This is the most dangerous virus yet. It will re-write

your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any

disks that are even close to your computer (20’ range at

72 Fahrenheit). It will re calibrate your refrigerator’s

coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk

curdles . It will demagnetize the strips on all your

credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up

the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field

harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play. It will

give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It

will program your phone autodial to call only your

mother’s number. It will mix antifreeze into your fish

tank. It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty

"Badtimes" will make you fall in love with a hardened

pedophile. It will give you nightmares about circus

midgets. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your

Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current

boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel

rendezvous to your Visa card. It will seduce your

grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is

the power of "Badtimes", it reaches out beyond the grave

to sully those things we hold most dear. It will

rewrite your back-up files, changing all your active

verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable

misspellings which grossly change the interpretation of

key sentences. "Badtimes" will give you Dutch Elm

disease. It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the

hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full

bathtub. It will wantonly remove the forbidden tags from

your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk

with whole. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous

and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather

interesting shade of mauve. These are just a few signs.