pants and red and black shirt.

“And former runway model,” Barry added. “Our amazing vocal percussionist, Mr. Jeff Thacher.”

Jeff did a drum riff and bowed.

“And I’m Barry, the bass, I hope you had that figured out.” There was some scattered snickering. “Good.”

Barry went on to say that this was to be their final concert of 2001, “after this we go home! And besides not having any instruments we also don’t have a setlist tonight so…I don’t know what we’re doing next.”

Someone did know, however. At Scott’s cue they launched into Silver Bells where he sang, “Even stoplights blink a bright red and green as the shoppers rush home with their French fries.”

Now it was Elliott’s turn. He gave us a touching little holiday message, and then stated, “I feel like I’m talking underwater; I have no idea why. Are we here? Are we breathing?”

“Do you feel this way often?” Barry queried.

“Not till tonight,” Elliott told him.

“When did this start?” Barry pressed.

"About three minutes ago,” Elliott answered with a grin. “Do you have a diagnosis?”

“Not a clue,” Barry shrugged, “I’d need more information.”

“I think there’s been too much information actually,” Elliott laughed.

Too true. So they quickly started the next song, Ain’t No Doubt at All, which is new to their repertoire. It is a lovely smooth jazz number, to which Jeff added some funky drum sounds.

This song was followed by a brief, hushed discussion then Kevin started Dancin’ in the Streets. Next was Sixteen Tons, which Barry justified for a holiday set because “it’s about being in debt”. (“I owe my soul to the credit card store.”) And this was followed by Use Me, my favourite kinky cover.

Kevin delivered his own holiday message, saying how lucky he is to be able to sing and make people happy by it. Then he delivered a personal message “to my good friend Santa. I’ve been a good boy, though I have been naughty some and I apologize for that. But I’ve been pretty good and I’d like some gifts, they’re on my list…”

“What are they?” Elliott asked.

“Well,” Kevin said hesitantly, “one of those jeeps with a twelve volt battery that says Barbie on the side.”

We had to laugh; obviously he was speaking for his daughter. He then turned around and asked the others what they wanted. Elliott wanted chapstick, Scott wanted a polyester pantsuit, Barry didn’t know, and Jeff countered with, “Let’s talk about the naughty bits.” When pressed, though, he said he wanted more cereal, specifically peanut butter Cap’n Crunch with whole wheat Total to counteract the sugar calories.

After that whole ridiculous intro they sang Where Would We Be, a kind of sappy song that didn’t seem to tie in at all. But they followed it up with Santa Claus is Coming to Town. And they brought Love Potion #9 out of the mothballs, to my delight.

After that there was a pause as Scott, Elliott, and Kevin talked quietly about what to do next.

“We don’t have a setlist,” Barry reminded us, “so there are these discussions...”

“It’s our final show of the year!” Jeff pointed out. “We want it to be dramatic! And exciting!”

“Do it, Rockapella!” someone yelled from the back of the room.

“Perhaps later we’ll do it,” Jeff told him.

“Do you take requests?” someone else asked.

“Perhaps later…” Jeff said again then observed, “This is Elliott’s show now.”

And indeed Elliott had taken center stage. “This is Rockapella’s greatest hit,” he said with a grin.

“Oh, you wanna sing that?” Scott groaned before they launched into their Folgers jingle, which was met with cheers and laughter.

Of course, after that they had to do the holiday commercial as well, and when they were done Elliott commented, “I bet half of you are thinking ‘Now we know who those guys are.’” Then he talked about how Folgers had helped him build confidence to talk to girls. “And now I just get myself into trouble all the time,” he concluded.

This was intended as a cue, but the others missed it. “I’ve just confused my band-mates again,” Elliott laughed, “but it’s enjoyable I think.” The song he had been leading up to was Don’t Do It.

Next was Long, Cool Woman in a Black Dress, a perennial favourite. Between the first second verses Scott was shimmying almost frenetically when he stopped and suddenly grabbed his hip in obvious distress. When the song was over he made a great show of sitting painfully on a stool.

“I know what you’re getting for Christmas now,” Kevin said gleefully, “a riding crop!” And he made a whipping sound.

“I’d just like a butt cushion,” Scott said in the most pitiful voice imaginable.

Kevin told Scott he’d get him some of those leather pants that “horse people” wear. Not chaps, he said, but the kind that go out at the hips.

“Jodphurs,” Barry told him.

Thence followed a discussion on the correct pronunciation. Barry was convinced that he was right, but a “horse person” in the audience declared that it is actually jodhpurs.

“Thank you, sir, for that,” Kevin exclaimed, “cos we would have been beaten up!”

This somehow led into Pretty Woman and Kevin came down into the audience to schmooze. He moved to the back and someone apparently tried to get him to pick his lady friend because Kevin suddenly said, “’She’s perfect’? For what? I’m just saying hi to everyone.” And he moved on.

He ended up picking a lady named Karen. (Oddly enough, the first time I saw them at the Birchmere the Pretty Woman had also been a Karen.) He brought her up onstage and began making small talk. He learned that her coming to the concert was a Christmas gift from her boyfriend.

“Your boyfriend?” Kevin exclaimed anxiously. “Uh oh! Is he big?” He then amended this question to, “Is he bigger than Barry?” Karen shook her head no and he asked with a grin, “Is he bigger than Scott?”

The small talk continued and Karen revealed that she is a teacher of eleventh and twelfth grade. Kevin marveled at this, saying that he didn’t think she looked that old. He even sang that to her when they began the song, to which he wanted her to reply, “Detention!” But she wouldn’t so he did it himself.

Karen seemed to enjoy her time onstage and she certainly did some smooth dance moves with Scott. After she left the stage he commented, “If I had a teacher like that in high school I’d still be in high school.”

Next they sang Hold Out for Christmas, a sentimental tune about being away from home at Christmas time. Since one verse talked about Christmas in Japan, Scott told us that the Japanese culture think of Christmas as a romantic holiday while New Year’s is the family together time. “That’s just the way it is,” he told us, “like it or not. And I’ll tell you something else the way it is…”

This ran rather unexpectedly into the Tinkerbell schtick. Scott made his usual complaint about being thought of as the girlie man of Rockapella. He went on from that, saying that at Christmas time he looked forward to at least being the elf of the group. But no, someone else, the one who usually dominates the stage with his masculinity wants to be the elf. “And I don’t like it,” Scott said, turning back to face Barry. “Please let me be the elf. Stop it with your toothy grin and your flit and flutter ways and let me be the Sandy Duncan of Rockapella.”

“Go ahead,” Barry offered.

“Really?” Scott seemed nonplussed. “I don’t know what I would do as Sandy Duncan, it would involve a glass eye.”

There were several groans from the audience and Scott quickly tried to save face (“Sandy and I go way back!”) before subsiding and turning the floor over to Barry.

He stood there musing for a moment then declared, “I’ve had an epiphany. This is a simple misunderstanding: I’m not elfin; I’m an elephant! But if it helps you can think of me as an elf with a pituitary problem.”

He then went into his own gripe, which had nothing to do with elves or Sandy Duncan. Rather he complained that while Scott, Elliott, and Kevin all get to sing songs about love, he ends up singing about manual labour. (Of course, there’s also Jeff, who doesn’t sing at all for the most part.)

This was the intro for Barry’s new solo, Big Bad John. I had a little trouble making out the lyrics since we were sitting to the side of the speakers, but I got the basic gist. Big bad John was a very large miner “six foot six, broad at the shoulders, narrow at the hips” who was present when a mining shaft collapsed (or something like that), trapping him and several others. The other men despaired of rescue, but “big John gave a mighty shove, and a miner yelled, ‘there’s a light above!’” And then everyone got out except the man who was holding everything up; presumably he was crushed when it all collapsed again. Touching piece, isn’t it? Barry delivered it with his usual degree of testosterone.

Scott immediately followed this song with the cry, “There’s one more thing you’ve got to do, you know what it is!”

“Do it, Rockapella!” we screamed in reply, and they did it. The guys left the stage for Jeff’s drum solo. When they came back Scott was munching on something. Grabbed some more French fries backstage I guess.

At the end of the song they left the stage again. We were soon on our feet, cheering, clapping, whistling, until they returned and sang White Christmas off-mic. Unfortunately it was only arranged for four parts so Jeff was sitting out. Pity, he has such a lovely voice.

As the applause died down someone shouted for Grinch, to which Kevin replied, “Detention!”

Next they sang Winter Wonderland, and after that a new one (or new to me anyway) called Dance with Me. It was here that the guys displayed all their best dance moves, even Barry.

There were more shouts for Grinch and finally the guys relented and sang it. This seemed only fair since they’ve once again deleted Zombie from their repertoire. But this gave Barry three solos in one show. I hope his ego can take it. ;~)

Following this they sang a lovely arrangement of the Star-Spangled Banner. Then they closed the show with Keep on Smilin’. Wow! That was something like ninety minutes of singing with no break.

Jeff was the first I talked to. He signed my coverslip then posed for a picture.

“My eyes! My eyes!” he cried as Dad readied the camera. “Please step back further.” (He is rather prone to redeye.)

As it was he had a while to wait for the flash because Dad couldn’t find the viewfinder at first. I have a new camera and this was his first time using it. He insisted that it wasn’t on because all he could see was black. We eventually discovered that you have to tilt the camera at a certain angle to see through the viewfinder. But while I was fiddling with it I thought to turn on the redeye reduction feature, which should have pleased Jeff.

Next I spoke to Kevin. He was charming as always and asked me if I was still writing. So I told him that I have taken up a writing course, something that consumes a lot of my time. He was very kind and encouraging, saying that I obviously have a lot of talent. I can’t tell you what a warm fuzzy it is to get a compliment like that from someone you admire.

Elliott was next. After my chat with Kevin I was beginning to loosen up a little. Elliott noticed that I was wearing a devil baby tattoo on my chest. Because my blouse had shifted a little you could only see his head peeking out, but Elliott seemed to like it that way.

Then I spoke to Barry. Each of the guys so far had signed over the gingerbread man that looked most like himself. Barry signed the one that had a bite taken out. “I guess it’s because I’m half-assed,” he commented. Oh dear!

After Dad took a picture I told Barry that I would be seeing them again in March when they come to Atlanta. I explained that my friend Alice and I are both big fans and we wanted to see them together.

“That’s Alice from France,” I added.

“Oh, I remember her!” Barry nodded. “Tell her bonjour for me.”

I promised to do so and we parted.

Now I just had to get Scott. He hurried by me and I caught at his arm. “Could I talk to you for just a minute?” I pleaded.

“In a moment,” he promised, and I saw that the guys were getting a group picture taken with Karen, the Pretty Woman of the evening. Her boyfriend took the picture and just for the record he is not bigger than Barry and he’s hardly bigger than Scott.

That done Scott turned his attention back to me. He signed my coverslip and posed for a picture. I told him that I’d been averaging about once a year seeing them, and then told him about my planned trip in March. He didn’t remember Alice by name, but he is better with faces after all. I told him I’d see him in March then I let him go to his dinner.

Once again the guys did a great show, but I loved this one all the more because of the spontaneous feel from not having a setlist. I hope they will do more shows like that. They’re even more fun than the ones that are all planned out.

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