15> Her eyes say "Yes" but her probation officer says "No."

14> When sober, he looks like Beavis. When drunk, he looks like Butthead.

13> Sure, the Mapplethorpe exhibit was provocative, but now you're

stuck with those tickets for "Wrestlemania XII."

12> The big lug knows how to hang onto a girl, but clinging to the

roof of the Empire State Building isn't your idea of a romantic

evening.

11> He's hired three naked kids with little bows and arrows to "set

the mood."

10> Upon closer inspection, that label reads, "Victoria's

Secretions."

9> "Would you like some more wine, Mom?"

8> Any combination of the words "Susan" and "Powter" on her

driver's license.

7> She tells the *waiter* that she isn't wearing any underwear.

6> He keeps hitting you up for an $8.5 million loan.

5> His 10 words-per-minute typing means you spend most of the

night staring at your monitor.

4> The "hit" by the Giancomo Family was traumatic enough, but

NOW you're stuck with the check.

3> Instead of "saying it with flowers," he says it with squash.

2> C'mon, webmaster AND part-time model? She's got to be making

this stuff up.

and the Number 1 Sign You've Chosen

the Wrong Date for Valentine's Day...

1> Every time he pulls you close on the dance floor, his Siamese

twin cops a feel.