1.Joe decides to take his boss Phil to play 9 holes on theirlunch. While both men are playing excellent they are often held up by two women in front of them moving at a very slow pace. Joe offers to talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit. He gets about 3/4ths of the way stops and jogs back. His boss asks what the problem is. Joe said "well one of those women is my wife and the other my mistress. Phil just shook his head at Joe and started towards the women determined to finish his round of golf. Preparing to ask the ladies to hurry their game he too stopped short and turned around. Joe asked "what's wrong?" It's a small, small world Joe, and you're fired"
2. Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked. "Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee." "Oh, that's awful!" said the wife. "You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry."
3. Harry sliced his tee shot way off into a field beside the golf course. Finally he finds the ball nestled in amongst some buttercups. On his back swing he hears a voice, "Please don't hurt my buttercups." He stops his swing, looks around, sees no one, and prepares to hit again. "Please don't hurt my buttercups." He stops again, looks up and sees a beautiful woman approaching. "I am mother nature," she says. "If you promise not to harm my buttercups, I can guarantee you an abundant supply of butter for the rest of your life." Harry thinks about this and says, "Where you last week when I hit my ball into the pussywillows?"
4. These four gents go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee. "My son," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift." The second man, not to be outdone, allows how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "He's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift." The third man's son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage. And in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift. As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, another tells him that they have been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in. "To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son has turned out," he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered that he's homosexual. But, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."
Here are some interesting concepts about golf: In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf. The man who takes up golf to get his mind off his work soon takes up work to get his mind off golf. Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players! Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly -- or start cheating. An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice - once before swinging, and once again, after swinging. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize or laugh. Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with disappointments. There's no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies. Golf got its name because all of the other four letter words were taken.
Barely 20 minutes after teeing off, a woman came into the clubhouse, grimacing in pain. "What happened?" the club pro asked. "I got stung by a bee," she replied. "Where?" "Between the first and second holes." "Hmmm." the pro murmured. "Sounds like your stance was a little too wide."