| Blonde jokes |
| 76. Three blondes were walking through the desert when found a magic genie's lamp at he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you." The first said, "I wish I were smarter". So she became a redhead. The second blonde said "I wish I were smarter than her." She became a brunette. The third blond said "I wish I were smarter than both of them." So she became a man. 77. Confucious say: blonde who fly upside down have crack up. 78. At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out at the same time. A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes off, leaving its owner rather perplexed. About three minutes later, she reappears at the car wash yelling, "who ripped off my car phone!" 79. Last night I went home to my blonde girlfriend, and told her I was going to screw her brains out. Then I realized I was too late. 80. A blonde is suffering froma sore throat so she goes to see the doctor. She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down. He gets out his torch and says "Open wide". "I can't," replies the blonde, "the chair's fitted with arms." 81. A blonde friend of mine was looking for some transportation, so I bought her a Woody. I called her up later and asked how she like it. She told me it was OK, but that it didn't look so good once she had taken it out of the crate. 82. A young blonde woman is asked out on a date and accepts. The boy picks her up and they go to a nearby carnival in town. They ride a few rides, play a few games, and seem to be generally hitting it off well. During a sort of romantic lull, however, the boy says, "What do you want to do now?" "I want a weigh," she says. Well, OK, thinks the boy. They walk over to the fortune scales, and weigh her. They play a few more games and stop for foods. "What do you want to do now?" asks the boy again. "I want a weigh," she says. Hmmm, a little odd but I'll put up with it, thinks the boy. Again they get her weight and fortune. After yet another few games and an exquisite fireworks show, the boy repeats, "What do you want to do now?" "I want a weigh," she says. Damn, thinks the boy, she's just too weird for me. They get her weight and fortune, and the boy drives her home. As she walks into the house, her sister asks, "How'd your date go?" "Wousy," says the girl. 83. An blonde sent a post card home: "Having a wonderful time....Where am I?" 84. Did you hear about the blonde that was so stupid that she played third string at a car wash? 85. How is a blonde like a....... Hairdryer? Turn her on and she starts to blow. Vaccum Cleaner? Turn her on and she starts to suck. Light Switch? Even a six year old can turn her on. 86. Person 1: What's the difference between a blonde and garbage? Person 2: Garbage gets taken out at least once a week. Person 1: Wrong. You tie the garbage up before you take it out. 87. Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license? "Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!" 88. There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was mad enough she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "You bimbo, it's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!" 89. "How come she got expelled from school?" "She was caught cheating." "How?" "She was counting her breasts during a biology exam!" 90. Maggie's first pregnancy had produced triplets. With considerable pride she was telling her blonde friend how this happened once in every 200,000 times. The blonde's eyes widened: "Beats me how you ever found time to do any housework!" 91. A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals (or for Bill Clinton capitols). She proudly said," go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'." 92. A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!" Or: "Good thing that cows don't fly. 93. Great Pick-Up lines to use on Blondes
1) That dress would look awfully nice on the floor next to my bed. 94. Worst Pick-Up lines to use, even on a Blonde
1) I just threw up! 95. A man walks into a bar, with a huge alligator on a leash. He walks over to the bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says "Sorry sir. You can't bring that alligator in here! It's a dangerous animal, and you're scaring all of the patrons! True enough, the man looked around, and noticed that everyone was standing on the tables, looking very nervous. "But wait!" he cried, "this alligator is tame! It wouldn't hurt anyone!". However, the bartender is adamant. "If", the man continues, "I can prove that this alligator is not vicious, can he stay?". "Well, I guess so", says the bartender, "however, you're going to have a devil of a time proving to everyone in here that that alligator is tame!" The man smiles, and leans over the alligator. "Ralph!", he shouts, "Sit up!" With that, he beats the alligator on the head with his fist "BANG BANG BANG". And the alligator rears up on its tail. "Ralph, open your mouth! BANG BANG BANG". And the alligator opened it's huge mouth wide, revealing row upon row of gleaming white teeth. The man pulls out his wang, and lays it in the alligators mouth, as the entire bar crowd gasps. "Ralph! Close your mouth, but DON'T BITE! BANG BANG BANG". As the man pummels the alligator on the head, the giant mouth slowley closes, and stops juuuussttt short of biting the guys dick off. The crowd sighs, and the man says "Ralph, open your mouth! BANG BANG BANG!" and the alligators mouth opens wide again. "There," says the man to the crowd, " now would anyone else like to try this?" A blonde in the back says "Yeah, I'll try, but only if your promise not to hit me on the head so hard". 96. Women prefer the simple things in life...like men. Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women. Every man has it in his power to make one woman happy...by remaining a bachelor. Most men prefer looks to brains, because most men see better than they think. I only wanted to have a child, not marry one. The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then marry him. What's the difference between men and pigs?...Pigs don't turn into men when they drink. The average man is proof enough that women can take a joke. Boys will be boys, but men are better at it. What do you call a man who has lost 98% of his brain?...A widower. They put one man on the moon. Why can't they put them all there? What's an orgasm Mom? I don't know...ask your father. If you catch a man...throw him back. Men call us birds, is that because of all the worms we pick up? What is the useless bit of skin of a penis?...A man |
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