It's a sad and undeniable fact - 70's fashions are definitely making a comeback and are not likely to disappear soon enough. Everywhere you look, you can see 70's style hair, makeup, bell-bottoms, platform shoes, and other fashion atrocities that were bad enough the first time around. While these styles are pretty awful, I would like to draw particular attention to the mini-skirt. Or, more appropriately, to the widespread abuse of this fashion phenomenon, and how you can do your part to spare the world from further visual cruelty.

For those who have spent the last several months under a rock (or who for reasons yet unknown to mankind, have never seen a mini-skirt), allow me to elaborate. There are currently two forms of this garment. There is the plain old, run-of-the-mill garden variety mini-skirt. This is the type that extends to about mid-thigh, and accentuates a pleasant pair of legs. Then, there is what is known as the micro-mini. This is a skirt designed to just barely cover one's rear and other unmentionables, using an extraordinarily small amount of fabric. It can usually be seen on prostitutes and on silicone-and-peroxide-enhanced blondes in cheap pornographic films.

While mini-skirts may be all the rage, as with any current fashion, there are certain guidelines governing their wear and resulting effects on the unsuspecting public at large. In order to avoid committing a fashion faux-pas, it is advisable to follow the guidelines below.

If you wore a mini-skirt back in the days when they were first popular, chances are you will not look quite the same in one now. Granted, there are exceptions (like Cher for example). However, unless you fall into the exception category, you run the risk of a) being propositioned on the subway, b) being arrested for soliciting, or c) looking absolutely ridiculous. It might be preferable to wear slacks or knee-length skirt instead.

If your legs resemble those of the late Karen Carpenter, mini-skirts will only serve to draw attention to the skeletal structure of your kneecaps. If you don't want complete strangers asking you if you are either sick or anorexic/bulimic, my advice would be to cover up.

Conversely, if your cellulite makes cottage cheese look smooth, don't even think about wearing a mini-skirt! As a plus-size woman myself, I can vouch for the fact that mini-skirts and thunder thighs do not, I repeat do not mix! There is nothing less attractive than actually seeing a woman's thighs rub together with enough friction to generate a small forest fire. I have seen it, and it is not appetizing.

It is also not a very wise idea to wear either micro-minis or minis on any form of public transportation, particularly if you plan on sitting. Just imagine your barely covered posterior exposed to millions of vermin from the homeless person who slept on that seat before you, and you get my drift.

I'm sure there are tons of other fashion don'ts involving mini's, but following these few simple rules will undoubtedly make the world a more visually appealing place.