there's something abrupt about it too, either i'm with a person [or several] for hours and days, or i'm completely alone and without anyone there to catch the resonance of my voice even per phone.

what do you do when people you like crowd you, yet when they give you space the emptiness and silence crush you?

the space i get seems to come from others everytime, too. somebody leaves. somebody has to do something else. somebody finds somebody else... well of course it is never synchronized with when i need the space either.

as it is it is never 'in company vs. time for myself' either, it is 'crowded vs. lonely' and i guess that is were the problem lies. how do you turn the former into the latter?

i thought about it yesterday as a space... occured, and i approached it differently than usually. see, i decided to counter act it by proclaiming it a space of my own -- a choice of my own. and it actually worked. i just hung out with me, and was really comfortable with it and now that experience kind of rocked my world a bit.

an attempt was made today to close the space from the other side, but i wasn't ready and so i kindly acknowleged but let it stay open. it isn't about sulky revenge, i do hope they know that. i'm really not trying to be difficult.