This is an article I wrote for the Transgender Forum zine. It documents one of those magic moments of growth we all experience. Hopefully it says as much about all of us as it does about me...

on the way through the mall. You see it was a typical day, like so many others as I strolled my favourite mall. To the untrained eye I was just a typical guy in his early 20's quietly going about his business. At this point in time there were no visible clues to my transgender nature, and that nature is not really important to the story anyway.

As it would happen I came across a trio of exceptionally beautiful young ladies. In my usual fashion I would intently check out these wonderful creatures. some would call it ogling but since the stare was, at least in part, rooted in envy I knew better.

However today was different... No I didn't suddenly have a revelation that my actions were somehow unjust and have a feminist vision of politically correct thinking. I didn't foam at the mouth, or have a spontaneous orgasm either. What happened to me physically was something else all together.

Nothing.

That's right nothing. Instead of my usual old faithful erection, strong and true, there was nothing. Wee Willie was fast asleep in his cave oblivious to the delights I was beholding. Most strange. The little rodent had deserted me!!! ;-)

I pondered this event for some time. Of course I had to gather empirical evidence as to the proper functioning of the aforementioned appendage. For this task no medical expert was needed. A test was self administered... Willie passed, with flying colour I might add. The test was repeated to verify the validity of the experiment and the test method employed. Same result.

Yee-Ha!!! ;-)

Further experimentation was conducted with the aid of the love of my life at the time. That she was unaware of the experiment is unimportant. suffice to say the results in the initial and subsequent tests were to my liking. I hope I am not to bold to suggest that they were to the ladies liking as well. ;-)

So what had happened to unhook my penis from my eves??? Why had a closed loop system that had served me so well changed??? I was still worried about this event even in the face of my positive experimental results.

THAT IS UNTIL...

I realized that things were better, not worse. Lovemaking with my partner was more intense and had a newly found emotional edge. I found I could now check out women at close range. With just a little work on my facial expression and I could do the same face to face, with nobody the wiser. I found myself relating to women more as people, and I could FEEL what they were saying. DAMN this isG*O*O*D!!!

Could it be that for lack of a better term I was growing up??? Whatever was happening the change was quite liberating. I was no longer a slave to the connection between my all seeing eyes and my ever erect penis. I was free from servitude to a few ounces of erectile tissue.

FREE... free at last!!!

As time passed I noticed that this change had more subtle and far reaching changes in my person. Freed from sexual servitude I began to enjoy the other 99% of life a bit more. Sex became just another part of a life that was beginning to achieve richness and depth. I didn't become sexless, far from it. It's just that sex and the underlying genital / harmonal forces assumed what I have come to believe is a more appropriate part of my life, and not its driving force.

Finally the most important impact of these events came to be. With this change I could see clearly my place in the Gender Continuum. Of course at this time I didn't have the words to adequately express this feeling. However I knew I was different, neither Man or Woman in the conventional sense. I was now free to explore what I was... and am. At this time the as then unnamed Jennifer was truly born.

What does this mean???

Perhaps nothing. However could I, in my own simple way I'm a microcosm of the Transgender community as a whole. My awakening as transgender person coincided with the end of my sexual / genital driven behaviour. I think it is or should be so in the Transgender community as well.

Rather than the ongoing efforts, IMHO, to classify ourselves into nice neat little categories which are usually (at least in part) genitally driven I feel we should reject this notion. We should free ourselves from genitally driven behaviour.

As in society people are forming many homogenous groups to the exclusion of all others. Our efforts to do the same WILL fail. TS vs TG vs TV is no different than Catholic vs Jew vs Protestant, Black vs. White vs. Asian, or a dozen other categories I could name. It is my firm belief that society and by extension the Transgender portion of it will succeed only by the elimination of such barriers.

My simple, and YES perhaps naive, solution to all this is to focus on our similarities not differences. We all are forging new definitions of gender. Our personal flavour(s) of that gender definition is different. BFD. If my personal example is relevant and valid we as a community will progress, but only in direct relation to the adoption of this approach which goes hand in hand with the rejection of genitally driven behaviour.

My personal definition of transgender is now expressed as GEM. This stands for Gender Enhanced Male. While it is only a name it expresses my Transgender in a positive light as an enhancement to my male birth state. It draws no boundaries and makes no distinctions in that enhancement. As well we can use the term GEF to describe the opposite state, Gender Enhanced Female. IMHO this is an advancement on the standard TV - TG - TS groupings.

I accept that these ideas are personal. I have no body of evidence to support the concept. Still my personal experience and the knowledge I have gained in the many years of my Transgender awareness have continued to validate the original premise.

So I see life... from my perch in the GWN on the edge of the north Atlantic...

LITITTS,

Jennifer Lynn

PS - LITITTS is a tagline I've adopted from a dear departed T friend that means:

This is the sccond in the "Funny Thing" series an articles written for Transgender Forum zine. It documents another of those magic moments of growth we all experience. Hopefully it too says as much about all of us as it does about me...

Another funny thing happened, a long long time ago in a bar far far away. When I was single and had a life... ;). I was in my favourite watering hole awaiting the arrival of my current girlfriend with a very cold bottle of my usual brew well on its merry way into my system. To the casual viewer a typical Saturday night, but it was oh so much more.

You see the events soon to follow that that evening would in time bring focus to a 'PROBLEM' that had naged at me for a many years. For you see I have always been mistaken as a Gay person, both by straight and gay people alike. In my formative years this was a source of much worry to me. I was still coming to grips with my heterosexuality and did not need additional complications.

This mis-identification was to prompt many bouts of self doubt. Was I straight or was I gay. I certainly knew I was different but had yet to define my transgender nature. I knew I was unique, but didn't quite know how. The continual identification I was receiving as gay, especially by gays caused me to spend many the long night soul searching.

Two cases come to mind. the first was an office party I was dragged to, by my then roommate. I was having an OK time there despite not knowing a lot of people. However one guy wanted to talk at me all evening. In my naivety I attributed this to his considerable consumption of beer. However he opened up to me later in the evening and attempted to, well for lack of a better term, pick me up.

My many and varied attempts to assure this person I was in fact straight were met with disbelief. He simply ignored my assertions of straightness or claimed I was in denial.

Now I should say that this persons persistence was not typical of the approach I have experienced from many gay men. In other case if I claimed to be straight the issue was dropped with nothing more than an eyebrow raised. In this respect I believe the gay community to be far ahead of the straight community. How many times have I seen a guy hassle a woman who was obviously not interested in his attention. How many drunken fights have I seen over a woman. Among men in the Gay community IMHE this is rare.

Anyway for some reason that escapes me I was roped into driving the aforementioned drunk home by my roommate. What a prospect... 30 minutes in a car with a drunk, lovesick man, for whom I had no interest. Well let me tell you I used every form of No in the English language and dipped into my meagre knowledge of French, Italian, and Russian too...;). I only escaped with a promise to think about what he had said. Of course I had thought about this too much already. Fortunately for me the individual in question did nothing more than continually ask my roommate at work about me. He being even more naive than I found this unusual but thankfully didn't question it further.

For the second case we have to go back to the beginning of this story. On this particular saturday my girlfriend finally breezed into the bar. Well to call her a girl is unfair as she was at that time in her late 30's, a dozen or so year my senior. A divorced mother of four, one of whom was only a few years younger than I should be called a WOMAN. An what a woman she was...

Her only son had the year before come out as a Gay. In her own special way she took the knowledge in stride and acquainted herself with the Gay community as she came to understand her son's alternative lifestyle. In doing so she made many friends among this community.

Well on this night she couldn't wait to tell me about this gorgeous guy that had been talking to her that very afternoon... about ME!!! This guy too was convinced that I was gay and wanted to get the scoop for her as he had seen us together.

Well much to her amusement her defence of my straight nature fell on deaf ears. She assured him that I was 100% straight, backed up by our many and varied forays in mutual bliss. Hell we even dirty danced so provocatively in the club as to be but a step away from vertical coupling. I would have thought that no one would mistake us for what we were... a straight couple obviously in... well at least in LUST with each other...

As well at that time I gave no overt signs, or so I thought of being different. I was a typical, slightly geeky guy, still growing into my body. I was unadorned by so much as an earring. Underdressing was a term I would not have understood at that time. I didn't even know what Transgendered was for god's sake.

Still my attraction of Gay men persisted... In tim with a wife, children, and the 30 pounds my body needed to fill out the attentions lessened, then stopped. For a time this was simply a quirk of fate to be put in the past.

However in recent years I have come to see this in a different light. Could it be that I was giving off some unconscious sign that I was truly different. Could the feminine part of my nature have been transmitted and received by others??? I have come to believe that this was in fact so with the attentions I have had from so many Gay men. In fact this may also explain, at least some, of my lack of success with women over the years.

It has always been hard for me to get, to 1st base if you will with women. On I did however all of my relationships seemed to move forward with an uncommon haste, usually with little effort on my part. This difficulty, then ease with women perhaps is also due to a perception of my feminine nature. a perception that was limiting until I could in some way 'prove' otherwise...

While my experience is merely personal i have come to believe it reflects in some way my true nature. That these experiences are in some way a validation of the belief I have in my true Transgender nature. I am neither man nor woman as is defined by this society but rather some unique combination of the two.

I have come across others that have shared similar experiences since I have begun my journey out into the transgender community. This has further strengthened my belief in the validity of these events. So I believe that I have solved a personal mystery and in so doing have come to another small insight into who I am. Into that special mix of the soft and the hard, the tough and the caring, the masculine and the feminine that is, I believe... ME....

And many of you as well.

Jennifer Lynn... cyber-geek.... in a dress...;)

This is an article I wrote that arose from some unusual feeling I had around Halloween this year... This version is a little rough but I hope you get the general idea...;)

I didn't go out this Halloween... this year or last. truth be told I never have gone out 'en femme' for Halloween. I have Never have participated in what has been termed in the transgender community as our high holy day. Strange eh?

My lack of participation in the past has been due to many of the same factors that I imagine affect all of us... You know, we have to take the children out tricker-treating. What if someone figures out I like this? How about the ever popular (spoken in a NYC WHINE) "I've got nothing to wear"...;)

In truth I can claim none of these reasons or excuses this year. You see I have passed what is for me a crossroads of sorts. Just another in the many milestones that will hopefully take me to place where I will carve a place for Jennifer in my life.

Simply put I couldn't got out 'dressed up' as on a woman pretending to be something I am not. I am, if only within my personal definition of that term, a woman. Not all of the time and certinally not in the accepted medical / harmonal / genital sense. It is just that I am too much of a woman to pretend to be one and not enough of one to live as one. I reside in the nether world that is my life.

This statement is not to criticise those who use the wonderful opportunity affored by Halloween. UsingHalloween to escape the bounds of our masculine existance is a meaningful and rewarding exercise for many people. It's just not for me.

I guess since the day I first got the chance to dress and go out in public Jeniffer became a real person. She got to strut her stuff, kick up her heels, and yes chat up a storm with the gals in the loo while repairing her face. It was as if a long lost friend had come home and I did all that I could to make her feel comfortable.

Once the inital shock of contact with the 'real' world wore off Jennifer began to relax and enjoy just being. With that relaxation came a contentment and perhaps a complteness I had never know before. It does seem to me even as I write these words that I am making some strong statements for such ordinary events but this was how I truly felt. The term I used at the time, after a sleepless night, was intense relaxation.

From that point I found the exercise of going out as Jennifer to be more and more... well normal. It is part of my reality that these moments are infrequent at best. However I slip back into Jennifer easier every time. So I guess Halloween is back to ghosts and goblins....for now.

Then again... even if I can't do Jennifer for Halloween, there is still Rita Hayworth, Bette Davis, Rachel Welch, Dolly and of course Marilyn. I mean who doesn't love the feel of a cool breeze up their dress...;)

This is the text of an E-Mail message I wrote describing Jennifer's first time out. Hopefully it says as much about you as it does about me...

The following is the text of an extremly long E-Mail message describing my first time out as Jennifer. While it may be a 'bit' long winded I hope you enjoy it and perhaps even see a little of yourself between the lines...;)

WELL girls:

Have I had a day or what. Let me tell you...

I'm sitting here at 5 in the bleedin' AM after a long, long day & I am unable to get to sleep. It's not for lack of trying. My head has been on the pillow for 2 hours now but the old melon just refuses to shut down. Most unusual. I sit here in a state of serene alertness. Not pumped or euphoric, just very, very alert.

If you haven't already guessed this 'other worldly' state was brought on by JENNIFER"S FIRST NIGHT OUT !!! Don't ask me how, but I went & did it. I should, before spilling my guts to ya' all, thank all the gals that have helped me grow over the 2 years or so I have been hanging out in this corner of cyberspace. I owe a huge debt of gratitude to so many of you. You know who you are. No matter what is to come I am honored to say that at least once I was among my sisters & stood up to be counted.

Anyway if you haven't been following my modest adventures to date her are the highlights. Two months ago I moved to the largest city in our region, Halifax. The wife & kids have stayed behind to allow the rug rats to finish school & for the wife to sell the house. I got to move in with my single sister in law. This is not as bad as it sounds for the sister in law is rarely home so in effect I have to house to myself.

Over the last few months I have used this freedom to great advantage. I have dressed, done my 'own' nails, & practiced my makeup on a number of occasions. I even got a whole weekend to myself which gave me an extended dressing opportunity. Now that I reflect on this time it was probably the loneliness I felt dressing during this weekend that prompted me to call the gay hot line looking for a CD group here in Halifax.

That was 2 weeks ago. Since then I went to the local gay club (en homme), ordered a wig from one of the local queens, got my other ear pierced (yesterday), AND after much thought accepted an invitation to go our dressed with one of the local girls... That was today... or rather last night. For those of you doubting thomases I 'DO' have photographic evidence that this actually took place... if the pictures come out.

NOTE: This was continued 14 hours later. I had begun the effort in the middle of the night & although I was unable to sleep I was also unable to focus enough to write a coherent reply. So now that I've come down 'a bit' I will attempt to continue.

This adventure really started on Thursday. I considered Tatiana's offer to go out for the whole day. While I was undecided the end of my workday found me in a mall buying jewelry. I got a gold necklace, bracelet, anklet (very pretty), and a pair of earrings for pierced ears. The last purchase was made even though i have/had only one ear pierced at that time. In retrospect I guess I had made my mind up to accept the invitation even if I hadn't admitted it to myself ... yet.

Friday dawned with my having a renewed desire to got out & the HELL with the consequences. I knew I wasn't ready but if I passed this opportunity I would be singing the same old sad song this time next year. NO WAY HOSEE. I got a little panicky during the day as I was unable to contact Tatiana to confirm our 'date' to go out so I decided to drop by the hair salon where she works on the way home.

On the way to the hair salon I somehow found myself in a drug store that does ear piercing. After a momentary hesitation I asked the lady at the makeup counter for some help. In no time she had the piercing gun loaded & ZAP I had a pair of earrings on. COOL. WAY COOL. I even felt a little sexy. I must admit that next to nails I enjoy earrings the best. With a short detour to buy some face cream & some 'new' hair remover I was off to find Tatiana.

TIP: I have been having a bitch of a time this year with shaving my legs. It seems that I draw enough blood to donate to the Red Cross. My ineptitude in the wound department was only matched by my inability to get all the hair on the legs. Tatiana came to the rescue again when she recommended I use Sally Hansen lotion hair remover for dark & course hair. She also said to deviate (really... no pun intended) for the instructions by using a damp wash cloth & stroking the leg against the grain with firm pressure to remove the hair. Also use the max allowed time with the lotion on the skin (20 min.) Please be careful that you wash any lotion form the hands as you remove it from the legs. I didn't & have a nasty case of no skin on my fingertips. Very painful & very messy.

I quickly found Tatiana, got a thumbs up on the earrings, and confirmed that we were going out the next day (Saturday). Well as you can guess Friday night was a whirlwind of preparation & anticipation. It's funny I even got a lesson in Murphy's law. Over the last 2 months I've had the house mostly to myself but not this weekend. The sister in law had visitors for the weekend; the MOTHER-in-LAW and her aunt. Old home week.

Anyway I went through my things & proceeded to put together a bag for Saturday. I have since learned that this is locally refereed to as a DRAG BAG. In went the makeup kit (thanks to GERRI), a flowered print dress on a black background (quite short), a denim mini, a ivory silk blouse, some underthings, my prized green teddy, and (training) heels. I was ready to go if I could only lift the damn bag.

Fast forward to Saturday afternoon. Well as you might expect the anticipation, or was that sheer terror did nothing for my sleep Friday night. I was tired & I had just determined that a few things were missing. Mr. Murphy I love you... NOT. I had to make a quick dash to the nearest mall to hit the bank machine & to get one of those disposable camera's. After all Gerri & Jami would NEVER forgive me if I didn't get some photos of the event, eh. Since I am without transportation I jumped into my jogging togs & headed for the mall some 4 klicks away. If nothing else I would get some exercise out of this.

Mr. Murphy decided to intervene yet again as I had to go to 2 malls, & three camera stores in search of the elusive disposable unit. I was about to give up when the lady at Japan Camera suggested that I try the nearby drugstore which thank heaven had one of the damn things. A quick detour to the bank machine & a short browse through the sales rack at a lady's clothing shop & I was off.

Upon my return I went into transformation mode. Thankfully the inlaws were still out shopping. First the hair remove on the legs & chest. Wait 20 min; then get truly amazed that the stuff really works. Excepting for the blood leaking from my fingers everything worked great. The result on my legs was so smooth I couldn't believe my eyes. I only had to shave a small patch that I missed with the cream. Next were the arms. I got even better results here as I has more hair which was very dark. As I removed the cream all I could say was ' I can't believe this shit', over & over.

Next a quick shower & on to the face. I had intended to pluck most if not all of my beard but as the time dragged on I accepted the fact that this was hopeless. The inlaws were due back momentarily & I had only just begun this laborious process. So I popped a new blade in the razor & shaved twice, VERY close. Not perfect but nothing a cover stick can't handle.

My only real regret here was that I didn't have enough time to do my nails. Well even if I did how the hell would I get through supper with the inlaws. C'est la vie...

Thankfully I finished up just in time for the return of the inlaws. Supper went well & my sister in law even offered to drop me off at my college buddy's house (Tatiana's) to save me cab fare. What a sweet girl. They did raise an eyebrow or two at my DRAG BAG but my explanation that I might stay over & go out in the AM working out SEEMED to satisfy their curiosity. So a short drive later I was at Tatiana's house...

Boy Jennifer you have really stepped out of the closet this time. Well someone has to live on the fast track, or is that the GERRI TRACK

I must apologize as the fingers have started to bleed I must halt here. I will complete this tale real soon.

PART 2

This is the completion of my first night out. As I recall I left the intrepid reader as I approached Tatiana's house...

I rang the doorbell & was ushered into the house by a smiling Tatiana. Immediately I got introduced to her 3 GG roommates & their straight boyfriends. Since they are all aware that Tatiana is a drag queen they put 2 & 2 together to get 7. It was obvious in with the introductions that they assumed I was Gay too. Being slightly amused with their reaction & discomfort I did nothing to correct them, instead I just played along.

Tatiana & I then just kicked back & chatted for the next few minutes while all her roomies excepting one exited for a party. I imagine she was trying to relax me but the effort was unnecessary. From the moment I entered the door it was as if someone had popped the breaker on my nervousness curcuit. Strange.

After finishing her coffee, T. went to rummage in her closet for some 'hair' for me to wear. We tried a few wigs but settled on an alburn/red curly number that was a little longer than shoulder length. Big hair here I come! We then retired to her room to begin the transformation.

First we laid out the stuff from my drag bag. Surprisingly, she liked most of the stuff I brought especially a classy ivory blouse & a floral printed body suit. The body suit I gave to her as she is shorter that I & the damn thing is not long enough for me. She pondered the merits of the denim mini / ivory blouse outfit then examined my short floral dress. In the end she recommended the dress as it WAS my FIRST TIME OUT.

We also went through my makeup kit which got a passing grade (thanks Gerri). She suggested a few future additions but I was OK for the present. As we began she wheeled in this massive FUC**** makeup cart with every manner of war paint I've ever seen or imagined. Now the fun began.

First was that kindergarten coloring thing all over the face with a cover stick. Since I have light beard this wasn't a problem, excepting the spots I missed. A quick fill in & blend to an even consistency & we were ready for the base. T suggested I use my powder base rather than the liquid for the face. Following this suggestion I ended up with an smooth even complexion. Quite a trick on my tired, pale, freckled puss.

From the neck down coming to a point at the rib cage between the breasts we used liquid base. This was blended into the powder used on the face at the neck. Next suck in the cheeks for an application of rouge on cheekbones. She got me to draw my lips extra big with a burgundy lipliner. To this we added the most candy ass red shade of lipstick I have ever seen. Oh I almost forgot we used a neat shade of brown over the entire eyelid. T explained that monochromatic earthtone shades are IN on the eyes this year.

The next trick was most interesting to me. She filled in & extended my eyebrows using a dark brown shade of creme eye make applied with an angle brush. This produced a dramatic arch, perfectly framing the eyes. A quick dusting with loose powder & mascara to the eyes & we were done.

Now I had to put on the glasses to view the effect but still I was stunned. Looking back at me was this strange woman wearing pretty earrings with a bad haircut. I would be remiss if I didn't tell you that Tatiana was stunning. She did the transformation using shades of purple which matched with the purple skirt & vest she was planning to wear. Very SEXY.

With the face more or less? done we started to get dressed. I started with an extremely tight control panty to hold my tuck. I was a little concerned with this procedure as I had never kept myself tucked for any extended length of time before. Still after a momentary hesitation I pushed the walnuts back into their sockets & shoved wee willie between my legs. This is not as much a problem for me as one of the other local girls who claim to have enough to FUC* HERSELF while tucked. Go figure. Up with the panty & voila a clean smooth front. Next came the pantyhose over my freshly denuded legs. Heaven. Over this I added a peach an-in one. This gives me just enough support to create the illusion of a waist & hips. IN went my low buck boobs & I was ready for the dress.

Although my choice from my most extensive wardrobe was a simple floral dress, I was happy with the selection. This dress has bright colours on a black background. The dress is quite short moves with me in an interesting way, especially on a dance floor. So on it went & with Tatiana's tightening of the waist straps I was ready. Almost.

Tatiana finished up her hair, a shoulder length straight cut piece which she informed me is her 'signature' wig. Once the hair was in place she looked ***** G E O R G E O U S *****. The bitch even has legs to DIE for. Ain't envy wonderful. Anyway she helped me into the big hair & I to was done.

I'm not too sure how to judge the results. I mean who of us can really judge ourselves with any objectivity. Still the result said woman more than it did G.I.D.(guy in dress) so I was happy. Even the addition of my androgynous wire framed glasses didn't do too much damage to the look. Good thing too since I can't see the hand in front of my face without the glasses. I was going to have enough to do staying up on my heels at the club what with their sloped floors & all without having to do it all blind.

I got Tatiana to take a few shots with my replacement camera & we were ready to go. When we hit the streets I got my first taste of girl life as a cold breeze blew up my dress. A definite attention getter but I think I liked it masochist that I am. The taxi arrived then & we were off to Rumours, the local GAY club. I let T do the talking which she proceeded to do all the way to the club.

I got the next lesson as we arrived at the club. The entrance was light up like electricity was going out of style. Thankfully Tatiana dragged me along in her wake & as suddenly as we arrived we were inside & I was handing my coat to Chuck who is another of the local queens.

It may sound mundane but I now remember the little things that happened that night. Like having to root in my purse for my money. Having to get used to a ladies wallet. Adjusting my bra so my tits wouldn't be around my neck. In a way it was probably a godsend that I was so busy as I didn't have the time to notice the reactions I was getting.

Don't get me wrong I like getting looks as a girl. However I usually blend pretty well into the woodwork as a guy so I am unused to getting much attention. Still what's a girl to do...

Once into the club we headed to the upstairs bar. This is an area which would have been a balcony when the club was used as a theatre. So off we went up 3 flights of stairs & over a significant quantity of that damned sloped floor. Arriving with my butt unscathed was a major accomplishment.

At this point T told me she was off to circulate. I WAS ON MY OWN... As you might expect I did what any girl would do when deserted in a club. I headed for the bar. Still as cute as I was I ended up buying my own beer (G).

After getting my brew I roamed around cataloging the reaction in my wake. Although Tatiana had prepared me for some hostile reactions, especially from the Lesbians all I got were some stares mixed in with pleasant smiles.

I even played a game of pool. Under those damned bright lights. With the lesbians. Result - nada. No hostility, no chuckles. The only down side was that I lost, groan. If nothing else I was getting into the i don't care mode. I knew that I had a long way to go to measure up to T & the rest of her crowd but I didn't care. As my friend Dagne Marie says you get some attitude on. It may not have improved my looks but it sure improved my outlook on things...

I got to meet a few more of the local queens, Bernie & ?. Bernie even said I made a PRETTY girl (mega blush). It was so nice to start meeting more of the local girls. Another of the girls who also works at the club is Jenny Blake. She has a straight GG roommate, Toby who works at the club too. I chatted with her too. I think Rachel would have been proud of me as I tried with limited success to convince Toby that I was straight. All the crossdressers she knows are gay. Boy this outreach stuff is fun.

Over the next little while I circulated through the club. Ever now & again I would catch a reaction but usually I was busy what with the heels & the sloped floors. One notable exception was a long piercing look I got from a drop dead gorgeous lady who interestingly enough was there with a guy. I learned later that she is married & bi-sexual. What great material for a fantasy that encounter was, eh!

At the club there seems to be more mass confusion on the dance floor that couples dancing. After waiting by the dance floor for a while I said what the hell & plunged in for a few numbers. I was quite proud of myself for having done this & NOT falling on my ass dancing. It is a most delightful feeling dancing in heels & a dress. Not anything like dancing in my guy duds.

Once I started to get hot I left the dance floor. That was another of the revelations of the evening. It is damned hot going out dressed. The wig especially gets VERY warm. The heat, combined with the dancing, on top of the beer provided reason for a washroom call. The club is very explicit in its bathroom policy so it was off to the MENS room for me. Given the number of queens about this is no big deal. At rumours one is likely to see more dresses in the MENS room than the ladies room.

The mechanics of the pitstop are however somewhat more than I had bargained for. First wait for a stall. Hold back screaming kidneys. Off with purse, up with shirt, now how do I hold the damned thing up, open the all in one, shit how & I going to get these panties down I'm one hand short. OK tuck the dress in the bra, pull down... ah the hell with it reach in & pull it out the leg hole & get it over with. a relieved minute later & I was back to normal? The only thing was that I hat to eventually pull the panties down to re-tuck myself. Let me tell those of you that haven't done this in a a dark washroom stall it ain't pretty. After a few aborted trys I did manage to get myself more or less back together.

Next I was off to the mirror to check if the makeup had developed any battle scars. As strange as it might seem the face looked OK. I must have been drinking that new high alcohol beer. I couldn't resist the urge to wipe out my lipstick & paint my pucker. I just love the smell of lipstick in the evening, don't you...

I was happy I had survived my first encounter with the bathroom but resolved to delay the inevitable next trip as long as possible.

I spent most of the remainder of the evening circulating, talking to people, & working on the mechanics of my new image. YOu know walk slow take small steps, don't forget to wiggle the ass, & KEEP THOSE KNEES TOGETHER!!! The last part is my downfall as I have bow legs so bad you can drive a pickup truck between them.

Later that evening Cherise arrived & talked Tatiana & I into going to another of the local clubs called Studio. Now this club is a little different as if does cater to a mixed clientele. Many gays hang out there but there is a sizable straight crowd too. So off we went to studio.

Another cold breeze, another cab ride, and we were there. Once inside I was again left to explore on my own. Both Cherise & T are party animals. I struck up a conversation with a lady, Jill who I had seen talking to Cherise. She complimented me on my dress (another blush) & we had a fine old girl talk chat. Jill too was surprised when I told her I was straight. I mean what is it with these girls. She did take it in her stride however & we were soon chatting like old girlfriends. When she learned I was from PEI she wanted to know if I knew a lawyer from there that she was scheduled to date the next week. She ever promised to tell me ALL the juicy details 'next week'.

What with all this talking, drinking, & standing I was ready to dance again. I went over to Tatiana & borrowed a friend of her's who looked ready to roll. We hit the dance floor & boogied (boy what a throwback I am). Even if I do say so myself I shook my hair, my butt, & twirled my dress with the best of em. I loved it.

Back at the bar Tatiana started to tell me all the reaction to the 'new' girl I got back at Rumours. Even though I had missed most of it I was happy to hear I got some reaction. Especially since I got NO negative responses ALL night.

At this point since the hour was approaching 2 Tatiana & I decided to call it a night. We cabbed to her place & in a very short time later Jennifer was gone & Glenn was back. That is except that Jennifer HAS seen the light of day, or rather night, or well you know what I mean. Still I was experiencing what I can only describe as serene alertness. It was a feeling like no other I had ever experienced & persisted to some degree for over 3 days. Just thinking about it gives me a little rush.

So ends my little adventure. It is only a beginning but I am quite pleased that in a few short weeks I went from calling the gay hotline to out dressed as Jennifer. Who knows what is next. Please don't get me wrong, I hope I didn't sound like I was blowing my own horn, cause that is not the case. I did more things wrong than I did right. Still I crossed the line between thinking & doing. Now if little ole' Jennifer Lynn of the GWN north can do it so can you...

hUGGS, JL of the GWN

PS - Again many thanks to ALL of you round here that made this little adventure possible. The conversations I've had with many of you and the sharing of your own experiences have meant much to me. I even found a few friends here once that mean so very much to me. Boy I AM a lucky girl, eh. I guess we're not in Kansas anymore Toto!