The 9th Floor: Yet Another Story


The Frog


A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me
back into a beautiful Princess, I will stay with you for one
week."
The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and 
returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a 
Princess, I'll stay with you and do *Anything* you want." Again
the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.

Finally the frog asked, "What is it? I've told you I'm a
beautiful Princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do 
*Anything* you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The boy said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time 
for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool."


The Maid

A guy dials his home phone number from work. A strange woman
answers. The guy says, "Who is this?"

"This is the maid.", answered the woman.

"We don't have a maid!"

"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."

"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"

"Ummm...she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just
figured was her husband."

The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like
to make $50,000?"

"What do I have to do?"

"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that
witch and the jerk she's with."

The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed 
by a couple of gunshots.

The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the 
bodies?"

"Throw them in the swimming pool!"

"What pool?"

"Uh.. is this 832-4821?"

"No!"

*click*


Cock A'doodle Don't

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his
hens.
The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was 
getting on in years. And the farmer figured getting a new rooster
couldn't hurt anything. So he buys a young cock from the local 
rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barn yard.

Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he 
gets a little worried. So, they're trying to replace me, thinks 
the old rooster. I've got to do something about this. He walks up 
to the new bird and says,

"So you're the new stud in town? I bet you really think you're 
hot stuff, don't you? Well I'm not ready for the chopping block
yet. I'll bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I 
challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll 
run around it ten times and whoever finish's first gets to have 
all the hens for himself."

Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely 
thought he was more than a match for the old guy. "You're on," 
said the young rooster.

"And since I know I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start 
of half a lap. I'll still win easy," said the young rooster.

So the two roosters go over to the hen house to start the race 
with all the hens gathering around to watch. The race begins and
all the hens start cheering the roosters on. After the first lap,
the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second 
lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little but he's still 
hanging in there. Unfortunately the old rooster's lead continues 
to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he's just barely 
in front of the young rooster.

By now the farmer has heard all the commotion. He runs into the 
house, gets his shotgun, and runs out to the barn yard figuring
a fox or something is after his chickens. When he gets there, he
sees the two roosters running around the hen house, with the
old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately takes his
shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away.

As he walks away slowly, he says to himself ........

"Damn, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month."


Pulling Out

One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he
could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's father 
said, "Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you 
want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas." Christmas
came around, and Johnny asked again.The father said, "Well, the
mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask me
again some other time." Well, about 2 days later, the boy was
seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a 
suitcase.

The father felt sorry for him, and asked him why he was leaving.
The boy said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I
heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you
should wait because she was coming too, and DAMN if I'll
get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"


In too Far

A young couple is out carousing one evening. While driving down 
the highway the guy says to the girl, "If I go 100 miles an
hour, will you take off your clothes?" She agrees and he begins
to speed up. When the spedometer hits 100 she starts to strip.
When she gets all her clothes off he is so busy staring at her
that he drives off the road and flips the car. The girl is thrown 
clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend are 
trapped in the car. "Go get help.", he pleads. She replies, "I 
can't, I'm naked." He points to his shoe that was thrown clear 
and says "Cover your snatch with that and go get help." She takes 
the shoe, covers herself, and runs to the gas station down the 
road. When she arrives she is frantic and yells to the attendant,
"HELP! HELP! My boyfriend's stuck!" The attendant looks down at 
the shoe covering her crotch and replies, I'm sorry Miss.
He's too far in."


Unmarried Daughter

An elderly woman comes home and finds her daughter in bed with a 
vibrator. She screems at her "What are you doing???" The
daughter says, "Mom, I'm 40 yrs old, I'm not married and I don't 
have a date. Its the nineties, give me a break!!" The mother
shakes her head and leaves. The next day the father walks in on
the daughter and finds the samething.....he screams "What's
going on here???" The daughter explains the same situation to
him....he shakes his head and leaves . That night the mother
comes into the kitchen and finds the father sitting at the table,
a beer in one hand and the vibrator in the other. She says " What
on earth are you doing with that??" The father sits back and 
replies..." Hey, leave me alone, can't a guy have a beer with his
son-in law?"


Are you my daddy?
A woman is all ready to give birth to her first baby. The doctor, 
obstetrician and nurses are all waiting for the birth. The doc
checks for any sign of progress, suddenly he feels something 
moving, pulls back his hand and this little head pops out, sees 
the doc and asks him, "Are you my daddy?" "No, I'm not," The 
doctor replies. The head pops back in. The obstetrician goes over
to check out the situation. The baby pops out his head and asks 
him, "Are you my daddy?" "Nope, I didn't do it." The baby
pops back in. The doctor calls the father: "Sir, the baby seems 
to be reluctant to come out -- he keeps asking for his father.
Would you please come to the delivery room?" So the father is 
standing there and the baby pops his head out again, and seeing
his father the little one asks in an annoyed voice, "Are YOU my
daddy?" Dad kneels down and answers proudly, "Yes, son, I
am your lucky father!" The baby starts tapping his index finger
violently and repeatedly on his father's forehead and asks, "This
is pretty annoying, isn't it?"


Damn it, I missed

A carpenter was fixing the roof of a church, when he struck his 
thumb. "Damn it, I missed!" cries the carpenter. The minister
corrects him, saying, "You shouldn't say such a thing in the 
church." The carpenter continues his work, and soon strikes his
thumb again. "Damn it, I missed!" he yells. The minister again 
corrects the carpenter. The carpenter continues with his work
without further comment. Again the carpenter strikes his thumb, 
and again he yells, "Damn it, I missed!!!!" When the minister
corrects him this time, the carpenter asks, "What's going to 
happpen a bolt of lightening going to strike me dead?" The 
minister says, "As a matter of fact, yes it will !", when all of 
a sudden a bolt of lightening comes through the roof, and strikes 
the minister
dead. A large booming voice is heard saying, "Damn it, I 
missed!!"


HOW DID IT HAPPEN?

"HOW DID IT HAPPEN?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as 
he set the man's broken leg. "Well, doc, 25 years
ago ..." "Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg 
this morning." "Like I was saying...25 years ago, when I first
started working on the farm, that night, right after I'd gone to 
bed, the farmer's beautiful daughter came into my room. She
asked me if there was anything I wanted. I said no, everything is 
fine. "Are you sure?", she asked. "I'm sure, I said. "Isn't there
anything I can do for you?" she wanted to know. "I reckon not" I 
replied ...

"Excuse me," said the doctor, "What does this story have to do 
with your leg?" "Well, this morning," the farmhand explained,
"when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof!


Halloween

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got 
a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the
party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she 
argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to
bed and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not 
going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without 
pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. 
In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she 
thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to
see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting 
around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could
and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife 
up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his
partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that
 had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her 
husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and
she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little 
bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and
went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering
what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of 
a time he had had. He said, "Oh the same old thing. You
know I never have a good time when you're not there." The she
asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I 
got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we
went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell
you... The guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!"