* My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave

your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

* Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right

now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing

it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So

leave a

message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.

* A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're

not

here. So leave a message.

* Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the

money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my

financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are

my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have

plenty of money.

* (Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the

telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of

toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms windmilling at

incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant

effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.

* Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent.

Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

* Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave

me

a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.