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1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and

scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.

2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop

and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on

duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it

on, wait 5 minutes,turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good

half hour.

4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to

you evilly.

5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to

different screen than the one it's set up with.

6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it

at the highest volume possible over & over again.

7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by

something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.

8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into

top-secret Pentagon files.

9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.

10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn

it on.

11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have

it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.

12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes

at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.

13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if

they're crazy while typing.

14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before

starting.

15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until

someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I

forgot."

16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time

required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!"

when it finishes.

17. "DISK FIGHT!!!"

18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you

(It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new

friends).

19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets.

Type by hitting the keys with the straw.

20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The

Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.

21. Draw a pictue of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it

to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then

complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.

22. Try to stick a Ninetendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disc drive,

when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.

23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly

where the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.

24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all

done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.

25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisely. After

doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next

to you.

26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person

next to grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the

person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is

far more effective to let them linger.

27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split

ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.

28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family

on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.

29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes

and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and

drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic

beauty of cotton on plastic.

30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your

paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the

bad working conditions.

31. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!"

and continue working.

32. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.

33. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A

Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note

loudly. Write an entire paper this way.

34. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.

35. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse

me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking

it.

36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.

37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that

sometimes the old ways are best.

38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.

39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again

until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar

so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard.

Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word.

While you do this, ask:

"Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume

hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've

deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly

exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole

time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document

and leave.

40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab

monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special

effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that

the computer is drooling.)

41. Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really

puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep

laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.

42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making

elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the

mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the

table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this

time," and calmly start to type again.

43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.

44. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk

to them like you've known them all your lives. Hangup before they geta

chance to figure out you're a total stranger.

45. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound

effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.

46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that

the lead doesn't work.

47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of

flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh

happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat

this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the

keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and

walk out.

48. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!",

then calmly sit down and begin to type.

49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker

chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and

say "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile

for the next week".

50. Two words: Tesla Coil.