13. Harder than ever to land a role in those new Wrigley's

commercials featuring the Doublemint Octuplets.

12. Two words: Gilbert Gottfried(s)

11. Any scientific advancement that stems from the result of

Scottish people doing strange things to sheep is bound to have dire

consequences.

10. In mere weeks, Bill Gates (v1.0, v1.2, v2.0, v3.0, v3.1 & v5.0)

has all the money on the entire planet.

9. Rush Limbaugh takes his self-affection to a whole new level, and

suddenly is IN FAVOR of same-sex marriages.

8. "Penn & Penn & Teller & Teller & Teller & Penn & Penn & Teller &

Penn" much harder to fit on comedy club marquee.

7. And you think it's hard to find your size now!

6. 18-month waiting list for George Clooney and Cindy Crawford

clones.

5. "Alternative" radio filled with even more Nirvana clones.

4. And the final score: the New York Gretzkys -- 408, the Pittsburgh

Lemieuxs -- 399.

3. Can no longer count on the Grim Reaper to get Jesse Helms out of

office.

2. Those apocalyptic words: "Ladies & Gentlemen: The John Tesh

Philharmonic Orchestra!"

1. Seventeen Mark Fuhrmans, and suddenly OJ's defense doesn't seem

quite as far-fetched.