12/3 - Noah's Room

"Glory to the newborn king, bitch." -- Noah

12/4 - SU Bookstore, Music office, Cricket's Room, Andrew's Room, elsewhere

Andrew: Do you have any Hanukkah merchandise?
Bookstore girl: You mean Christmas?

Teacher: Ooh, are we celebrating Christmas?
Andrew: Among other things.

"He had Jewish merchandise in his whore . . . store." -- Andrew
"It speaks to me, it says 'blah.'" -- Cricket
"Bink?  That 's what I think when I see this." -- Andrew
"Just because we're both Jewish freshmen who play the violin, work in the music
office, and have names that start with 'A,' that doesn't mean we're the same person!" -- Andrew

This quote has been removed at the request of the quotee.
"My brain is a very warm and welcoming place." -- Matt Eckel
"It probably feels like you're on drugs because YOU'RE ON DRUGS." -- Andrew

"I am amazed, for I'm only a smacktress." -- Beth
Andrew: Everyone knows he's a Jew at heart.
Beth: And a homosexual.

12/5 -- Manisha's room, watching the Little Mermaid

"Come on!  Stop talking to friggin goldfish!" -- Manisha

12/9 - Day 5

"If anybody's Pinky, it's Gerry." -- Andrew

12/11 -- Kimmel Food Court after the Billy Joel Concert

"The moral of this story is, if you'r gonna go out in the rain, wear a rain coat." -- Suzanne
"You could get pneumonia, or a child!" -- Andrew
"Those are freshmen, cause they're walkin'." -- Andrew
"Fresh man walking." -- Sue
Andrew: You may not be Jewish.
Suzanne: But your nose is.
"I like ghost turds!" -- Sue

12/12 - The train to the mall, Boulderdash

"If you get hit by a train, it'll hurt." -- Man on train (to his son)

Suzanne: There's a small wolf gnawing at my breast!
Sue: and your money can help!
"Apple squire, apple squire, dance around with no attire!" -- Suzanne
"No, I ignored it because I didn't want to make her feel any stupider than she already was." -- Andrew, about the bookstore girl

12/13 - Cricket's Room, Rachel & Manisha's Room

"Yes, stereotype, stereotype, la la la." -- Cricket

"It's the French Revolution and nobody like you!" -- Rachel (about Les Miserables)

12/14 - Alyssa and Sarah's Room

"There's nothing funner than post-it notes, good fucking G-d!" -- Alyssa

12/17 - Amtrack

"The spelling was horrendous, I had to leave immediately." -- Nora Ephron (director of "You've Got Mail," on chatrooms)

12/18 - Adam's House, specifically his basement

". . . with the rope, in the basement." -- Kathleen

12/19 - Star Trek: Insurrection

"Oops, forgot my worm, gotta go risk my life for the worm." -- Sue

12/20 - Andrew's House

"If you have any questions, press one, or if you're calling from a rotary phone, hang up, throw it out the window, and buy a real phone." -- Andrew

12/21 - Sue's House

"Decoupage coupage, whatever will be will be." -- Sue

12/22 -- Dermatologist

"If we didn't have insurance, he could have charged us $75 for that visit.  See?  Be a doctor!" -- Reyna Berman (Andrew's mom)

12/23 - Online, Andrew's House, Fridays, Lesson, Michelle's House

"Sara is not a lengthy visitor." -- Andrew
"So if you see a leech, guide it along its way, away from its prey.  Away I say!  They must not stay, they must not play!" -- Kathleen (from a while ago)

"Jews don't stop in Chicago, they fly straight through." -- Reyna Berman

"'Don't tell anyone.'  So of course he immediately told everyone." -- Sara

DEGREES OF GNARK
Nyar -- adjective of disgust
Nyeh -- exclamation of frustration
Gnark -- epitome of unpleasantness

"That mailbox just said 'hi' to me." -- Andrew
"The stop sign sexually harrassed me!" -- Sara
"Come in quick!  I have cats waiting." -- Michelle Fouassier
Michelle: Oh my G-d, I've never seen snow before, mom, that's like, amazing!
Her mom: You're such a bitch.
"Stop signs are more polite around here." -- Gary
"My goat is cold and wet." -- Gary

12/24 -- Plane to Chicago, Plane to Denver

"Welcome to Dallas, oops!  Welcome to Chicago." -- Pilot (that's comforting)

"We hope you have a pleasant evening here in Chicago." -- Stewardess, upon arrival in Denver

12/26 - Copper Mtn, Hotel

"Mom's searching for greener pastures." -- Andrew

"'I like steak, and I'm not a lesbian.'" -- Andrew, speaking for Tracee (his sister)
Female dance commentator: She actually looks Latin.
Male dance commentator: That always helps

12/28 - The Simpsons

"I used to be 'with it,' but then they changed what 'it' was." -- Abe Simpson

12/29 - Copper, the Olive Garden

"I suggest that you pee." -- Tracee Berman (Andrew's sister) to her mom

"'Here come the Bermans, tell them we're out of something.'" -- Reyna Berman
"Someone needs to tell the world that Christmas is OVER." -- Andrew
"The skis don't care!" -- Eric Berman (Andrew's dad), in response to complaints about leaving the skis outside

12/30 - Leaving the hotel at 4AM

"It's just a little windy out.  Oh look, a cow just flew by!" -- Andrew

12/31 - Walt Whitman Mall, Ben's House

"I wish the cold was a living thing so I could kick it." -- Sue
Phil Sandler (Sue's dad): Better get the check.
Sue: I'll tell the waitress it's an emergency.

"I made it with my own bare hands!  There's a piece of bare hand in every one." -- Andrew
Kathleen: Fuck!
Andrew: Shit!
Matt: Dina!
"But then shouldn't she be a chair?" -- Andrew
Andrew: My seventh grade math teacher-
Sara: Was a chair?
"If I can touch him, it's too low." -- Erika
"Water!  Cum!  Whatever, I don't care!" -- Kathleen
"We want Dick, we want Dick, . . . Clark!  Clark!" -- Kathleen
"You're not a window, you're a door!" -- Kathleen
"Ya know, I don't know any of your names, HA HA HA HA." -- Drunk girl
"They've got no food, but they've got vodka!" -- Sara