1. you believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt

lick.

2. you find humor in other people's stupidity.

3. you want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work

8 to 3 and have your summers free."

4. you believe chocolate is a food group.

5. you can tell it's a full moon without ever looking outside.

6. you believe "shallow gene pool" should have its own box on the

report card.

7. you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says,

"Boy, the kids are sure mellow today."

8. when out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at a

child.

9. you have no time for a life from August through June.

10. putting all "As" on a report card would make your life SO much

easier.

11. when you mention "vegetables," you are not talking about a food

group.

12. you think people should be required to get a government permit

before being allowed to reproduce.

13. you believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.

14. you encourage a parent to check into home schooling.

15. you believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without

having taught in a middle school for at least five

years.

16. you can't have children because there isn't any name you can

hear that wouldn't elevate your blood pressure.

17. you think caffeine should be available to staff in IV form.

18. meeting a child's parents instantly answers the question, "Why is

this kid like that?"

19. your personal life comes to a screeching halt at report card time.

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