By Joel Garreau, as reported in his

Cybersurfing column in the Washington Post.

QUESTION: Where do the characters go when I use my backspace or delete them

on my PC?

ANSWER: The characters go to different places, depending on whom you ask:

* The Catholic Church's approach to characters: The nice

characters go to Heaven, where they are bathed in the light of

happiness. The naughty characters are punished for their sins.

Naughty characters are those involved in the creation of naughty

words, such as "breast," "sex" and "contraception."

* The Buddhist explanation: If a character has lived rightly,

and its karma is good, then after it has been deleted it will be

reincarnated as a different, higher character. Those funny

characters above the numbers on your keyboard will become

numbers, numbers will become letters, and lower-case letters will

become upper-case.

* The 20th-century bitter cynical nihilist explanation: Who

cares? It doesn't really matter if they're on the page, deleted,

undeleted, underlined, etc. It's all the same.

* The Mac user's explanation: All the characters written on a

PC and then deleted go to straight to PC hell. If you're using a

PC, you can probably see the deleted characters, because you're

in PC hell also.

* Stephen King's explanation: Every time you hit the (Del) key

you unleash a tiny monster inside the cursor, who tears the poor

unsuspecting characters to shreds, drinks their blood, then eats

them, bones and all. Hah, hah, hah!

* Dave Barry's explanation: The deleted characters are shipped

to Battle Creek, Michigan, where they're made into Pop-Tart

filling; this explains why Pop-Tarts are so flammable, while

cheap imitations are not flammable. I'm not making this up.

* IBM's explanation: The characters are not real. They exist

only on the screen when they are needed, as concepts, so to

delete them is merely to de-conceptualize them. Get a life.

* PETA's (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals)

explanation: You've been DELETING them??? Can't you hear them

SCREAMING??? Why don't you go CLUB some BABY SEALS while

wearing a MINK, you pig!!!!