I had a huge talk with my parents saturday night about how horrible I feel. Cause I do. I didn't know that they even realized it, but obviously they did. It's just hard to admit because they've always seen me as having a great positive attitude and I don't now; at least, not nearly like I used to. And I feel like I'm letting them down and even letting myself down because I'm not as happy as I used to be. Things just seem to be going downhill. I really miss some of my friends from high school cause I never see them anymore. It's weird for Kevin to not be around anymore. I could always talk to him about anything (well, almost), and I never get to see him anymore. I saw him uptown the other night, and in a way, it was like we were still pretty close, but in another way, it was weird cause I realized that I didn't know what was going on in his life anymore and he didn't know what was going on in mine. Not that I knew everything about him while he was still here, but I certainly knew more about how his life was going than I do now. But it's not just the friend thing that's making me sad. So many other things have changed, too. College is so much different, and I don't feel like I have much direction about where my life is going. I know it's stupid, but I feel like since things are bad right now, they're never going to get any better. And I know that isn't true, but I don't feel very capable of being happy anymore. It seems like too much of any effort. I'm just sick of feeling this way. I'm tired and lonely and sad so much, and I know I'm not supposed to feel this way and I know God doesn't want me to feel this way, but I don't know how to help it. Maybe I do need to see a counselor. If I don't start feeling better on my own, I may start looking for one. I'm too tired of feeling this way to deal with it on my own much longer. If any Christians are out there reading this right now, do me a favor and pray for me, would you? I think I need all the help I can get. I'd really appreciate it.
I got Shon's wedding invitation today!! I'm so happy for him. His wedding is going to be on the 20th. I hope so much I get to go. He is the most awesome guy. Ohhh, now I miss camp... :( I wish it were June. If it was, I'd probably be at camp right now. I wish I was.
I also got a letter from Stella today. I haven't talked to her in sooooooooooooo long. I feel so bad for not writing her. I need to write her back soon or I'll forget about it again. I am so bad about that.
Well, I'm sure I've bored you long enough. My fingers are tired. Talk to all ya'll later,
