A Non-Canonical List for Women to Say "Masturbation"

I think women have every right to as many rude and tasteless phrases to

describe masturbation as men have. With this in mind, I've started a list of

phrases for women to use on their nights out...or when your roommate walks in

and wants to know why you have only one dishpan hand.

The list started with Eric's list for men, and I just started adding to it in

my spare moments. Of course, I have relatively little first-hand experience

in this aspect. Suggestions welcome! - Jordan

Shelbourne

A night in with the girls, air the orchid, audition the finger puppets.

Beat off, buff the beaver.

Caress the clitoris, clean your fingers, come into your own, couch hockey for

one, cunt

cuddling.

Diddle, do handiwork, douse the digits, drown the man in the boat.

Engage in safe sex, erase the problem ('cause you rub 'til it comes off...).

Fan the fur, feed the bearded clam, fingerpainting, fist f**k, fluffin the

"muff"in frig.

Genital stimulation via phalangetic motion, gentle the genitalia, get a date

with Slick Mittens, get a fat lip, get a lube job, get to know yourself, grab

the goatee, grease the dildo (or cucumber, if you're feeling vegetarian),

grease your hips, grope the grotto.

Have it off, have sex with someone you love, hitchhike to heaven, hitchhike

under the big top.

Jack off, jazz yourself, jerk off, jill off.

Leglock the pillow, let your fingers do the walking, lubricate the labia.

Manual override, man overboard.

Pet the pussy, play the clitar.

Ride slidesaddle, ride the unicycle, ride the tubsput, row the little man in

the boat, rubbin'

the nubbin, rub off, rub one out.

Self abuse, shuck the oyster, silk abuse, slick abuse, solo sex, stinky

pinky, stir the yogurt, stoke it, stroke it, stroke off, stuff the taco, surf

the Wet.

Test the plumbing, the art of unisex, the virgin's release, thumb the button,

tickle my fancy,

tickling the taco, toss off.

Visit Father Fingers.

Wank, wash your fingers, water the hot spot, wax the carrot, wax the saddle.

You're soaking in it.