The 6th Story

#1
A nun who ran the local orphanage called in three girls who had just turned 18, and were therefore about to be unleashed on the world as adults. "You are women now," she began, "So I must warn you about the ways of the men of the world. They will take you out dining and drinking, take you back to their abodes, take off all of your clothes, have sloppy sex with you, and then give you some money and send you away."
One of the girls looked back at her wide-eyed and needed to confirm part of what she had just heard. "You mean men of the world will have sex with us and pay us with cash?"
"Yes, my child. I am afraid it is true."
"Well, Alright! All the cheap-assed priests ever paid us with was candy!"

#2
A middle-aged man decided to murder his wife. So he went to his doctor, who was also his personal friend, and asked him what kind of poison to use on her. The doc told him that, unfortunately, there was no poison that couldn't be detected in an autopsy.
"Shit! What am I going to do then?" he worried.
"Well, I have an better plan. One that I call the 'organic' approach. What you do is fuck your wife five times a day, every day. It will really tell on her. Eventually, you will have fucked her literally to death."
This plan appealed to the man for several reasons, so he agreed to implement it.
Five weeks passed, and the doctor hadn't heard a word from his friend. Curious about his fiendish plot, he went to the friend's house to check on its success. There in a rocking chair on the front porch sat a wizened old coot who was wrinkled, stooped, gray, balding, dehydrated, and his teeth were all falling out. The doctor was shocked when, upon closer examination, he realized that this old wreck was really his friend/patient.
While the stunned look was still on the doctor's face, the wife walked out the front door and smiled at him in leaving the house.
"My God! She looks flush, radiant, and vibrant!"
"Yep," wheezed the husband, "she doesn't even realize she's about to die!"

#3
On the morning after their wedding night, the groom called down to their hotel's room service to order breakfast. For himself he ordered one pound of bacon, twelve fried eggs, and two gallons of orange juice to restore his fluids. For his wife her ordered a plain head of lettuce. The clerk was surprised by the latter and said, "Won't your wife be wanting anything else?"
"Not at this point," he replied, "I'm conducting an experiment to see if she eats like a rabbit, too."

#4
A man was selling strawberries door-to-door. He knocked on the front door of a house, and a beautiful young lady answered the door. He asked if she wanted any of his strawberries. "Yes, I think we can work something out," she said, "Come around to the back door."
When he got to the back door she was now standing there totally naked and looking seductive. Immediately the man began sobbing loudly.
"What's the matter?" she asked.
"A month ago, I got fired from my steady job. A week ago my wife left me. Yesterday my house burned down. And now, today I am going to get fucked out of my strawberries!"

#5
A Polish girl's visa ran out in New York City at the same time as her money. She was desperate to get back to Poland, and utterly penniless. It was in this condition that she was confronted by a man in sailor's garb at the dock one day. After confiding in him, he proposed a solution to her problem. "I will smuggle you aboard my ship tonight and hide you. Twice a day I will bring you food to keep you alive during our passage. All you have to do in return is give me a blowjob each time I bring the food. You won't have to spend any money whatsoever."
She agreed. And, true to his word, the sailor brought her a meal twice daily to her dark, quiet hiding place. She fulfilled her part of the bargain each visit.
After three weeks, though, the captain noticed his sailor's odd routine, and followed him to the girl's hiding spot, where he watch the exchange of food and semen. After the sailor left, he confronted the stowaway, and she confessed everything to him.
"Well, my dear," he smiled, "that was damn decent of my crewman to take you under his wing, but I am afraid you are being taken advantage of by him. You see, this is the Staten Island ferry."

#6
Three sisters got married on the same day. All three couples decided to spend their first wedded night at the home of the sisters' mother before splitting up and going their separate ways along life's path.
The girls' mother decided to stay up all night and be available just in case her daughters needed any critical last-minute advice. None of the girls came to her mother during the night, but she did overhear what noises came from their respective bedrooms.
What amazed the woman the most was that, although she had trained all three of her daughters identically, the sound coming from the respective bedrooms was different in each case...laughing from one, crying from one, and total silence from the third.
Overpowered by natural feminine curiousity, the lady interviewed her daughters the next day. One girl explained, "You heard me crying. You always taught us to cry when something hurt."
"You heard me laughing," said the second daughter. "You always taught us to laugh when something tickled."
"You didn't hear anything from me," added the third daughter. "You always taught us not to talk when we had a mouth full."

#7
A middle-aged guy who was stark bald bought a hairpiece to see if he could increase his attractiveness. That same night, he decided to try it out. He picked up a really cute young lady at a bar and took her to his apartment.
He turned off all the lights to get things started, and soon they were in to heavy petting. Lothario realized with horror that his wig had fallen off, and began groping frantically for it in the darkness, hoping to put it back on his head before the girl discovered his deception. In his searching zeal he inadvertently ran his hand up between his date's legs.
"Oh! That's it!" she exclaimed.
"No it isn't! I part mine on the side."

#8
An obviously wealthy businessman from out of town stopped in to the local whorehouse and asked for the rottenest lay in the place. The madam was amazed, and said, "Sir, you obviously could afford a highly skillful centerfold, you don't need some rank amateur."
"No, no, you misunderstand," he answered. "I'm not horney, I'm just homesick."

#9

A guy decided to hit on a beautiful babe at a party and asked her if she would like a drink.
"I don't drink," she answered.
"Oh. Well, how about if you come to my place and give me a blowjob?"
"I don't have sex," she said.
"Well, then, can I give you a bale of hay?"
"Hay! What the hell for, I don't eat hay!"
"I was just confirming I was right," said the guy, "You're not fit company for man or beast."

#10
A salesman at a convention picked up a classy looking girl at the hotel bar and took her back to his room. After long, passionate, wet, sloppy lovemaking, his mood suddenly changed from joyous to morose.
"I can't believe I did that," he lamented. "I have a beautiful wife, a wonderful family, and a picturesque home. I have never betrayed them before. I feel so terrible, so guilty."
"Oh, buck up," the girl replied. "What you did wasn't so bad. People do much worse things all the time. I, for instance, before we started knew I had herpes."

#11
A carpenter had been hired to add a new partition in a whorehouse. After he completed his job, he naturally went to the madam and asked her for $100 in payment.
"I'm sorry, pal," she said. "But I can't pay you in cash. However, I can let you take it out in trade."
The carpenter scowled in disappointment, but nodded his head. The madam promptly took off all of her clothes and spreadeagled on the bed for him. He leaned over her and stuck his thumb in her asshole and next two fingers in her vagina.
"Now pay me the $100, or I'll pull out the partition."

#12
The mother of a girl out on a date stayed up late waiting for her to return. When she finally came in the door, the mother noticed that her daughter was covered with rice. "Susie! I didn't know it was a wedding that you were going to!"
"It wasn't, Mom. I was blowing a Chinese guy and he barfed up all over me."

#13
A whore walked up to the bar, put her just-earned $20 down, and ordered a whiskey. The bartender looked at the $20 bill and said, "I'm sorry, but that's counterfeit. You've been fucked."
"Like hell!" she said. "I've been raped!"