Trombone Jokes

Band Director, Pay the 1 million or the trombone player gets it!
Dear Criminal, What! Thats too much for a trombone player! How about ten bucks? Sincerely,: The Band Director
*Why is it no fun to go to playgrounds with trombone players?: Because they can't slide and they can't swing.
How do you get a mellophone/sousaphone player to play "fff"?: Tell them to play "mp".
Why is a dead snake in the road more tragic than a dead trombonist in the road?: 1. The snake may have been on the way to a recording session.; 2. There are skid marks in front of the snake.
What do you call a guy who knows how to play a trombone and doesn't?: A gentleman.
What did Captain Picard say when he entered a jazz club and saw a trombonist on stage?: "Computer: End program!"
What do 4 trombones sound like at the bottom of the sea?: A good idea!
How do you know if there's a trombonist at your door?: The doorbell drags.
How many trombone players does it take to change a light bulb?: Only one, but he'll spend half an hour trying to figure out what position he needs to be in.
What kind of calendar does a trombonist use for his gigs?: Year-at-a-Glance
What's the difference between a bass trombone and a chain saw?: 1. Vibrato.; 2. It's easier to improvise on a chainsaw.
What do you call a trombonist with a beeper?: An optimist.
What is the dynamic range of a bass trombone?: On or off.
What's the best kind of trombone?: A broken one!
How do you save a trombonist from drowning?: Take your foot off their head.
How many trombonists does it take to change a light bulb?: 5: 1 to change it, and 4 to make ludicrous sexual comments.
How many trombones does it take to screw in a light bulb?: One, but he will do it too loudly.
What's the least used sentence in the English language?: "Look at that trombone player's Cadillac!"
What's the difference between a frog driving a car and a trombonist driving a car?: The frog may be on his way to a gig.
What does the trombonist say when he gets to his gig?: "You want fries with that?"
You are driving down a street and your director and a trombone player are crossing the street in front of you. Which one do you hit first?: 1. Your director. Business before pleasure!; 2. Who cares?!
How can you make a french horn sound like a trombone?: 1. Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste.; 2. Take your hand out of the bell and miss all of the notes!
How do you know when a trombone player is at your door?: The doorbell drags.
What do you call a trombonist with a beeper and a cellular telephone?: A optimist.
What is the diffference between a dead trombone player lying in the road, and a dead squirrel lying in the road?: The squirrel might have been on his way to a gig.
How many trombonists does it take to change a lightbulb?: Just one, but he'll do it too loudly.
How do you know when there's a trombonist at your door?: His hat says "Domino's Pizza"
How do you improve the aerodynamics of a trombonist's car?: Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof.
What kind of calendar does a trombonist use for his gigs?: "Year-At-A-Glance."
How can you tell which kid on a playground is the child of a trombonist?: He doesn't know how to use the slide, and he can't swing.
What is the dynamic range of the bass trombone?: On or off.
It is difficult to trust anyone whose instrument changes shape as he plays it!