Marrying Mom

Imagine you're part of the usual disfunctional New York family..... I want you to visualise Pamela, first; Pamela who wants to be known as Sigourney, the successful Yuppie stockbroker, (think of Meryl Streep for the part),with a staid, upright lover, Phillip, whom she finds as interesting as an `empty suit'. (could Jack Lemmon scrub up for this part, I wonder?) There's sister Sharon, the perpetually overweight neurotic ex-librarian, with two young children who should definitely be seen and not heard, (get Roseanne for this one), her husband-from-Hell, Barney, professionally unemployed, (this is yours, Jack Nicholson), and brother Bruce,a really nice guy just proudly Out-Of-The-Closet, and his current partner, Todd;(I'm signing up Mel Gibson and Tom Cruise for these two parts and they can toss for who gets whichever!) Now this family exists and coexists with, probably, only one thing really in common...they are all, quite critically, for a variety of reasons, short of money! And let it be known that this family has a mother,Phyllis, a traditional New- York-Yenta mother, strongwilled and spirited, (Shirley Maclaine, written for you!), safely retired and widowed in Florida. Imagine the consternation of this family when their mother decides that she has failed to really support her children throughout their formative years, but that it is not too late to make amends! In short, Phyllis decides to return to New York to make up for lost time....to be the mother she'd failed to be...to help her children sort out their lives! (Of course, the fact that Phyllis finds herself a lone livewire swimmer in a sea of retirement couldn't have anything to do with it.....or could it?) Certainly it seems her only real friend is the Sad-Sack, literally-minded Mrs Katz, who never parts with that giant handbag, a part definitely written for Edna Everest's bridesmaid, Madge.Of course, if Madge can't be extricated from the Antipodes, and Lauren Bacall isn't too proud to send herself up....with this part she might WIN that `Supporting Actress' Oscar, because Mrs Katz is very vital indeed, to this unfolding story.......just what IS it she has in that handbag? The family, of course, has a Family Conference worthy of the best Sit-Com......and decides that the only course, since noone can support Phyllis in the most expensive city in the United States, is to marry her off to a really rich man, who will then be able to support all of THEM. Phyllis is a bit dubious, since she's already met a nice man on the plane, but agrees, good mother that she is, to go along with the family wishes. But Phyllis must be groomed for the part she is to play. Sigourney pays for the suite at the hotel- and the clothes and makeover Bruce and Todd orchestrate so efficiently, so charmingly and so successfully, while Sharon utilizes her research skills to come up with appropriate eligible bachelors and widowers who begin to infiltrate the cast.( In the process, parts are created for Walter Matthau, Robert Redford, Paul Newman and Phillip Rush!) . Things come unstuck a little when Mrs Katz appears, still clutching her handbag, to move into the hotel with Phyllis, and, limpet-style, to chaperone her to the chagrin of the allied family members. Now, reviewers who give the story away deserve to be blacklisted! So I won't! Sufficient to say that at the end of the story there are FOUR weddings and one impending divorce, involving TEN people, and the prize is for trying to pick, at the start of the tale, who will end up where! I didn't! Great literature? No way! Great read and well written? Most definitely! And remember, this is the lady who gave us "The First Wives' Club". This lady knows how people think, how they speak, how they treat each other! And in `Marrying Mom', they're all such NICE people that you have to forgive them for being...well......HUMAN! And so it has a happy ending that critics will call CONTRIVED?........hey, is there a rule that FUN IN READING is only for kids? Well done, Olivia Goldsmith, and I hope the movie, (which creates lovely parts for so many MATURE actors) wins lots of Oscars. (Oh...and a little commission from the casting director in this direction will not go astray!

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