"WOMEN SEEKING MEN" Classifieds

If you're looking for a lady using the Classified Ads, here's a dictionary: 

CODE WORD (MEANS)
a. ADVENTURER -- (Has had more partners than you ever will)
b. AFFECTIONATE -- (Possessive)
c. ARTIST -- (Unreliable)
d. ATHLETIC -- (Flat-chested)
e. AVERAGE-LOOKING -- (Ugly)
f. BEAUTIFUL -- (Pathological liar)
g. COMMITMENT-MINDED -- (Pick out curtains, now!)
h. COMMUNICATION IMPORTANT -- (Just try to get a word in edgewise)
i. CONTAGIOUS SMILE -- (Bring your penicillin)
j. EDUCATED -- (College dropout)
k. EMOTIONALLY SECURE -- (Medicated)
l. EMPLOYED -- (Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at home)
m. ENJOYS ART AND OPERA -- (Snob)
n. ENJOYS NATURE -- (Bring your own granola)
o. EXOTIC BEAUTY -- (Would frighten a Martian)
p. FREE SPIRIT -- (Substance user)
q. FRIENDSHIP FIRST -- (Trying to live down reputation as slut)
r. FUN -- (Annoying)
s. GENTLE -- (Comatose)
t. GOOD LISTENER -- (Borderline Autistic)
u. HUMOROUS -- (Caustic)
v. INTUITIVE -- (Your opinion doesn't count)
w. IN TRANSITION -- (Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills)
x. LIGHT DRINKER -- (Lush)
y. LOOKS YOUNGER -- (If viewed from far away in bad light)
z. LOVES TRAVEL -- (If you're paying)
aa. LOVES ANIMALS -- (Cat lady)
ab. MATURE -- (Will not let you treat her like a farm animal in bed, like last boyfriend did)
ac. NEW-AGE -- (All body hair, all the time)
ad. NON-TRADITIONAL -- (Ex-husband lives in the basement)
ae. OLD-FASHIONED -- (Lights out, missionary position only)
af. OPEN-MINDED -- (Desperate)
ag. OUTGOING -- (Loud)
ah. PASSIONATE -- (Loud)
ai. PETITE -- (Wouldn't stand out in a pack of Munchkins)
aj. POET -- (Depressive Schizophrenic)
ak. PROFESSIONAL -- (Bitch)
al. REDHEAD -- (Shops on the Clairol aisle)
am. RELIABLE -- (Frumpy)
an. REUBENESQUE -- (Grossly Fat)
ao. ROMANTIC -- (Looks better by candlelight)
ap. SELF-EMPLOYED -- (Jobless)
aq. SMART -- (Insipid)
ar. SPECIAL -- (Rode the short schoolbus)
as. SPIRITUAL -- (Involved with a cult)
at. STABLE -- (Boring)
au. TALL, THIN -- (Anorexic)
av. TAN -- (Wrinkled)
aw. WANTS SOULMATE -- (One step away from stalking)
ax. WIDOW -- (Nagged first husband to death)
ay. WRITER -- (Pompous)
az. YOUNG AT HEART -- (Toothless crone)



                           "MEN SEEKING WOMEN" Classifieds

CODE WORD (MEANS)
a. 40-ISH -- (52 in search of 23 year-old)
b. AFFECTIONATE -- (Needy and looking for a mother-figure)
c. ARTIST -- (Fragile ego badly in need of massage)
d. ATHLETIC -- (Sits on the couch and watches ESPN)
e. AVERAGE LOOKING -- (Unusual hair growth in ears, nose, and on back)
f. DISTINGUISHED-LOOKING -- (Fat, grey, and bald)
g. EDUCATED -- (Will always treat you like an idiot)
h. EMPLOYED -- (On management track at Radio Shack)
i. FINANCIALLY SECURE -- (I will spend some money on you if I must, for I will expect you to obey
my every whim for the duration of your mortal life-in return.)
j. FREE SPIRIT -- (Will sleep with your sister)
k. FRIENDSHIP FIRST -- (As long as friendship involves nudity)
l. FUN -- (Quick with the remote and a six pack)
m. GOOD LOOKING -- (Arrogant dickhead)
n. HONEST -- (Pathological Liar)
o. HUGGABLE -- (Overweight, more body hair than Gentle Ben)
p. ISO SLIM, ATTRACTIVE FEMALE -- (Would be better off with a Labrador retriever)
q. LIGHT DRINKER -- (I attend AA every week)
r. LIKES TO CUDDLE -- (Insecure, overly dependent)
s. LIKES ROMANTIC WALKS ON THE BEACH -- (I read Cosmo once and now this is what to say if I
wanna get laid.)
t. MATURE -- (Until you get to know him)
u. OPEN-MINDED-- (Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested)
v. PHYSICALLY FIT -- (I spend a lot of time in front of mirrors admiring myself)
w. POET -- (Will write a poem on the bathroom wall while constipated)
x. PROFESSIONAL -- (Owns a tie that mom picked out)
y. RELIABLE -- (Punctual.. give or take a couple of hours)
z. SELF-EMPLOYED -- (Same as for women, plus eat nachos all weekend)
aa. SENSITIVE -- (Needy)
ab. SMART -- (Thinks "Men Behaving Badly" is "the wittiest show ever!")
ac. SPIRITUAL -- (Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter)
ad. STABLE -- (Occasional stalker, but never convicted)
ae. THOUGHTFUL-- (Will say "Please" when demanding a beer)
af. VIRILE -- (Can read three Penthouse Forums without passing out) ]
ag. YOUNG AT HEART -- (Pedophile)