i really hope that you're only here if you want to learn the deep dark secrets about me that don't quite surface ordinarily... i don't know... i never know... maybe i can tell you about moods... that will scare you... it shouldn't cause it happens to everyone but people get scared... i'm weird. i admit it. i may like goth but i'm sensitive. i can cry at the little mermaid. it's sad! things happen.. love loses... hate wins.. it pisses me off... don't think that i'm some kind of goth rebel bitch or anything... i'm mixed up and weird but i'm mainly nice... listen... i know what you want... you just didn't want to know about this.. but, you came here. i didn't force you!
here's what you really came for... my confession... here it is... why i'm so screwed up... why one minute i'm perfectly happy and the next i feel like everything's been flipped upside down... it's cause i'm not perfect. i can be very depressed... i know, that's not much of a confession but listen to the story... nothing really wrong ever happened until seventh grade. that was when i got ditched by my absolute best friend. that wasn't so bad cause i found some great new friends. i fell in absolute still unrequited love with someone who i'll never forget... it was also when my grades really went down... i used to do really well, all of a sudden, for no apparent reason, things got really hard then... one of my friends killed himself. i had just been getting over this person i had liked with someone new. then he killed himself. i really got depressed, even tried to kill myself. to this day, i doubt that my parents know. it's really almost sad huh? oh well, they wouldn't want to. cut my neck so deep that although i can't see them, i can still feel the scars sometimes... seventh grade came and went, then eighth grade started off disastrously.. i had a teacher that, although i now know better, i was sure that he hated me. i didn't have a single friend in my class (i'm not exaggerating) and i felt like every single eye upon me was unfriendly. my grades stayed bad, so bad that my mom took me to be tested, to see if there was really something wrong. this was around october, november... i used to cry myself to sleep, every single night without fail, just thinking of going to school the next day sent terror into my heart. i faked sick several times, just to try to get away... i got the worst part in the christmas play and was miserable the whole time. i felt like no one understood at all. i got into huge fights with my friends because they were trying to help and didn't know what to do. after the testing, we found out that nothing was wrong except i was incredibly disorganized. no big surprise there, but i have to learn how to remember things. weird huh? fell in love with another person, who never liked me. in fact, he would rub it in my face that people could like him and no one liked me. i still don't believe that many people liked him. this by the way, was someone i had liked before, not the person in seventh grade though. at the beginning of '98, decided to start writing. all of the poems on my page were written from January 1st, onwards. it was the only way i could pour out all the unsaid and supposedly forgotten tears and emotions that i had hidden over the months. sometimes i still cry, remembering what happened with my friend... i was thinking just recently, maybe i don't hate apollo but i'll never ever forget what he did to me. i guess this is somewhere close to the end of my tormented existence, sometimes it's fun but normally it's not. only thing left to say is, don't pity me. sympathy is fine but pity is not. if you looked at just the outside of me, there is nothing to pity. remember the girl i once was and who might once again surface. i'm not perfect, i've been told that often enough. don't try to console me with words, tell me through your feelings. and, love me for who i am.
geocities l silent tears l the girl l write l sign gbook l view gbook l join l what i joined l win
here's what you really came for... my confession... here it is... why i'm so screwed up... why one minute i'm perfectly happy and the next i feel like everything's been flipped upside down... it's cause i'm not perfect. i can be very depressed... i know, that's not much of a confession but listen to the story... nothing really wrong ever happened until seventh grade. that was when i got ditched by my absolute best friend. that wasn't so bad cause i found some great new friends. i fell in absolute still unrequited love with someone who i'll never forget... it was also when my grades really went down... i used to do really well, all of a sudden, for no apparent reason, things got really hard then... one of my friends killed himself. i had just been getting over this person i had liked with someone new. then he killed himself. i really got depressed, even tried to kill myself. to this day, i doubt that my parents know. it's really almost sad huh? oh well, they wouldn't want to. cut my neck so deep that although i can't see them, i can still feel the scars sometimes... seventh grade came and went, then eighth grade started off disastrously.. i had a teacher that, although i now know better, i was sure that he hated me. i didn't have a single friend in my class (i'm not exaggerating) and i felt like every single eye upon me was unfriendly. my grades stayed bad, so bad that my mom took me to be tested, to see if there was really something wrong. this was around october, november... i used to cry myself to sleep, every single night without fail, just thinking of going to school the next day sent terror into my heart. i faked sick several times, just to try to get away... i got the worst part in the christmas play and was miserable the whole time. i felt like no one understood at all. i got into huge fights with my friends because they were trying to help and didn't know what to do. after the testing, we found out that nothing was wrong except i was incredibly disorganized. no big surprise there, but i have to learn how to remember things. weird huh? fell in love with another person, who never liked me. in fact, he would rub it in my face that people could like him and no one liked me. i still don't believe that many people liked him. this by the way, was someone i had liked before, not the person in seventh grade though. at the beginning of '98, decided to start writing. all of the poems on my page were written from January 1st, onwards. it was the only way i could pour out all the unsaid and supposedly forgotten tears and emotions that i had hidden over the months. sometimes i still cry, remembering what happened with my friend... i was thinking just recently, maybe i don't hate apollo but i'll never ever forget what he did to me. i guess this is somewhere close to the end of my tormented existence, sometimes it's fun but normally it's not. only thing left to say is, don't pity me. sympathy is fine but pity is not. if you looked at just the outside of me, there is nothing to pity. remember the girl i once was and who might once again surface. i'm not perfect, i've been told that often enough. don't try to console me with words, tell me through your feelings. and, love me for who i am.