Found on vector.casti.com
ABOUT BISEXUALITY
This section is designed to answer some questions regularly asked about
bisexuality. They should provide some background to issues which are often
discussed.
A1. What do you mean by "bisexual" anyway?
Bisexual can be used to describe people who have erotic, affectionate,
romantic feelings for, fantasies of, and/or experiences with both men and
women, and people who self-identify as bisexuals for these or any other
reason.
A2. What do all these acronyms mean: MOTSS, MOTOS, SO?
MOTSS: Member(s) Of The Same Sex. Often loosely used to refer to
anyone who is ATTRACTED to members of the same sex. Not
to be confused with MOTTS, a brand of apple juice.
MOTOS: Member(s) Of The Opposite (or Other) Sex.
SO: Significant Other. Unrestrictive term which may apply to
lover, husband, wife, playpartner, or anyone else of
importance to the person concerned. On soc.bi, SO does
NOT imply MOTOS or MOTSS.
A3. Aren't bisexuals just going through a phase of being confused
about their sexuality?
Bisexuals are people who are attracted to both sexes; their reasons
why they are attracted to one sex may be very different from their
reasons why they are attracted to the other, and they may not be
equally attracted to both sexes.
However, many of us are absolutely certain that we are attracted to
both sexes; there is no confusion. It is natural for people who are coming
to terms with a sexuality which is not society's norm to be feel confused.
For some people, bisexuality is a phase between homosexuality and
heterosexuality (and the individual in question could be going in either
direction); for others it can just be a brief experimentation. But for many
people bisexuality is a lifelong, committed sexual orientation.
And even for those who ultimately do not stay bisexual for life, that does
not make it any the less valid as a sexual orientation. Many people have
reported that their sexual orientation has shifted over time; sexuality is
dynamic, not fixed. For some people it may be a small shift, others a major
change of lifestyle; but this does not make the points in between in any
sense "wrong". Life is a continuous process, and few of us remain exactly
the same over long periods of time.
A4. Aren't bisexuals really denying their homosexuality?
It's difficult for some lesbian/gay people to come to grips with their
homosexuality, and for a while, dating MOTOS may make life seem a little
more "realistic" and bearable. Let's face it, coming out of the closet and
living as a homosexual is no picnic; between the sanctioned discrimination
which gay/bi men face of being in a perceived high risk group for AIDS, and
the social standards of love, courtship, and marriage, being gay at times
takes more energy than humans should be asked to give.
But coming out bisexual is no easy matter, either. Bisexuals have to face
loved ones who have relied in the past on their attraction to them being
constant, and who have to assure them that it will be there in the future.
Bisexuals deal with friends who assure them that their attraction to MOTSS
is just "a way of avoiding intimacy" or that their attraction to motos is
"internalized homophobia". Bisexuality is not an "easy way out," a
"denial,"or a "middle ground." It is for some people the hardest decision
they will ever make.
Some bisexuals self-identify as gay or lesbian; for them, their primary
sexual interest lies in members of their same sex. But "gay" and "lesbian"
(and "bisexual" for that matter) are labels created by a homophobic,
biphobic, heterosexist society to create separate categories of "us" and
"them." People are unique; they do not fit into these comfortable little
categories. But, attracted to or involved with MOTOS or not, revealing an
interest in MOTSS will often result in gay-related discrimination and
exclusion.
A5. Are bisexuals equally attracted to both sexes?
Many bisexuals feel they have a "preference" for one gender over another,
but they do not deny their attraction for that other gender. Some
bisexuals, however, have no such preference, and instead focus their
attractions on qualities they see in an individual, regardless of that
person's gender. Sometimes these qualities involve gender, sometimes not.
For example, some people find men attractive as men, and women attractive
as women; others find people's gender irrelevant.
A6. Do bisexuals have to have lovers of both sexes to be bisexual?
Sometimes it is useful to distinguish bisexual identity and bisexual
behaviour. People who call themselves bisexual are saying that they are
attracted to both men and women. They don't necessarily have to act on that
attraction. Conversely there are many people who have lovers of both sexes,
but who don't think of themselves as bisexual.
A7. Are bisexuals capable of monogamy?
It depends on the individual. It's like asking "Can a straight person be
monogamous?" Some bisexuals are monogamous, and some aren't. Monogamy is
the socially sanctioned option with respect to relationships, but then so
is heterosexuality. It should be up to every individual, of any sexuality,
to choose the lifestyle which is right for them.
A8. But if they're monogamous, how can they be bisexual?
A bisexual deciding to be monogamous is not deciding to be "gay" or
"straight." He/she is still bisexual; he/she has chosen a PERSON to
live his/her life with, not an orientation, preference or idealogue. It is
important to recognize that he/she still FEELS bisexual.
A9. Isn't everyone really bisexual?
Not by any useful definition. A useful definition of bisexuality
might be, anyone who has serious relationships with members of both
sexes, and anyone who identifies as bisexual. It is possible to
suggest that everyone has some potential for attraction to both
sexes, but since most people never act on it, this is pretty irrelevant.
If someone says that they are straight, or (gay/lesbian) then for
you to insist that they are "really" bisexual but perhaps just don't
realise it is to deny them their self-identity. Everyone should be free to
define their own identity for themselves, which invalidates this kind of
generalisation.
A10. Why do you think bi issues are different from gay issues,
since all your problems come from the same source, homophobia?
While homophobia is a bi issue, we do also have concerns different
from those of the gay community; the most striking being that of
dealing with prejudice from the gay community itself!
Among our other concerns are dealing with the emotion of SOs who we
do so deeply love yet who cannot understand our attraction to MOTOS
to them. And being accepted as bisexual if we only have one
partner. And we have to deal with a lot of myths which surround
bisexuality.
A11. Why would lesbians/gay men discriminate against bisexuals?
Because we are sometimes perceived as "hiding," a sense that some
bisexuals use their bisexuality to look heterosexual at work, in
straight social settings, to enjoy the "heterosexual privilege"
that is part of the social norm. Also, bisexuals are sometimes seen
as blurring the issues and weakening the lesbian and gay movement.
Naturally, bisexual activists disagree with this view! A further
reason is that some lesbians and gay men also have sex with MOTOS
(while not identifying as bisexual). Often they can't admit this in
the lesbian and gay communities,
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